How to gain confidence: Proven tips for developing and building self-assurance
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn how to gain confidence and why it's important for your health and wellbeing. Plus, 7 signs of low confidence and how to be more confident in yourself.
Do you ever wonder how to be confident and wish you could walk through life feeling more self-assured? Many people can lack confidence in certain situations, and it’s perfectly normal. Perhaps you feel unsure of yourself after speaking up in a meeting, going to a party where you didn't know anyone, or trying something new.
It's natural to feel this way, and it can happen to anyone. Now, imagine having a strong sense of confidence during these situations instead of feeling unsure. Confidence allows you to believe in yourself and your abilities and to feel comfortable in your own skin, knowing you've got this, no matter what it is.
If you ever feel low in confidence, understanding what’s happening and why can help. And when you recognize a lack of self-confidence, having some tips in your back pocket can help you become more self-assured.
Why is confidence important?
Confidence isn’t just about feeling good because you’re having a good hair day or wearing your favorite outfit, although that can help. Confidence is about how you carry yourself every day. When you're confident, you feel steady and sure no matter what's going on around you.
Having confidence can bring a host of benefits:
Healthier lifestyle choices
Success in the workplace
Positive social interactions
Resilience
Happiness
Better decision making
Less fear and anxiety
Confidence can help you live your best life. It's the foundation for many outcomes, from your health to your career to your relationships. And the best part is that confidence can be learned and strengthened over time.
How to be confident in yourself: 7 traits of a confident person
Confident people often seem like they have a certain vibe about them—it's as if they walk into a room and just know they belong there. Of course, even confident people have off days and areas that they struggle, but if you’re looking to increase your confidence, you can start by looking at these traits. Which ones do you see in yourself already? Which ones could you work on? Confidence isn't about being perfect. It's about being comfortable with who you are and knowing that you're valuable, just as you are.
They take risks: Confident people may be less afraid to step out of their comfort zone. They know that to grow, you have to try new things, even if it means you might not succeed every time.
They’re optimistic: Confident people may be more positive and expect good things to happen. Even when things go wrong, they can see those experiences and even failures as a chance to learn and get better.
They accept compliments: When someone says, "Hey, great job," a confident person has an easier time saying, "thank you," instead of shrugging it off. They're not bragging—they just know their worth.
They're decisive: Confident people find it easier to make decisions and stick to them. They trust their instincts and don't waste time worrying about what everyone else might think.
They set boundaries: Knowing when to say yes and when to say no is a sign of confidence. Confident people can respect their own limits and aren't afraid to communicate them to others.
They're not pretenders: Confident people are more comfortable being who they are and don't feel the need to pretend to be someone they're not.
They listen more than they speak: Surprisingly, confident people often listen more than they talk. They're secure enough to know they don't always have to be the loudest voice in the room.
7 signs that your confidence might need a boost
Recognizing low confidence is the first step to building it up. Look out for key signs that might suggest your confidence isn't at its peak. If any of these signs sound familiar, don't worry—it's completely normal. The good news is that confidence is something you can improve.
Worrying about others' opinions: If you find yourself constantly wondering what others think about you or your work, it might be a sign that your confidence could use a boost.
Feeling anxious: It's normal to feel a bit nervous now and then, but if you're frequently anxious, especially about everyday things, it could be tied to low self-confidence.
Avoiding eye contact: Not looking someone in the eye during a conversation might mean you're not feeling too sure of yourself.
Shying away from challenges: If you tend to back down when things get tough or you're faced with a challenge, it might be because you're not feeling confident in your ability to handle it.
Negative self-talk: Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. If you often say negative things like "I can't," or "I'm not good enough," it's time to address your self-confidence.
Overthinking: Spending too much time mulling over decisions or worrying about the future can be a symptom of low confidence.
Fear of failure: Everyone fears failing at times, but if the fear is so strong that it stops you from trying new things, it's likely linked to low self-confidence.
How to be more confident: 13 tips to develop self-confidence
If you’re ready to build self-confidence, start applying a few tips today. Take these steps one at a time—there's no rush, and every step inches you closer to a more confident you.
1. Take care of yourself
Part of having strong confidence is taking care of yourself. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating well, and moving your body in ways that feel good. When you feel good physically, it can help you feel better about yourself mentally.
💙 Learn the art of self-care with Tamara Levitt as she guides you through a Self-Nurturing meditation in the Relationship with Self series.
2. Keep your promises
Developing self-confidence can also be tied to how strongly you stick to your goals. When you make a commitment, follow through with it. This shows you that you can rely on yourself, which is a big confidence booster.
💙 Stay true to yourself and your confidence journey with a little help from Jeff Warren’s Daily Trip on Commitment.
