14 healthy coping strategies and skills to cope with real life
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn how to develop better coping strategies and avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. Plus, the 4 coping styles, including emotion-focused and problem-focused.
Some moments in life are great, and some moments are… not so great. Our daily experiences often test our emotional resilience—from the heartache of a relationship ending, to the pressure of a looming deadline at work, or even the profound grief of losing a loved one. For these moments, big and small, we need a way to handle the emotions and decisions our circumstances provoke. We need a way to cope. Having coping strategies is essential in maintaining our mental and emotional wellbeing as we navigate the more challenging aspects of life.
What does “coping” mean?
Coping is about facing and managing the difficulties life throws our way, from daily hassles to major life disruptions. Whether it's a minor inconvenience like traffic on your way to work or significant challenges like grief, coping strategies are the tools we use to face these situations head-on. They help us manage, endure, and overcome the difficulties we encounter.
Finding effective ways to deal with situations that are stressful, challenging, or upsetting can help manage negative experiences but also maximize positive ones, allowing us to enjoy the good times more fully.
Coping comes in many forms, and what works for one person might not work for another. Plus, a strategy that's effective in one situation might not be as helpful in another. For instance, the way you cope with a breakup (like leaning on friends for support or taking up a new hobby to keep your mind off of heartbreak) might be very different from how you handle work stress (like prioritizing tasks or practicing relaxation techniques).
Effective coping skills can support our mental and emotional health, as well as our physical wellbeing. Poor coping skills can lead to issues like anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems.
The 4 coping styles
Coping styles are the different ways in which we manage the stressors and challenges of life. Learning more about these styles and recognizing our natural tendencies can help us choose the most effective strategies for different situations. Each of these coping styles has its place, so assess the situations you face to decide which style—or combination of styles—will be most helpful. By understanding and applying these coping styles, you can better manage life's challenges to improve your mental health and wellbeing.
1. Problem-focused coping
This is where you take an active and practical approach to address the root cause of your stress. For instance, if you're overwhelmed with a huge workload, you might break the tasks into smaller, manageable parts or seek clarification on priorities. Problem-focused coping is particularly effective in situations where you have some control over the outcome.
2. Emotion-focused coping
Sometimes, we can't change the stressful situation itself, but we can change how we react to it emotionally. Emotion-focused coping is where you manage your feelings to maintain emotional equilibrium and is especially useful in situations beyond your control. For example, if you're dealing with a family conflict that can't be resolved immediately, you might use activities that help you relax and maintain a sense of peace, like yoga or meditation.
3. Meaning-focused coping
Meaning-focused coping involves finding a sense of purpose or a silver lining in stressful situations, reframing the way you view the stressor. If you're struggling with job loss, you might choose to see it as an opportunity for personal growth and a chance to explore new career paths. This approach can provide emotional strength and resilience.
4. Social coping (support-seeking)
Sharing our burdens can make them feel lighter. Social coping involves getting support from others, such as talking to a trusted friend about your worries, joining a support group, or seeking professional help. Sometimes, the best way to cope is by relying on the strength and comfort of those around us.
8 unhealthy coping mechanisms to avoid
Identifying and avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms is just as important as developing healthy ones. Unhealthy coping mechanisms might provide temporary relief, but they can make problems worse in the long run. If you find yourself resorting to these strategies, it might be time to explore healthier alternatives to better support your emotional and psychological wellbeing.
Consuming illegal drugs or excess alcohol
Avoiding the situation
Isolating yourself
Overthinking and overanalyzing
Emotional eating
Aggression or outbursts
Procrastination
14 healthy coping skills and strategies to help you cope with real life
Healthy coping skills are essential for managing life's challenges in a constructive and positive way. When you discover the strategies that work for you, you can build resilience and navigate life's ups and downs more effectively.
1. Practice mindfulness to reduce overwhelm
Mindfulness involves staying present and fully engaging with the here and now. It can be practiced through meditation, mindful breathing, or simply being aware of your surroundings and sensations. This can help reduce stress and anxiety by preventing overwhelming feelings about the past or future.
💙 Find relief with a simple 10-minute Mindfulness meditation.
2. Write about your feelings in a journal
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to express yourself and gain clarity. It can help process emotions and can be a safe outlet for venting frustrations.
💙 Learn how to Clarify Your Feelings Through Writing during this 5-minute exercise with Dr. Julie.
3. Take a proactive approach to finding solutions
Instead of focusing on the problems, take a proactive approach to shift your mindset toward finding solutions. Break down larger issues into smaller, manageable steps to give you a sense of accomplishment and control.
