How to *actually* practice self-compassion? Try these 5 exercises
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Here's what self-compassion really means and why it's important. Plus, learn how to practice self-compassion and self-kindness with these 5 exercises.
Understanding self-compassion is crucial in a world where we often set high standards for ourselves. It's more than just a buzzword—it's a way to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we'd offer to others. Self-compassion is a practical approach to enhancing our mental health and wellbeing. Practicing self-compassion teaches us to handle life's challenges with a gentler, more forgiving attitude toward ourselves.
What does compassion mean, and what is self-compassion?
Compassion is when we see someone having a tough time and want to help them feel better, like giving a friend a hug when they're sad or offering words of encouragement if someone is going through a tough time. Self-compassion is extending the same type of compassion but giving it to yourself. When things don't go your way, or you make a mistake, instead of being hard on yourself, you treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
The 3 pillars of self-compassion
Each of these pillars of Self-Compassion, as outlined by Dr. Kristin Neff, helps you develop a healthier and more supportive relationship with yourself. By understanding and practicing these aspects of self-compassion, you can learn to be kinder to yourself, especially during challenging times.
Self-kindness: Compassion starts with being gentle with yourself. Instead of getting upset or criticizing yourself, you're supportive and caring. Imagine how you comfort a friend who is upset—self-kindness is doing that for yourself.
Common humanity: It’s important to remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and has tough times. It's normal and part of being human. When things are hard, knowing that everyone goes through difficult times can help you feel connected to others in your life, rather than feeling alone.
Mindfulness: Being aware of your feelings without letting them overpower you helps you stay compassionate with yourself. It means recognizing your emotions, whether they feel positive or negative, but not letting them control your actions. Mindfulness helps you respond to situations with a clear head.
3 myths about self-compassion
There are a lot of misunderstandings about self-compassion. Understanding these myths can help us see self-compassion in a clearer light. When we have knowledge about what self-compassion is and isn’t, we can practice self-compassion without feeling guilty or bad about ourselves.
Myth 1: Self-compassion is selfish
Some people think that by thinking of yourself, you’re not thinking about other people. But actually, the opposite is true. When you're kind to yourself, you're likely to be kinder to others. It's like filling your own cup so you have enough to pour into others.
Myth 2: Self-compassion is self-serving
Some people think that focusing on your needs means you’re not taking care of others. Self-compassion is actually about giving yourself room to be human, to make mistakes, and to learn from them. It's not about only caring for yourself—it's about caring for yourself so you can be better at caring for others, too.
Myth 3: Self-compassion equals self-esteem
Some people think self-compassion is just about feeling good about yourself. But it's more than that. Self-esteem is often about how we compare to others—are we better, smarter, or more successful? And it isn’t always the most productive measure of worth. Self-compassion isn't about comparing. It's about accepting yourself as you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses.
5 benefits of practicing self-compassion
It’s not always easy to be kind to yourself, but practicing self-compassion can be a great way to boost your wellbeing, support your relationships, and stay open to changes in your life. It’s a practice that will take time, but, over time, you may begin to recognize its effects.
1. Improves your mental and emotional wellbeing
When you're kind to yourself, you're likely to feel happier and more content. Self-compassion can help reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, and sadness. It’s even been linked to improved outcomes for those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Sometimes, we get so worked up that our mind goes into overdrive. Knowing how to calm your mind can help improve your mental and emotional wellbeing.
2. Encourages you to develop a growth mindset
Self-compassion can help you see challenges and mistakes not as failures, but as chances to learn and grow. You start to think, "It's okay I got this wrong. What can I learn from it?" This mindset can make you more open to new experiences and willing to try, even if there's a chance you might not succeed right away.
3. Benefits your physical health
Studies have shown that self-compassion can be good for your body. It’s not proven why this is, but it could be because self-compassion can lead to healthier lifestyle choices like eating better, exercising more, and getting enough sleep. It's about caring for your body because you value it, not because you're trying to meet some external standard.
4. Builds your resilience
Life is full of ups and downs. Self-compassion can give you the emotional tools to handle tough times. When things don't go as planned, you're more likely to bounce back quicker. It's about giving yourself the space and understanding to navigate life's challenges.
5. Enhances your relationships
When you practice self-compassion, you may develop a deeper understanding and patience for yourself, which can spill over into your relationships with others. You can become more empathetic and supportive, improving the quality of your interactions and connections.
