Here's how social comparison theory is impacting your life
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Are you constantly comparing yourself to everyone around you? You're not alone. Explore the history and impact of the social comparison theory and 5 tips to stop.
No matter how well things are going in your life, it’s easy to feel insecure when you think someone else is doing even just a little bit better.
Maybe your neighbor’s beautiful flower beds make you feel self-conscious about your own yard, or your roommate’s incredible fashion sense has you questioning whether you have any style at all. Or maybe you watched your colleague make an excellent presentation, and you find yourself wishing that you had her poise.
The truth is, sizing up other people is a natural thing to do. But is it healthy? While some comparisons can inspire growth or give you added perspective, many times, they can lead to feelings of inadequacy, envy, or depression. Here’s what you need to know.
What is social comparison theory?
The idea that we understand ourselves better by comparing ourselves to those around us is known as social comparison theory. This theory explains that looking at other peoples’ achievements, abilities, or opinions helps us figure out what our place is in the world.
Think of it like this, when you want to know how well you’re doing, it can be helpful to have a point of comparison. You might benchmark your running pace against a friend’s, or look at a coworker’s career trajectory to gauge your professional growth.
These comparisons aren’t inherently good or bad — they’re part of how you learn and grow. Say your friend is five minutes faster than you during a run. This can inspire you to set a new goal, so you’re more motivated when you're training.
While these comparisons are a normal part of life, there are times when they can cause problems. Social media creates a nonstop highlight reel of other people’s successes, vacations, and celebrations, without showing their struggles too. It’s an unbalanced picture, so it’s easy to forget that these curated moments aren’t the whole story. As a result, you can end up feeling like you’re not measuring up.
Don’t try to stop comparisons altogether. (How would you, anyway?) There's a time and a place for it. The important thing is recognizing when it comes up, and deciding how to respond so you protect your mental and emotional wellbeing.
History of social comparison theory
Psychologist Leon Festinger first introduced the concept of social comparison in 1954, explaining that it can teach you about yourself and help shape your self-esteem, decisions, and relationships. Though his early research focused on how comparisons help people learn or improve, psychologists also noticed that over time, comparisons could also deeply affect emotions and mental health.
Social media and being chronically online has made social comparison theory more relevant than ever. Now, we’re constantly exposed to glossy versions of countless people’s lives. The pressure to measure up can be overwhelming — and it's worsened mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
What is the impact of social comparison?
While some comparisons can motivate you to grow or achieve new heights, others can dent your self-esteem and create unnecessary stress. That’s why it’s so important to recognize when it’s negatively affecting you.
Self-esteem: Comparing yourself to others can shape how you feel about yourself, for better or worse. If you compare yourself to someone who seems more successful, talented, or attractive, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short. When this happens too many times, it can chip away at your confidence and make you question your worth. On the other hand, comparing yourself to someone who seems to be struggling might boost your confidence temporarily. But watch out — relying on these kinds of comparisons to feel good about yourself can lead to an unhealthy sense of superiority or an inflated ego.
Mental health: When you’re constantly measuring yourself against other people, you might feel like you’re never going to be enough. This can create a cycle of negative self-talk, making it harder to focus on your strengths, and creating issues like anxiety, depression, and chronic stress.
Decision-making: Instead of focusing on what’s right for you, you might find yourself chasing what others have, or trying to live up to their expectations. Constantly trying to achieve someone else's goals can lead to burnout, dissatisfaction, or regret. Worried this might be happening in your life?
Relationships: If you’re constantly measuring your achievements against your friends or relatives, it can create feelings of jealousy or resentment. You might feel distant from a pal who seems to have everything you want, or envy a sibling who’s excelling in their career. This can make it harder to celebrate when the people you care about find success, which can create friction in your relationships.
Social media’s role: Social media can amplify the impact of social comparison because the polished version of reality—where everyone’s living their “best life”—doesn't show the struggles, failures, or the mundane parts of their days. When you compare your real life to someone else’s filtered one, it’s easy to feel like you’re not measuring up — even if you’re doing just fine.
Upward vs. downward social comparison
Social comparison can go in two main directions: upward or downward, and each type can have both positive and negative effects on your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Let’s break it down further.
Upward social comparison
This is when you compare yourself to someone you perceive as more successful, talented, or fortunate — say, a coworker who just got a promotion, a friend who seems to have the perfect relationship, or an influencer with a lifestyle you admire.
