How to handle rejection gracefully: 10 mindful tips for moving on
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn why rejection from a job, friend, or romantic interest hurts so much and the 5 stages of rejection. Plus, how to handle rejection gracefully and move on.
Rejection is an experience we all face at some point in our lives, whether it's in our personal relationships, professional endeavors, or social interactions. It can be painful and challenging, but understanding how to handle rejection gracefully can transform it into an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.
What is rejection and why does it hurt so much?
Rejection may occur when a person or group declines or dismisses someone's attempt at connection. It can happen in a wide range of contexts, including personal relationships, professional settings, and social interactions. At its core, rejection can signify a lack of acceptance, which can challenge our sense of belonging and self-esteem.
The pain associated with rejection may be rooted in our need for social connections and acceptance as well as the value we place on our connections with others. Historically, our survival depended on being part of a group, and although the circumstances have evolved, the emotional impact of feeling excluded can remain significant. When we face rejection, it may trigger a range of strong emotional responses, including sadness, frustration, and self-doubt. These feelings are natural and reflect the value we place on our social bonds and aspirations.
Recognizing the nature of rejection can help us approach it more constructively, seeing it not as a personal flaw but as a part of the human experience. This understanding helps us build resilience, enhances our self-worth, and constructs a healthier, more positive approach to setbacks and disappointments.
What are the 5 stages of rejection?
The five stages of death and dying (sometimes thought of as the five stages of grief) can give us a framework to understand and navigate our emotional responses when we’re dealing with rejection. Recognizing that these stages are a common part of many emotional processes allows us to protect our sense of self-worth. It also highlights the importance of self-compassion and the need for supportive practices that can aid in our emotional recovery. Developing a growth mindset and viewing rejection as a learning opportunity can transform the experience into a step toward self-improvement and emotional strength.
1. Denial
Initially, there might be an unwillingness to accept the rejection. This stage serves as a temporary defense mechanism, giving us time to adjust to the new reality.
2. Anger
Following denial, feelings of anger may surface. This anger can be directed at oneself, the person who caused the feeling of rejection, or the situation at large. It's a natural response to feeling hurt or let down.
3. Bargaining
At this stage, we might attempt to negotiate a way out of our hurt. This could involve mentally revisiting the rejection and imagining what could have been done differently to avoid the outcome.
4. Depression
As the reality of the situation settles in, feelings of sadness or depression may arise. This is a reflection of the loss or disappointment experienced through rejection.
5. Acceptance
The final stage is acceptance, where there is an acknowledgment of the rejection and its effects. This stage is important for moving forward, as it involves coming to terms with the situation and finding ways to grow from the experience.
How to handle rejection more gracefully: 15 mindful tips
Handling rejection with grace involves understanding its emotional impact and finding ways to to maintain emotional balance and self-worth. In all contexts, building resilience and self-worth is key. Developing a growth mindset, embracing learning opportunities, and learning self-compassion and self-care practices are helpful strategies. Reframing negative thoughts and reaching out to friends or loved ones can also help support emotional stability and personal growth.
How to handle rejection from a friend
Rejection from a friend feels challenging because it impacts important social bonds.
Recognize and accept your emotions without judgment.
Seek support by talking to other friends or family members about your feelings.
Reflect on the circumstances of the rejection to understand it better.
Remind yourself of your value beyond this single relationship.
Decide on your next steps, whether that’s addressing the issue with the friend or focusing on other relationships.
How to handle rejection from a romantic interest
Romantic rejection can affect the way you see yourself and pursue relationships in the future.
Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions in a healthy way in order to process them.
Practice self-care by engaging in activities that promote wellbeing and self-compassion.
Reframe the rejection by challenging negative thoughts and focusing on positive aspects of yourself and your life.
Remember that rejection is not a reflection of your worth and remind yourself to stay open to future possibilities.
Reflect on what you can learn from the experience to aid in personal growth.
How to handle job rejection
Professional rejection can impact career aspirations and self-confidence.
Allow yourself to acknowledge and process these feelings of disappointment.
Ask for feedback to understand why you were rejected and how you can improve specific areas.
Use the experience to refine your career goals and next steps.
Keep pursuing other opportunities and maintain a positive outlook.
View each rejection as a chance to grow further into your passion and enhance your skills and experience.
