How to forgive yourself: 5 ways to boost self-compassion
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Self-forgiveness is important but it isn't always easy. Learn how to forgive yourself for past mistakes, boost self-compassion, and deal with guilt or regret.
We all do things that we later regret, and we all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. But sometimes, forgiving yourself can be harder than forgiving others.
Self-forgiveness challenges you to understand your faults and move beyond them. It’s not about dismissing or justifying actions but learning and growing through self-compassion.
Why can't I forgive myself?
Dwelling on past mistakes is normal, but these feelings sometimes escalate, leading to a painful inability to forgive ourselves. Why is self-forgiveness so challenging for many of us?
Emotional blocks
Emotions like guilt and shame can often block self-forgiveness. These emotions are typical human responses, but when we become entangled in regret and self-reproach, it can limit our ability to move forward. At these times, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that everyone makes mistakes—we're all learning and growing every day.
Negative thought patterns
As humans, we tend to subconsciously focus on our flaws and mistakes. Negative or intrusive thoughts tell us we “aren’t good enough” or “don’t deserve happiness,” presenting our errors as evidence. This can often fuel a cycle of self-punishment and unhappiness. Breaking these patterns of negative self-talk requires awareness, acceptance, and a conscious shift in our focus toward our positive qualities and achievements.
Fear of vulnerability
Forgiving yourself involves confronting and accepting your vulnerabilities. There’s a fear that acknowledging our mistakes makes us weak or flawed. However, embracing our vulnerabilities can help us develop empathy and understanding for ourselves and others.
Unrealistic expectations
Often, we set unrealistically high standards for ourselves. When we inevitably fail to meet these goals, we can plunge into overwhelm and self-criticism. Balancing your expectations and acknowledging your human imperfections can help you realize that mistakes don’t define your worth.
Why is it important to forgive yourself?
Acknowledging your mistakes is one thing, but letting them go is an entirely different thing. Forgiveness isn’t about ignoring or forgetting—it’s about freeing yourself from past actions and moving forward with increased awareness and growth.
Forgiving yourself can improve mental and emotional wellness
Forgiving yourself can have profound effects on your mental and emotional health. Harboring guilt and regret can wear you down over time, impacting your mood, stress levels, and overall happiness. By learning to forgive yourself, you can release this burden and make room for ease and self-love.
Forgiving yourself can reduced stress and anxiety
Continuously reliving past mistakes can create constant stress and anxiety. Embracing self-forgiveness can relieve the pressure that accompanies self-reproach. This new calmness can improve mental clarity, focus, and decision-making.
Forgiving yourself and enhanced self-esteem
When you’re mired in guilt, your self-esteem takes a hit. Learning to forgive yourself helps rebuild self-esteem, allowing you to recognize your worth again.
Forgiving yourself can lead to healthier relationships
Self-forgiveness fosters emotional intelligence and empathy, enabling healthier and more fulfilling relationships. When you let go of guilt and shame, we can approach ourselves and others with more love, kindness, compassion, and acceptance, creating stronger, more supportive connections.
Forgiving yourself moves you towards personal growth
Letting go of past mistakes offers a fresh start and opportunities to learn and grow. By embracing self-forgiveness, you’re improving your current state of mind and laying the foundation for future personal development.
Forgiving yourself builds resilience and positivity
When you free yourself from guilt, you create space for positive thoughts and actions. This positive mindset can ripple out, helping you become more resilient to life’s challenges.
💙 Everyone makes mistakes from time to time and giving yourself a hard time isn’t supportive for your wellbeing, relationships or growth. This 10 minute session on Self-Forgiveness can offer support when you need it.
5 ways to forgive yourself for past mistakes
Forgiving yourself isn't about skipping over pain or pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about learning from your experiences. Start your journey to self-forgiveness with easy-to-implement strategies:
1. Practice the 4 Rs of self-forgiveness
Responsibility: Taking responsibility doesn’t mean taking ownership of everything that happened. It’s only necessary to accept and take responsibility for your own actions, reactions, and emotions.
Remorse: Allow yourself to feel sorrow or regret if it’s appropriate. Remember, don’t sit in this stage for too long, or you can fall into some difficult pits that can compromise your mental health and wellbeing. Make a conscious effort to feel those feelings and then move to the next stage as soon as you can.
