How to deal with loneliness: 7 tips to help you overcome it
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Loneliness can have a profound impact on our health. Learn the signs of loneliness, how to deal with it, and 7 tips to overcome emotional loneliness.
We’ve all experienced moments when we’ve felt lonely. Sometimes, the feeling of loneliness comes and goes, like when we don’t feel heard in a conversation, or when we’re not invited out to a group dinner. But there are also times when loneliness can stick around longer, especially in moments when we’re separated from our usual rotation of friends, family, and social activities. And too much loneliness can harm our physical and mental health.
There are many reasons why you can feel chronic, or ongoing, loneliness. You may feel lonely because you have few close friends or family members. Maybe you’ve experienced feelings of isolation when going through a major life change, such as a divorce, bereavement, or job loss. Perhaps you feel lonely because you have difficulty forming deep connections with those around you.
No matter the reason, loneliness can affect people of all ages. But there are things that you can do to help yourself feel less lonely and more connected.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling of sadness—and sometimes depression—that comes from being socially distant or isolated from friends, family, and community. It can be a fleeting emotion, but it can also be long-lasting, even when you're surrounded by people.
“Loneliness is part of the human experience,” says Julia Bainbridge, host of The Lonely Hour podcast. In Calm’s audio series, The Spark, she discusses why loneliness is far more common—and valuable—than we might think.
Surprisingly, loneliness serves a biological purpose. Way back, loneliness “was nature’s way of telling us to rejoin the group during the hunter-gatherer days… it’s a survival instinct,” Julia explains.
If loneliness is an experience that’s ingrained in humans, then why has it become so taboo to talk about? Julia believes it has to do with societal pressures for perfectionism and positivity.
“With our focus on success and improvement and forward motion, we have this impression that we need to be extraordinary,” Julia says. “We work to prove our worth to others and ourselves, I think, in part, to ensure that we won’t be lonely.”
Loneliness isn’t something to feel ashamed or embarrassed about. Everyone has felt this way, even if they’ve never talked about it. It’s part of the human experience.
Understanding solitude vs. loneliness
Solitude and loneliness can be used interchangeably, but being alone doesn’t always mean you feel lonely. Solitude can be something positive we seek. A 15-minute meditation, or a long walk, and can be valuable time for self-care. Loneliness, on the other hand, isn’t usually something that’s desired.
How does loneliness impact your health?
Loneliness can have a negative impact on your health and wellbeing if left unaddressed. It can impact your physical health, mental health, and social relationships.
Physical health: Loneliness can increase your risk for chronic diseases like heart disease, stroke, and Alzheimer's. It can also lead to a weakened immune system due to long-term fight-or-flight stress signals, making it harder for your body to fight off infections.
Mental health: Loneliness can increase your risk of depression, anxiety, and suicide. It can also make it harder to concentrate and can impact your decision-making skills.
Social relationships: Loneliness can make connecting with others and building strong relationships can be more difficult. It can also lead to social isolation, which can make feelings of loneliness and its negative impacts worse.
9 signs of loneliness
If you're experiencing any of these 9 signs of loneliness, it's important to remember you're not alone. Many people feel lonely from time to time, but there are action steps you can take to start feeling better.
You feel sad, empty, or alone even when you're around other people.
You have difficulty connecting with others on a deep level.
You don't have many close friends or family members.
You avoid social activities or withdraw from others.
You have trouble sleeping or concentrating.
You feel stressed or anxious.
You have lost interest in activities that you used to enjoy.
You feel tired all the time.
You have headaches, stomachaches, or other physical problems.
How to deal with emotional loneliness: 7 tips to overcome loneliness
Loneliness can affect anyone. If you find yourself feeling lonely, there are plenty of steps you can take to ease your feelings and move toward a more fulfilling life filled with self-love and community.
1. Reframe loneliness as an opportunity
Despite our need for interaction and socialization, Julia says that loneliness can be a necessary part of understanding how to ultimately live better. And even when it feels tedious or difficult to sit with loneliness has merit.
Solitude can help us recharge. So why can’t loneliness do the same? It boils down to our perception. Often, we view loneliness as the opposite of happiness. Loneliness can make us feel sad or bored, but these emotions don’t have to dictate our lives.
“Sitting with yourself, however uncomfortable, can help us reckon with parts of ourselves,” Julia says. “It’s a way to take stock and wonder if we might want to live differently.”
It may be hard at first, but loneliness can be viewed as an opportunity to engage with ourselves more meaningfully. Think deeply about your current life or habits, or ask yourself why you feel lonely. When you reframe loneliness, it can be an opportunity for self-discovery.
💙 Learn how to cultivate a positive mindset with the Reframing Difficult Thoughts meditation with Chibs Okereke.
2. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable
Growth isn’t always fun and it certainly isn’t easy. And that rings true when it comes to examining and tackling our feelings of loneliness. But if we can learn to recognize uncomfortable feelings as they arise, we can reclaim their power.
Julia likens sitting with our loneliness to allowing a wound to heal. It’s uncomfortable, but we know the sensitivity we feel is a sign that we’re on the mend.
“I think we’d do well to rehabilitate loneliness,” Julia says. “You don’t pick at [the wound]. You let it be. And after some time, your body repairs itself.”
When feelings of loneliness arise, try to accept that their aim is ultimately to take you to a better place.
💙 Listen to Calm’s Emotions Series to learn how to better understand your emotions and what your feelings might mean..
3. Try to make the most of your loneliness
While loneliness can be an opportunity for reflection, it shouldn’t be a chore. Use this time for solo activities, whether that’s a DIY spa day, trying a new recipe, or diving into a home project. With time (and patience), alone time can even become enjoyable. You might even come to love it. You can also use loneliness as a cue to think deeply about who you want to reconnect with. Embracing loneliness can help strengthen our relationships with others.
“We’re more present, better able to listen to others, focus on them, and engage when we take the time to get calm and ground ourselves,” Julia says.
💙 Take a walk outside and listen to a Mindful Walking Meditation to help you become present with the world around you.
4. Talk to someone you trust
Talking about your feelings with others can help you to feel less alone and more connected. This could be talking with a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone who makes you feel comfortable.
Make an effort to stay connected with loved ones. Even if you're busy, make time for the people who are important to you. By opening up and talking about loneliness with friends or family, you can help them share their own feelings.
Consider talking to a therapist. They can help you unpack your feelings of loneliness, develop coping skills, and teach you how to build stronger relationships.
💙 Learn how to cultivate healthier and happier connections with Calm’s Relationship with Others series.
5. If it’s possible, make some changes
Make time for pastimes and social activities that make you happy and help you feel good about yourself. This could be anything from joining a club or group to volunteering or taking a class. Meeting new people and participating in activities you enjoy can help you feel more connected.
Don't try to change everything at once. Start by setting small goals, like talking to one new person a week or attending one social event a month.
💙 Build confidence in your ability to embrace change with Calm’s Capacity for Change meditation.
6. Be kind to yourself
Becoming comfortable with loneliness won’t happen overnight, and some days will be harder than others, but you have the strength to reshape how you check in with your feelings. It’s essential to look after your self-care. This means getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly. Taking care of your physical and mental health can help you feel better overall and make it easier to cope with loneliness when it arises.
💙 Practice a gentle 4-minute Kindness Towards Yourself meditation to help you cultivate self-love.
7. Don't be afraid to reach out for help
There are many resources available to help people who are feeling lonely. If you need support, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. You can even call a crisis hotline if you need it.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
