10 signs you're a lonely extrovert and how to deal with it
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn what it means to be a lonely or quiet extrovert, including the signs and effects of isolation. Plus, how extroverts can navigate loneliness with 12 tips.
Most people can quickly point to one of their friends and name them the extrovert of the group. The extrovert is often a charming conversationalist, quick on their feet, and enjoys being the center of attention and meeting new people. They may be ones to befriend the more quiet personality type—the introvert—and we love them for that.
From the outside looking in, you might think an extrovert has it all… but what if, despite being surrounded by others, they were, in fact, lonely? If you’re someone who gains energy from social interactions but still feels lonely, then you may be a lonely (or quiet) extrovert.
Extroverts get their energy from being around people, so a lack of meaningful connections or not enough social interactions can lead people with this socialization style to feel isolated. This can happen for many reasons, such as moving to a new place, working remotely, or losing touch with friends. But it can even happen in your routine daily life, too.
What is a lonely or quiet extrovert?
A lonely or quiet extrovert is someone who thrives on high amounts of socialization—and has it in their lives—but still feels lonely. This loneliness can be especially confusing and frustrating if they expect to feel happy and energized by social interactions but don’t. When some extroverts don’t receive enough meaningful social contact, they may feel drained and disconnected, instead of feeling fulfilled and in tune with their community.
5 reasons why extroverts might feel lonely
While quiet extroverts enjoy social interactions, they might not always seek the spotlight. Instead of being the center of attention, you can find a quiet extrovert appreciating deeper, more meaningful conversations over larger group chats or activities. If a quiet extrovert doesn’t have sufficient social interactions of this kind, loneliness can begin to seep in.
Understanding these aspects of extroversion helps us see that loneliness isn’t just about being physically alone — it’s about the quality of connections and the fulfillment extroverts receive from their social interactions. By recognizing the challenges that lonely or quiet extroverts face, we can better support them in finding the meaningful connections they need to feel happy, fulfilled, and cherished.
1. Big life changes
Major changes like moving to a new city, starting a new job, or going through a breakup can interfere with an extrovert's social network. This can make it difficult for them to maintain the level of interaction they need to thrive.
2. Working remotely
The rise of working from home means fewer in-person interactions with colleagues. And this can take a toll on a person’s wellbeing, especially if you’re an extrovert. Extroverts might miss the daily social interactions that come with working in an office environment, like stopping by a colleague’s desk or having lunch with your team.
3. Busy schedules
Having a packed schedule can make it hard to find time for socializing for fun. Extroverts may find themselves too busy to maintain their usual level of social contact and can begin to feel isolated and even resent their busyness.
4. Loss of friendships
Over time, friendships can change, from growing apart to a change in dynamic and everything in-between. Losing a close friend (or friends) can leave extroverts feeling lonely, even if they still have other friends they see regularly. For some people, it’s not about the quantity of friends — it’s about the quality.
5. Being misunderstood
People may assume extroverts are always okay, because they’re outgoing. This perception can lead to a lack of support when extroverts actually feel lonely or disconnected.
What are the effects of isolation on extroverts?
1. Low mood or depression
Lonely extroverts might find themselves feeling depressed or struggling with low mood if it’s been awhile since they’ve experienced social interaction.
2. Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem can plague lonely extroverts, because of a lack of social interaction and tying their social calendars or work success to their personal worth.
3. Social anxiety
Lonely extroverts may experience social anxiety. Typically, extroverted people are seen as the life of the party. While extroverts do, in fact, enjoy being in the spotlight from time to time, the pressure to perform can be all consuming and cause anxiety.
4. Difficulty concentrating or feeling motivated
If extroverts spend too much time alone and without social interaction, this can cause them to feel low. Persistent low mood can cause extreme sadness or depression, both of which may contribute to losing the motivation to engage in activities you love.
5. Social withdrawal
Social withdrawal can be a common effect of isolation on extroverts, especially if the social engagement they’re receiving isn’t fulfilling their standards and meeting their needs. For example, if the social circle isn’t challenging the extrovert mentally or doesn’t share similar interests, they may feel less motivated with maintaining the connection. Social withdrawal can also be due to overstimulation and having an abundance of connection.
6. Changes in sleep patterns
Experiencing a change in sleep patterns may be something lonely extroverts face, as isolation can cause other struggles that share sleep disturbances, such as insomnia and depression.
10 signs of being a lonely extrovert
Isolation can have a major impact on extroverts and affect their mental and emotional health. Extroverts may feel less happy, less fulfilled, and less engaged with the world around them when they’re in isolation, which can lead to long-term health issues if not addressed. By being aware of these health impacts, extroverts—and those around them—can take steps to combat the negative effects of isolation and work toward building meaningful social connections.