How to move on from rejection: 10 steps to help you move forward
If you keep moving forward after experiencing rejection then you can use the experience as a catalyst for personal growth and positive change. If you’re not sure where to start, these ten steps can help.
1. Acknowledge your feelings
It's important to give yourself permission to feel sad, disappointed, or frustrated without judgment.
💙 Hold space for your feelings with the help of Lama Rod Owens’ Caring for Your Grief series.
2. Reflect on the experience
Ask yourself what you can learn from the rejection and how it can contribute to your personal development.
💙 Practicing Acceptance is the first step toward acknowledging rejection and turning it into a learning experience.
3. Practice self-compassion
Avoid self-criticism and instead, offer yourself the empathy and care you would extend to a good friend.
💙 Start with the Radical Self-Compassion masterclass led by expert meditation teacher Tara Brach.
4. Engage in self-care
Prioritize activities that promote your wellbeing and relaxation. This might include exercise, hobbies, meditation, or spending time with loved ones.
💙 Ease into your self-care routine by following along with the 7 Days of Soothing Pain guided meditations to help relieve the mental (or physical) feelings of pain.
5. Set realistic goals
Establish achievable objectives for yourself in areas unrelated to the rejection. This can help rebuild your confidence and provide a sense of accomplishment.
💙 Tap into the ‘Why’ Behind Your Goals with the help of Jay Shetty.
6. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments
Remind yourself of your positive qualities and past successes. This can help counterbalance any negative feelings associated with the rejection.
7. Maintain a positive outlook
Recognize that rejection is a temporary setback and not a permanent reflection of your abilities or worth.
💙 Journey through the power of a positive mindset with Jeff Warren’s The Reframe, a meditation on training your mind to work with you, not against you.
8. Practice mindfulness
This can enhance your emotional equilibrium and resilience by keeping your focus on the present and reducing fixation about the past or anxiety about the future.
💙 New to mindfulness? Jeff Warren’s 30-day Mindfulness for Beginners course is perfect for those new to meditation or for a refresher for those who are getting back to the practice.
9. Seek support
Reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support. Sharing your experiences and feelings can provide relief and valuable perspectives.
10. Embrace new opportunities
Rejection can sometimes redirect you toward different opportunities that align better with your values and goals. Stay open to life’s possibilities.
How to handle rejection FAQs
How do you respond when someone rejects you?
When someone rejects you, it's important to respond in a way that maintains your dignity and respects the other person's decision. Consider acknowledging your feelings and allowing yourself to process the disappointment or sadness. It can help to engage in activities that support your wellbeing and help you regain emotional balance. If appropriate, you can express your feelings to the person who rejected you, provided it's done respectfully and without expectation. Moving forward, focus on personal growth and surround yourself with supportive people.
Why does it hurt so much to be rejected?
Rejection hurts because it may tap into our fundamental need for acceptance and belonging. When we are rejected, it can feel like a direct challenge to our self-worth and our place within a group or relationship. This pain is a natural emotional response, signaling the importance we place on our social connections and aspirations. Understanding that the pain is a common human experience can help in processing these feelings and finding constructive ways to deal with them.
Should you be friends with someone who rejected you?
Deciding to remain friends with someone who rejected you depends on the nature of the rejection. If maintaining a friendship doesn't compromise your emotional wellbeing and you feel capable of genuinely supporting and valuing the relationship without resentment or unresolved feelings, then it can be an option. However, if staying friends hinders your ability to move on or causes ongoing discomfort, it may be better to focus on other relationships that support your happiness and self-esteem.
Why do I still have feelings for someone who rejected me?
Continuing to have feelings for someone after rejection is normal. Emotional attachments don't vanish instantly, especially if your feelings were deep or the connection was significant. It's important to acknowledge and respect your feelings while also recognizing the need for self-care and healing. Over time, by focusing on your own wellbeing, engaging in activities you enjoy, and building connections with others, the intensity of these feelings will likely diminish, allowing you to move forward.
Should you talk to someone who rejected you?
Whether or not you should talk to someone who rejected you depends on your reasons for wanting the conversation and what you hope to achieve. If you're seeking closure or clarity and believe a conversation could be constructive and respectful, it might be worth considering. However, if reaching out is likely to reopen wounds or if the interaction could be detrimental to your emotional recovery, then prioritize your emotional health and wellbeing by focusing on healing and moving on independently.
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