Why Internal Family Systems therapy may change how you see yourself

Personal Growth

Sep 11

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Want to get to know yourself better? Internal Family Systems therapy could help. Learn what it is, how this "parts work" works, and 7 techniques to get started.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “More than one thing can be true at the same time,” — and odds are, you’ve felt it too. Maybe you had a fight with a friend, and you feel hurt by what was said to you, guilty about your retort, and relieved that everyone was finally honest about how they were feeling. Or maybe you stood up for yourself in a meeting, and while you’re slightly embarrassed about how you worded things, you’re also proud.

If you’ve ever felt torn between conflicting inner voices, Internal Family Systems therapy might make sense to you.

This approach sees those inner tensions as meaningful signals about how you’re really feeling. IFS therapy invites you to explore each of these parts, rather than battling or ignoring them.

Whether you’re managing emotional overwhelm, stuck in old patterns, or just looking for a more compassionate way to understand yourself, IFS therapy offers a grounded framework for making sense of what’s going on inside. Here’s what it is and what it might look like to try this approach for yourself.

What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy?

In the 1980s, systemic family therapist Dr. Richard Schwartz began to notice that his clients often described different parts of themselves—like an angry part, a scared part, or a part that avoids conflict—and that there were systemic patterns across all of them. He also observed that when these “parts” felt safe and were allowed to relax, greater healing could happen.

As a result, he developed IFS therapy, which treats each “voice” in your head as a protective part of a larger inner system. At the center of this IFS system is the “Self” — a calm and compassionate presence that leads with clarity and care.

The goal of IFS is to help each one of your parts feel seen and supported. It’s a respectful, nonjudgmental approach that’s as much about healing as it is about understanding yourself more deeply. Many people find this approach helpful, both in therapy and as a language for navigating their inner world with a little more kindness.

What are the potential benefits of IFS therapy?

One of the most powerful aspects of Internal Family Systems therapy is how validating it can feel. This approach reframes your thinking so that instead of asking, “Why am I like this?” you start asking, “What part of me is showing up, and why?” That simple shift can be a real opening for change.

IFS has been used to support everything from anxiety and depression to trauma, chronic stress, and relationship struggles. But it’s just as valuable for anyone wanting to understand themselves with more clarity and care.

When practicing IFS, people often report:

clearer emotional awareness
more self-compassion
less reactivity
deeper insight into stuck patterns
a stronger connection to their inner Self

Rather than getting rid of your parts, IFS can help them feel safe enough to shift. When that happens, your internal world starts to feel less like a battleground and more like a team. This approach is especially gentle for trauma, because it respects each part’s protective role — and moves at a pace they can tolerate. That said, deeper work is best done with a trained IFS therapist, and IFS might not be appropriate for people with psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia.

What are the roles of “parts” in IFS therapy (and why do they matter?)

In IFS therapy, “parts” are treated like internal characters shaped by life experiences, especially the painful or overwhelming ones. Each part reflects an emotional role you took on to protect yourself from things like harm, rejection, chaos, and disappointment.

IFS therapy groups parts into three main categories:

Managers: This type tries to stay in control to avoid pain, usually through perfectionism, people-pleasing, and criticism.
Exiles: This kind holds deep emotional wounds like shame, fear, and grief. They’re also usually pushed aside to avoid overwhelm.
Firefighters: This group reacts impulsively to soothe distress. They emotionally shut down, overwork, binge, and distract.

Often, these parts are at odds with one another, but each is genuinely trying to help in its own way. For example, a part that looks lazy might be protecting you from failure, and a mean inner critic might be trying to keep you safe from judgment.

When parts feel heard and supported by the Self, they begin to trust that they don’t have to keep running the show. The goal isn’t to eliminate them — it’s to build a relationship so they feel safe enough to soften and shift.

How to practice Internal Family Systems: 7 techniques to get started

If your parts carry intense trauma, grief, or distress, it’s safest and most effective to discuss them with a trained IFS therapist. But if not, many people find that simply learning the language of parts, and bringing it into everyday life, can be healing in itself. Here are a few ways to get started with IFS therapy.

1. Use IFS therapy language in everyday self-reflection

Begin replacing all-or-nothing self-talk with the phrase “A part of me…” This tiny shift creates distance between you and the emotion and signals that it’s just one part of your larger internal system.

Instead of, “I’m a failure,” you might say, “A part of me feels like a failure right now.” Similarly, a good substitute for “I don’t want to go” is, “There’s part of me that feels resistant.”

