Welcome to the Not Calm Moms Club

Because moms are not calm. 

We’re light on sleep, heavy on mental load. We feel pressure to be everything to everyone, and no matter how much we do, it feels like it’s never good enough. Our days can feel messy and chaotic, and even if we’re at our breaking point, we’re expected to just keep going.

At Calm, we get everything moms do because many of us are also (not calm) moms. And we know the most powerful anchor for our mental health is connection, validation, and… other moms.  

That’s why we’ve created the Not Calm Moms Club: a place for all of us to be seen, find support, and feel less alone.

No one here is expecting you to be the perfect mom. We know you love your kids, and also that you have days when you want to cry in the shower, scream into a pillow, or just take a really, really long nap — and we don’t judge you for any of it. Mostly because we’re right there in the quicksand flailing around with you.

This is a place for it all. The good, the bad, the ugly, the raw, the real… the very un-calm parts of your motherhood journey can exist here. 

Because moms don’t need to calm down, we need each other. 

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Free Stuff

Because being a mom can drain your mind and your wallet.

The Not Calm Moms Cheat Sheet

The Not Calm Moms Cheat Sheet is your easy-access, no-nonsense, one-page guide to navigating (almost all of) the messiest moments motherhood can throw at you.

Save it, print it, make it your phone background — whatever you need to do to keep it close. So next time you feel a meltdown coming on (yours or your kid’s) you’ll be ready.

Sign-up below to access

Every day of your motherhood journey will look and feel different, and that’s totally normal. There will be moments when you feel like you're crushing the mom-game and others when you're wondering how you're supposed to get through the afternoon. The highs are indescribable and the lows, well, they are too.

We know this can be a lot, but here’s the truth: You're allowed to be more than one thing at one time, and you're allowed to feel the full range of emotions. And yes, you're even (very much) allowed to miss your pre-kid life too sometimes.

Whether you’re stressed out of your mind or so tired you can’t think straight, we’ve put together quick and easy resources to help you walk through whatever you’re feeling. With hot tips, clinical advice, and targeted practices, this mom mood menu is life support for those sticky moments. 

Which messy Mom Mood are you experiencing today?

Use the menu below to get support for any of the messy moods you may be feeling.

Feeling good today? Savor every moment — and come back anytime you need a bit more Calm in your life. We’ll be here… covered in peanut butter and trying to find two minutes of quiet in the bathroom right along with you. 

Thinking of becoming a mom or conceiving again?

PreMA (Preconception Medical Assessment) is a simple check-in to help anyone considering conceiving understand how their current health might impact a future pregnancy.

Because when you do decide to get pregnant, you’ll want your health and wellbeing to be as optimal as possible. 

The quick, 8-question quiz is all about your health, your goals, and your future. Best of all, you don’t have to be in a clinic or exam room to take charge of your health.

You can take the quiz anytime, anywhere — whether you're at the laundromat, the grocery store, or scrolling on your phone during a lunch break. 

A mindful note on the focus on “moms” 

Not Calm Moms focuses on maternal mental health because moms disproportionately carry the mental load—but that doesn’t mean we’re leaving others out. 

While this initiative is designed for moms, Calm offers a range of resources that support all caregivers. Partners, co-parents, and support systems play a critical role, and we encourage everyone to be part of the conversation. And when we use the term "mom," we're addressing anyone who identifies as a mom.

Mom Mood: OVERWHELMED

See also: about to lose it, ready to scream, drowning

Ever have one of those days where you can’t seem to focus on anything because, well, [gestures widely]? Maybe you’re just frozen in place because there’s too much to do?

Motherhood’s a lot, and “balancing it all” is—let’s be honest here—sort of impossible. Between managing the mental load, feeding your family, and attempting to stay connected to your friends, partner, and self, it’s no wonder moms feel like they’re drowning.

We want to help. 

Sadly, we can’t force your kid’s school to dial back the number of spirit days or reduce the number of meetings on your calendar, but on this page we can give you a few tools to help you find (semi-)quiet moments amid the chaos.

