Grown apart from your partner? Here's how to fall back in love

Relationships

Jun 24

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

If your relationship feels off, learn how to fall back in love with your partner with 10 tips to help you talk openly, rekindle intimacy, and find joy in each other again.

Whether we like it or not, relationships tend to change with time. Sometimes you grow closer, but other times you might find yourselves drifting apart. Maybe you used to light up every time you saw them, but now you just feel indifferent. Having this realization can be scary and might even make you wonder if you’ve fallen out of love.

Firstly, you’re not a bad person for having these feelings. In fact, you’re a very normal person to feel this way. Relationships are hard, and emotional disconnection is common in partnerships, even the loving ones.

Our society often tells us that “real” love should be easy, but the truth is, love needs maintenance. Life’s stressful and regular connection takes attention. Plus, sometimes love shifts into something else, and that’s okay too. If you’re here because you feel the distance and want to come back together in your relationship, we’ll share how to do it.

Sometimes disconnection is the beginning of something even more meaningful. Let’s dive in.

What does it mean to “fall out” of love?

Falling out of love is usually more of a quiet drift than a dramatic rift. Many times, you stop laughing together, days blur into routines, and the emotional space between you expands without anyone meaning for it to happen.

Many people think this means you’ve failed—or that your love wasn’t real—but usually it just means your relationship has gone unattended for too long. It can also happen when you’ve grown in different directions, or when your old wounds and unspoken needs build walls instead of bridges.

You may still love the person, but no longer feel in love. This is a painful realization, but it’s also an honest one. And disconnection doesn’t always mean it’s over. It can also be a signal to pause, take stock, and see if there’s still something between you worth nurturing.

6 reasons people fall out of love

You might think that falling out of love comes from a single event, but it’s often a slow-moving drift caused by unmet needs or lack of communication.

Here are six of the most common reasons why couples fall out of love:

1. Unresolved conflict: When issues go unspoken or unaddressed, resentment can build. Over time, partners may stop feeling like teammates and start feeling like strangers.

2. Neglect: When life gets overwhelming, relationships often take a back seat. Even unintentional neglect can leave one or both people feeling invisible.

3. Life stressors: Career demands, kids, and health issues have a way of taking over your life, and when survival mode kicks in, connection can often fade.

4. Lack of novelty: When everything becomes predictable through routines and schedules, intimacy can start to feel like just another thing on the calendar.

5. Poor communication: Talking isn’t the same as connecting. Without emotional honesty, silence can creep in, and misunderstandings can multiply.

6. Emotional burnout: When one or both partners are giving more than they’re receiving, it can lead to fatigue. Over time, this can chip away at the love.

How to talk to your partner when things feel disconnected

One of the hardest parts of feeling distant from your partner can be figuring out how to communicate your feelings and figure out a game plan. You don’t need to rush in with a grand gesture. Instead, explore these low-lift ways to start that conversation — and slowly begin to bridge the gap.

Start small

A good place to begin is with a heartfelt observation. You could say something like:

“I’ve been feeling a little off in our connection lately. Have you noticed it too?”
“I miss how things used to feel between us.”
“I’ve been craving more closeness with you — can we talk about that sometime soon?”

The goal here is connection. Approach it from curiosity, and speak from your own experience. Also, use “I” statements instead of “you” accusations to avoid turning it into a conflict.

Choose the right time

Not every moment is ideal for emotional vulnerability. Avoid having a deep relationship check-in when one of you is distracted, stressed, or already frustrated. Instead, find a quiet window where you can both be present, like when you’re on a walk around your block.

It can also help to let your partner know that you’re hoping to discuss ways to connect better and would love to set aside some dedicated time.

Expect discomfort — and stay with it

These conversations can feel awkward, or even scary, and that’s normal. You’re naming something tender. Vulnerability isn’t easy, but naming the disconnect out loud is often a relief for both of you.

Vulnerability breaks the isolation, and it signals that you care. It also invites your partner into the process, instead of silently resenting them for not fixing it on their own.

Prepare for if they shut down or get defensive

If your partner doesn’t respond well—or doesn’t respond at all—try not to spiral. Some people need time to process. Others feel overwhelmed or ashamed and don’t know how to respond right away, which is okay.

You can revisit the conversation gently later. What matters is that you’ve opened the door.

Ask the right questions

If the space feels safe enough, consider exploring deeper questions together, like:

“What do you need more of in our relationship right now?”
“What’s something we used to do that made us feel close?”
“How do you feel when we’re together these days?”

These questions open space for honesty, empathy, and the possibility of rediscovery.

How to fall back in love: 10 tips to rekindle a relationship

Reigniting love is about building new connections in the present, and that’s different for every couple. What matters most is that both of you are willing to show up and experiment.

If you want to rekindle your love, here are 10 practical tips to help you show up for each other.

1. Revisit your relationship’s origin story

Reminiscing about how you met, what drew you to each other, and the adventures you shared can awaken dormant feelings.

Consider going back to the spot where you had your first date, or scrolling through old photos and really looking at them. These memories can reconnect you to the emotions that built your foundation.