How to practice self-compassion: 5 exercises to boost self-kindness
By integrating these exercises into your daily routine, you can gradually build a stronger sense of self-compassion.
1. Practice mindfulness
Dr. Kristin Neff highlights how mindfulness and the practice of being fully aware and present in the moment is essential for self-compassion. By being mindful, you notice your self-critical thoughts and respond to them with kindness instead of judgment.
How? Pay attention to the present moment. Notice your thoughts and feelings without judging them. Simple activities like focusing on your breath or doing a body scan can help you cultivate awareness.
💙 Tune into physical sensations to deepen your awareness with a Body Scan meditation.
2. Recognize your common humanity
Everyone faces challenges and makes mistakes—it's a universal part of being human. When you feel isolated, remind yourself that others have experienced similar feelings and setbacks. Awareness helps to normalize your experiences and reduces feelings of loneliness and isolation.
How? Reflect on a difficult moment you’ve gone through and then consider how others might have felt in similar situations. Zooming out and seeing your experience from a different perspective fosters a sense of connection and shared human experience. It makes it easier to extend the same kindness to yourself that you would offer to someone else going through the same thing.
💙 Learn how to cultivate kindness for yourself and for others with a Loving-Kindness meditation.
3. Speak to yourself as you would a friend
Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend. Use encouraging words and be understanding of what your needs are at the moment.
How? Ask yourself questions like, "How would I comfort a friend in this situation?" or "What supportive words would I offer to someone else that I can say to myself now?" These questions can guide you to treat yourself with the same kindness you readily give to others.
💙 Changing your inner monologue takes practice, but with time, you can shift away from negative thoughts that aren’t supporting you. We recommend starting with the Daily Jay’s Shift Your Self-Talk.
4. Respond to challenges with compassion
Try changing how you react to your own mistakes and setbacks. When things don't go as planned, respond with understanding and kindness instead of being hard on yourself. It's about acknowledging that not everything will always go perfectly—and that's okay.
How? If you didn't do well on a task, rather than criticizing yourself, remind yourself that you did your best and can learn from the experience.
💙 Let Dr. Julie help you Replace Self-Criticism with Self-Compassion in this short meditation.
5. Practice self-soothing
Self-soothing is about comforting yourself in a physical and emotional sense. It's a way to show kindness and care for your own body and mind, especially during stressful times. You practice self-soothing through gentle activities that make you feel relaxed and cared for—like taking a warm bath, listening to soothing music, or going for a leisurely walk. Another form of self-soothing is compassionate self-touch, such as placing a hand over your heart or giving yourself a gentle hug. These physical gestures can have a powerful calming effect, helping to reduce stress and promote feelings of safety and comfort.
How? Take care of your body and mind. Ask yourself, "How can I support and comfort myself right now?" This can be through gentle movement, eating nourishing food, getting enough rest, or even a comforting touch, like a hug or holding your own hand. You could also try deep breathing exercises or a gentle yoga routine to calm your body. These actions send a message of care and comfort to yourself.
💙 Next time you’re feeling stressed and disconnected from your body, try the Daily Move Nurture Yourself practice to help you self-soothe.
How to practice self-compassion FAQs
What causes a lack of self-compassion?
A lack of self-compassion often comes from the way we're taught to see ourselves and our mistakes. Sometimes, we learn to be hard on ourselves when things don't go right, maybe from people around us or society's unrealistic standards. We might think being tough on ourselves will make us do better, but it often just makes us feel worse.
Can self-compassion be taught?
Absolutely! Self-compassion is something anyone can learn at any time. It's like learning a new skill. With practice, patience, and the right tools—like mindfulness and understanding your thoughts and emotions—you can become more compassionate toward yourself.
How do I make myself more compassionate?
To become more compassionate toward yourself, start by noticing how you talk to yourself. Try replacing harsh words with kinder, more understanding language. Also, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and faces tough times. Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, making it easier to treat yourself (and others) with compassion.
How can I be kinder to myself?
Being kinder to yourself can start with small steps. For example, allow yourself to take breaks when you need them, celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and be understanding when things don’t go as planned. Talk to yourself as you would to a good friend.
What is self-kindness?
Self-kindness is treating yourself with the same care and understanding you would offer to someone you care about. It means being gentle with yourself when you're going through a tough time, forgiving yourself when you make a mistake, and taking care of your wellbeing.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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