How to manage your inner critic (and build an inner coach)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Discover what an inner critic is, learn how to manage it effectively, and understand the difference between an inner critic and an inner coach.
Do you ever find yourself thinking that you’ll never measure up? Maybe you’ve told yourself that you can’t achieve your goals or that you don’t deserve everything you’ve earned? That’s your inner critic, and without tackling it, it can erode your confidence, make you doubt your abilities, and stop you from reaching your full potential.
We’re happy to say that learning to quiet that voice is possible. With the right strategies, you can even transform it into an inner coach — a positive, encouraging voice that supports you and helps you grow. Let’s dive in.
What is an inner critic?
The inner critic is the negative voice inside your head that judges, criticizes, and undermines your confidence. It can make you doubt your abilities and feel inadequate. It also tends to focus on your flaws and shortcomings, forcing you to fixate on your actions and decisions, and often labeling them as failures or mistakes. This can make you feel unworthy and incompetent.
The inner critic tends to use strong, harsh language, like "You're not good enough," "You'll never succeed," or "Why bother trying?" As it often speaks from fear, trying to protect you from potential failure or rejection, the inner critic can also prevent you from taking risks or pursuing opportunities.
Sometimes, the inner critic can make you believe it’s necessary for your improvement. But instead of motivation, it often causes shame, guilt, and self-doubt.
The inner critic can develop for different reasons. For some, it starts with critical messages from parents, teachers, or peers. These messages might have been intended to guide or protect you, but can turn into a harsh inner voice over time. Society's expectations and media portrayals of perfection can also contribute, setting unrealistic standards.
Impacts of the inner critic
The inner critic can affect various aspects of your life:
Self-esteem and confidence: When the inner critic says you're not good enough, you might start to believe it. When your self-worth and confidence take a hit, you may be afraid to take on new challenges.
Mental health: The constant negative self-talk can create a cycle of stress, sadness, depression, and anxiety, which can make it hard to enjoy life and feel hopeful about the future.
Personal and professional relationships: If you don't feel good about yourself, it can be hard to form healthy relationships. You might push others away, people-please, or struggle with communication, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
Achieving goals: When you doubt your abilities, you might self-sabotage or procrastinate. This can result in missed opportunities and unfulfilled potential.
How to manage your inner critic: 5 tips
Managing your inner critic using these tips can help you create a more positive, encouraging inner dialogue and build a healthier relationship with yourself.
1. Become aware and identify triggers
Pay attention to your thoughts, and notice when you're being self-critical. Look for what triggers your inner critic, like certain situations, people, or feelings. Keep a journal to track these moments and understand patterns in your self-talk.
💙 Follow Jay Shetty’s advice on how to Accept Anxious Feelings and navigate your triggers instead of ignoring them.
2. Challenge negative thoughts
Ask yourself whether the negative thoughts of your inner critic are based on facts or assumptions. Are they realistic or exaggerated? Confront negative thoughts with evidence that disproves them. For example, if your inner critic says, "You'll never succeed," remind yourself of your skills and past wins. Reframe negative thoughts into positive or neutral ones to help reduce their power.
💙 Overcome negative thoughts by learning to Reframe the Problem.
3. Practice self-compassion
Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you’d offer a friend. When something goes wrong, don’t harshly criticize yourself. Instead, acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Learning to be patient, gentle, and forgiving with yourself can help you build resilience and a positive self-image.
💙 Replace Self-Criticism with Self-Compassion with guidance from this meditation by Dr. Julie Smith.
4. Engage in mindfulness and meditation
Practicing mindfulness and meditation regularly can help reduce the power of your inner critic. When you’re present and aware of your thoughts and feelings, you can observe your inner critic without getting caught up in its negativity. Using guided meditations or focusing on your breath can help you create a calm mental space where negative thoughts have less influence.
💙 Press play on Jay Shetty’s 5-4-3-2-1 exercise to help ground yourself in the present moment and embrace mindfulness.
5. Seek support
Managing the inner critic on your own can be challenging. Find a therapist or coach to offer personalized strategies and help you work through deeper issues. Joining support groups for mutual support and understanding can be beneficial as well.
Inner critic vs. inner coach
While the inner critic can hold you back, the inner coach can help you grow and succeed.
The inner coach serves as a positive voice, supporting growth and self-improvement. This voice is encouraging, emphasizes your strengths and potential, offers positive reinforcement, and motivates you during difficult times. It also provides constructive feedback and guidance, and encourages risk-taking to get closer to your goals and achievements. Viewing challenges as opportunities for growth, your inner coach instills belief in your capacity to improve and succeed and celebrates your achievements, too.
By shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion and support, you can create a more positive and empowering inner dialogue. This can lead to greater personal and professional success, improved relationships, and a healthier, happier life.
