How to be a better friend: 7 tips to improve your relationships
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore the importance of being a good friend, and how to tell if you're not one. Plus, 7 tips to help you be a better friend and invest in your relationships.
One of the first things we teach children is the importance of being a good friend. We explain the value of sharing, expressing empathy, and using kind words. We encourage teamwork in extracurricular activities and at the playground. We even arrange playdates so that they can practice.
The reason is simple: You have to be a good friend to have good friends, and for most people, that’s important. Our friends provide us with support, joy, and a sense of belonging. They stand by us during tough times and celebrate with us during happy moments. These critical relationships emphasize the importance of trust, consideration, and open communication — and the bonds can last a lifetime.
But with all of the stresses of daily life, it’s easy to forget to prioritize your friendships. The good news is, a few simple strategies can help you strengthen those relationships in no time.
Why it’s important to be a good friend
Your friends can make good times better and the tough times more manageable. They can have a major impact on your wellbeing. In many ways, having good friends is the reason we can navigate and enjoy life even when it has its ups and downs.
Friendships boost happiness
Spending time with your friends can boost your mood and make you feel understood. Friends provide a support system, offering encouragement and understanding when you need it most.
Friends help reduce stress
Having someone to share your concerns with can lighten your emotional load, and knowing that you’re not alone can make stressful situations less overwhelming. Plus, friends can offer different perspectives and practical advice to help you solve your problems.
There are physical health benefits to having friends
Scientific studies have shown that strong social bonds are linked to improved health outcomes. People with good friends tend to have lower blood pressure, healthier immune systems, and longer lives. For example, a study published in the journal PLOS Medicine found that strong social relationships can increase your chances of living longer by 50%. Another study from Harvard University discovered that people with strong friendships are less likely to develop chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes.
Friends also boost your mental health
Good friends can help you feel important and valued, which can lead to higher self-esteem. In fact, a study in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that people with strong friendships have lower rates of depression and anxiety.
Friendships provide opportunities for growth
Friends can challenge you to think differently, try new things, and step out of your comfort zone. They can help you see your strengths and weaknesses, providing opportunities for self-improvement.
How to know if you’re not being a good friend
Sometimes, we might not realize how our actions are negatively affecting our friends. Being aware of common signs and behaviors that indicate we aren’t showing up as a good friend means you can start making some positive changes.
Inconsistent availability: If you frequently cancel plans or are unavailable when your friend needs you, it might be a sign that you’re not prioritizing the friendship. Everyone gets busy, but after a while, you risk making them feel undervalued or neglected.
Poor listening skills: Active listening is a key component of strong friendships. If you often interrupt, change the subject, or zone out during conversations, you may not be showing enough of an interest in what your friend is saying.
Being overly critical: Constructive criticism can be helpful, but if you find yourself frequently pointing out your friend's flaws or bashing their choices, stop. You might be hurting their feelings and damaging your relationship. Friends should feel supported and accepted, not judged.
Ways to reflect on the kind of friend you are
1. Keep a journal: Write about your interactions with friends. Note times when you felt you were not being a good friend. Reflect on why you acted that way and specific things you can change.
2. Seek feedback: Ask your friends for honest feedback about your behavior. Be open to their responses and willing to make changes.
3. Practice empathy: Try to see things from your friend's perspective. How would you feel if you were treated the way you treat them? Understanding their feelings can motivate you to improve.
4. Mindfulness meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your actions and their impact on others. Spend a few minutes each day meditating to increase your self-awareness and emotional regulation.
7 mindful tips to help you be a better friend
Being a good friend requires effort and commitment, but the rewards of having strong, supportive relationships are so worth it.
1. Practice active listening so your friend feels heard
When you’re with a friend, put away your phone and make an effort to concentrate on what they’re saying — these seven tips for mindful listening are a good place to start.
TL;DR: Don’t interrupt them or spend time thinking about what you’ll say. Instead, maintain eye contact, nod, and respond thoughtfully. Occasionally summarize what your friend has said to ensure you understand them. Encourage your friend to share more by asking open-ended questions. If you’re struggling to stay focused on them, try mindfulness practices to help you stay present during conversations.
