Caught in an awkward conversation? Here's how to change the subject
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
When you need a quick escape from an uncomfortable conversation, these 11 tips will help you change the subject without guilt, pressure, or overwhelm.
One thing most people experience from time to time is getting stuck in a conversation that is painful, awkward, or uncomfortable. Maybe you’ve been caught in the crossfire at a family gathering with your nosey aunt who insists on poking and prodding for details about your dating life. Or perhaps you’re stuck in a conversation with an overbearing colleague about your job, your body, or something they definitely have no business discussing with you. Perhaps you freeze. Maybe your heart rate increases. You may even fake a polite laugh while your blood boils.
The truth is that you don’t owe anyone answers or details you aren’t comfortable giving. But in moments like these, it can be hard to stand up for yourself and gracefully steer the conversation literally anywhere else.
Let’s explore ways to change the subject without burning a bridge when you feel trapped in conversation that isn’t sitting right with you. Learn how to do it without guilt, when to do it, and what to say to switch gears confidently and with compassion.
Why you might want to change the subject in a conversation
There’s a common myth that once a conversation starts, you have to see it through, as though politeness means pushing past discomfort, nodding along while your stomach knots. No thanks! The reality is that not every topic is up for discussion — and you get to decide where that line is and say no when it feels right.
Changing the subject doesn’t mean you’re being secretive or rude. It means you’re setting a boundary. And there are plenty of legitimate, non-negotiable reasons to do exactly that. Here are a few:
You feel emotionally activated or overwhelmed: Some topics hit a nerve. Maybe you’ve been through something painful, or maybe it’s just not the right time to talk about it. You don’t need to explain why. Not wanting to talk about something is reason enough not to talk about it.
The question is too personal: People love to ask things they wouldn’t want to be asked themselves. Sometimes questions like, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “When are you having kids?” and even “What do you do all day?” are just downright unacceptable. And you have every right to steer the conversation in another direction or end the conversation entirely.
The conversation has taken an inappropriate turn: Sometimes small talk veers into politics, money, or gossip territory, and you may not have signed up for that. If something feels off or misaligned with your values, changing the subject is a powerful way to reclaim the space.
You’re just over it: You don’t need a crisis or a backstory to want to shift gears. Feeling tired, mentally checked out, or simply uninterested is reason enough to end it. Conversation is a two-way street, so if it’s not working for you, it’s okay to turn the corner.
Related read: How to end a conversation politely? Try these 5 mindful tips
How to change the subject: 11 tips and phrases to politely shift the convo
There’s a real art to changing the subject of a conversation that’s gone south, especially when you’re doing it because you feel uncomfortable and not just bored. You want to be kind, clear, and confident in your approach.
Here are some thoughtful ways to navigate that shift, along with language that can help you move things along with care.
1. Start with validation before redirecting
Sometimes all it takes is a quick moment of recognition of what’s being said before you steer the chat in another direction. This transition acknowledges the other person’s interest without inviting a follow-up question, which will hopefully end the chatter around that topic. Think of it as a conversational pivot with added empathy.
Here’s an example:
“That’s such an interesting point, and I can see why it’s on your mind. By the way, have you heard about…?”
2. Redirect with curiosity
The redirect is a classic re-route for navigating conversations, and it helps to lead with curiosity. Try asking a question that shifts the focus onto something else entirely. Ideally, it’d be something the other person will enjoy talking about. This tactic can be especially helpful in social or networking settings where you’re trying to keep things light and connection-focused.
Here are some examples:
“I totally hear you on that. By the way, how’s that garden project of yours coming along?”
“We can come back to this topic later, but I’ve actually been meaning to ask you about your trip last month.”
3. Use humor as a buffer
Humor is a great way to defuse tension or gently call out an uncomfortable moment without putting anyone on the defensive. Humor can also be a way to signal a boundary without being defensive or hurting anyone’s feelings in the process. Plus, it’s a great way to spark some lighthearted small talk.
Try these examples:
“Whew, that’s a deep topic! My brain might not be fully online for this one.”
“I’ll need at least two more tacos before I’m emotionally equipped to answer that.”
Related read: Can laughter help your mental health? 10 benefits to know about
4. Be direct, but be kind
Sometimes the most respectful thing you can do is say what you mean, but keep it warm and be as clear as possible to prevent misunderstandings. Being direct and honest may feel uncomfortable at first, but it builds trust in the long run. People can’t respect a boundary you never name.
Try these examples:
“I appreciate your curiosity, but I’d rather not talk about that today.”
“That’s a bit personal for me. Let’s talk about something else.”
💙 Strengthen your Kind Communication skills to improve how you speak to people with help from Tamara Levitt.
5. Blame the moment, not the person
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, placing blame on the moment you’re sharing with another person is a strategy that lets you shift the conversation without making anyone feel bad. This is especially useful to use with people you care about and those you want to protect your energy with and preserve the relationship.
