How to show more affection in relationships (and why it matters)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Small acts of affection can give our relationships a boost, but it doesn't always come easily. Learn 10 ways to show more affection to your people and enjoy the benefits.
One of the simplest ways to show your partner or loved one that they’re important and valued is through quick acts of affection. A genuine smile or laugh, walking arm in arm, or a quick squeeze of the hand says, “I love you,” or, “I’m here with you,” without using words at all. When you can communicate with your loved one non-verbally, that’s when you know you’ve got a top-tier connection.
But, let’s face it… even in the best of the best relationships, showing affection isn’t always easy. Especially when you’re preoccupied with the stresses or chores of daily life, like washing that pile of dishes that’s been sitting there for days, meeting work deadlines, or coordinating who’s bringing one kid to soccer practice while the other child has a ballet class. In other words, daily life can get in the way of providing your people with those small gestures of affection that, surprisingly, can make a big difference in your relationships.
Of course, in romantic relationships, you can’t spend your whole day entangled in a loving embrace with your partner — even if you wanted to. So, how do you strike that tricky balance between showing enough love while handling everything else that your day brings?
First thing’s first: Give your overthinking mind a break. Showing affection doesn’t have to be complicated or grand. Let’s explore what affection really means in a relationship, why it matters, and how you can welcome more of it into your everyday life.
What does it mean to show affection in a relationship?
Showing affection is all about expressing your love and appreciation in ways that make your partner or loved one feel valued. It’s not the showy gestures or expensive gifts that matter, it’s about the everyday moments of connection that say, “I see you, I care about you, and you’re important to me.”
There are a lot of ways to show affection in a relationship. Hugs and kisses might be the first examples that come to mind, but there are lots of other ways to show you care. You can show appreciation with your words, help out around the house, or just be together in the same space.
Different kinds of affection are more important to some than others. Knowing someone’s love language can help you show affection to them in ways that are most meaningful.
Take the time to connect with your people to let them know that they are appreciated and not taken for granted. You might send them a quick text to a friend saying they’re on your mind or, perhaps, give your partner a long hug or shoulder massage after a busy day at work. You could even cook them dinner or grab their favorite takeout when you know they’ve had a tough day.
Showing each other how much you mean to each other can help keep your connections strong through the good times and bad.
5 benefits of showing affection in romantic relationships
If you’ve ever wondered how cuddling, brewing your partner’s preferred cup of coffee, or finding the perfect memento of a trip you took together can improve your relationship, we’ve got five positive ways it benefits the both of you.
1. Stronger emotional connection: Being affectionate deepens the bond you share by increasing your intimacy and trust. Affectionate couples tend to feel more connected and secure in their relationship.
2. Improved physical and mental health: Affectionate touches like hugging and cuddling may release feel-good chemicals that can possibly lower stress, reduce blood pressure, and boost wellbeing in both partners.
3. Enhanced communication: Affection can help you create a safe space for open communication. When you show love consistently, it’s easier to tackle challenges together.
4. Long-term satisfaction: Partners who are more affectionate are more likely to describe their relationships as happy and meaningful.
5. A positive environment: When you’re affectionate with each other, you’re more likely to be kind and appreciative. This can create a cycle of positivity in your relationship.
How to become more affectionate: 10 ways to show your love
Showing affection doesn’t come naturally to everyone. And sometimes the busyness of life means you get out of the habit. So if you’re looking for fresh ways to connect, it’s easier than you might think to bring more love into your relationships. Here's how.
1. Learn their love language
Everyone has a different way of feeling loved. For some people, it's physical touch. Others might appreciate thoughtful gifts, or prefer quality time. Find out what makes your partner or loved one feel most valued — you can even take a love languages quiz together to explore what works for each of you. Once you know their preferences, you can tailor your affection to match. Check out how to find your love language together.
💙 Discover how you express and receive affection with The Five Love Languages guided meditation from Tamara Levitt’s Love and Relationships series.
2. Show love through physical touch
Even the slightest touch can help you show love. Hold their hand while you’re walking, (or walk arm in arm if that’s more appropriate for the type of relationship you have with the person). Give them a hug when they’re feeling down or to welcome them home, or simply sit close together while you’re watching TV. These little physical connections build warmth and intimacy without needing words.
3. Make appreciation a habit
Everyone likes to feel noticed, so tell the person what you admire about them. You might compliment them on a stunning outfit, say how much you love their wicked sense of humor, or tell them how fab the date night they planned was. Be specific with the details and make your words true to you, so your loved one feels cherished and confident.
4. Spend quality time together
Life gets busy, but carving out uninterrupted time for each other is one of the most meaningful ways to show affection, especially in romantic relationships. So, plan a date night! And make it a regular thing. Your routine date nights don't have to be anything fancy or expensive. You can simply go for a walk somewhere there's a great view or put your phones down and cozy up in a coffee shop for a real conversation without any distractions. Be fully present during these moments, so they know you want to spend time with them.
Need help being more present? Here are nine tips to help.
5. Surprise them with small gestures
You don’t have to go all out on a big, expensive surprise to show you care. Small gestures can go a long way when you live with someone. Bring home their favorite sweet treat on a random weeknight or leave a sweet note in their work bag. Why not take care of cleaning the bathroom if you know they hate doing it? Small, thoughtful actions (like gift-giving or acts of service) like these can brighten their day and show them they’re on your mind.