💙 Practice the art of mindful Listening in your friendships during this session from the Relationships with Others series.
2. Show your appreciation so your friend feels seen
Regularly express gratitude for your friend’s presence in your life. Small gestures like appreciative texts, compliments, or notes acknowledging their help can go a long way.
💙 Unlock the transformative power of Gratitude to improve your relationships during this masterclass with Tamara Levitt.
3. Be reliable in order to build trust
If you say you will do something, make sure you can follow through. For example, if you make plans to meet for lunch, respect your friend’s time by arriving on time.
💙 Learn more about how to be a good friend by listening to the Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Friendship series — guided meditations meant to support friendships, no matter what is going on in your life.
4. Offer support during tough times
If a friend asks you for help finding a solution to a problem, you can offer your advice, but otherwise, just listening without judgment and offering a shoulder to lean on can be incredibly supportive.
You can also ask how you might help them, or try to find small ways to lighten their load. For example, if your friend is grieving a loss, you may bring over dinner so they don’t have to worry about cooking during a stressful time.
💙 Explore how Supportive Listening can be a helpful tool to help your friends navigate challenging times in this session with Jay Shetty.
5. Plan quality time to strengthen bonds
Whether it's a coffee date, a hike, or a weekend getaway, shared experiences strengthen bonds. Focus on the quality rather than the quantity of your time together. You might try organizing a game night, cooking a meal together, or exploring a new neighborhood.
💙 Strengthen your relationships by becoming part of their Support System — and explain to them how they can show up for you too.
6. Develop deeper reserves of empathy
Encourage your friend to share how they’re feeling and listen without judgment. Let your friend know that you understand their perspective and that their feelings are valid. You can also use these eight exercises to help you show and communicate empathy.
Sometimes it takes time for people to open up, so be patient and give your friend space to share at their own pace. This can help you respond to their needs more compassionately and effectively.
💙 Explore how practicing Empathy, or putting yourself in your friend’s shoes, can deepen your relationship during this session of the Daily Calm.
7. Communicate openly
Discuss any issues or concerns directly and respectfully to prevent misunderstandings and resentment from building up. Share your thoughts and feelings openly, so that small misunderstandings don’t turn into big problems.
When discussing issues, use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming your friend (e.g., “I felt hurt when…”)
💙 Don’t just talk to your friends — really invest in what they’re saying with help from Jay Shetty’s Deeper Communication meditation.
What it means to invest in relationships — and how to do it
Investing in relationships means dedicating time, effort, and care to nurture and sustain them. It's about being present, showing love and support, and making your friends feel valued. When you invest in your relationships, you build a strong foundation that can withstand challenges and grow over time.
3 reasons why you should invest in your relationships
1. Builds trust and loyalty: Friends who know you care about them are more likely to stand by you during tough times. They feel secure in the friendship and know they can rely on you.
2. Enhances emotional wellbeing: Knowing that you have friends who care about you and support you can boost your self-esteem and reduce feelings of loneliness.
3. Encourages mutual growth: Friends can help you see different perspectives, challenge you to improve, and celebrate your successes.
4 ways to invest in your friendships
1. Spend quality time together: No matter how often you see each other, you can focus on making the time you have together special. This can mean planning regular meet-ups, or having shared interests that you enjoy. Be sure when you spend time together, you are being present. Put away phones and distractions so you can truly catch up with your pal(s). Find it hard to be present? Check out these nine tips to be more present and live in the moment while you're with your friends.
2. Be emotionally present: Being emotionally present means showing empathy, understanding, and support. It involves being there for your friend physically and emotionally. Practice active listening, empathy and of course, offer support to your friend(s) when they need it most.
3. Communicate regularly: Regular communication keeps you connected and helps prevent misunderstandings. There’s no need to be in constant communication to keep a good friendship, but sending occasional messages or making regular phone calls is a great way to keep the bonds of friendship alive. You can even connect mindfully via social media by sending each other fun videos to share a laugh or explore shared interests.