💜 KNOW THIS 

“If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re probably trying to do too much all at once. But you don’t have to do it all. Instead, write down your list. Look for the one thing that needs your attention right now and start there. The rest can wait.” — Dr. Diana E. Ramos, California Surgeon General

💜 TRY THIS

Make a list of three things you *actually* have to do today and focus on those. The rest can wait till tomorrow.

💜 LISTEN TO THIS

Relief from Overwhelm with Jeff Warren

Simple tools to support your mental and emotional well-being as you navigate the whirlwind of parenting.

💜 READ THIS

Why moms these days are so stressed (and how they can cope)

It's no secret that moms are more stressed than ever, and it's taking a toll on their mental and physical health. Explore 9 tips to help moms cope with all that stress. 

READ MORE

• How to relieve stress quickly (in 10 minutes or less)

• Is invisible labor the reason you're stressed? 7 tips for relief

• Are you a millennial mom in a midlife crisis? Here’s 10 tips to cope

• Why moms these days are so stressed (and how they can cope)

Mom Mood: ANXIOUS

See also: spiraling, hijacked by worry gremlins

If your anxiety is spiraling out of control right now and need an assist, you’re in the right place. 

First, put your feet on the ground, and take a deep breath. Seriously.

Good. Now take another one. 

Anxiety is awful, and when you're a parent, there's no shortage of things to worry about. But the worst part? Not only are you battling the what-ifs and racing thoughts, but also, you’re spiraling while trying to be present for your children.

It’s too much. We get it. Here’s the secret though: You are not your anxiety, and it doesn’t have to rule your day. Try to imagine your anxiety as a little monkey who likes to follow you around. He might ride with you to school pick-up, but you’re driving the car. You’ve got this.

And if you need a little extra support (and who doesn’t?) here are some resources that can help.

If you feel anxious more often than not, though, check yourself. It’s okay to seek support if you need it. Help from a partner, family, friend, or medical professional is there when you’re ready. 

💜 KNOW THIS 

“Anxiety often comes from feeling like things are out of control, but you have more power than you think. Start by identifying what’s really making you anxious. Is it the endless to-do list? A tough moment with your child? Work pressures creeping into your home life? Write it down. Sometimes just seeing it on paper makes it feel more manageable.  

“Next, let yourself release the tension. A good cry. A nap. A shower. All of these can work wonders. Sometimes, small resets help more than we realize.” — Dr. Diana Ramos

💜 TRY THIS

Take five minutes to burn off some steam. You can do anything that works for you, from screaming in your car to shaking out your hands. The goal is to get rid of that extra energy so you can feel more centered.

💜 LISTEN TO THIS

It's Time to Worry with Yuliya Patsay

Whether you’re a mom or the “default parent,” raising toddlers or teens, this program is for you. It provides practical tools and insights to help you ride the waves and savor the wins of parenting.

*”It’s Time to Worry” was originally created for Calm Health as part of the Support for Mothers & Caregivers program, in collaboration with psychologist Dr. Juli Fraga. Calm Health is an evidence-based mental health app for payers, providers and employers; this exclusive content has been made available to you to celebrate and support all moms. Please note this content isn’t available in the Calm app.

Keep these in your back pocket:

💜 READ THIS

Yes, motherhood anxiety is totally normal. Here's how to cope

Are you a nervous mom? You're not alone. Motherhood is hard and anxiety often comes with the territory. Explore the symptoms, causes, and 10 tips to help you cope.

READ MORE

• Why is anxiety more common in women? Plus, 8 tips to cope

• Yes, separation anxiety happens to moms too. These 7 tips can help

• 10 symptoms of anxiety (and how to mindfully treat them)

• 18 grounding techniques to help relieve anxiety

Mom Mood: EXHAUSTED

See also: sleep deprived, beyond burnt out, surviving on caffeine

Did you realize it was possible to be this tired? If you’re already on your second or third cup of coffee today, we see you. You might be physically exhausted from sleep deprivation, or you might be mentally exhausted trying to juggle it all. Or maybe it’s a little bit of both.