Restoration: Apologize sincerely and, where possible, right the wrongs to help bring closure. Either for yourself, or for the other person involved, if they were also affected by your actions. Make amends where possible, partly because forgiving yourself tends to be easier if you make amends first.
Renewal: Commit to not repeating the mistake. There’s little point in forgiving yourself if you plan to continue the behavior. Think of mistakes as an opportunity for personal growth rather than irredeemable flaws. Ask yourself what you can learn from a situation. Turning pain into knowledge can bring a shift in perspective and softens self-judgment. Embrace mistakes as learning experiences.
2. Schedule worry time
Allocate a specific time in your day to process your worries and concerns rather than letting them invade your thoughts continuously. During this time, allow yourself to reflect on your worries without judgment. Give them the space they need to be processed and then move out of worrying time.
💙 Our Scheduled Worry Time meditation can help you can give your worries the right level of attention without overdoing it.
3. Cultivate self-compassion
Understand the feelings attached to your actions, and empathize with yourself each time you make a mistake. It’s one thing to say that you forgive yourself, but it’s much more powerful to do it on an emotional level.
Speak to yourself with kindness and understanding, just as a friend would. Each time a negative or intrusive thought enters your mind, challenge it and replace it with a more compassionate one. Over time, this practice can reshape your thought patterns so you can lovingly accept yourself.
Practice daily affirmations (see below) and mindfulness to foster a loving and accepting relationship with yourself. Remember, self-compassion is the first step towards healing.
💙 Did you know that focusing on the good stuff can help move on from the bad? Check out On Forgiveness to find out how gratitude can accelerate the process.
4. Practice affirmations for forgiveness
Affirmations are positive statements that can help overcome negative thought patterns. They can play a significant role in developing a forgiving and loving relationship with yourself.
Used regularly, affirmations can be powerful. Find a quiet, comfortable space at the beginning and end of each day, take deep breaths, and focus on each word as you embrace the positive messages the affirmations convey.
5 examples of forgiveness affirmations:
“I am learning to let go of my mistakes and forgive myself.”
“I choose to release guilt and embrace self-compassion.”
“Every day, I am becoming a more compassionate version of myself.”
“I release my past and forgive my imperfections.”
“I am worthy of love and forgiveness.”
Forgiving yourself is about acknowledging the past, learning from it, and moving forward with newfound wisdom and compassion.
💙 Eager to set yourself free from tough feelings? Check out this session on Forgiveness from the Daily Jay.
5. Seek professional support
Sometimes in life, we make mistakes that are so large and life-altering that we need assistance processing them and moving forward. Therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and help you develop healing strategies if you find you’re having trouble getting there on your own.
How to forgive yourself FAQs
How do I let go of guilt and forgive myself?
Letting go of guilt and forgiving yourself starts with acknowledging your mistakes and understanding their impact. Allow yourself to feel the guilt, then gradually reframe your negative thoughts, focusing on learning. Embrace self-compassion, realizing that everyone makes mistakes. It’s not about excusing the behavior but about growing.
What are the 4 Rs of self-forgiveness?
The 4 Rs of self-forgiveness can help you process and move beyond guilt and shame.
Responsibility: Accepting and owning up to your actions.
Remorse: Feeling genuine sorrow or regret for wrongdoing.
Restoration: Making amends and repairing the damage where possible.
Renewal: Learning from the experience and growing so you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
These steps are essential for healing, learning, and true self-forgiveness.
How do you accept past mistakes?
Accepting past mistakes means acknowledging them without clinging to guilt. Reflect on what went wrong, what you've learned, and how you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, just as you’d treat a friend who made a similar mistake.
Can guilt affect me physically?
Guilt (and associated shame) can have physical impacts on your heart and mind. Persistent guilt can lead to stress and anxiety, which can increase the heart rate and blood pressure. The constant psychological strain can affect your mental health and overall wellbeing. It's crucial to address and process guilt constructively to maintain mental and physical health.
How do you release shame from your body?
Releasing shame involves a combination of mental, emotional, and physical practices. Begin by acknowledging and accepting your feelings of shame without judgment. Engage in mindfulness and practices like yoga or tai chi, which can help you reconnect with your body and release stored tension. Physical activity and deep breathing can help reduce any stress and anxiety. Remember, releasing shame is often a gradual process, so stay compassionate with yourself.
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