How it can help: Seeing someone else’s success might inspire and motivate you to pursue a similar path. You might begin a fitness routine, take a career leap, or declutter your house. Upward social comparison can also help you spot traits or habits you want to develop, like creativity.
How it can hurt: Too much focus on someone else’s achievements or possessions can mean you start to doubt your abilities or accomplishments. You might start to think, “Why can’t I be as successful as them?” or “I’ll never have what they do.” These thoughts can spiral into envy, frustration, or hopelessness.
Downward social comparison
Downward social comparison is when you compare yourself to someone you perceive as less fortunate or less capable. You might feel relieved that your financial situation isn’t as difficult as someone else’s, or feel better about your performance when you get better results than a coworker.
How it can help: Downward comparisons give you a new perspective and help you feel gratitude for what you have. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by challenges in your life, recognizing that others are facing even tougher circumstances can remind you to appreciate your strengths, circumstances, or resilience.
How it can hurt: Sure, you might feel better for a short time, but downward social comparison doesn’t address your deeper insecurities. Also, if all you’re focused on is being “better” than someone else, you might stop trying to improve. You might also feel a false sense of superiority, which can reduce your empathy and harm relationships. (Here’s how to develop more empathy.)
Balancing upward and downward social comparisons
Both upward and downward comparisons have their place in helping you understand yourself and the world around you. The key is to use them thoughtfully:
Use upward comparisons as a source of inspiration, not as a yardstick for your self-worth.
Use downward comparisons to practice gratitude without letting in arrogance or judgment.
If you catch yourself comparing, ask yourself if this is helping you grow, or if it’s making you feel worse about yourself or someone else? When you’re more aware of your comparisons, you can learn to manage them in a way that supports your emotional wellbeing and personal growth.
How to stop comparing yourself to others: 5 mindful tips
Want to break free from the comparison trap and focus on your own journey? It isn’t easy, especially if it feels like everyone around you is living a life you wish you had. But thankfully you can learn to manage these feelings. Here are five practical, mindful strategies to help you stop comparing yourself to others and find more peace in your life.
1. Limit your time on the internet
Being online is one of the biggest triggers for social comparison. Every time you scroll or click, you’re exposed to a flood of carefully curated photos and updates that only show the best parts of people’s lives. It’s easy to forget that behind those polished posts are real people with struggles, insecurities, and challenges — because they’re not showing you their messy house, unruly kids, or scary boss.
What to do: Take regular breaks from social media or any websites or publications that make you feel like you’re not measuring up (these 12 tips can help). Set time limits on your apps or screen-free hours in your day. Curate your feed by unfollowing accounts that make you feel inadequate.
💙 If stepping away from social media sounds daunting, learn more with the Social Media and Screen Addiction class by Dr. Adam Alter.
2. Make time for gratitude every day
Shift your focus from what you don’t have, to what you do. Stop to appreciate the good in your life, and you'll find it easier to let go of the need to compare yourself to others.
What to do: Start a gratitude journal and write down three things you’re thankful for every day. These can be small, like a funny text from a friend or a sunny day, or bigger, like your health. Over time, this habit can help rewire your brain to focus on positivity instead of comparison. Check out these 12 gratitude journal prompts for more inspiration.
3. Set personal goals that reflect your values
It’s easy to lose sight of what matters to you when you’re constantly measuring yourself against others. Instead of basing your goals on what others are doing, define success on your own terms.
What to do: Think about your values, passions, and dreams. What makes you happy and fulfilled? Write down goals that align with those things, and break them into smaller, actionable steps. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small — and remember that your journey doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Ready to get started? Learn how to set and achieve life goals..
💙 Looking for more happiness? Try the 7 Days of Happiness series with Tamara Levitt.
4. Be mindful of your thoughts
Comparing yourself to others often happens on autopilot — you might not even realize you’re doing it until you’re already feeling bad. Learning to catch and challenge these thoughts can help you take back control.
What to do: The next time you notice a comparison creeping in, pause and ask yourself, “Is this thought helping me, or is it hurting me?”
Remind yourself that everyone’s path is different, and it’s okay to move at your own pace and in your own direction. If you’re feeling envious, try turning that emotion into curiosity. What can you learn from this person’s success?
5. Surround yourself with supportive people
The people you spend time with have a big impact on how you feel about yourself. If you’re around people who constantly compare, criticize, or compete, it’s easy to get caught up in that mindset. On the other hand, a positive, supportive social circle can help you feel more confident and valued.