No matter what you’re going through, the exhaustion that comes with motherhood is relentless. Making matters worse, it also can amplify all your other moods: Anxiety can feel more intense, stress is harder to manage, and a low mood can turn into an overwhelming depression. 

So, what can you do? How can you find moments of rest throughout the day and get better sleep at night? 

We can help. No, we can’t ensure your child sleeps through the night, but we can give you a few simple strategies to get you back to feeling like yourself again.

💜 KNOW THIS 

“Parenting is exhausting. From the sleepless nights of newborns to the endless worries of teenagers, every stage comes with its own kind of fatigue.

“But, if you’re feeling completely drained all the time, it’s important to check in with yourself. Are you getting any real sleep? Are you struggling to get through basic daily tasks? Sometimes, exhaustion is more than just being tired, it could be a sign of something deeper, like a thyroid issue, anemia, or even postpartum depression. 

“If your exhaustion feels overwhelming and isn’t improving, reach out to a doctor or someone you trust for support. The weight of parenting feels lighter when you don’t carry it alone.”

— Dr. Diana Ramos

💜 TRY THIS

Focus on resting when you can. Even a 5-minute nap or simply lying down with your eyes closed can give you a game-changing reset. 

💜 LISTEN TO THIS

Self-Care: A Booster Against Burn-out with Yuliya Patsay

Whether you’re a mom or the “default parent,” raising toddlers or teens, this program is for you. It provides practical tools and insights to help you ride the waves and savor the wins of parenting.

*Self-Care: A Booster Against Burn-out”” was originally created for Calm Health as part of the Support for Mothers & Caregivers program, in collaboration with psychologist Dr. Juli Fraga. Calm Health is an evidence-based mental health app for payers, providers and employers; this exclusive content has been made available to you to celebrate and support all moms. Please note this content isn’t available in the Calm app.

Keep these in your back pocket:

💜 READ THIS

How to deal with new parent sleep deprivation: 10 tips to cope

Newborns might be adorable, but being up all night is so not cute. Explore 10 tips for new parents dealing with sleep deprivation to get the rest they need.

READ MORE

• How to get more deep sleep? Try these 8 sleep tips

• How to not be tired all the time: 10 ways to fix fatigue, fast

• Mentally exhausted? Here's 10 ways to overcome mental fatigue

• 5 tips every (exhausted) mom needs to get better sleep

Mom Mood: LONELY

See also: feeling isolated, missing real connection, grieving the old me

In your former life, your schedule (and your brain) were your own. Now? Not so much. Instead of spending your time doing the things you love with the people you care about, your days might revolve around getting your baby to nap so you can finally load the dishwasher — or schlepping your kid from one event to the next. 

Whether you're currently wishing you had more support, feeling trapped or bored by your current circumstances, or just mourning the loss of your social life as you knew it, we know that motherhood can be pretty lonely.

But the thing is, you’re not alone. No matter where you are in your motherhood journey, there are ways to find connection and support — because we guarantee, there are millions of moms out there feeling exactly the same way as you.

💜 KNOW THIS

“Friends are like oxygen. We need at least one or two good friends who we can open up to, hear us when we’re struggling, and help remind us that we deserve support when we need it. This is backed by research which shows that social support can help us better manage our body’s threat response and calm us.

“But meaningful connection doesn’t require hours of together time and effort. It requires intentional time and consistency. Pick one friend and make plans to see them once a week. Talk specifically about the challenges you’re both facing. A two-way communication street will make your connection thrive.” — Jennifer Wallace

💜 TRY THIS

Leave a voice note for a friend you trust so they can listen and respond when they have a moment. It’s lower stakes than arranging an in-person get-together and there’s less pressure for you both to find time to chat. 

