How to get over a breakup: 16 ways to deal when you're hurting
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Wondering how to get over a breakup? Explore 16 ways to help you deal with heartbreak. Plus, different types of breakups and how long it takes to get over them.
Let’s face it: Going through a relationship breakup can be an intensely emotional and challenging experience. Whether you're feeling heartbroken, lonely, or even relieved, the emotional rollercoaster can be really overwhelming. While it might not feel like it at the jump, breakups can be opportunities to learn and grow.
The process of getting over someone involves understanding your emotions, allowing yourself time to heal, and also having the strength to move forward in a healthy way.
Breakups can trigger a range of emotions, from sadness and confusion to anger and self-doubt. It’s important to recognize that healing takes time, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to getting over it.
While some people find solace in keeping busy or focusing on self-care, others may need to process their feelings more deeply before moving on. (We see you, scream-cryers and we validate you!)
No matter where you are in your healing journey, understanding how to overcome a breakup can help you regain a sense of control and start building a brighter future. We know that sounds like an empty platitude, but we’ve got some ideas up our sleeve. So, let’s grab our pint of gelato, our box of tissues, and jump in.
8 types of breakups
Understanding the nature of your breakup, and the why behind the break, can be an important step in the healing process. Different types of breakups carry their own set of challenges and emotional responses. Recognizing the type you are experiencing can offer some context and help you recognize that what you are going through is a normal part of the healing process.
1. Mutual decision to part ways
This is when both parties agree that parting ways is the best decision for them. Despite its mutual nature, it can still be painful as it marks the end of a shared journey.
2. Circumstantial breakup
Sometimes external factors that are beyond control of either partner lead to a breakup. This could include long-distance challenges, career demands, or family issues. These breakups can be particularly hard because your feelings for each other might still be strong.
3. Rift after infidelity
Infidelity in a relationship often leads to breakups. The betrayal and broken trust can result in intense emotional pain and a complex healing process.
4. Surprise split
In this type of breakup, one partner may not see the breakup coming and feels blindsided. This can leave them feeling confused and questioning the validity of the entire relationship.
5. The end of first love
Ending a relationship with your first love can be especially hard, as it often represents not just the loss of a partner but also the end of your first major emotional investment.
6. Conflict-driven breakup
These breakups occur due to ongoing conflicts or differences, such as communication issues or codependency struggles, that can’t be solved. They can be draining and may leave both parties feeling exhausted and frustrated.
7. Growing apart
Sometimes, people grow apart. In these cases, one or both partners may feel that they need to end the relationship in order to continue growing individually.
8. Ending a toxic relationship
Leaving a toxic or abusive relationship is both necessary and challenging. It often requires a lot of courage and support, and the aftermath can involve dealing with trauma.
Why do breakups hurt so much?
Confusing and painful feelings are a normal part of the grieving process after a breakup. Acknowledging and accepting the emotional impact of a breakup can help in coping with the pain it brings and be a first step toward healing. You might experience a range of emotions due to:
Loss of the emotional investment you’ve made
Disrupted daily routines as you part ways
Identity shift as you redefine yourself as an individual
Changes in social circles and family dynamics
Feelings of disappointment over lost dreams
Uncertainty about the future
Self-doubt and ruminating over what went wrong
Fear of being alone
Exhaustion and confusion from emotional unpredictability
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
Healing from a breakup is a process, and it’s okay to take the time you need. There’s no set timeline or deadline to get over someone. There are several factors that impact the post-breakup healing process that you may find it helpful to reflect on.
The longer or more intense the relationship, the longer you may need to move on from it.
Mutual or amicable breakups may need less healing time than traumatic or unexpected ones.
Strong support networks and healthy coping mechanisms may make it easier for you to move on.
Everyone processes emotions differently and that’s okay. Your emotional resilience and mental health state can affect how quickly you recover.
Staying in touch with your ex-partner may prevent you from accepting the relationship is over and prolong the healing process.
Major life changes post-breakup—like moving to a new city or changing jobs—will impact the speed of your healing process.
Actively engaging in self-care and employing healthy coping strategies can aid in the healing process.
What are the emotional stages of a breakup?
We won’t lie to you, everyone’s experience is different. Some folks feel relieved after a breakup and move on with their lives pretty quickly, others might be navigating feelings of pain and bewilderment for months. Regardless, there are some commonalities in each experience and it follows a similar path as the stages of grief. You may feel:
Shock: The initial phase of a break up can be shocking. Even if you saw it coming, or you initiated it, severing that tie can still cause a shock to the system.
Denial: With any major life change it’s common to feel like it isn’t really happening at first. You might wake up the next day and have forgotten what happened, or feel like it was a bad dream.
Bargaining: When we’re in pain, it’s normal to try to make a deal with universe, or tell yourself you can fix it. But some relationships are meant to end and when they’ve run their course it’s best to keep moving forward.
Depression: When you finally understand your reality, it’s normal to feel sad, lonely, or even experience symptoms of depression. When you feel this way, it’s important to connect with others and find ways to process. This is the time to reach out to your support system or chat with a therapist.
Acceptance: Finally accepting your new reality and taking steps to move forward is the healthy way to move on. This might mean reconnecting with old friends, resuming the hobbies or passions you left on the shelf while in the relationship, or even spending more time with family.
