How to say no nicely: 30 examples of saying no without regret
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn why it's hard for so many of us to say no and how we can do it without regret. Plus, tips and examples of ways to say no nicely.
When was the last time you said no with confidence and without hesitation? If you’re struggling to remember, join the club! Even the most assertive people struggle with saying no at times, as it can feel like one of the most difficult things to do.
Maybe you want to be well-liked at work, so you always say yes when your colleagues ask for a hand. Or perhaps the idea of skipping a friend’s birthday party makes you feel so guilty that you go despite feeling sick, tired, or in need of some solo time. Some of us even say yes to our kids’ requests for treats solely to avoid the tantrum that might occur if we say no — what parent hasn’t done this at least once?
Saying no can be one of the most challenging things you can do, especially when you want to be helpful and accommodating to those around you. However, constantly saying yes can lead to stress, burnout, and resentment. It’s important to learn how to set boundaries, prioritize your own needs, and say no (and mean it) once and for all.
Why is it hard to say no?
Once you’re aware of the underlying reasons you find it hard to say no, you can begin to change your behavior and develop more confidence in your decisions.
You have a desire to please those in your life
Most people want to be liked and appreciated, and you might worry that refusing someone's request will disappoint them or damage your relationship. This is especially true if the person asking is someone you care about, like a friend, family member, or colleague. The fear of losing someone's approval often outweighs the need to protect your own time and energy.
You have a fear of conflict
Saying no can sometimes lead to disagreements. Wanting to avoid confrontations can make it easier to say yes, even when you want to say no. You might worry that the other person will react negatively or argue with you, and this can be particularly stressful if you’re not confident in these situations (and many of us aren’t).
You want to avoid feeling guilty
Guilt is another powerful emotion that can make saying no difficult. You might feel responsible for other people's happiness, leading you to put their needs before your own. This can be especially true in relationships where you feel a duty to help and support the other person. The feeling of guilt can be overwhelming and makes it hard to prioritize yourself.
You were taught to be a people pleaser
From a young age, many people are taught to be helpful. You might have been raised to always be polite and considerate, often at the expense of your own comfort and needs. This ingrained habit can make it difficult to say no, even when it’s necessary for your wellbeing.
Learn how to say no without regret: 12 tips for saying no nicely
Learning how to say no nicely can help you maintain good relationships while staying true to yourself and honoring your needs.
1. Assess the request
Evaluate whether the request aligns with your goals and values. If it doesn’t, it’s okay to say no. For example, if a project doesn’t contribute to your career goals, you might decline by saying, "This doesn’t fit with my current focus."
💙 Follow along with Tamara Levitt as she guides you through a meditation on setting Boundaries, which can help you say no to what doesn’t align with your goals.
2. Be honest and direct
When you need to say no, it’s best to be straightforward. This helps avoid misunderstandings and shows that while you’re honoring your boundaries, you’re also being respectful of the other person’s time.
💙 Practice being straightforward in conversations with help from Tamara Levitt’s Kind Communication guided exercise.
3. Stay firm and consistent
Once you have said no, stay firm. It’s important to avoid giving in to pressure or persistent requests. Reiterate your refusal politely, but firmly, if necessary. For instance, if someone keeps asking after you’ve said no, you can say, "I know you’re disappointed, but my answer hasn't changed."
4. Keep it simple
Avoid over explaining or justifying your decision. Providing too much information can weaken your refusal and leave room for negotiation. A simple, clear response is more effective. For instance, "I'm not available that day" is enough of a response to turn down an invitation.
5. Use "I" statements
Using "I" statements helps convey your refusal without making the other person feel blamed or criticized. For example, you could say "I have other commitments" instead of "You always ask too much of me."
💙 Tune into how you’re feeling and learn how Labeling Emotions can strengthen your communication skills.
6. Offer alternatives
If possible, suggest another time or different ways you can help. This shows that you’re still willing to be supportive, just not in the way requested. For instance, you might say, "I can't help you move this weekend, but I can help you unpack next week."
7. Practice empathy
Acknowledge the requester's feelings and show understanding to remind them that you care. For example, "I understand that this is important to you, but I can't help right now" lets them know you appreciate their situation.
💙 Learn more about practicing Empathy with this session from our Relationship with Others series.
8. Know your priorities
Being clear about your own needs and boundaries makes it simpler to refuse without feeling guilty. For instance, if family time is a priority, you can say, "I’m spending time with my children this weekend."
💙 Take a few minutes to get clear on your priorities during The Power of Reflection session with Jay Shetty.
9. Practice self-compassion
Remind yourself that it’s better to say no than to overcommit and feel overwhelmed. Practicing self-compassion involves giving yourself permission to prioritize your own needs. For instance, if you’re exhausted and need rest, remind yourself it's okay to turn down social invitations.
💙 Make space to learn to love yourself with our short meditation on how to Replace Self-Criticism with Self-Compassion.
10. Set clear boundaries
Communicate your limits effectively to others in advance. When people know your boundaries, they’re less likely to make unreasonable requests. For example, let your colleagues know that you don’t check emails after work hours.
💙 Set boundaries with yourself with help from The Daily Trips’ A Secret to Better Boundaries.