💜 LISTEN TO THIS

Sturdy Adults Need Sturdy Adults with Jennifer Wallace

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Keep these in your back pocket:

💜 READ THIS

Having mom friends can be a lifesaver. Here's how to make them

Real talk: being a new mom is tough, but having other mom friends can help you feel less alone. Explore 8 tips to help you build your community and why it’s so important.

READ MORE

• Why loneliness is so common in motherhood (and how to cope)

• How to deal with loneliness: 7 tips to help you overcome it

• How to make & keep friends as an adult: 10 ways to connect

• Why joining a mom group may be the mental health boost you need

Join our r/NotCalmMoms Reddit channel

We can tell you that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling—and we mean it—but there's something powerful about connecting with people who really get it.

That’s why we’re launching r/NotCalmMoms, a no-filter subreddit where moms can support each other through life’s ups and downs. Whether you need to vent, gush, or just hear from moms who have been where you are, this is a space for you.

But that’s not all. We’re rolling out expert-led Ask Me Anything (AMA) sessions for your most pressing questions and weekly themes to spark real, honest conversations.

It’s unfiltered, judgment-free and just for moms like you. Who knew the calmest place on the internet could be an anonymous comment thread?

Mom Mood: LOW

See also: missing my freedom, teary for no reason, crying when the baby cries

Everyone gets into a funk sometimes. If you’re crying more often or feeling more sensitive, go easy on yourself. Motherhood is hard, and sometimes, you need to sob in the shower (or watch Pride & Prejudice with a mountain of snacks).  

Acknowledging that there will be times when you’re feeling sad or even depressed doesn’t make you a bad mom. We know you’re grateful for all that you have. While you’re a superhero for keeping your family on track, you’re also just a regular person — and you’re allowed to have feelings.

So let’s explore them. We may not be able to change your current reality, but we can give you some information and perspectives that can help you feel seen, heard, and maybe even a tiniest bit better. 

And remember, asking for help is not a weakness, it’s a strength. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a family member, or a professional, reaching out for support can make all the difference.

💜 KNOW THIS 

“Feeling low can happen for many reasons, and identifying what’s really going on can be the first step to feeling better. Lack of sleep, stress, hormones, or just the sheer mental load of being a parent can impact you. When you feel low, think about what’s contributing to this feeling. Maybe you are exhausted, overwhelmed, or stressed. 

“If your low mood lingers or feels too heavy to shake, don’t ignore it. Your wellbeing matters just as much as your child’s. Take care of yourself the way you would take care of someone you love.”

— Dr. Diana Ramos

💜 TRY THIS

Take a few minutes to address the cause of your low mood. If you’re tired, close your eyes, even if it’s just for a few moments. If you’re anxious, give yourself five minutes to write out your worries, and then put them away. If you’re lonely, text a friend. Taking small steps can help improve your mood in big ways. 

💜 LISTEN TO THIS

Learn to Savor the Good Times with Yuliya Patsay

Whether you’re a mom or the “default parent,” raising toddlers or teens, this program is for you. It provides practical tools and insights to help you ride the waves and savor the wins of parenting.

*Learn to Savor the Good Times was originally created for Calm Health as part of the Support for Mothers & Caregivers program, in collaboration with psychologist Dr. Juli Fraga. Calm Health is an evidence-based mental health app for payers, providers and employers; this exclusive content has been made available to you to celebrate and support all moms. Please note this content isn’t available in the Calm app.

Keep these in your back pocket:

💜 READ THIS

10 ways to support yourself when you're feeling hopeless

What causes hopelessness and how can you overcome it? Learn how to support yourself when you're feeling hopeless about the future with our 10 actionable tips.

