Why do I talk to myself? What your self-talk means
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Wondering why you talk to yourself? Explore the meaning of self-talk and if it's normal (hint: yes). Plus, when talking to yourself can be bad and how to stop.
Do you ever talk to yourself when nobody is around? If you answered yes, especially out loud, welcome to the club! Whether you’re muttering under your breath when you’re frustrated, coaching yourself through a tough situation, or simply thinking out loud, voicing your thoughts can be a powerful habit and communication tool. Don’t be embarrassed — we all do it.
So why do we ask ourselves questions… and sometimes even answer them? The truth is that this seemingly odd habit is actually a normal cognitive process that can help you organize your thoughts and feelings, reduce stress, and even improve problem-solving. It’s not just idle chatter either, but instead a sign that your mind is working overtime.
What is self-talk?
Self-talk is the way we talk to ourselves, either silently in our heads or out loud. It can have a strong influence on the way we think, feel, and behave, so it matters whether our self-talk is positive, neutral, or negative.
The two main types of self-talk
Internal dialogue: The constant stream of thoughts that runs through our minds, without being spoken out loud, helps us remember things like a list of groceries, decide how to tackle a work project, or process a set of instructions.
Spoken self-conversation: Talking to ourselves can help us focus, learn, and solve problems more effectively. For instance, you might say, "Stop scrolling. You need to finish this report before 5pm," to remind yourself of an important deadline.
Why do I talk to myself (and is it normal or bad)?
It’s natural to talk to yourself. As a matter of fact, most of us do it. It can be helpful in processing emotions — and sometimes it can feel like the only way to have a sensible conversation! (We kid, we kid.)
Reasons you might be talking to yourself
Clarifying thoughts: Speaking your thoughts out loud can make them clearer and easier to understand. This can be especially helpful when you’re making decisions, trying to get organized, or solving problems.
Self-motivation: Encouraging yourself with phrases like “I can do this” or “Keep going, you’re almost there” can boost your confidence and help you stay focused.
Managing emotions: Self-talk can help you express and process your feelings. For example, if you’re nervous before a presentation, telling yourself, “Calm down — you’ve got this!” can help reduce anxiety.
Reinforcing learning: Speaking out loud while learning something new can help you remember and understand the information you’re taking in.
Problem-solving: Talking through a problem out loud can help you process information more deeply, see different perspectives, and come up with solutions.
Is talking to yourself normal?
Talking to yourself is completely normal and can even be a sign of healthy cognitive function. With that said, how you talk to yourself is important. By striving to keep your self-talk positive and constructive, you can use it to improve your mental wellbeing and help you achieve your goals. That means use it to cheerlead yourself through your days, not to verbally criticize or chastise yourself.
When can talking to yourself be a problem?
While talking to yourself is generally harmless, there are times when it might indicate an underlying issue.
Interference with daily life: If you’re so focused on your self-talk that you’re not paying attention to what’s happening around you, or if it affects your daily life, you may want to consider seeking professional help.
Signs of mental health issues: Excessive or disruptive self-talk can be a symptom of a mental health condition, such as schizophrenia or severe anxiety. If you or someone you know is experiencing distressing or self-talk that’s out of control, reach out to a professional.
5 examples of when talking to yourself isn’t helpful (and how to stop)
While talking to yourself can be beneficial, there are times when it may be unhelpful or even harmful.
1. Negative self-talk
Saying things like "I’m so stupid" or "I’ll never get this right” can lower your self-esteem and increase feelings of anxiety and depression. This can create a cycle of self-criticism that can be hard to break.
Try this: Challenge negative thoughts by questioning their accuracy. Replace them with positive affirmations. Instead of saying "I’m so stupid," say "I’m learning and improving every day." Here are 10 tips to help you reframe negative thoughts.
2. Repetitive worry
Constantly worrying out loud about things you can't control can increase stress and cause you to focus on potential problems instead of solutions.
Try this: Set aside a specific time slot of 10–15 minutes each day for worrying. After your time is up, redirect your thoughts to the present. Do things that keep you focused and grounded, like exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness. Let these eight tips help you practice being present.
3. Self-criticism
Harshly criticizing yourself for mistakes by saying things like "I always mess up" or "I’m a failure” can damage your self-worth, prevent you from seeing your strengths, and discourage you from trying new things.
Try this: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d show a friend. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it, but also notice what you did well and what you can learn. These seven steps will help you build self-love.
4. Rumination
Repeatedly talking or thinking about past events, such as "I shouldn’t have said that" or "If only I’d done things differently” keeps you stuck in regrets and sadness, which can prevent you from moving forward.
Try this: Focus on the present and future. Set goals for yourself and take small steps toward achieving them. When you find yourself obsessing, gently redirect your thoughts to what you can do now to improve your situation. Check out these 10 tips to help you manage intrusive thoughts.
5. Overplanning
Overthinking and talking through every detail of a plan, such as "I need to do this, and then that, and then this..." can lead to analysis paralysis, which can stop you taking action because you’re too focused on the details.
Try this: Break tasks into clear, manageable steps, and focus on one step at a time. Remind yourself that it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly to plan. If perfectionism is a struggle, here are six tips to help you deal.