4. Show appreciation: Let your friends know that you value them and are thankful for their presence in your life. Thoughtful gestures and small gifts can be a fun way to show you care, just make sure you’re not giving gifts in lieu of spending quality time together. Say thank you when you’re gifted something from a friend, even sending a thank you card if you like.
How to be a better friend FAQs
How can I set boundaries in a friendship without hurting the other person?
Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. These strategies can help you set and maintain boundaries with kindness, being aware and respectful of the other person’s feelings without compromising your own wellbeing.
Communicate your needs clearly and honestly: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame, which can help prevent your friend from feeling attacked.
Be consistent with your boundaries: Once set, stick to them to reinforce their importance. Choose an appropriate time and place to discuss boundaries, avoiding moments of tension or stress.
Explain the reasons behind your boundaries: Help your friend understand that these limits are meant to strengthen your relationship, not weaken it. Approach the conversation with respect and kindness, showing empathy for your friend's feelings.
Reassure your friend: Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. Instead, it’s a way to ensure the friendship remains healthy and respectful.
What are some red flags that indicate a toxic friendship?
Recognizing signs of a toxic friendship is important for your wellbeing. A good friend should be there for you, celebrate your successes, and offer help during tough times. Constant negativity is a major red flag and a significant source of stress. If they dismiss your achievements or are absent when you need them, it may be time to reassess the friendship.
Feeling emotionally drained after spending time with a friend is another clear sign of a toxic relationship. And while friendly competition is healthy, excessive jealousy and the need to outdo you can harm your relationship. If your friend tries to control your actions or decisions, it indicates a lack of respect for your autonomy.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, so if your friend frequently lies or hides things from you, it can erode that trust. Gossiping or speaking negatively about you behind your back is a serious breach of trust and indicates that the relationship may be toxic.
What are some fun activities to strengthen my bond with friends?
Engaging in fun and meaningful activities can help strengthen your bond with friends. Try one of these suggestions as a way of spending quality time together.
Embark on adventures: Hiking, biking, or any outdoor excursions are excellent ways to enjoy each other's company while experiencing nature.
Play games: Board games or video games can provide entertainment and a chance for friendly competition.
Cooking together: Try a new recipe or bake something sweet.
Get creative: Painting or crafting offers the opportunity to collaborate and create something special.
Work out: Go to the gym or take a yoga class—or any other fun movement class—together.
Attend cultural events: Concerts or museum visits can spark interesting conversations and develop shared interests.
Volunteer: Giving back is a meaningful way to spend time together and support a cause that matters.
How do I handle conflicts in a friendship effectively?
Handling conflicts effectively is key for maintaining a healthy friendship.
Start by staying calm and composed. Approach the discussion with a level head to ensure clear and constructive communication. Choose a private and neutral setting for your conversation to allow both parties to speak openly without distractions.
Listen actively to your friend's perspective without interrupting, showing that you value their feelings and opinions.
Use “I” statements to express your feelings and avoid sounding accusatory, which helps to keep the conversation focused on resolving the issue rather than assigning blame. Focus on the specific issue at hand and avoid bringing up past conflicts or unrelated grievances.
Acknowledge your friend's feelings and demonstrate that you value the friendship.
Work together to find a mutually acceptable solution, showing a willingness to compromise.
If you've made a mistake, take responsibility and offer a sincere apology.
Sometimes, it's okay to agree to disagree. Respect each other’s opinions and prioritize maintaining the overall health of the friendship.
Can meditation help improve my relationships with friends?
Meditation can enhance your relationships with friends by improving mindfulness, empathy, and emotional regulation. It increases self-awareness, helping you become more conscious of your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. This heightened self-awareness can make you more cognizant of how your behavior affects your friends.
Regular meditation can also increase your capacity for empathy and compassion. By better understanding and sharing your friend's feelings, you can respond more supportively. Meditation reduces stress and anxiety, allowing you to approach your friendships with a calmer and more positive mindset. Mindfulness practices can also boost your ability to listen actively and communicate clearly, leading to more meaningful and productive conversations.
If you want to enjoy these benefits, start by incorporating short, simple meditation practices—such as mindful breathing, loving-kindness meditation, and body scan meditation—into your daily routine.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