READ MORE

• 10 self-care tips for postpartum depression

• How to stop feeling sad: 7 tips to boost your mood

• Dealing with depression: 12 tips to help you cope

• How to deal with emotional pain: 8 ways to support yourself

Mom Mood: ENRAGED

See also: full of rage, boiling over with silent screams, resentful

Let’s start with the obvious: You love your kids. We know you love your kids. But if you find yourself about to snap because you're entering hour two of the bedtime "routine," you stepped on yet another Lego they didn't pick up, or your kids are engaging in any of the other infuriating things kids do… you're not alone.

No matter how patient you are, everyone has their breaking point — and kids are great at pushing you to it. If you just lost it with your family (or you’re about to), we see you, we’ve been there too, and you don’t need to feel embarrassed. You’re not a bad mom because you blew up over spilled juice. Everyone has their own version of this. 

And while we’re all for deep breathing and meditation to calm down, we also know that sometimes you just need to let it all out.

💜 KNOW THIS

“Sometimes anger is a response to deeper emotions that need attention. Maybe you’re exhausted, frustrated, or overwhelmed. You’re not a bad mom for feeling this way.

“When you feel rage rise, pause. Take a deep breath. Step away. Ask yourself what you’re feeling underneath the anger. Once you’ve cooled the anger, try tackling the underlying need.

“Parenthood is hard, and it’s okay to have moments where you need to reset. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.” — Dr. Diana Ramos

💜 TRY THIS

A little creativity can turn almost anything into an outlet for your anger.  The key is to blow off steam in a low-key way, such as screaming in your car, punching a pillow, or pushing all your weight against a wall. Then do a quick reset. Take a few breaths or do a grounding exercise before you go back to your kids.

💜 LISTEN TO THIS

Defusing "Mom Rage" with Yuliya Patsay

Whether you’re a mom or the “default parent,” raising toddlers or teens, this program is for you. It provides practical tools and insights to help you ride the waves and savor the wins of parenting.

*Defusing “Mom Rage” was originally created for Calm Health as part of the Support for Mothers & Caregivers program, in collaboration with psychologist Dr. Juli Fraga. Calm Health is an evidence-based mental health app for payers, providers and employers; this exclusive content has been made available to you to celebrate and support all moms. Please note this content isn’t available in the Calm app.

Keep these in your back pocket:

💜 READ THIS

11 ways to deal with mom rage without the shame spiral

Struggling with mom rage doesn’t make you a bad parent. Learn what it is and get 11 tips to help you deal, including gentle ways to reconnect with your kids after you yell.

READ MORE

• Yes, postpartum rage is real. Here’s how to cope

• How to deal with frustration: 6 ways to cope with the stress

• How to calm anger quickly: 13 anger management steps

• How to *actually* feel your feelings: a guide to processing your emotions

Rage with us this Mother’s Day

This May, moms rage free. On Mother’s Day, skip the brunch, grab a mom friend, and let it go, together. 

Calm is offering a limited number of free rage room bookings across the U.S. for our Not Calm Moms throughout the month of May. Book a free session and smash some sh*t. Because sometimes, the best release isn’t a deep breath, it’s breaking stuff with moms who get it. 

And don’t worry, your child’s adorable macaroni art project (and related mess) will still be waiting for you when you get home. 
Reserve your spot here. We have free experiences available in NYC, LA, Minneapolis, Nashville, Miami, Denver, Seattle, and Houston.

The importance of clean anger

You may have grown up thinking anger was “bad” — but it’s not.

Like all emotions, anger is just information. It shows up to alert you if something’s off or when someone crosses a boundary, but you do need to harness it in a safe way.

Healthy anger starts with owning the feeling (and not letting it own you). Pause. Breathe. Figure out what’s bothering you, and focus on solving the problem, not attacking the person who made a mistake.

After a while, you’ll find that anger loses its edge when it’s honest and respectful. Why? Well, not all fire is destructive — some of it lights the way.

How to release mom rage safely in 3 satisfying steps

Everyone needs a release now and then — and when deep breaths aren’t cutting it, a little creativity can turn almost anything into an outlet. Here’s your three-step plan to feeling better fast.