How to cultivate positive and effective self-talk
Positive and effective self-talk can improve your mental wellbeing, boost your confidence, and help you overcome challenges. But, we know it’s not always easy. Here are our top tips to build a better inner (and outer) voice.
1. Be kind to yourself
Use gentle, encouraging language when you talk to yourself. When you catch yourself being self-critical, pause and reframe your thoughts. For example, change "I can't do anything right" to "I'm doing my best."
💙 Learn to Shift Your Self-Talk to send yourself love with guidance from Jay Shetty.
2. Focus on solutions
When you’re faced with a problem, talk through possible solutions rather than dwelling on what’s going wrong. Instead of, "I don't know how to fix this," try, "What are my options?" or "What can I do to improve this situation?"
3. Set realistic goals
Talk about your goals in achievable ways to keep yourself motivated and on track. Break larger goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. Shift from "I need to get straight As," to "I'll study for an extra hour each day and know that I'm doing my best.”
💙 Get specific on the goals you wish to set and the intention behind them with help from The ‘Why’ Behind Your Goals session of the Daily Jay.
4. Celebrate successes
When you complete a task or reach a milestone, take a moment to recognize your accomplishment. Say to yourself, "I did it!" or "I'm proud of myself,” and let others celebrate you too.
💙 Practice recognizing your accomplishments during the Let’s Celebrate session of the Daily Move.
5. Stay present
Focus your self-talk on the present moment and what you can do right now. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or paying attention to your surroundings.
When you find yourself worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, gently bring your focus back to the present.
💙 Our Pause to Breathe meditation can guide you in finding calm when you feel worried or overwhelmed.
6. Use positive affirmations in your daily routine
Write down a few positive statements that resonate with you, and repeat them to yourself each day, especially during challenging times.
Try, "I am capable," "I am worthy," or "I can handle whatever comes my way."
💙 Learn more about how to nurture yourself and affirm yourself positively during our Radical Self-Care series with Lama Rod Owens.
7. Surround yourself with positive influences
Spend time with people who support you, encourage you, and make you feel good about yourself. Try to avoid people who are overly critical or negative.
8. Practice gratitude
Each day, use a gratitude journal where you write down a few things you're thankful for, or take a few moments to mentally list the positive aspects of your life.
💙 Learn more about expressing gratitude to cultivate a positive mindset with Tamara Levitt’s Gratitude masterclass.
Why do I talk to myself FAQs
Can talking to myself improve my problem-solving skills?
Talking to yourself can enhance your problem-solving skills because verbalizing your thoughts can engage different parts of your brain. This can help you process information, organize and clarify your feelings, and make complex problems seem more manageable.
Vocalizing each step of the process can help you stay on track and reduce distractions.
Talking through problems can even stimulate creative thinking and lead to new solutions that you might not have considered otherwise.
How can I tell if my self-talk is becoming unhealthy?
Unhealthy self-talk can be a persistent pattern of negative, critical, or overly anxious thoughts. Finding yourself thinking or saying things like “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do anything right,” “I’ll never succeed,” or “I’m a failure,” is negative self-talk. Engaging in this kind of talk can increase your anxiety and stress, especially if you’re constantly worrying about future events or obsessing over past mistakes.
If these patterns interfere with your daily life, affect your work, relationships, or overall wellbeing, try to replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations and focus on constructive self-talk.
What are some examples of positive self-talk?
Using encouraging and affirming language can help boost your confidence, resilience, and motivation.
I can do this.
I am capable and strong.
I have the skills to succeed.
I am worthy of good things.
I am enough just as I am.
I believe in myself.
I can handle whatever comes my way.
Mistakes are opportunities to learn.
I will overcome this challenge.
I am thankful for my abilities.
I appreciate my progress.
I am grateful for the support I have.
How does self-talk differ from having imaginary conversations?
Self-talk and imaginary conversations are both types of internal dialogue, but they serve different purposes.
Self-talk involves processing thoughts, managing emotions, and solving problems. It focuses on your own experiences, feelings, and actions, and can be either silent (internal dialogue) or spoken out loud. For instance, telling yourself, “I need to stay calm and focused,” before a big presentation is considered self-talk.
On the other hand, imaginary conversations involve you pretending to speak with someone else, often to rehearse interactions or play out scenarios in your mind. These conversations can be with real people, like practicing what you want to say in a meeting, or with imagined figures, such as an imaginary friend.
While both can be useful, imaginary conversations typically prepare you for social interactions, whereas self-talk helps manage your internal state.
Can self-talk be used as a tool for managing stress and anxiety?
Self-talk may help you manage stress and anxiety, leading to a more balanced and peaceful mindset. Phrases like “I’m in control,” “I can handle this,” and “Breathe and stay calm” can soothe your mind during difficult situations.
It can also help reframe negative thoughts into more positive and constructive ones, changing “I can’t do this” to “I will do my best, and that’s enough.”
Encouraging self-talk builds resilience by reinforcing your ability to cope with challenges, reminding you of past successes and strengths.
Focusing your self-talk on the present can help you avoid worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Use mindfulness phrases like “Stay in the now” or “Focus on what I can control.”
Positive self-talk can even help you achieve realistic goals, with statements like “One step at a time” and “I’m making progress.”
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