Explanation vs excuse: understanding the difference
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Understand the difference between an explanation vs an excuse and why people make excuses. Plus, how to take accountability for your responses with 9 tips.
Sometimes, we need to explain our actions or decisions — especially when things have gone wrong. If you’re running late for a meeting, you might tell your boss that you hit traffic or were stuck on the phone with a client. Or if you forget a friend’s birthday, you might say that you’ve been overwhelmed by your responsibilities and the date slipped your mind.
But what we think of as an explanation might actually be seen by others as an excuse — and that difference of perception can cause issues in relationships. Communicating effectively and taking responsibility for our actions is the key to reframing an excuse into an explanation.
What’s the difference between an excuse and an explanation?
While both excuses and explanations involve giving reasons for our actions, they can be very different, and can be received differently by others.
Here are the key differences
Intent: The intention of an explanation is to clarify and provide context, while an excuse aims to avoid blame.
Responsibility: Explanations involve accepting responsibility, whereas excuses aim to deflect it.
Tone: Explanations are usually factual and straightforward. Excuses often have a defensive, accusatory, or evasive tone.
Outcome: Explanations build trust and understanding because they show honesty and accountability. Excuses can damage trust and credibility, as they often appear irresponsible.
Example of an explanation
An explanation provides context and reasons for why something happened, helping others understand the situation better. It’s grounded in facts and responsibility, and doesn’t try to shift the blame or avoid consequences. An explanation shows you acknowledge your part in the situation. For example:
"I missed the deadline because I underestimated the time needed for research. I should have started earlier, and I apologize. I’ve already put in extra hours to catch up and will complete it by tomorrow."
This explanation provides context, acknowledges the mistake, and offers a solution.
Example of an excuse
An excuse tries to deflect blame and avoid taking responsibility. It can come across as an attempt to avoid consequences. For example:
"I missed the deadline because the research took too long. The resources were harder to find than I expected and these things happen."
This excuse shifts the blame to external factors and doesn’t take responsibility for poor time management.
Why do people make excuses?
The reasons people make excuses can be as unique as the people themselves. For some, they make excuses because they worry that admitting mistakes will make them look bad. Excuses help them avoid this fear and protect their self-esteem by shifting the blame away from themselves. Admitting fault can make a person feel bad about themselves, so blaming something else makes them feel better.
Another reason people might make an excuse is to avoid responsibility and potential consequences. For example, someone might make excuses to avoid an argument. Admitting fault can lead to conflict, so for the conflict-averse, shifting the blame can seem like an easier way to keep the peace. Or, for people who fear negative feedback or others' judgment, making excuses can protect them from criticism. By blaming something else, they can avoid feeling rejected and keep their social standing.
High levels of stress and pressure can also lead to making excuses. When people feel overwhelmed, they might look for ways to explain why they couldn’t meet expectations. Excuses help reduce their immediate stress, even though they don’t solve the real problem.
And sometimes, making excuses just becomes a habit. If someone grows up in an environment where excuses are common, they might learn this behavior. Not everyone knows how to take responsibility for their actions, and learning to be accountable takes practice and a supportive environment.
8 benefits of owning your actions
While it can feel scary at first, embracing accountability can help you grow as a person and strengthen your relationships. It might even enhance your reputation. Here are some perks of owning your actions.
Owning your actions builds trust: When you show you’re reliable and honest by taking responsibility for your actions, others are more likely to trust you.
Holding yourself accountable encourages growth: Owning up to your actions means you can learn from them and develop better strategies for the future. This growth mindset helps you become more resilient and adaptable.
Honesty improves relationships: Taking responsibility for your mistakes can show you respect others and value their feelings. This can lead to stronger, more positive connections with those around you.
Taking ownership enhances self-esteem: Demonstrating integrity and accountability can lead to a more positive self-image and increased confidence.
Being accountable promotes a positive reputation: People respect those who are honest about their mistakes and who work hard to correct them. This can lead to more opportunities and stronger connections.
Being transparent encourages a positive environment: Setting a positive example for others can encourage a culture of accountability within your team or community, leading to a more supportive, productive environment.
Humility reduces conflict: When you acknowledge your mistakes and address issues head-on rather than avoiding them, you can prevent misunderstandings and resolve conflicts more quickly.
Practicing being accountable builds decision-making skills: When you learn from your mistakes, you gain valuable insights that can help you make better choices going forward.
How to reply with an explanation instead of an excuse: 9 tips for taking accountability
Learning to reply with a clear, honest, and accountable explanation rather than an excuse can help you build trust and maintain healthy relationships.
1. Admit fault when you’ve made a mistake
Clearly acknowledge what went wrong and your role in it. This shows you’re honest and willing to take responsibility.
You might say something like, "I missed the deadline because I underestimated the time required for the project. That was my mistake."
💙 If you’ve made a mistake, part of admitting fault is being open to what others may need to share. Check out our session on Listening if you need some practice.
2. Offer solutions to patch things up
Focus on how you can fix the problem or prevent it from happening again, to show you’re proactive and committed to learning from your mistakes and making better choices in the future..