Step 1: Cue up our Not Calm Moms Rage Room Playlist

Step 2: Choose your own rage adventure

The key is to blow off steam in a low-key way that doesn’t send your children into a panic. Here are a few easy ways to let the pressure out.

• Punch the daylights out of your pillows

• Scream it out in your car (extra vibes at a drive-thru car wash)

• Take a hammer to a bag of ice (in a safe location with eye protection on)

• Push all your weight against a wall 

• Hit your favorite resistance training machine at the gym (or just go for a run around the block)

• Dig up a garden bed with a hoe and really put your weight into it

• Throw ice cubes into your bathtub or against your shower wall 

• Write out all your frustrations on paper and then rip them up 

• Whack the dirt and dust out of your rugs with a broom

Step 3: Reset and resume your day

Once you’re feeling raged-out, do a quick reset. You might consider taking a few deep breaths, doing a grounding exercise, or maybe even a body scan. No matter what you choose, taking a moment to regroup can make all the difference in how you show up for family — and yourself.

Mom Mood: GUILTY

See also: not feeling good enough, panicking about letting everyone down, feeling like a failure

There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re failing your family. Maybe you’re upset that a work obligation conflicts with an event at your kid’s school, or you’re bummed that you just don’t have it in you to make Instagram-worthy lunches your best friend makes for her children. Or maybe you just feel spread too thin, and you worry that you’re letting everyone around you down.

This type of guilt can be overwhelming, and it can have a real impact on your self-esteem — and overall wellbeing. Who among us hasn’t stayed up too late just to make more progress on their (neverending) to-do list? Who hasn’t blown off plans with friends because there was “just too much to do”?

We get it. We do. But we’re here to tell you something you already know: You deserve to be cared for too. Even if you only have a minute or two to focus on yourself today, take it. No guilt. No second-guessing. Not only will you feel lighter and happier, but you’ll have more space to care for your kids too.

💜 KNOW THIS

“When we say “yes” to everyone else, the person we’re saying “no” to is ourselves. Over time, that can lead to burnout and resentment. Instead, set boundaries for things you will not do and turn it into a personal policy to avoid guilt. 

“And remember, every time you say “no” to something that drains you, you’re creating an opportunity to say “yes” to something that fuels you. This isn’t just good for you, but for your family, too.” — Jennifer Wallace

💜 TRY THIS

Step 1: Notice when you feel guilt arise the guilt you feel. 

Step 2: Challenge that guilt. Are you actually a terrible parent for giving your kids cereal for dinner — or were they excited to mix it up? 

Step 3: Reframe guilty-talk. Instead of “I’m letting everyone down,” try saying, “I’m doing what I can, and that’s enough.”

💜 LISTEN TO THIS

Challenging “Mom Guilt” with Yuliya Patsay

Whether you’re a mom or the “default parent,” raising toddlers or teens, this program is for you. It provides practical tools and insights to help you ride the waves and savor the wins of parenting.

*Challenging “Mom Guilt” was originally created for Calm Health as part of the Support for Mothers & Caregivers program, in collaboration with psychologist Dr. Juli Fraga. Calm Health is an evidence-based mental health app for payers, providers and employers; this exclusive content has been made available to you to celebrate and support all moms. Please note this content isn’t available in the Calm app.

Keep these in your back pocket:

💜 READ THIS

Is mom guilt weighing you down? These 7 tips can help you deal

Mom guilt happens to almost every mother. Learn what causes it, why it’s totally normal, and how you can release the pressure to be "perfect" and find more balance. 

READ MORE

• How to stop feeling guilty all the time (and deal with it in a healthy way)

• How "default parents" can set boundaries and avoid burnout

• "Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good": 7 tips for perfectionists

• Feeling guilty for sleeping? Here's why you deserve rest

Mom Mood: UNSURE

Not sure how you’re feeling? Don’t worry! When you’re having all the feels, it can be tough to pinpoint exactly how you’re feeling. We’ve got you. Explore this collection of content.