2. Practice noticing your parts in the moment

Whenever you feel a strong emotional reaction like irritation, anxiety, or people-pleasing, pause and check in with yourself. See what naturally comes up — without judgment.

You might ask yourself:

What part of me is activated right now?
What does it feel like in my body?
What is this part trying to do for me?

3. Write a dialogue between two parts

If you feel torn about a decision, grab a notebook and dig into both parts. This can provide helpful insight as to how you’re currently feeling.

Here’s an example of a conversation you could have:

The Responsible Part: “We need to go to the gym. You always skip it when things get stressful.”
The Exhausted Part: “I’m exhausted. Can we rest, just this once?”

4. Create a “parts map” of your inner system

If you’re more visual, sketch out your internal cast of characters. Mapping your system can help make your internal world feel more tangible and less chaotic. It also helps you notice which parts tend to dominate, and which parts rarely get airtime.

You might draw circles with names like “Inner Critic,” “The Caretaker,” or “The Rebel,” or create mood boards or collages to represent each part.

5. Spend time with a single part

Choose a part that’s active for you right now. Maybe it’s the one that always overcommits, the one that numbs out with food or TV binges, or the one that carries a lot of fear. Respond to it from your curious, calm, and compassionate Self.

Set aside a few minutes and ask yourself:

What does this part want me to know?
What is it afraid might happen if it stopped doing its job?
How old does this part feel?

6. Use somatic cues to identify and work with parts

IFS therapy is about exploring how parts live in your body, so it’s helpful to see how certain parts show up physically. When you tune into your body, you can better understand what part is online.

Some ways it can show up are:

Your inner critic might tighten your jaw.
A vulnerable part might bring tears to your eyes.
A protective part might create a wall of numbness.

7. Ground yourself in Self energy before engaging with parts

According to IFS, Self is a presence we all have inside us that’s calm, clear, curious, and connected, no matter what’s going on. When you lead with Self, you feel more present and less reactive. Figure out if you’re there by asking yourself:

Am I feeling curious about this part or judgmental?
Is there fear here or compassion?
Do I want to fix this part or get to know it?

To help get back to Self, try some grounding techniques like taking a few deep breaths or placing your feet on the floor.

Internal family systems FAQs

What are the parts in Internal Family Systems?

In IFS, parts are distinct sub-personalities within your mind. They each have their own thoughts, emotions, memories, and motivations. You might know them as familiar internal voices.

These parts typically develop in response to stress or pain and are there to keep you safe. It’s also common for these systems to clash with each other, but each part is just trying to help.

Should IFS therapy be done with a therapist?

IFS therapy should be done with a therapist, especially when you’re dealing with trauma, emotional pain, or overwhelming inner conflict. A trained IFS therapist can guide you through complex territory safely and help you build trust with parts that may be deeply protective or afraid. Having a therapist’s support during this process makes it possible to go deeper without retraumatizing or becoming emotionally flooded.

If cost or access is a barrier, look into group therapy, low-fee clinics, or therapists-in-training who offer sliding-scale rates.

How is Internal Family Systems therapy different from other therapies?

IFS therapy is different from other therapies in that you’re not focused on a diagnosis. Instead, it encourages you to get to know the parts of you that hold pain, avoid conflict, and sabotage relationships. It shows you that these aren’t problems to fix, but rather, protectors with a backstory.

This approach is distinct from more top-down therapies, like cognitive-behavioral therapy, where the focus is typically on changing thoughts and behaviors. In IFS therapy, the goal is healing from the inside out. It focuses on understanding your system, not forcing it into compliance.

What is “Self” in Internal Family Systems therapy?

Self is the grounded inner presence that exists beneath all your parts. It’s curious, connected, and compassionate. When you’re in Self, you’re able to witness your thoughts and emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

According to IFS, we all have access to Self, even when it feels distant. The work is about helping your parts trust Self enough to step back and let that steadier inner guide take the lead.

Is Internal Family Systems therapy good for trauma?

IFS therapy is especially well-suited for trauma because it focuses on gently building relationships with the parts of you that were impacted by a distressing event, forcing you to relive them. In addition, the protective parts of you are never forced to let go of their roles. Instead, they’re honored and invited into dialogue.

Over time, the parts that hold trauma and vulnerability, known as Exiles, can be unburdened. This means they can release the pain they’ve been carrying. This slow, respectful process can be profoundly healing when guided by a skilled therapist.

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Calm Editorial Team