2. Schedule uninterrupted time together

Consistent one-on-one time without kids, screens, or to-do lists is critical. Reconnection needs presence. You could schedule regular date nights, go on weekend walks, or even do a ten-minute “coffee check-in” in the morning.

3. Bring back physical affection

Everyday physical intimacy creates connection. This doesn’t mean you have to jump straight into sexual intimacy, but a hand on the back as you walk by, a longer hug, and a kiss on the cheek before bed can help rebuild closeness and trust. This can be especially beneficial when the emotional distance has made physical touch feel rare or awkward.

Try committing to a 20-second hug once a day. Research shows a simple act like this can help lower stress and boost bonding hormones like oxytocin.

4. Be curious about each other again

One of the sneakiest ways love dulls is through assumed familiarity. You don’t know everything about your partner. They’re still evolving, so ask real questions. Maybe even ones you haven’t asked in years.

Try questions like:

“What’s something you’ve been thinking about lately that you haven’t said out loud?”
“Is there a dream or interest you’ve pushed aside recently?”

5. Create shared novelty

When you do something new together, your brains associate that spark with each other, so seek out new experiences. Some easy new things you could do are eating at a new restaurant, watching a documentary, or taking a class together.

6. Prioritize appreciation over criticism

Often, when a relationship feels strained, our brains default to tracking what’s missing.

To flip that switch, start actively noticing what your partner’s doing right. Then say it out loud — even if it feels awkward. Gratitude often builds goodwill, and goodwill usually builds warmth.

💙 Get yourself in a more loving mindset by listening to Tamara Levitt’s series on Gratitude.

7. Re-establish emotional safety

If past hurt or unspoken resentment is still lingering, love won’t thrive until those wounds are acknowledged. Emotional safety means your partner feels heard and not judged. It also means you both get to express feelings without trying to fix or defend right away.

To make your partner feel emotionally safe, use the phrase, “What I hear you saying is…” before responding in tough conversations. This can slow down conflict and build understanding.

8. Rediscover physical intimacy at your pace

Sexual disconnection is usually a symptom and not the root problem. But rekindling physical intimacy can also help reopen emotional pathways. So, make a concerted effort to physically connect again. It can be as simple and as small as touching without expectation, cuddling, or holding each other.

If one or both partners don’t feel comfortable being sexual, view reconnecting through the same lens you’d view physical intimacy in a new relationship. Start slow and build to what feels comfortable for both partners. A slow burn might even feel exciting and invigorating.

9. Allow each other room to breathe

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can provide each other is space. When both partners feel autonomous and nourished individually, they’re more available emotionally.

So, encourage each other to have solo time doing something that brings joy or calm.

💙 Find some Breathing Room for yourself in this meditation with Prof. Megan Reitz.

10. Get support if needed

Sometimes, the patterns are too deep—or too painful—to untangle on your own. If that’s the case, a couples therapist can help facilitate honest conversations, clarify needs, and offer tools to reconnect. Even just a few sessions can make a significant difference.

How to fall back in love FAQs

Is it normal to fall out of love in a long-term relationship?

It’s completely normal to fall out of love, as heartbreaking as that may feel. Often, love in long-term relationships takes on a different form. Sometimes it feels passionate and connected, and other times it feels distant or flat.

Fluctuations like this usually just reflect the changing seasons of life, like stress, parenting, career shifts, grief, and personal growth. What matters most when you’re feeling this way is whether you have the willingness and capacity to explore your way through it, together.

Can you fall back in love after losing feelings?

It’s definitely possible to fall back in love, but it takes care, effort, and presence to strengthen it again. A lot of people mistake the absence of feelings for the absence of love, but it’s usually just emotional burnout, unresolved pain, or unmet needs in disguise.

Rebuilding closeness starts with honest conversations and small, consistent efforts to re-engage. With time, safety, and intention, those feelings can absolutely come back.

Is it possible to fall back in love with someone?

You can fall back in love, but both people have to be on board. It’s about co-creating a new dynamic that reflects who you both are now. This could involve redefining what intimacy looks like, learning to communicate differently, or healing old wounds.

And sometimes, falling back in love just means finding a quiet, stable closeness that feels more grounded.

What should I do if my partner doesn’t feel the same?

This is painful — and it’s very okay to acknowledge that. Try broaching the subject by talking openly about how you’re feeling and what you’re hoping for.

If they still don’t engage, it may be time to reflect on whether the relationship is still meeting your emotional needs. You deserve mutual effort and shared investment. If you’re the only one trying, it’s not a true partnership, and it may be time for you to move on.

How long does it take to fall back in love?

There’s no universal timeline. For some, a few intentional changes can lead to a deeper connection. For others, it’s a longer process of rebuilding trust, dismantling old patterns, and learning new ways of being together.

It also just depends on where you’re starting from. Things like emotional numbness, resentment, boredom, or outright conflict all require different kinds of work.

Ultimately, the key is that you’re both moving in the same direction with care and consistency.

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Calm Editorial Team