3. Move in ways that feel good
Feeling good about your life often stems from feeling good in your own skin. Physical activity is a great way to increase your energy and improve your mood. It doesn't have to be a full workout—a walk around the block, or gentle movement can also help with confidence.
💙 If you’re short on time, even just a few minutes of mindful movement, like this Daily Move with Mel Mah, can reframe your self-perception.
4. Celebrate small victories
Little victories can add up t feeling like big victories over time. Start by setting small goals and celebrate when you reach them. This practice may create a positive feedback loop in the mind which is great for building confidence.
💙 Celebrate your wins by regularly Checking in With Yourself to notice how achieving even something small can boost your confidence and belief in yourself.
5. Stay true to your values
Self-confidence is hard to come by if you don’t feel affirmed in how you’re living your life. Take some time to discover what's important to you and make choices that align with your values. This can help you stay true to yourself and may boost your self-respect.
6. Acknowledge your achievements
When you hit your goals, don’t just brush them off or downplay it like it was nothing. Take a moment to recognize what you've done—it's a reminder of your abilities.
💙 Begin a gratitude practice with Tamara Levitt in 7 Days of Gratitude to document your daily achievements and remind yourself of what you’re capable of.
7. Speak positively to yourself
You are your biggest cheerleader and the way you talk to yourself matters. Try using encouraging words when you talk to yourself. Replace negative thoughts like “I can't do this,” with “I'll give it my best shot.” The more you cheerlead yourself, the more confident you may feel.
💙 Indulge in self-kindness with (Self) Love Bombing, a mindfulness practice on the power of being kind to yourself.
8. Try something new
Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but you’ve shied away in fear you won’t do a good job? Trying something new can actually be good for your confidence. When you learn something new, it shows you that you're capable of growth. Even if you don’t master the new skill, you’re giving yourself the chance to learn and grow.
💙 Discover what’s on the other side of fear by Taking the Exquisite Risk with Tara Brach.
9. Surround yourself with support
It’s easy to get lost in our own negative thoughts and feelings of self-doubt. If you can relate to this, try spending some time with people who lift you up and believe in you. Their positive energy can rub off on you. During times of self-doubt your support system can lift you back up and make you feel like you can do anything.
10. Dress in a way that feels good
Sometimes, your outside appearance can have an effect on how you feel inside. When you look good to you, you might feel good, too. If you need a confidence boost, try wearing clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident or sporting your favorite color for an instant mood boost.
11. Help others
When you help out someone else, it not only makes them feel good, but it can also boost your own confidence. Try giving back in your community in ways that matter, like by donating to a food pantry or walking dogs at your local animal shelter.
12. Practice saying no
You don't have to agree to everything. Having boundaries and saying no when you need to is a sign of self-respect. This can mean having boundaries with friends or family, or even at your job. This isn’t to say you should be rigid, but make sure you’re prioritizing yourself in addition to others.
💙 New to boundaries? Learn how to set Healthy Boundaries with Jeff Warren.
13. Practice gratitude and positive affirmations
Even during challenging times, appreciating what you have can help shift your mindset. Start your day with a positive statement about yourself, or reminding yourself what you’re grateful for. Taking stock of what’s already going really right in your life can set a confident tone for the day.
💙 Practicing gratitude starts with identifying things you’re grateful for. Learn how to practice the art of Noticing in this quick meditation.
How to develop confidence FAQs
Why do I lack confidence?
Lacking confidence is something many people experience. It can come from various places, such as past experiences where things didn't go as planned, or harsh criticism that stuck with you. Sometimes, it's just a habit of thinking less of ourselves than we deserve. The key thing to remember is that it's okay to feel this way, and it's something you can work on improving.
What are 8 ways to improve your self-confidence?
Improving your self-confidence can be a fun and rewarding process.
Set personal goals and celebrate when you achieve them, no matter how small.
Talk to yourself with kindness, just like you would to a good friend.
Learn something new. It can be as simple as a new recipe or as challenging as a new language.
Exercise regularly to help improve your mood and energy levels.
Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. When you look good, you often feel good, too.
Spend time with people who make you feel positive and support your growth.
Volunteer your time, as helping others can make you feel good about yourself.
Practice saying no when you need to—it's important to set boundaries for yourself.
Why do I gain confidence?
You gain confidence when you start to see yourself in a positive light. It happens when you challenge yourself and succeed, or even when you don't succeed but realize it's not the end of the world. Each time you step out of your comfort zone, you're showing yourself that you're capable of more than you thought. Confidence grows when you learn to trust yourself and your abilities, and when you treat yourself with the same compassion and respect that you give to others.
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