How to cope with strong emotions: 9 tips to deal with big feels
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
We talk a lot about children’s big feelings, but the truth is, adults get them, too.
These strong emotions can make themselves known in surprising places, like when you panic over missing a Zoom meeting or when your child throws a tantrum and you want to do the same.
Big feelings can make you feel out of control, but really, they’re just proof that your emotional circuitry is working properly. Being an adult doesn’t mean that you need to shove your emotions down and be “fine” all the time. You’re allowed to feel it all.
Still, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by your strong emotions, there are ways to cope. Here’s what you need to know about big feelings so that you can navigate them more effectively.
What are big feelings?
If you’ve heard the phrase “big feelings” before, it’s most likely because you’re a parent or your parents said it to you. More often than not, this phrase tends to be one of those go-to terms we use to help kids understand what’s going on when their emotions feel too huge to handle.
But it applies to adults too — even if we’d like to pretend that it doesn’t.
Big feelings or strong emotions are usually the ones that show up and take over. Think: the irritation that hits when you can’t find your keys, the rage that spikes when someone cuts you off, and the tenderness you feel while watching your child sleep.
If you’re feeling strong emotions, try to remind yourself that you’re not broken. You’re just alive, responsive, and paying attention.
9 ways to cope with strong emotions (when you’ve got all the feels)
When you’re in the thick of big feelings, everything can—understandably—feel like the end of the world. If this is how you’re feeling right now, there are some gentle ways that you can cope. Here are nine practical strategies that can help you move through your big feelings.
1. Name it to tame it
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a beat and ask yourself what you’re feeling in this exact moment. Is it anger? Shame? Sadness? Guilt? All of the above?
Naming your emotions can help dial down a little of the intensity. Try saying it out loud or writing it down: “I’m not ‘losing it,’ I’m overwhelmed and tired.” This can help create some space between you and the chaos.
(Here are six more tips to build your emotional resilience.)
2. Breathe like it matters
Big feelings can hijack your body and make your breath shallow and rapid. When you start to feel overwhelmed, try to slow your breath to tell your body that you’re safe.
Box breathing—inhaling for four, holding for four, exhaling for four, and holding for four—can help. You could also just try one deep and deliberate breath. If you want to explore more, check out these 10 other breathing exercises.
3. Do a “weather report” check-in
If you’re not sure what’s going on emotionally, aim to think of your internal state like the weather. You could say, “I’m feeling foggy and distracted,” or “There’s a low-key storm rage-front building.”
This playful check-in can help you better understand how you’re feeling and remember that your emotions are temporary, just like the weather.
💙 Listen to the Accept Your Negative Emotions session with Jay Shetty if you’re having a hard time coming to terms with how you’re feeling.
4. Try grounding techniques
We tend to leave our bodies when our emotions get big, but grounding can help bring you back to the present.
Here are a couple of grounding techniques you could try:
5–4–3–2–1 senses: Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
Feel your feet: Press your feet into the floor and notice how it feels. Maybe even wiggle your toes.
Hold something cold: A chilled drink, frozen peas, or a cool spoon can help snap your nervous system back into the current moment.
💙 Listen to this meditation on Grounding with Tamara Levitt to help you feel a little more present.
5. Move your body
Strong emotions can sometimes be caused by pent-up energy. To help your feelings pass, consider shaking your hands, stretching your arms, stomping your feet, or walking around the block.
If you’re feeling angry, consider pressing your palms against a wall as hard as you can for five seconds and then releasing it. This can help you let go of some of your tension.
6. Practice the S.T.O.P. method
When you feel like you’re about to snap or say something that you’ll regret in the group chat, try practicing the S.T.O.P. method:
S: Stop whatever you’re doing.
T: Take a breath.
O: Observe your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations.
P: Proceed with intention.
7. Let it out safely
Sometimes, what you need most is to release the tension in a safe way. After all, bottling up your feelings can lead to a huge blow-up later.
Here are some ways you could safely let it out:
Ugly cry in the car or the shower.
Scream into a pillow.
Journal it.
Voice-memo rant to yourself, and then delete it.
8. Talk to someone who won’t fix you
Reach out to a loved one who will support you without trying to offer unsolicited advice..
Human connection can be one of the most powerful regulators of emotion, and sometimes, all you need is a witness and a soft place to land.
9. Remind yourself that this is just a wave
Big feelings can feel permanent, but they’re not. Emotions rise, peak, and pass just like waves. You don’t have to surf them perfectly. All you have to do is stay afloat long enough to let the wave move through.
Try telling yourself: “This is just a moment. I’ve felt this before. It passed. This will too.”
Strong emotions FAQs
Do adults get big feelings, too?
Adults definitely get big feelings, but many people have been led to believe that being “grown up” means keeping it together at all times. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Big feelings don’t expire at age 18. If anything, adulthood introduces more of them, including grief, burnout, complex joy, quiet loneliness, and wild love.
Why do strong emotions feel so intense?
Strong emotions feel intense because your nervous system is trying to protect you. Your brain’s always scanning for danger, and it can’t always tell the difference between an actual crisis and a perceived one. As a result, your nervous system reacts accordingly with a surge of hormones, tight muscles, and shallow breathing.
Lack of sleep, caffeine jitters, and unresolved feelings can also add to the intensity.
Are strong emotions the same as anxiety?
Strong emotions and anxiety are not the same thing, but they can be interconnected. Strong emotions include a wide range of feelings like grief, anger, joy, and shame. On the other hand, anxiety is an emotional alarm bell that’s rooted in fear or worry about the future.
Still, many people feel anxiety when they’re also experiencing a strong emotion.
Is it okay to feel angry or sad without knowing why?
Of course it’s okay to feel angry or sad without knowing why. Sometimes, you’re going to wake up feeling off for no reason. This doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t real or valid. It just means that your brain and body are processing something beneath the surface.
You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel, even if you can’t immediately explain it. Emotions don’t need a permission slip. Sometimes, “I just feel this way” is the truest thing you can say, and that’s enough.
What are some quick ways to calm down when emotions feel overwhelming?
When your emotions feel overwhelming, and you want to calm down, start small. Here are a few accessible options to try:
Go outside. Even just standing on your sidewalk or staring at a tree counts.
Hold something cold like an ice pack, a chilled spoon, or a soda can.
Breathe slowly while counting down from 10.
Text a loved one just to say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed.” You can elaborate or just keep it simple.
Take a break to do nothing: no scrolling, no fixing, just existing.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