You might try, "To make sure this doesn't happen again, I’ll create a more detailed project timeline and set regular checkpoints to track my progress."
3. Use mindful communication to clear the air
Be clear, honest, and factual in your explanation. Avoid emotional language that might sound defensive or like an excuse. Stick to the facts and explain the situation objectively.
You might explain, "I missed our meeting because my car broke down. I called a tow truck, but the delay caused me to be late."
💙 Having trouble communicating at work? Check out our Kind Communication session from our Mindfulness at Work series.
4. Stay calm and let your emotions settle
Be composed when explaining the situation. This shows you’re serious about taking responsibility rather than trying to avoid blame.
You could say, "I apologize for the oversight in the report. I’ll review my work more carefully in the future."
💙 If you’re feeling worked up about a mistake you made, take a moment to Breathe to Calm Down your mind and body with this short meditation.
5. Seek feedback if the person is open to giving it
Ask for feedback on how you can improve. This demonstrates that you value others' opinions and are willing to work on your shortcomings.
You might try, "Please let me know if you have ideas on how I can better manage my time for future projects."
6. Acknowledge others’ efforts in resolving misunderstandings
When explaining a situation, acknowledge the efforts of others involved. This shows you recognize the team’s work, and aren’t trying to shift blame.
You could start with, "The team worked hard on this project. My delay affected the final delivery, and I take full responsibility for that."
7. Practice self-reflection but don’t beat yourself up
Regularly reflect on your actions and decisions to understand how you can improve in the future. However, it’s important to remember you’re a human who will make mistakes. Don’t punish yourself for making an error, learn from it and move forward with self-love.
You might explain, "After reflecting on what happened, I realize I need to work on my time management skills to avoid similar issues."
💙 Self-love can be tough when you’re feeling ashamed or guilty. Our session on Self-Nurturing can help in those moments when you’re frustrated with yourself.
8. Set personal goals
Set specific goals to address areas where you’ve made mistakes and work toward them. Again it’s important to make sure you’re not weaponizing your personal growth to judge yourself too harshly. Stay open and curious but continue to practice self-love and self-care.
Try something like, "I’m setting a goal to be on the earlier train every day to ensure I’m not late again.”
💙 If self-love is feeling difficult, explore our Radical Self-Care series.
9. Communicate progress
Keep others informed about the steps you’re taking to correct your mistakes and improve. This transparency builds trust and shows you’re actively working on being more accountable.
You could start with, "I wanted to let you know that I’ve implemented a new time management system to help me stay on track with deadlines."
Explanation vs excuse FAQs
Why do people call explanations excuses?
People sometimes call explanations excuses because both provide reasons for why something happened. However, there are differences. An explanation offers context and takes responsibility, while an excuse tries to deflect blame. The line between them can blur if the explanation seems defensive or if it’s perceived as avoiding accountability. For instance, if someone frequently uses explanations that appear to shift blame or minimize their role, these might seem more like excuses.
How can I practice accountability in my daily life?
There are lots of ways to practice accountability in daily life. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it openly and honestly. For example, "I’m sorry for not meeting the deadline, I underestimated the effort required."
Focus on how to put the situation right or prevent it happening again. For instance, "I’ll stay late to finish the assignment, and plan better to ensure this doesn’t happen again."
Be transparent about your progress and challenges. Say "I’m struggling with this part of the project. Can we discuss it to find a better approach?"
Regularly reflect on your actions and learn from your mistakes. For instance, "I noticed my time management needs work. I’ll start using a planner to organize my day better."
Welcome constructive criticism and use it to improve. Try, "Thanks for catching that mistake. I’ll double-check my work next time."
What are effective ways to apologize without making excuses?
An effective apology acknowledges the mistake, expresses genuine regret, offers a way to make amends, and commits to doing better in future.
Acknowledge the mistake: "I’m sorry I missed the deadline."
Express regret: "I understand this has caused inconvenience to everyone else."
Offer a solution: "I’ll complete the work by the end of the day and keep you updated on the progress."
Commit to improvement: "Moving forward, I’ll start working on tasks earlier to ensure this doesn’t happen again, and let you know if other priorities are taking up my time."
Avoid deflecting blame or minimizing the issue: Try not to say, "I’m sorry if you were offended" or "I’m sorry, but I was really busy."
What's the difference between an excuse and a reason?
A reason explains why something happened without trying to dodge responsibility, it's an explanation rooted in reality. For example, "The report was delayed because the data was incomplete, and we needed accurate information to proceed."
An excuse, however, often tries to shift blame or avoid accountability. For example, "The report was delayed because the team didn’t get me the data on time, so it’s not my fault."
What is an empty apology?
An empty apology lacks sincerity and doesn’t fully take responsibility for the mistake. It often includes conditional language or shifts the blame to someone else. An empty apology might sound like, "I’m sorry if you were offended by what I said. It wasn’t my intention to upset you, but you were being oversensitive." This apology is empty because it doesn’t acknowledge the wrong behavior, and places some blame on the person you’re apologizing to.
A meaningful apology should be sincere, straightforward, and fully owned by the person giving it.
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