1. You feel, well, lonely
The most impactful effect of isolation on extroverts is a profound sense of loneliness. This loneliness can feel persistent and can affect all areas of their life. It can make them feel disconnected from others, even when they’re in social situations.
2. You feel low if you haven’t talked to anyone in a while
When extroverts don't get enough social time, they may feel tired, sluggish, or emotionally drained. This lack of social interaction can leave them feeling less motivated and emotionally tapped out.
3. You spend time around people but still feel disconnected
Loneliness can lead to feelings of sadness, depression, and a general lack of enthusiasm. Extroverts might notice that activities they used to enjoy no longer bring them the same happiness or excitement as they once did when they felt more fulfilled.
You tie your busy schedule to your self-worth
Without regular social contact, extroverts can fear that they’re being forgotten by their friends. They can also become worried about their social skills deteriorating. This anxiety and decline in self-esteem can make it even harder to re-engage socially when opportunities arise.
5. You’re sensitive to rejection
Extroverts might actively seek out parties, join clubs, or participate in social events but find that these interactions don't satisfy their need for deeper connections. This can lead to feelings of frustration and emptiness. To make up for the lack of in-person interaction, extroverts might spend more time scrolling on social media. Virtual interaction doesn’t provide the same level of satisfaction as face-to-face connection, which can make feelings of loneliness even worse.
6. You’re less motivated to pursue what you enjoy
Extroverts draw motivation and inspiration from their social environments. When isolated, they might find it hard to stay motivated, focused, and productive. Tasks that once seemed easy or enjoyable can become daunting and unappealing.
7. You fill your schedule to avoid being on your own
Some lonely extroverts might try to fill their time with activities to avoid feeling lonely. While staying busy can be a temporary distraction, it doesn't address the root cause of their loneliness and can ultimately lead to burnout.
8. You lose interest in socializing, because it doesn’t fulfill you
Despite their natural inclination to be social, lonely extroverts might start to withdraw from activities they used to enjoy. This withdrawal can happen because they feel discouraged by previous unsatisfying social interactions or because they fear rejection or further loneliness.
9. Your feelings of loneliness affect your sleep
Loneliness can affect sleep, causing extroverts to have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restful sleep. These changes in sleep patterns can lead to fatigue and further worsening feelings of sadness and increasing low energy.
10. You’re getting sick or feeling unwell more often than not
Emotional distress from loneliness can manifest as physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension. Isolation can even lead to stress-related health problems. Extroverts might experience headaches, high blood pressure, or a weakened immune system due to the constant stress of feeling disconnected. Over time, these physical symptoms can have a significant impact on their overall health.
How to deal with loneliness: 12 tips for quiet or lonely extroverts
For lonely extroverts, adding in a few extra steps into their daily routine can benefit their social and personal lives. Maintaining a balance between social activities and self-care helps people stay connected to others and emotionally healthy.
1. Find opportunities to build new friendships
Join local clubs, groups, or classes that align with your interests. Whether it’s a sports team, a book club, or a cooking class, these activities provide a great way to meet new people and form new friendships. Keep an eye out for opportunities in community centers, online event listings, or local social media groups. You can often even find a bulletin board at your favorite local coffee shop filled with flyers for upcoming events.
💙 Take a step in developing new connections by first Making Friends – With Yourself.
2. Lean into hobbies or activities that include other people
Involve yourself in activities that center around teamwork or group connection, such as playing sports, joining a dance class, or participating in community theater. These activities not only provide regular social interaction but also give a sense of belonging and shared purpose.
💙 Listen to The Daily Jay’s You Belong guided meditation for an extra dose of confidence before your first group meetup.
3. Use online platforms to connect when in-person isn’t possible
Utilize social media, video calls, and online communities to stay connected with friends and family when in-person meetings or hang outs aren’t possible. You can also join online forums or social media groups that focus on your hobbies or interests to connect with people who share similar interests.
💙 Be mindful of how much time you spend online by learning about How It Impacts Your Life if used in excess in Calm’s Social Media & Screen Addiction Masterclass.
4. Plan regular meet-ups with the people you love hanging out with
Schedule regular gatherings with friends or family. Whether it's a weekly coffee catch-up, a monthly dinner party, or a bi-weekly game night, having set plans can ensure you maintain regular social contact. Make these gatherings a priority to ensure they happen consistently.
💙 Enhance your Social Life with guidance from Breathe Into It, with Camila Cabello.
5. Volunteer for a cause or community you care about
Volunteering for a cause you care about can provide a sense of purpose and community. It’s also a great way to meet new people who share your interests and values. Look for local non-profits, community centers, or online platforms that connect volunteers with opportunities.