How to get over a breakup: 16 ways to deal with the heartache
Each of these strategies for coping with a breakup offers a way to not only deal with the pain that comes with the end of a relationship, but also to grow and find joy again in your life. It's a journey that takes time, and each step forward (no matter how small) is an achievement.
1. Clear out physical reminders
Remove or store away items that remind you of the relationship. This could be photographs, gifts, or your ex’s personal belongings.
2. Avoid rushing back into dating
Give yourself time to heal before you consider dating again. Jumping into a new relationship too soon can complicate your healing process.
3. Exercise patience with yourself
Understand that healing is a process. Be kind to yourself and recognize that it’s okay to have good and bad days.
💙 Learn to practice Non-Judgment as you navigate the ups and downs of your healing process.
4. Feel your feelings
Allow yourself to experience and express your emotions—including sadness, anger, and confusion—as bottling up feelings can delay the healing process.
💙 Support yourself, and the exploration of your feelings, during the Caring For Your Grief series.
5. Reconnect with joyful activities
Engage in hobbies and activities that you love. This can be an effective way to rediscover happiness and fulfillment on your own.
💙 Journey into your body with Mel Mah in this guided movement session, Peace, An Inside Job.
6. Create new memories
Try new activities, visit new places, or take up new hobbies. Creating new memories can help shift your focus from the past to the present and future.
7. Allow yourself to move forward
Acceptance is key, so acknowledge the end of the relationship and give yourself permission to move forward with your life.
💙 Practice Deep Acceptance during the Daily Trip with Jeff Warren.
8. Take space from your ex
Limit or cut contact with your ex, especially if it hinders your healing. Social media distancing can also be beneficial.
💙 Taking some time away from social media can be healing. Check out our masterclass of Social Media & Screen Addiction to learn more.
9. Consider traveling
Changing your environment, even temporarily, can provide a new perspective and a break from routine, which can aid in the healing process.
10. Surround yourself with supportive friends
Lean on your friends and family for support. Sharing your feelings with trusted loved ones can be incredibly therapeutic.
11. Write down your thoughts
Journaling can be a helpful way to process your emotions and clarify your thoughts. Practice daily journaling, either first thing in the morning or before bed.
12. Focus on self-care
Prioritize your wellbeing through activities like exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep. Physical health greatly impacts emotional health.
💙 Discover the tools you need for a Radical Self-Care practice during this series.
13. Reflect on personal growth
Use this time to reflect on what you’ve learned from the relationship and how you can grow as an individual. You might also discover what you’re looking for in a future partnership.
14. Set new goals
Setting and working towards new personal or professional goals can provide a sense of purpose and direction post-breakup.
💙 Practice Building Consistency in Tamara Levitt’s Staying on Track series.
15. Practice mindfulness and meditation
These practices can help manage stress, reduce negative emotions, and improve your overall mental health.
💙 Remind yourself of your strength by tuning into We Were Made for Times Like These, a series of meditations on overcoming life’s challenges and hardships.
16. Seek therapy if you need extra support
A therapist can provide a safe space to process your emotions and offer constructive advice on the right coping strategies for your circumstances.
How to get over a breakup FAQs
What should I do right after a breakup?
The period immediately following a breakup is often the most challenging.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment.
Seek support from friends, family, or a counselor.
Focus on self-care, including eating well, getting enough rest, and staying active.
Avoid contact with your ex to help create emotional distance.
Avoid making major life decisions until you feel more emotionally stable.
How do you accept a relationship is over?
Accepting that a relationship is over can be difficult and involves several steps.
Acknowledging your feelings of loss and grief.
Reminding yourself of the reasons why the relationship ended.
Focusing on the present and future, rather than dwelling on the past.
Engaging in activities and hobbies that you enjoy and affirm your sense of self.
Seeking closure if needed, which might include a final conversation with your ex or writing a letter that you don't send.
Why do I hurt so much after a break-up?
The pain after a breakup is often intense because of several factors:
Emotional attachment: Losing a significant relationship can feel like a major loss in your life.
Disrupted routines and plans: The end of a relationship can disrupt your daily life and future plans.
Self-identity changes: A breakup can lead to questioning your self-identity and self-worth.
Biological factors: Emotional attachment affects brain chemistry, and a breakup can lead to a withdrawal-like response.
How can I get over a breakup faster?
There’s no real easy way to say this, but you can’t get over a breakup until you’re over it. With that said, you can take measures to make sure you don’t linger on the loss longer than you need to. There’s sometimes a fine line between processing something and dwelling on it. Take time to prioritize self-care and your own growth. This is a great time to lean into the ways you want to better yourself. Maybe it’s spending more time with the people you love, being more physically active, learning how to cook, garden, or eat better. Time on your own can also be a great time to lean into your job (in a healthy way) and pursue your professional development. Have you ever wanted to take a course? Or go back to school? You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself during this time, so think about it as a time of limitless possibilities.
How to get over a breakup when you still love them?
Getting over a breakup when you still have feelings for your ex can be particularly challenging.
Acknowledge your feelings. It's okay to still love them. Accepting your feelings as valid is an important step in the healing process.
Give yourself space from your ex by limiting or stopping communication and avoiding checking their social media profiles.
Focus on self-care by engaging in activities that promote your wellbeing and happiness.
Reflect on what the relationship taught you and how you can use these lessons for personal growth.
Seek support by talking to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. Sometimes, just talking about it can be incredibly healing.
Remember that healing is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time to move on.
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