How to ask for help when you need it: 7 tips to gain confidence
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn when and how to ask for help when you need it at home or at work. Plus, how to become an expert in asking for help with 7 tips to boost your confidence.
Everyone can use a helping hand sometimes. However, many of us find it challenging to ask for help, even when we need it. This might be because we fear judgment, or because we want to be — or at least appear — self-sufficient.
Asking for help at work and in other areas of our lives can alleviate stress, enhance learning, and build collaborative relationships. This can increase our personal wellbeing, help us work toward our goals, lead to professional growth, and improve our relationships.
When and how to ask for help: 9 tips for home and work
Even if you're willing to ask for help, it can be difficult to figure out exactly what to say or how to behave. Here are a few tips for navigating these situations at home and at work.
Asking for help at home
Feel entitled to ask: Understand that seeking help is a normal and healthy part of life. Remember that everyone needs assistance at times, and asking for it doesn’t reflect negatively on your capabilities or character.
Use polite language: The way you phrase your request for help can significantly impact the response you get. Be courteous, using phrases like "Could you please..." or "I’d appreciate your help with..." This shows respect and consideration to the other person (and even yourself) and makes it easier for the other person to respond positively.
Specify your needs: Be as clear and detailed as possible with your request so that the person you’re asking clearly understands what you need. When this is the case, they can provide the most effective support.
Express gratitude: Always thank the person who helps you. Acknowledgment shows good manners, and can help maintain positive relationships and reinforce a positive cycle of mutual support.
Handle rejections gracefully: Not everyone will always be able or willing to help, and that's okay. If your request is declined, respond with understanding and grace. You don’t want to damage your relationship or shut the door for future requests.
Asking for help at work
Clear communication: Clarity is essential when asking for help at work. Articulate what you need, outlining the issue and reasons you need support. This can help ensure you get the assistance you require and can also demonstrate your problem-solving approach.
Propose possible solutions: When you come to someone for help, also bring potential solutions. This proactive approach shows that you’re not just offloading a problem — you’re engaged in finding a resolution.
Maintain professionalism: It’s critical to choose the right timing for communicating while respecting your colleagues' boundaries and workloads. Know when and how to ask for help for the best possible outcomes.
Promote collaboration: Phrase your request in a way that emphasizes collaboration. This can transform the dynamic to one of progress and productivity. It can be a good way to reduce any stigma that might be associated with asking for help.
How to become an expert in asking for help: 7 tips for gaining confidence
With these tips on asking for help, you can begin to transform your approach, making it a natural, confident, and effective part of your interactions. Developing your skills can help your personal and professional growth, and also contribute to a supportive and collaborative environment.
1. Practice self-awareness
It’s important to understand your own needs, limitations, and strengths. By recognizing when you need help — and with what — you can make more targeted and effective requests. This self-awareness allows you to ask for help constructively, focusing on areas where it’s likely to have the most impact.
💙 Practice exploring The Deeper Need in the situations in your life in order to get the right support.
2. Acknowledge vulnerability
Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Acknowledge that you need help, as it can demonstrate courage and honesty, which can help build or strengthen a genuine connection with others.
💙 Find inspiration from Olympic fencer Jason Rogers as he reflects on Vulnerability and how it helped him navigate relationships.
3. Embrace interdependence and value community support
Recognize that interdependence is a natural, beneficial aspect of human relationships. Most people thrive in environments where support is mutual and collaborative. When you ask for help, you tap into the collective strength of your community, whether it's your family, friends, or colleagues. Asking for help can get you the assistance you need, and contribute to a culture where everyone feels comfortable seeking and offering support.
💙 Learn how to Help Others Help You with guidance from Jay Shetty.
4. Practice in non-stressful situations
Build your confidence by starting in low-stakes scenarios. For example, try asking for small favors or guidance in non-critical situations. This can help you gain confidence in asking for help, and gives the opportunity to refine your approach, so it’s likely to be easier when more significant needs arise.
💙 Discover how to become comfortable with Saying What You Need to Say with close friends.
5. Reflect on past experiences
Think back on times when you asked for help in the past. What worked well? What could have been better? Learning from these experiences can guide you in making more effective requests in the future.
6. Seek feedback
After you've asked for help, consider seeking feedback on how you made your request. This can provide valuable insights into how your approach was perceived by others, and how you might adjust your strategy for even better outcomes in the future.
💙 Don’t be afraid to Face Feedback in order to improve.
7. Celebrate successes
When you successfully ask for help and achieve a positive outcome, take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate this success. This can reinforce the behavior and boost your confidence, making it easier to ask for help again when you need it.
💙 Let Mel Mah show you how to enjoy celebrations, even small ones, with the Let’s Celebrate session of the Daily Move.
Ask for help FAQs
How do I know when I need to ask for help?
It can be difficult to know when to ask for help, but if you're feeling overwhelmed, confused, or stuck on a task, it's likely a signal that you need assistance. Other indicators include missing deadlines, heightened stress, or realizing that a task is outside your area of expertise. Try to assess your situation objectively. Are you making progress? Do you possess the necessary skills and resources to succeed? If the answer is no, it might be a good time to seek help.
What are some common fears associated with asking for help?
Many people fear that asking for help will make them appear weak, incompetent, or overly dependent. They worry that others will judge them or think less of their capabilities. Some might fear rejection or worry they'll be imposing on others. Acknowledge these concerns, but also remember that seeking help can be a sign of self-awareness and a willingness to grow and learn, not a weakness.
How can meditation and mindfulness reduce the anxiety of asking for help?
Meditation and mindfulness can be powerful tools in reducing the anxiety associated with asking for help. These practices can help center your thoughts, increase self-awareness, and reduce stress, making it easier to approach others for assistance. Focus on the present moment to help alleviate worries about future judgments or past experiences, enabling a clearer, more confident approach to seeking support. Mindfulness can encourage acceptance, so you can approach the situation without judgment and feeling less daunted.
How can I express gratitude after receiving help?
Expressing gratitude is important after you’ve received help. A simple thank you can go a long way, but there are other meaningful ways to show your appreciation. Expressing gratitude not only makes the helper feel valued but also reinforces positive relationships and a culture of mutual support.
Acknowledge the person's effort and the impact it had on you in a conversation.
Send a thank you note, offering reciprocal assistance.
A public acknowledgment, such as an announcement or a gift at work, can also be a powerful way to show gratitude.
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