Mom Mood: GUILTY
See also: not feeling good enough, panicking about letting everyone down, feeling like a failure
There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re failing your family. Maybe you’re upset that a work obligation conflicts with an event at your kid’s school, or you’re bummed that you just don’t have it in you to make Instagram-worthy lunches your best friend makes for her children. Or maybe you just feel spread too thin, and you worry that you’re letting everyone around you down.
This type of guilt can be overwhelming, and it can have a real impact on your self-esteem — and overall wellbeing. Who among us hasn’t stayed up too late just to make more progress on their (never-ending) to-do list? Who hasn’t blown off plans with friends because there was “just too much to do”?
We get it. We do. But we’re here to tell you something you already know: You deserve to be cared for, too. Even if you only have a minute or two to focus on yourself today, take it. No guilt. No second-guessing. Not only will you feel lighter and happier, but you’ll have more space to care for your kids.
💜 KNOW THIS
“When we say ‘yes’ to everyone else, the person we’re saying “no” to is ourselves. Over time, that can lead to burnout and resentment. Instead, set boundaries for things you will not do and turn it into a personal policy to avoid guilt.
“And remember, every time you say ‘no’ to something that drains you, you’re creating an opportunity to say ‘yes’ to something that fuels you. This isn’t just good for you, but for your family, too.”
— Jennifer Wallace (Parenting Researcher, Journalist & Bestselling Author)
💜 TRY THIS
Step 1: Notice when you feel guilt arise, and what story it’s telling you.
Step 2: Challenge that guilt. Are you actually a terrible parent for giving your kids cereal for dinner, or were they excited to mix it up?
Step 3: Reframe guilty-talk. Instead of “I’m letting everyone down,” try saying, “I’m doing what I can, and that’s enough.”
💜 LISTEN TO THIS
This free session with Yuliya Patsay offers a gentle practice for working through “mom guilt” with self-compassion so you can let go of perfection and ease self-criticism.
*Challenging “Mom Guilt” was originally created for Calm Health as part of the Support for Mothers & Caregivers program, in collaboration with psychologist Dr. Juli Fraga. Calm Health is an evidence-based mental health app for payers, providers and employers; this exclusive content has been made available to you to celebrate and support all moms. Please note this content isn’t available in the Calm app.
For more support, download Calm to listen to the additional two sessions below.
A collection of sessions to strengthen your relationship with yourself through trust, insight, and compassion.
Simple tools to support your mental and emotional wellbeing as you navigate the whirlwind of parenting.
💜 READ THIS
Is mom guilt weighing you down? These 7 tips can help you deal
Mom guilt happens to almost every mother. Learn what causes it, why it’s totally normal, and how you can release the pressure to be "perfect" and find more balance.
How to stop feeling guilty all the time (and deal with it in a healthy way)
Learn about the effects of guilt on your life and how to stop feeling guilty all the time. Plus, when guilt turns into a complex and how to deal.
How "default parents" can set boundaries and avoid burnout
The default parent is everyone’s go-to for just about everything. Explore why this role often falls to women and 5 tips to help your family find some much needed balance.
"Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good": 7 tips for perfectionists
Learn where "perfect is the enemy of good" originated and why perfectionism can keep you from attaining your goals. Plus, how to be more fluid about perfectionism.
Feeling guilty for sleeping? Here's why you deserve rest
If a creeping sense of shame has ever caused you to stay up late or wake up early to get stuff done, we get it. Explore why we feel guilty for sleeping and 10 tips to cope.
Other Mom Moods
A mindful note on the focus on “moms”
Not Calm Moms focuses on maternal mental health because moms disproportionately carry the mental load—but that doesn’t mean we’re leaving others out.
While this initiative is designed for moms, Calm offers a range of resources that support all caregivers. Partners, co-parents, and support systems play a critical role, and we encourage everyone to be part of the conversation. And when we use the term "mom," we're addressing anyone who identifies as a mom.
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