How to support yourself or a loved one after a stillbirth
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Coping with stillbirth is deeply personal. Here are gentle ways to process grief, find support, and care for yourself or someone you love while emotionally healing.
When someone experiences a stillbirth, it can feel like time stands still. In an instant, all the dreams and plans for a future with your baby are replaced by an absence that’s difficult to comprehend.
A stillbirth—the loss of a baby at or after 20 weeks of pregnancy—is not just the loss of a child, but also the loss of future milestones, celebrations, and the life you imagined together. The grief that follows can be profound and deeply personal, shifting between anger, sadness, confusion, and numbness.
For many, this pain can also be isolating. Others may struggle to fully grasp its depth, and even those who want to help may not know how, leaving grieving parents to navigate their sorrow alone.
There’s no one way to cope with stillbirth, as each person’s experience of grief is unique. Even so, here’s some gentle guidance for navigating the unimaginable, whether you’re living through it yourself or supporting someone you love.
What is a stillbirth?
A stillbirth is a pregnancy loss that occurs at or after 20 weeks gestation. This is different from a miscarriage, which occurs earlier. In the United States, about 1 in 175 pregnancies ends in stillbirth, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
Stillbirth can happen for many reasons, including placenta issues, infections, and other pregnancy complications, but in many cases, no clear cause is ever found.
Why stillbirth grief can feel so overwhelming
Grief after a stillbirth carries layers of pain that can feel different from other kinds of loss. At the center of it all is the ache of missing a baby who was deeply wanted and loved. The absence is real, immediate, and overwhelming.
Beyond this, stillbirth grief often feels overwhelming because of:
The loss of a future: Parents not only mourn their baby, but also the birthdays, milestones, and lifetime of experiences they had already imagined sharing together.
Conflicting emotions: Alongside sorrow, many parents carry guilt, anger, or confusion. Even when there’s nothing they could have done to prevent the loss, painful “what ifs” can linger.
Relationship strain: Partners may grieve in different ways. One might need to talk things out while the other retreats into silence. These differences can create tension at a time when support feels critical.
Social silence: In many circles, stillbirth is a taboo topic. Friends and family may avoid the subject out of discomfort, leaving parents feeling isolated.
Acknowledging the magnitude of stillbirth grief is essential. It validates that the pain is real, that the baby mattered, and that the love carried forward will always remain.
How to cope with grief after a stillbirth: 8 tips for emotional healing
There is no one way to grieve after a stillbirth. What helps one person may not help another, and even within a family, coping can look very different. These approaches are not meant to “fix” the pain—because grief isn’t something to fix—but they can offer ways to care for yourself as you navigate life after loss.
1. Allow your feelings without judgment
Grief rarely follows a straight line. You might feel deep sadness one day, numbness the next, or even moments of calm or relief, especially if pregnancy complications caused fear and worry before the loss. These shifts are natural.
Give yourself permission to cry when you need to.
If anger surfaces, release it in safe ways: Write in a journal, scream into a pillow, or move your body through exercise.
Remind yourself that there’s no right way to grieve, and feeling differently from your partner or family does not mean you loved your baby less.
💙 Explore Calm’s series on Grieving from grief researcher and counselor Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, PhD, including a session on Catastrophic Loss.
2. Honor your baby’s memory in meaningful ways
Many parents find healing in creating rituals that keep their baby’s presence alive.
You might plant a tree, light a candle on significant dates, or create a memory box with snapshots, ultrasound photos, hospital bracelets, or handwritten letters.
Some parents choose to donate to a charity in their baby’s name, write their story, or wear a piece of jewelry as a daily reminder.
3. Seek professional grief support
While family and friends may mean well, they might not fully understand the depth of your loss. Professional support can offer a safe space to process your feelings.
Therapists specializing in perinatal or infant loss can guide you through the intense emotions that surface.
Grief support groups (in person or online) connect you with others who have lived through similar losses, reminding you that you are not alone.
If leaving the house feels overwhelming, many counselors offer telehealth sessions so you can connect from home.
4. Lean on your support system
Even if it feels easier to retreat, letting others care for you can make a huge difference.
When someone asks, “What can I do?” consider suggesting something specific: a grocery run, childcare for siblings, or company during a quiet evening.
Identify one or two trusted people who can check in regularly and be there for you.
If your circle feels small, support groups and loss organizations can serve as an extended community.
5. Care for your body with gentleness
Grief can manifest physically. You might struggle with sleep, experience appetite changes, or feel especially exhausted.
Focus on the basics: small, nourishing meals, drinking water, and rest where you can find it.
If movement feels right, gentle walks or stretching can help release tension.
Be kind to yourself: Your body carried a baby and endured a significant loss. Healing physically and emotionally takes time.
6. Create space for your partner’s grief (and your own)
Partners may grieve in different ways. One may need to talk and share their memories and the other may prefer silence or distraction.
Try to check in gently with each other: “What feels hardest today?” or “What helps you feel supported right now?”
If communication feels strained, couples counseling can offer a safe container to navigate differences.
Remember, grieving differently does not mean grieving less.
7. Mark time in ways that feel healing
Certain dates—like due dates, birthdays, or anniversaries—can trigger intense grief. Planning for them can soften the impact.
Some families choose to gather with loved ones on those days, while others prefer quiet rituals at home.