Building your inner coach and quieting your inner critic helps you in all aspects of your life.
It helps you overcome setbacks and, instead, view them as learning experiences.
It encourages you to build self-esteem and confidence so you can enjoy new challenges.
It helps to reduce anxiety and depression, which may lead to better overall mental health.
It helps you stay focused on your goals and motivates you to achieve them and reach your full potential.
4 techniques for strengthening the inner coach
By encouraging positive self-talk and building a supportive inner dialogue, you can enhance your confidence and achieve your goals.
1. Identify positive qualities
Recognize and build on your strengths. List your positive qualities, achievements, skills, and times when you felt proud of yourself. Regularly review this list to remind yourself of your capabilities and boost your self-esteem.
Keep a journal: Write down three things you did well each day to help reinforce positive self-reflection.
Seek feedback: Ask friends, family, or colleagues to share what they appreciate about you. This can provide a fresh perspective on your strengths.
2. Set realistic goals
Break large goals into smaller, manageable steps to make them less overwhelming. Celebrate each milestone—no matter how small—to help you track progress and stay motivated.
Be SMART: Set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals to ensure they’re realistic.
Reward yourself: Treat yourself when you reach a goal. Positive reinforcement for your efforts can encourage you to keep going.
💙 Take time to get clear on The ‘Why’ Behind Your Goals with Jay Shetty.
3. Engage in positive self-talk exercises
Practice daily affirmations and replace negative thoughts with positive ones to motivate you and build your self-worth.
Daily affirmations: Start each day with positive affirmations such as, "I am capable," "I am deserving of success," or "I can handle challenges." Repeat these regularly.
Reframe negative thoughts: When you notice yourself thinking negatively, pause and reframe the thought into something positive. For example, change "I can't do this" to "I will try my best and learn from this experience."
💙 Extend Self-Compassion toward yourself if the negative thoughts become overwhelming.
4. Seek role models and mentors
Draw inspiration from people who embody the qualities of an inner coach to provide valuable guidance and motivation.
Choose role models: Identify people you admire who display qualities you want to have. Learn about their journeys, challenges, and successes to inspire your own path.
Find a mentor: Seek out someone who can provide support and encouragement. A mentor can offer constructive feedback, help you set goals, and celebrate your achievements with you.
Inner critic FAQs
Can the inner critic ever be completely silenced?
It's tough to silence the inner critic completely, but through consistently practicing positive self-talk, mindfulness, and self-compassion, you can learn to manage the inner critic and reduce its influence. The goal should be to amplify your inner coach's supportive voice.
How can I help a friend or family member who struggles with a harsh inner critic?
Supporting someone with a harsh inner critic involves patience, understanding, and encouragement.
Listen actively: Allow them to express their feelings without judgment, as just having someone to talk to and listen can make a big difference.
Encourage self-compassion: Remind them to be kind to themselves. Share techniques like positive affirmations and reframing negative thoughts.
Offer perspective: Gently challenge their negative self-talk by pointing out their strengths and achievements.
Suggest professional help: Encourage them to seek support from a therapist or counselor if their inner critic is significantly impacting their mental health and daily life.
Be supportive: Offer your support and remind them they’re not alone. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and provide a safe space for them to grow.
Are there specific therapies that are particularly effective for managing the inner critic?
Several therapies can help manage the inner critic, so you can improve your mental health and wellbeing.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): Identifying and challenging negative thought patterns and beliefs can help you develop healthier thinking habits and coping strategies.
Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy: Combining mindfulness practices with cognitive therapy techniques can encourage you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This can help promote a more balanced, compassionate inner dialogue.
Acceptance and commitment therapy: Accepting your thoughts and feelings without trying to change them can encourage you to act in alignment with your values, which can help reduce the impact of the inner critic.
Self-compassion therapy: Focusing on treating yourself with kindness to replace self-criticism with self-support can lead to greater emotional resilience.
How long does it take to transform the inner critic into an inner coach?
The time it takes to transform the inner critic into an inner coach can vary depending on several factors.
The intensity of your inner critic
Your commitment to change
The strategies you use
Some people notice changes within a few weeks or months of consistent practice, but others find it can take longer. The key is to be patient and persistent. Regularly practicing self-compassion, positive self-talk, and mindfulness can lead to gradual—but significant—improvements over time.
Can the inner critic ever have a positive role in personal growth?
In some cases, the inner critic can play a positive role in personal growth. This critical voice often aims to protect us from failure or disappointment, but it must be balanced with positive self-talk and self-compassion. It’s important to listen to your inner critic’s concerns without letting it dominate your thoughts and emotions. When managed effectively, the inner critic can provide valuable insights and drive to achieve your goals.
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