What to do: Seek out relationships with people who encourage and uplift you. Spend time with friends and family who celebrate your achievements, listen to your struggles, and remind you of your strengths — and with whom you do the same in return.
If you notice someone in your life triggering unhealthy comparisons, think about how you can set boundaries to protect your mental health — these six tips are a good place to start.
Social comparison theory FAQs
What are the different types of social comparisons?
There are two main types of social comparisons: upward and downward. Both types of comparisons are completely natural, but the key is to use them mindfully. That way, you can encourage personal growth without harming your self-image.
Upward social comparison happens when you compare yourself to someone you view as more successful, capable, or fortunate than you are. You might marvel at a coworker’s promotion, or a friend’s artistic talent. While upward comparisons can inspire and motivate, they can make you feel inadequate if you focus too much on the gap between where you are and where they seem to be.
Downward social comparison involves looking at someone you think of as being less fortunate or talented. You might feel relief knowing you’re handling a challenge better than a work colleague, or gratitude for your health when you see someone struggling with illness. These comparisons can offer perspective and help you feel thankful, but relying on them to boost your self-esteem isn’t great. You risk becoming judgemental or less motivated.
How does social media amplify social comparison?
Social media has made social comparison easier and more constant than ever. You’re exposed to a steady stream of highlights from other people’s lives—like their vacations, career wins, new relationships, and perfectly decorated homes—without seeing the struggles, setbacks, and mundane moments.
This constant exposure creates a skewed version of reality where everyone else seems happier, more successful, and more put-together than you, which can make you feel like you’re not doing enough or that your life doesn’t measure up.
What’s worse is that algorithms often show you content similar to what you’ve already engaged with (even if you’ve just paused to look at it for a moment longer than other posts). This means the cycle of comparison can become endless. And the more you scroll, the more likely you are to feel inadequate.
Limit your time on social media and remember that these curated snapshots don’t tell the full story. This can help you break free from the comparison trap.
Can social comparison ever be entirely avoided?
You’re unlikely to avoid social comparison altogether because it’s a natural part of being human. From an early age, we all compare ourselves to others to understand our place in the world, and it’s a process that can help us learn, grow, and set goals. A child might look at an older sibling who’s able to tie their own shoes, and feel motivated to learn to do it themselves.
Instead of trying to avoid comparisons, focus on managing them. Recognize when comparisons are helpful, like when they inspire you to improve or remind you to be grateful. At the same time, learn to let go of comparisons that harm your self-esteem or distract you from your values.
With a bit of practice, you can shift your energy from measuring yourself against others to celebrating your own progress.
What are some long-term effects of constant social comparison?
Constant social comparison can have serious effects on your mental health, relationships, and overall wellbeing. Look out for these patterns and try to shift your focus to personal growth so you can avoid these negative effects.
Lowering self-esteem: Over time, repeatedly comparing yourself to others—especially in ways that make you feel inadequate—can erode your self-esteem and lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, or chronic stress. It can also create a negative inner dialogue, where you constantly criticize yourself for not measuring up. Here are eight ways to quiet your inner critic.
Harming relationships: Frequent comparison can breed envy, resentment, or competitiveness. Instead of feeling happy for a friend’s success, you might feel bitter or insecure, which can make it harder to keep those close, supportive relationships that mean so much.
Distracting you from your goals and values: You might find yourself chasing someone else’s version of success, only to realize it doesn’t align with what truly matters to you.
How can parents help children manage social comparison in school and online?
Children can be especially vulnerable to the effects of social comparison as they’re surrounded by peers at school and all kinds of influencers on social media. Fortunately, by modeling healthy attitudes toward comparison, parents can play an important role in helping their kids build resilience, confidence, and self-worth. Here’s how:
Create an open and supportive environment where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Encourage conversations about self-esteem, challenges, and the pressures kids might feel to keep up with others.
Teach children to recognize the difference between reality and curated content on social media — explain that what they see online often doesn’t reflect the whole story and that everyone has struggles, even if they’re not visible.
Limit internet and social media use, especially for younger children, to reduce their exposure to harmful comparisons.
Encourage kids to focus on their unique strengths and set personal goals for their interests and passions. (These eight tips can help).
Practice gratitude together, to help kids to value and appreciate the good things they already have.
Celebrate their efforts and achievements, no matter how small, and remind them that everyone’s journey is different.
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