Writing letters to your baby, visiting a meaningful place, or making a small donation in their honor can transform those dates into a time of remembrance.
💙 Caring for Your Grief, a series on the Calm app from Lama Rod Owens, can be a support during this unimaginable time.
8. Allow grief to take the time it needs
Grief after a stillbirth can stay with you forever. It may soften, shift, or feel less overwhelming, but the love you carry for your baby will always remain.
Healing can take time, and you’ll likely experience both progress and setbacks.
Be patient with yourself if milestones feel hard.
Remind yourself that moving forward does not mean you’re leaving your baby behind. You’re carrying their memory with you into the future.
How to support a loved one after a stillbirth
Supporting someone after a stillbirth is less about saying the perfect thing and more about being steady, compassionate, and present. You can’t erase the grief, but you can help soften its impact.
Acknowledge their loss and their baby
Above all, recognize their loss and use their baby’s name if they share it. You may feel uncomfortable, but avoiding the topic can make them feel more isolated.
Also, steer clear of minimizing phrases like “at least you can try again.” They’re grieving this baby — that’s what matters right now.
Offer practical help that lightens daily life
Grief is exhausting, and daily tasks can feel overwhelming. Be specific in your offers: “I’ll bring dinner on Thursday,” or “I can pick up groceries tomorrow — what do you need?”
Household chores, childcare, rides to appointments, and meal prep are all acts of love. Practical help gives grieving parents space to focus on rest and healing.
Check in without adding pressure
A stillbirth can leave parents feeling emotionally drained, making social interaction feel overwhelming. Send low-pressure messages like “Thinking of you — no need to reply.”
Ask before calling or visiting, and don’t push if they say no. If you do visit, keep it short unless they ask you to stay longer. Gentle, consistent check-ins show care without demanding energy they don’t have.
Listen more than you speak
Sometimes what grieving parents need most is someone to hold space. Let them talk about their baby, share memories, or sit in silence. If you’re not sure what to say, be honest: “I don’t have the right words, but I care about you so much and I’m so sorry.”
Avoid rushing them to “move on” or comparing their grief to your own. Your willingness to witness their pain is more powerful than any advice you could offer.
Honor their baby’s memory in ways they choose
Parents often want to remember their baby. Offer to join in small rituals — lighting a candle, creating a memory box, or planting something in the baby’s honor.
As time passes, remember important dates like due dates or birthdays, and acknowledge them. Long-term support matters just as much as the immediate comfort you give.
Be mindful of sensitive situations
For grieving parents, events involving babies—pregnancy announcements, showers, birthdays—can be painful reminders of their loss. Give them space to decline invitations without explanation.
If you’re sharing your own news, send a gentle heads-up by text message so they can process it privately. Respect their boundaries — they’re not rejecting you, they’re protecting themselves.
Encourage support gently, and notice when more help is needed
While you can’t take away the grief, you can help connect them with extra support. Ask if they’d like information on counseling or grief groups, and offer to help with the first step if it feels overwhelming.
If you notice ongoing despair, difficulty with daily functioning, or talk of self-harm, encourage professional help and stay present until they’re connected to safety. Your role isn’t to fix anything, but instead, to notice what they’re going through and be there.
Stillbirth FAQs
What helps most when coping with grief after a stillbirth?
Grief looks different for every parent, but what tends to help is a combination of gentle self-care, creating space to honor your baby, and leaning into support from loved ones, a counselor, or a support group. Some parents find meaning in rituals like lighting a candle, journaling, or keeping a memory box, while others find comfort in quiet connection with friends or time outdoors.
The most important thing is to move at your own pace and allow your grief to be as big or as quiet as it needs to be.
How do I support my partner after a stillbirth if we grieve differently?
It’s very common for partners to experience grief in different ways. One person might need to talk often about the baby, while the other may process their grief quietly. This doesn’t mean one parent cares more than the other — they just have different coping styles.
Try to be open about what feels helpful and what doesn’t, and allow space for both approaches to exist side by side. If it feels hard to connect, couples counseling can provide a safe space to process the loss together and support one another more effectively.
Are there stillbirth grief support groups I can join?
Yes. Many parents find comfort in connecting with others who have walked this path, and support groups—whether online or in person—can provide that sense of shared understanding.
Hospitals and local community organizations often host groups for parents who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. National organizations like Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support and MISS Foundation also offer both virtual and local resources.
Some groups even focus on specific experiences, such as support for fathers, grandparents, or parents facing stillbirth after infertility, so no matter what you need, you’re likely to find a space that makes sense for you.
How long does stillbirth grief usually last?
Grief after a stillbirth doesn’t follow a set timeline. For some parents, the most intense pain begins to soften after a few months, while for others it lingers heavily for years. No matter what, grief isn’t something you “get over” — it’s something you learn to carry, and it changes shape over time.
There may be setbacks when anniversaries or milestones approach, but that doesn’t mean healing isn’t happening. Be patient with yourself, and seek support whenever you need it.
What's the difference between a stillborn and a stillbirth?
“Stillbirth” is the term used for the event of losing a baby during pregnancy at or after 20 weeks. A “stillborn baby” refers to a child who is born after passing away in the womb.
Both terms can feel clinical, but for many parents, naming what happened helps others understand the depth of the loss. Using your baby’s name or the language that feels right for you is also a way to affirm their place in your life and family.
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