Are daddy issues really a thing? Here’s what you need to know
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Yep, daddy issues are a thing! Explore what causes these issues, the symptoms and potential treatment options, and how to help a partner with daddy issues.
“Daddy issues” is a phrase that’s tossed around a lot in pop culture—you may have even dropped it in a joke or two after a bad date or breakup—but in reality it’s so much more than a punchline.
Obviously it’s a colloquial term, but it describes a complex and deeply rooted emotional struggle that many people have as a result of a complicated relationship with their father or father figure.
When someone’s dad is absent, neglectful, or overly critical, they may struggle to develop healthy relationships as adults, particularly with romantic partners. They might be needy or distrustful — and some might struggle with their self-esteem too.
So, what does having daddy issues really mean anyway? And, more importantly, can they be helped?
What’s the deal with daddy issues?
Daddy issues is a term used to describe patterns of behavior that can develop when someone’s relationship with their father wasn’t supportive or loving enough. This can leave emotional scars, especially if your father was overly critical, careless, inconsistent, abusive, or just straight up not there.
Most of the time, it’s a term applied to women, while “mommy issues,” which is similar, is applied to men. Both terms are imperfect, but, realistically, early childhood experiences with your parents or caregivers can affect how you see yourself, how you relate to others, and even how you experience love. For example, you may develop an insecure attachment style or constantly seek validation from others if one or more of your parents were absent and unattentive.
The good news is that you can find ways to heal that can help you move forward and build healthier relationships.
What causes daddy issues?
Daddy issues often stem from early childhood experiences, as fathers can be some of the most influential figures in a person’s early life. When someone’s father or father figure doesn’t provide the love, security, and support they need to thrive, it can lead to emotional struggles that carry into adulthood.
An absent or neglectful father: If a father was physically or emotionally absent, the child might struggle with feelings of abandonment or unworthiness.
An emotionally distant or critical father: A father who was present but emotionally unavailable or overly critical can leave a child feeling unloved or never “good enough.”
Inconsistent parenting: When a father’s behavior is unpredictable or inconsistent, it can lead to confusion and impact a child’s emotional development.
Abusive behavior: Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse by a father can cause deep psychological scars.
7 symptoms of daddy issues
Daddy issues can show up in many different ways. Most of them may be expected, but there are others that aren’t so obvious.
1. Insecurity in relationships
Daddy issues can be a real pain when it comes to feeling secure in your relationships. You may constantly worry about your partner breaking up with you or leaving the relationship, leading to clinginess or a need for reassurance. Feeling insecure? Check out these 10 tips for overcoming insecurity.
2. Attraction to older partners
While everyone has personal preferences about dating someone older or younger than them, seeking fatherly approval through older partners can become problematic if the relationship is based on fulfilling unmet childhood needs. If someone with daddy issues finds themselves only attracted to much older men, it could be a sign of a bigger issue.
3. Fear of abandonment
No one wants to be left by someone they love, but if you find you are hyper-aware of potential rejection, you could find yourself sabotaging relationships just to remain in control. Sadly, this behavior is often a sign of daddy issues. Eager to not be worrying all the time? Explore these eight tips for overcoming an anxiety cycle.
4. Low self-esteem
It’s natural to have moments of low self-esteem, but if these feelings persist it could be a warning sign. Feelings of inadequacy can all impact areas of life and could be a symptom of daddy issues.
5. Trust issues
No one is suggesting you should ignore your gut, but if you’re feeling like everyone you know is out to get you, it might be time to lean into some self-care. Difficulty believing others will keep promises or genuinely care can lead to isolation and can be a sign that there are some untreated daddy issues. Here are seven ways to overcome trust issues.
6. Difficulty with boundaries
Struggling to assert needs or say no can result in codependent relationships. If you find yourself always saying yes when you really should be saying no (at least some of the time) it could be a sign of work that needs to be done.
7. Unhealthy relationship patterns
There’s a school of thought that we’re attracted to what love looked like in our childhood homes. If you see yourself replaying unhealthy patterns in your relationships, and there’s a part of you hoping or believing you can change it this time, take stock of what else might be going on. You may be drawn to emotionally unavailable or abusive partners, mirroring your relationship with your father if you have daddy issues.
How to treat “daddy issues”: 7 tips to help you heal
While no one really wants to wake up, look in the mirror and think, “yep, I’ve got daddy issues,” it can be helpful to deal with potential emotional issues head on. Coping with your daddy issues might feel overwhelming at first, but small, intentional steps can help you work through these challenges to build healthier relationships and lead a more fulfilling life. Here are a few places to start.