6. Listen actively
Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is simply listen. When a friend, family member, or partner is talking, put down your phone, make eye contact, and be fully engaged. This makes them feel valued and respected, especially when they’re sharing something personal or important, but also if they're just chatting about their day. Take a look at these five ways to become a better listener.
7. Show your gratitude
Saying thank you might seem small, but, when it comes to showing your love, a thank you can go a long way. Noticing the everyday things your people do for you. In a romantic partnership it might look like cooking dinner, asking about updates on your family and friends, or being there for you on a tough day. These gestures can let your partner know how much they mean to you.
Here’s a four-step process to help you spread gratitude in your relationship.
💙 Grow your feelings of thankfulness with Tamara Levitt’s Gratitude masterclass.
8. Revisit shared memories
Pull out old photos, watch videos or reminisce about trips you took together, funny things that happened to you both, or loving moments you’ve shared. Reliving these memories can strengthen your bonds. For family members and old friends, nostalgia can be very connective and bonding. In romantic relationships it can remind both of you why you fell in love in the first place. (Here are 15 ways to build rapport.)
9. Use loving words when speaking to each other
What you say matters. Tell your partner, “I love you,” “I’m so lucky to have you,” or “I appreciate everything you do.” Or tell your friend or family member, “I feel so supported by you,” or“I’m so grateful to have you.” Even simple affirmations (like these 10 examples) can make a big difference in how loved and valued your partner or loved ones feel.
10. Show affection in public
In romantic relationships, a small gesture in public like holding hands, a quick kiss, or putting your arm around their shoulder can make your partner feel cherished. It’s a way to say, “I’m happy to be with you,” in front of the world, especially if your partner’s love language is physical touch.
💙 Learn more about how to nourish your relationship with our Love and Relationships series.
How to show affection FAQs
How can I become affectionate with a partner if it doesn’t come naturally?
If showing affection doesn’t come naturally, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Dip your toe in and try a few different ways to show your love, and you'll find out what works best for you and your partner.
Start small: Simple gestures like saying, “I really appreciate you,” giving a quick hug, or holding your partner’s hand can help you ease into being more affectionate.
Observe: Pay attention to how your partner reacts to these moments. If they smile, relax, or seem happier, that’s a clue that you're on the right track.
Go slow: You don’t need to transform overnight, so be patient with yourself, and ask your partner to give you time, too. Affection can grow with practice, and it’s okay to feel unsure at first.
Get feedback: Let your other half know you’re trying to be more expressive, and ask what makes them feel loved. Their feedback can help guide you, and their understanding can ease the pressure.
Be consistent: Be intentional, and keep practicing these moments of connection. Over time, you’ll likely feel more natural and your confidence will grow.
Can too much affection be overwhelming to a partner?
It’s possible for affection to feel overwhelming if it goes out of your partner’s comfort zone, or if they're not feeling in the mood for it. Not everyone is equally comfortable with physical touch, verbal affirmations, or other forms of affection, so it can feel tricky to strike the right balance.
The way through is to ask your partner what kind of affection they prefer, but also notice their reactions. If they seem uncomfortable or pull back during certain gestures, don’t take it personally. It may be more about their boundaries than a reflection of your relationship. Instead, chat about what feels good for them and what might be too much.
It’s also important to know that everyone has different needs depending on the moment. A partner who loves cuddling may need more space when they’re stressed or tired. Pay attention to their body language and responses, and be ready to change the way you give affection accordingly.
How does affection impact mental health?
Physical gestures like hugging, holding hands, eye contact, or a warm smile can help lower stress, reduce anxiety, and create feelings of calm and happiness. For many people, these small moments of connection can make a big difference in their wellbeing.
Affection also helps build a sense of emotional safety and trust in relationships. When you know you’re loved and appreciated, it’s easier to navigate life’s challenges without feeling alone, which can help reduce symptoms of stress, depression, and loneliness. This can help create a more resilient, healthier mental state for both people.
If you or a loved one are struggling with mental health challenges, regular affection can be a simple, accessible way to bring more positivity into your lives. It’s not a replacement for professional help, but it’s an important way to show support and strengthen your emotional bond.
Is showing affection a love language?
Affection overlaps with the love language of physical touch, but it can also be expressed through other love languages like words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and receiving gifts.
If your partner values quality time, spending an afternoon together doing something they enjoy can be a meaningful act of affection. If they appreciate words of affirmation, sending a kind text or saying “I can't wait to see you later” can have the same impact as a hug might for someone who values physical touch.
When you understand your partner’s love language, you can express affection in ways that resonate with them. If you’re unsure what their love language is, talk about it together or take a simple online quiz to discover it. Learning about the kinds of affection that work for each other can make your relationship even stronger.
How can mindfulness improve affection in a relationship?
Being present in the moment can help you deepen the way you show affection. When you’re mindful, you’re more likely to notice the little things, like your partner’s mood, their needs, or the way they light up when you do something kind. With this awareness, you can respond with intentional, meaningful gestures of love.
Instead of giving your partner a quick hug and moving on with your day, mindfulness encourages you to slow down and fully experience the moment. When you’re truly present, even everyday gestures like holding hands or sharing a meal can feel more significant, because your focus is on each other (not on distractions like your phone or the stress of the day.) You can even try couples meditation, which can strengthen your connection and make your affection more impactful.
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