Envy vs. jealousy: what's the difference?
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Are you feeling jealous or envious? Learn the difference between envy and jealousy, and how to ease these emotions with compassion and understanding.
We've all experienced those little pangs in our chest when someone has something we desire. But are those feelings of envy or jealousy? Though the terms are often used interchangeably, these emotions have unique origins and meanings.
Both envy and jealousy are natural human emotions. Everyone experiences them from time to time, and they aren’t necessarily bad for you (in fact, they may have had evolutionary benefits). But they can feel unpleasant in the moment and lead to unintended consequences, so it’s best to keep envy and jealousy in check.
Understanding the differences can clarify your feelings and empower you to manage and navigate these emotions more effectively.
What’s the difference between envy and jealousy?
Although they are often used to mean the same thing, they stem from different sources and can lead to distinct behaviors.
Envy: At its core, envy is a two-person interaction. You might envy someone because they have something you desire. For example, that might be a personality trait, a skill or ability, a possession, or even a relationship. It's about wanting what someone else has.
Jealousy: Jealousy, on the other hand, involves a three-person relationship. It revolves around the fear of losing something—or someone—you value to another person. It’s not about wanting what someone else has, as in envy. Instead, it’s about fearing that what you already have will be taken away by someone else. There’s evidence that we can start feeling jealousy as young as a few months old.
💙 You can learn more about jealousy and why it’s such a difficult emotion to process. Explore our session of Transforming Jealousy into Joy.
Envy vs jealousy: what do they feel like emotionally?
What does envy feel like? Envy can feel like a mix of admiration and resentment. You might appreciate another person's talents or possessions while wishing you had them for yourself. It's a feeling that can motivate you to strive harder but can also lead to resentment and inadequacy.
What does jealousy feel like? Jealousy often comes with a more potent sting than envy. It can feel like anxiety, insecurity, and protectiveness. This emotion is deeply rooted in the fear of loss, leading you to try to guard what you have closely.
Envy vs jealousy: what are the triggers?
Triggers for envy: There are plenty of scenarios where you might experience envy. Examples might include seeing a colleague receiving a promotion you wanted, a friend buying a car you desire, or watching someone else achieving more reps or heavier weights than you at the gym.
Triggers for jealousy: Jealousy can also be stirred up by many situations. For some people, seeing their partner getting close to someone else could cause them to fear they’ll lose their loved one. Others may fear a good friend is becoming better friends with another person.
With a clearer understanding of envy and jealousy, it's easier to identify and manage these feelings when they pop up in your daily life.
💙 When we feel envious it can often be rooted in cognitive distortions. Check out this session from our Emotions Series on working with envy so you can see yourself and your life in a clearer light.
4 ways to navigate envy and jealousy
In extreme cases, feeling jealous and envious can affect your mental health leading to anger, stress, resentment, or even feelings of depression.
Recognizing envy and jealousy is the first stage in managing them and living a happier life. In some cases, dealing with these feelings can be a real challenge, but there are mental health exercises and mindfulness practices that can help you tackle these tricky feelings.
1. Pause to acknowledge and recognize your feelings
Before reacting to your envy or jealousy, take a moment to think and reflect. Suppressing your feelings isn’t helpful, so try actually feeling your feelings. What’s the actual emotion? By naming the emotion, you're already one step closer to handling it. In some cases it can be helpful to journal how you’re feeling so you can get those feelings out of your body, onto paper and clear your mind.
💙 Sometimes we don’t always know how we’re feeling. If you want to learn more about how to navigate all the feels, check out our Emotions series.
2. Breathe into it
Whether you’re falling into a negative spiral due to envy or jealousy, taking deep breaths can help reduce the intensity of the emotion. There are many kinds of breathing techniques you can use to calm down your nervous system.
Square breathing where you breathe in for 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4 and then hold for 4 again can be helpful. You can also explore 4-7-8 breathing where you breathe in for 4, hold for 7 and breathe out for 8.
💙 If you are looking for a simpler approach to breath work, try breathing along with our Breathe Bubble.
3. Practice letting go with mindfulness and meditation
Accept that feelings of envy or jealousy are natural but temporary. Try to observe your thoughts mindfully, without judging them or feeling you need to act on them. Mindfulness meditation is especially helpful for monitoring your thoughts and feelings from a place of calm. From there, you can choose whether you want to let them go.
💙 When you’re experiencing feelings of jealousy or envy, try practicing self-care instead of judging yourself. Explore our guided practice on Self-Nurturing.
4. Lean into your own life
Sometimes feelings of envy can crop up when we’re feeling disconnected from our own lives. If we’re not fully present in our own day to day, it’s super easy to look at other people’s lives and think they have it made. Instead of focusing attention outwardly with envy, try focusing attention inward instead. By looking at what you already have and either enjoying it or building on it, you can turn feelings of envy into action that can result in you enjoying your own unique life.
💙 Create a nourishing practice of reflection and rest with our Radical Self-Care series.
Finding a way to manage feelings of envy and jealousy isn't always straightforward, but it is possible. Understanding the nuances and origins of these emotions gives you a clearer picture of what you’re experiencing.
Envy vs. jealousy FAQs
Is jealousy worse than envy?
While neither emotion is inherently "worse," jealousy often involves stronger feelings due to the fear of loss. However, how envy or jealousy affects you depends on your experiences and perspectives.
Can you be jealous but not envious?
It’s possible to be jealous without being envious. Jealousy is about fearing you'll lose something you have, like a relationship. Conversely, envy is about wanting what someone else has, like a dream job.
For example, you can be jealous if you think your partner is paying too much attention to someone else without envying that other person for any particular quality or possession they have.
Am I jealous or envious?
To find out whether you’re experiencing jealousy or envy, ask yourself: Are you afraid of losing something or someone to another person? If so, that’s jealousy. Or do you desire something that someone else possesses? This is envy. Identifying which emotion you’re experiencing is the first stage in learning to manage it.
How does an envious person behave?
An envious person might frequently compare themselves to others, exhibit passive-aggressive behavior, or constantly seek validation. They might also downplay others' achievements or struggle to genuinely celebrate when others experience success.
How does a jealous person behave?
Someone feeling jealous might find it difficult to trust their partner when they’re not together. They might even try to control a partner or friend’s behavior, frequently checking up on them by phone or using social media.
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