1. Seek out help from therapists and mental health professionals
Therapy can give you a safe space to explore your feelings, understand the root causes of your emotional struggles, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Explore talk therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), or other methods, to find the kind of professional support you need.
2. Set aside time for self-care
Take care of your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing by setting aside time to participate in activities that make you feel good about yourself, like exercise, journaling, meditation, or spending time with people you love. Over time, this can help you build your self-worth and heal unresolved issues you may have carried from your past.
💙 Prioritize connecting with your mind and body to get clear on what you need with Prof. Megan Reitz’s Checking In With Yourself guided exercise.
3. Discover your needs and practice setting boundaries
If your father made you feel like you didn’t matter either by dismissing your needs, feelings, or being absent entirely, you may struggle with saying no, standing up for yourself, or being a people pleaser.
You can learn to set boundaries by identifying areas in your life where you feel overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or uncomfortable. Once you discover this, you can practice asserting your needs in a clear, respectful way. This can be as simple as saying no to an extra assignment when you don’t have the bandwidth, or asking for a hand when you need support. You can even practice setting boundaries with loved ones — including your dad.
💙 Follow Tamara Levitt as she guides you through a meditation on setting Boundaries, which can help you say no to what doesn’t align with your wellbeing.
4. Spend time in self-reflection to boost your self-awareness
Reflect on your past and how it might be influencing your current behaviors, especially when it comes to relationships. Are there certain situations that make you feel anxious, insecure, or defensive? Are you repeating patterns that mirror your relationship with your father, like being dismissive to romantic partners or potentially avoiding close connection?
Once you understand how your past has impacted your present, you can begin to change the way you respond to the world around you and make choices that better align with the future you wish to create.
💙 Discover how to see yourself more clearly with Jay Shetty’s True Reflections guided exercise.
5. Build trust over time by opening up to loved ones
Trusting others can feel risky, especially if you’ve been hurt before. Start by allowing yourself to be vulnerable in small ways that feel comfortable, such as sharing your feelings with a friend or partner you trust or being open about your needs and boundaries. This could be as small as inviting a pal over for dinner and asking if you can explore some thoughts you’ve been pondering about your relationship practices.
Trust can grow over time the more you see that others can be reliable and supportive. Go at your own pace.
💙 Take inspiration from this personal story by LeBron James on the practice of Building Trust within yourself and with others.
6. Focus on your strengths and the areas in life where you soar
Healing from having daddy issues isn’t easy. It’s common to focus on what’s wrong or what you’re struggling with and feel overwhelmed by it. But it’s just as important (if not more so) to recognize your strengths and progress.
Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they might seem. Whether it’s standing up for yourself to a rude coworker, making a positive change in your relationships like learning to become more vulnerable, or simply getting through a tough day while remaining level-headed and calm, these are all signs of growth and resilience. And you should be proud of yourself. If you need some help building up your confidence, explore these 13 self-esteem boosting tips.
💙 Recognize how far you’ve already come by celebrating your Achievements during this session from the Daily Calm.
7. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and uplifting
Build a support system of friends, family, or loved ones who can listen to you without judgment, offer advice when you need it, and help you stay focused on healing when they’re available to do so.
If you don’t have a strong support system, try joining a support group where you can connect with others who have similar experiences. You can find support groups through an internet search, a referral from a doctor, or even through word of mouth. If a support group feels intimidating, even joining a local book club, running club, or community outreach program can make you feel more connected to those around you.
💙 Practice being there for your friends (and letting them be there for you) with our Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Friendship guided meditations.
Have a partner with daddy issues? Here’s how to help
Supporting a partner with daddy issues can be challenging, as they may struggle with deep fears, insecurities, or trust issues. Your understanding, patience, and love can help them heal and build a healthier, stronger relationship with you, just remember that they need to do the work too. You can support them, but you can’t heal for them.
Be patient and understanding
Exercise patience with your partner as they work through their feelings. They may have moments where they feel insecure, anxious, or fearful, and this might present itself in ways that may be hard to deal with, like needing constant reassurance or getting upset easily.
Try to be understanding during these times and remember that their reactions often stem from past experiences, not from anything you’re doing wrong. Let them know you’re there for them and that you’re willing to give them the time and space they need to fully process their experiences.