Try these examples:
“I’ve had kind of a long day. Do you mind if we talk about something a little lighter?”
“My brain is honestly mush right now. Can we switch gears to something else?”
Related read: What to do when you feel overwhelmed: 12 ways to find relief
6. Use environmental or external cues to make a shift
If you’re coming up short on ways to change the subject, try pointing to what’s happening around you as a natural way to change direction. This keeps the conversation moving without needing a full reset. Try talking about the great weather or the energy of the crowd you’re around.
Try these examples:
“Wow, this music is taking me back! Do you remember that concert we went to?”
“Your entree looks amazing. Remind me again what you ordered? Have you had it before?”
7. Leverage shared plans or logistics
When in doubt, pivot to a practical topic. These transitions feel natural and are rarely thought of as an out from an earlier topic at hand.
Try these examples:
“Anyway, are we still meeting our friends at 7pm for the movie?”
“That reminds me, I meant to ask if you’re free for my birthday dinner next weekend?”
8. Ask a neutral but engaging question
If you’re feeling stuck in a conversation that feels lousy, it’s okay to default to universally safe territory like discussing books, shows, travel, food, or pets. Everyone has opinions to share about the latest episode of the viral TV show or why their rescue dog is better than any other pet in the world.
Try these examples:
“Switching gears here: What have you been watching lately? Anything I should add to my list?”
“Okay, and now for a serious question: What’s the most elite pizza topping combination?”
Read more: How to start a conversation: 8 tips for meaningful interactions
9. Prepare a few go-to escape hatches
If there’s a known topic that comes up often with a certain person or group of people, and you always want to avoid it, it may help to have a few conversation detours in your back pocket. Having some phrases on deck gives you a consistent way to hold your boundary without overexplaining yourself.
Try these examples:
“That’s a story for another day.”
“I’m still figuring that out myself, to be honest. Anyway, how’s work going?”
“I’ve talked about that so much lately, so I’d love to focus on something different today.”
10. Use silence or a pause to reset
You don’t always have to fill the silence, no matter how much it may be nagging at you. A thoughtful pause, a sip of your drink, or even a small shift in body language (like crossing your leg or folding your arms) can open the door to a new topic. If you must say something, you can simply say, “Well, anyway,” and see where the conversation goes from there.
💙 Take a page from Professor Megan Reitz’ book and learn to Pause to Breathe when you need to.
11. Exit gracefully if needed
When all else fails and the conversation is still treading in murky water, it’s okay to remove yourself from the moment altogether. Sometimes, the kindest act you can do for yourself is step away from the space and the people around you to reset.
Try these examples:
“I’m going to grab some fresh air. I’ll be back in a bit.”
“I need to head out for an appointment, but it was great catching up with you!”
Related read: How to fix a broken relationship: 10 steps to mindfully rebuild
Change the subject FAQs
What are polite ways to change the subject of a conversation?
Polite subject changes often sound like light redirections, thoughtful questions, or gentle acknowledgments followed by a shift. You might say something like, “That’s a big topic. Could we circle back another time,” or “I hear you, but I’m actually curious if you’ve seen the new tv show?”
The tone matters just as much as the words. Keep it warm, brief, and kind. Most people will take the cue and follow your lead. You’re not shutting them down — you’re just guiding the conversation in a direction that feels better for you.
Is it rude to change the subject in a conversation?
Not at all. In fact, recognizing when something doesn’t feel right for you and responding with care is one of the most respectful things you can do for yourself and the other person. Rudeness usually comes from tone, not content.
As long as you’re not dismissive or abrupt, changing the subject can actually help preserve the connection. You’re signaling that the relationship matters enough to you that you want the conversation to stay safe and sustainable.
How do I steer a conversation away from an uncomfortable subject?
The key is to move gently but intentionally. You can acknowledge the moment by saying something like, “I think that’s a really valid conversation, but I’m not in the right headspace for it right now.”
Or you can simply redirect with curiosity, humor, or logistics. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes. And you don’t have to justify your discomfort to make the shift valid.
What should I say if someone brings up something too personal?
It’s completely okay to say something like, “That’s a little too personal for me,” or “I’d rather not talk about that right now.” If you want to soften it, you can follow up with a redirect like, “But I’m happy to catch up on something else.”
The goal isn’t to explain why the question is too much — it’s just to hold your boundary calmly and clearly. If the person pushes back, that’s a reflection of them, not you. You are allowed to withhold information, even in close relationships.
What’s a good example of changing the subject?
When someone asks, “So, any updates on the job search?” and you’re not in the mood to unpack your anxiety spiral, you could say, “Still a work in progress. Honestly, though, I’ve been more focused on trying to cook at home lately. Have you made anything good recently?” It acknowledges the question briefly, then pivots to something grounded, specific, and shareable.
The best redirections feel natural and leave space for connection, not just escape.
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