💙 Reduce overwhelm and Settle Down by Single-Tasking with guidance from Jay Shetty.
4. Participate in hobbies that bring you joy
Activities you enjoy can be a great stress reliever. Hobbies like painting, gardening, or playing music can offer a break from daily stress and provide a sense of fulfillment.
💙 Learn about The Power of Hobbies and why hobbies can make us happier and more relaxed.
5. Move your body
Walking, running, yoga, or any form of exercise you enjoy, can release natural mood-lifting chemicals. Regular exercise can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. Always go at your own pace, even light stretching and simple movements can bring health benefits.
💙 Incorporate a Moving for Fun session into your day for a boost of joy.
6. Practice positive thinking
Reframe negative thoughts into positive ones. This doesn't mean ignoring your problems but changing your perspective on them. It can reduce stress and improve your problem-solving ability.
💙 Learn about the importance of Reframing Difficult Thoughts and discover how to cultivate feelings of positivity.
7. Set boundaries with work, family, and friends
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and stress management. Learn to say no to demands on your time and energy if they’ll worsen your stress.
💙 Listen to Jeff Warren’s Daily Trip session where he shares A Secret to Better Boundaries.
8. Develop a routine
A predictable routine can provide a sense of control and normalcy. Try to establish regular times for eating, sleeping, working, and relaxing.
💙 Separate your workday from your evenings with a Shut Down Routine.
9. Focus on what you can control
Concentrate on the aspects of a situation you can change, and try to let go of those you can't. This helps in reducing feelings of helplessness.
💙 Learn to focus on what you can control, and practice Acceptance for what you can’t.
10. Engage in deep breathing exercises
Simple breathing techniques can calm your mind and reduce stress. Try inhaling for a count of four, holding for a count of four, and exhaling for a count of four.
💙 Take one minute and Pause to Breathe, settling into your breath and body.
11. Stay connected with loved ones
Maintain social connections to boost your mood and provide a support network.
12. Prioritize self-care
Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Whether it's a warm bath, reading a book, or meditating, self-care is crucial for mental health.
💙 Explore more ways to nourish yourself during the Radical Self-Care series.
13. Cultivate gratitude in your everyday life
Acknowledge and appreciate the good in your life. Keeping a gratitude journal can shift your focus from what's wrong to what's right.
💙 Learn to develop a gratitude practice with the help from Tamara Levitt’s masterclass on Gratitude.
14. Ask for support
It's okay to seek help when you’re struggling to cope. Talking to trusted friends and family can provide relief, perspective, and solutions. Sharing your burdens can make them feel more manageable. During challenging times, it can also be helpful to seek professional assistance, as therapists and counselors can offer guidance and strategies tailored to your needs.
Coping strategies FAQs
What are the 4 A’s of coping?
The four A’s of coping are a set of strategies to help manage stress more effectively.
Avoid unnecessary stress: Identify and eliminate avoidable stressors. For instance, if traffic stresses you out, try leaving earlier or taking a less congested route.
Alter the situation: Modify how you operate or communicate in stressful situations. This could mean setting clear boundaries or finding a compromise in conflicts.
Adapt to the stressor: Change your mindset or expectations to reduce stress. For example, if you can't change a tight deadline, try adjusting your approach to the work instead.
Accept the things you can’t change: Focus on accepting situations that are beyond your control, and look for ways to cope with the stress they cause. This might mean seeking support, or finding the silver lining in difficult circumstances.
What is the coping checklist?
The coping checklist is a tool used to identify and assess the strategies you use to handle stress. It typically includes a range of behaviors and techniques, both healthy and unhealthy, that people commonly employ in response to stress. By reviewing your checklist, you can gain insight into your coping styles, recognize patterns, and identify areas for improvement. This self-awareness is the first step toward developing healthier coping mechanisms.
What causes poor coping skills?
Poor coping skills can stem from a variety of factors. These can include a lack of good role models during formative years, leading to underdeveloped emotional regulation skills. Past traumas or ongoing stress can also play a significant role, as they can overwhelm your ability to cope effectively. Additionally, mental health conditions like depression or anxiety can affect your ability to use healthy coping strategies. Environmental factors, such as a high-stress home or work environment, can also make these challenges worse.
How do you teach coping skills?
Teaching coping skills can be approached in various ways. In therapy or counseling, a professional can guide individuals through different strategies and help them apply these techniques in real-life situations. Workshops or group sessions can provide a supportive environment for learning and practicing new skills. Self-help resources, like books or online content, can also offer valuable information and exercises. For effective teaching, it's important to tailor the approach to the person's needs, considering factors like age, background, and the specific stressors they’re dealing with.
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