Encourage open communication
Encourage your partner to talk openly about their feelings, fears, and insecurities. Sometimes, just being able to talk about their experiences and feelings can be healing.
Listen actively, acknowledge their feelings, and avoid dismissing or minimizing their emotions to help them feel supported and understood. A little empathy can go a long way. Here are five ways to become a better listener.
Avoid triggering behaviors
Certain actions or words might trigger your partner’s fears or insecurities. Being emotionally distant, canceling plans last minute, or making critical comments can unintentionally trigger their fears of abandonment or not being good enough, so try to be mindful of those when you can.
Have an open conversation about what upsets them, and do your best to prevent unnecessary conflict. This can help your partner feel more secure. If you feel, however, like you’re always walking on eggshells, it’s important to share and discuss this.
Support their healing journey
Simply being there for your partner while they’re trying to heal from their past can be the support they need. If you feel it’s appropriate to go above and beyond with your support—and if you feel you have the energy to—you can help them find a therapist or suggest books that might help them.
Build trust together
Be consistent, reliable, and honest with your partner. Keep your promises, be transparent about your intentions, and show through your actions that you’re someone they can count on.
Encourage your partner to express their needs and boundaries, and make sure to respect them. As trust grows, your partner can begin to feel more secure and less anxious in the relationship.
Be mindful of boundaries
People with daddy issues might struggle with setting or respecting boundaries, either because they didn’t have healthy boundaries modeled for them, because they fear rejection, or because they struggle with people-pleasing. Discuss boundaries openly and ensure you both feel comfortable and respected. This can help prevent misunderstandings or feelings of being overwhelmed. If boundaries are hard for you as well, here are nine tips for setting healthy boundaries.
Offer reassurance, but don’t overdo it
Your partner may need more reassurance than others, and that’s okay. However, it’s important to find a balance between offering too little and going overboard with it. Give your partner reassurance when they need it, but also encourage them to build their own sense of self-worth and security without becoming overly dependent on your validation.
Educate yourself about daddy issues
Understanding what your partner is going through can help you be more empathetic and supportive. Learn about the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships, and try to see things from your partner’s perspective. This doesn’t mean you need to become an expert—that’s not your role to fill—but having a basic understanding of what your partner is experiencing can help you handle whatever may come your way.
Daddy issues FAQs
Can daddy issues affect both men and women?
Daddy issues can affect anyone, regardless of their sex and gender. While the term “daddy issues” is often associated with women, men may experience it too.
For both men and women, growing up with a father who was absent, neglectful, or abusive can lead to challenges in how they view themselves and how they relate to others. The same rings true for those who grew up without a mother figure. That’s referred to as “mommy issues.”
What are the long-term effects of unresolved daddy issues?
Unresolved daddy issues can have long-term effects on relationships and mental health. These issues may lead to persistent difficulties in forming healthy connections, causing a cycle of disappointment.
You might repeatedly have unhealthy relationships, or you may struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or chronic stress. However, with the right support and effort, you can heal and build a healthier, happier life.
How can childhood experiences with a father figure impact adult relationships?
The relationship you had with your father as a child may influence how you approach relationships as an adult.
If your father was loving, supportive, and reliable, you’re more likely to develop a secure attachment style, which means you’ll generally feel confident and trusting in your relationships.
However, if your father was neglectful, inconsistent, or overly critical, you may struggle to form and maintain relationships later in life.
Can someone have both mommy issues and daddy issues?
It’s entirely possible to have emotional issues stemming from relationships with both parents. If both your mother and father were absent, neglectful, or abusive in different ways, you might find you’re dealing with a combination of issues that make it even more challenging to navigate relationships, self-esteem, and your overall sense of security.
How can I communicate effectively with my partner about their daddy issues?
Communicating with a partner who has daddy issues requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to listen without judgment.
Approach conversations with an open mind, letting your partner know you’re there to support them. Make sure they know that they can share their experiences without fear of being judged.
Focus on being an active listener. Try to understand how they’re feeling and ask gentle, open-ended questions to encourage them to express their feelings.
Respect their boundaries if they’re not ready to talk about certain aspects of their past, and reassure them that you’re committed to helping them.
Be patient, as building trust and security takes time. Consider seeking help, such as couples therapy, if needed.
If your partner’s issues don’t improve and it’s impacting your mental health severely, it’s always okay to un-partner from the relationship respectfully. Your needs matter too!
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