11. Reflect on past experiences
Look back on times when you said no and felt good about it to reinforce the positive outcomes of setting boundaries. For example, recall a time when saying no allowed you to spend quality time with your family or focus on an important project. Remembering these benefits can strengthen your resolve to say no in the future.
💙 See yourself more clearly with Jay Shetty’s True Reflections meditation.
12. Seek support if needed
If you find it particularly challenging to say no, seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Talking to someone you trust can provide reassurance and help you navigate difficult situations. They can offer advice, share their own experiences, and remind you that it’s okay to prioritize your needs. Having a support system can boost your confidence and reduce feelings of guilt.
30 examples of nice ways to say no
Rehearsing your responses can make it easier to refuse requests in real-life scenarios. You can practice saying no in various situations in front of a mirror, or role-playing with a supportive friend.
For saying no at work
1. "I appreciate the offer, but I have other commitments right now."
2. "Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m unable to help this time."
3. "I'm flattered you asked, but I need to focus on my own tasks."
4. "Unfortunately, I can't fit this into my schedule at the moment."
5. "I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to participate. Maybe another time."
6. "I would love to, but I need to decline this time."
7. "I have to prioritize my current projects. Thanks for understanding."
8. "I need to focus on my personal commitments right now."
9. "That sounds great, but I’m already booked for that time."
10. "I appreciate the opportunity, but I have to pass this time."
11. "I’m honored you asked, but I’m not in a position to help right now."
12. "I need to take care of some personal matters and can't commit to this."
13. "Thanks for considering me, but I need to pass this time."
14. "I’m focusing on my health and wellbeing, so I need to say no."
15. "I’m not able to commit to this, but I appreciate the invitation."
16. "I’m swamped right now, so I have to decline."
17. "I’m sorry, but I need to focus on other priorities."
18. "That’s a great idea, but I can’t participate right now."
19. "I have a lot on my plate right now, so I can’t take this on."
20. "I need to step back and focus on my responsibilities."
For saying no to friends and acquaintances
21. "Hey, I wish I could, but I'm totally swamped."
22. "Thanks for asking, but I can't swing it right now."
23. "I'm really sorry, but I have to pass this time."
24. "I’d love to, but I’ve got other plans."
25. "Not this time, but let's catch up soon!"
26. "Can't do it right now, maybe next time?"
27. "Sorry, I’m just too tied up with stuff."
28. "Wish I could help, but I'm maxed out right now."
29. "No can do, I'm afraid. Got too much on my plate as is."
30. "I’ve got a lot going on right now, so I have to say no."
How to say no nicely FAQs
How can I say no to a close friend or family member without hurting their feelings?
Saying no to a close friend or family member can be particularly challenging. These approaches can help you say no and stay on good terms with your loved ones.
Be honest and transparent by saying, "I really value our time together, but I have to focus on some personal matters right now."
Show appreciation by saying, "I’m grateful you thought of me for this, but I can’t help this time."
Offer alternatives by saying, "I can’t drive you to the airport, but I love to pick you up when you return.”
Use gentle language like, "I wish I could, but I have too much on my plate at the moment."
Express empathy by saying, "I know this is important to you, and I’m sorry I can’t be there this time."
How can I build confidence in my ability to say no?
Building confidence in your ability to say no can take practice, but it’s a valuable skill that helps you maintain your boundaries. First, being clear about your own needs and boundaries makes it easier to say no when you’re pushed beyond your limit. Begin by saying no to small requests that are easy to decline, to build your confidence gradually. Rehearsing can help you feel more prepared and less anxious, so practice saying no in front of a mirror or with a friend. Encourage yourself with positive affirmations, such as reminding yourself that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs.
Once you’ve said no, stick to your decision. This reinforces your boundaries and helps you feel more confident in future refusals. You can also look back on times when you successfully said no to reinforce your ability to set boundaries. It’s also a good idea to talk to friends or a mentor who can provide encouragement and advice. Building confidence takes time, but with practice, you’ll find it easier to say no.
What are some signs that I need to start saying no more often?
Recognizing the signs that you need to say no more often can help you protect your wellbeing and manage your time better. Common signs include constantly feeling stressed and overwhelmed, rarely having time for yourself or your hobbies, and feeling resentful toward people who ask for your help.
You may become aware that your work or other responsibilities are suffering because you have too much to do. Overcommitment can also negatively impact your physical and mental health, leaving you feeling constantly drained and emotionally exhausted. This is a clear sign you need to prioritize your own needs.
How can I handle persistent requests after I've already said no?
Dealing with persistent requests can be challenging, but staying firm and polite is key to ensuring that your boundaries are respected while maintaining good relationships.
Politely repeat your initial response, which may sound like, "As I mentioned before, I’m unable to help with this."
Stay firm — consistency is vital in reinforcing your boundaries.
Be clear and assertive in your refusal by saying, "I’ve already said no, and my decision hasn’t changed."
Set boundaries by explaining that continued requests are not acceptable by stating, "I need you to respect my decision and stop asking."
Indicate that the discussion is over by saying, "I’ve made my decision, and I won’t be changing my mind."
If possible, direct them to other resources or people who might help by offering something like, "Perhaps someone else in the team can pitch in.”
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