💙 Recognize Your Inherent Value as you uplift others you care about, as well.
6. Connect with like-minded people by joining support groups
If you’re feeling particularly lonely or going through a tough time, consider joining a support group. These groups can offer emotional support, understanding, and a sense of community. Resources for support groups can be found online, through a professional (like a therapist), or even through a friend or another connection.
💙 If you’re nervous about opening up to others, tune into this Fear of Intimacy session.
7. Host events to build your self-esteem
Take the initiative to host events or gatherings. Organize a potluck dinner, a game night, or a movie night with friends. Being the host can help you control the social environment and ensure it’s enjoyable and comfortable for you.
💙 Find self-acceptance and awaken your inner confidence with guidance from 7 Days of Self-Esteem.
8. Participate in community events to enjoy shared experiences
Attend local festivals, fairs, or community gatherings. These events often provide opportunities to meet new people and enjoy shared experiences. Check local event listings, community boards, or social media for information on upcoming events or even follow a sports team or local music group if that’s your thing!
9. Pursue collaborative projects to strengthen social bonds
Engage in projects that require teamwork, such as community garden projects, neighborhood improvement initiatives, or collaborative art projects. Working toward a common goal with others can strengthen social bonds and create lasting friendships.
💙 Learn how Nurturing Relationships can open the door for community and connection.
10. Practice mindfulness and self-care (because you’re worth it)
While seeking social connections, it’s also important to take care of your mental health and remember that your wellbeing is the priority. Practice mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, to manage stress and anxiety. Ensure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly to keep your body and mind healthy.
💙 Get started on your mindfulness journey with Jeff Warren’s 30-day practice, Mindfulness for Beginners.
11. Set realistic expectations about seeing a difference over time
Understand that forming meaningful connections takes time. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t instantly find a close friend or a tight-knit group. Be patient and give yourself time to build those relationships.
💙 Practice Patience with others to help you become more patient with yourself.
12. Reconnect with old friends you’ve lost touch with
Reach out to friends you may have lost touch with. A simple message or phone call can rekindle old friendships and remind you of the connections you already have.
💙 Overcome your Fear of Intimacy and embrace vulnerability by reaching out to an old friend to rekindle the connection you once shared.
Lonely extrovert FAQs
Can extroverts experience social anxiety?
Yes, extroverts can experience social anxiety. Social anxiety is a condition where people feel intense fear or worry about social situations and fear judgment or rejection. While extroverts generally enjoy and seek out social interactions, they can still feel anxious in certain situations. This might happen if they’re meeting new people, speaking in front of a crowd, or trying to impress someone. The key difference is that extroverts, despite their anxiety, still crave social interaction and may feel frustrated by their anxious feelings.
Why are introverts attracted to extroverts?
Introverts may be drawn to extroverts, because extroverts often bring energy and excitement to social situations. Extroverts can help introverts feel more comfortable and engaged in social settings by initiating conversations and activities. This dynamic can create a balanced relationship where the extrovert’s social enthusiasm complements the introvert’s more reserved nature. Extroverts can also introduce introverts to new people and experiences, broadening their social horizons in a way that feels manageable and enjoyable.
What are some long-term effects of loneliness on extroverts?
Long-term loneliness can have serious effects on extroverts’ mental and physical health. Prolonged isolation can lead to chronic depression and anxiety, making it difficult for extroverts to engage in social interactions even when opportunities arise. The stress of ongoing loneliness can also weaken the immune system, leading to increased illness. Over time, extroverts might experience cognitive decline, such as memory issues and decreased problem-solving skills, due to the lack of mental stimulation from social interactions. Physical symptoms, like headaches, high blood pressure, and sleep disturbances, can also become chronic problems.
How can workplaces support extroverted employees during remote work?
Workplaces can support extroverted employees during remote work through strategies that build a sense of community and connection despite physical distance.
Regular virtual social events: Organizing virtual happy hours, team-building activities, or coffee chats can help extroverts stay socially connected.
Collaborative projects: Encouraging teamwork and collaboration through group projects and regular team meetings can provide social interaction and a sense of camaraderie.
Open communication channels: Using platforms like Slack, Microsoft Teams, or Zoom can keep communication lines open and encourage frequent, informal check-ins, which can boost an extrovert’s energy throughout the day.
Flexible workspaces: If possible, offer co-working spaces or occasional in-office days where employees can choose to work together and build their connections.
Recognition and feedback: Providing regular positive feedback and recognition to maintain workplace morale and motivation can help extroverts feel valued and connected to their team.
Are there any benefits to being a quiet extrovert?
Yes, there are benefits to being a quiet extrovert. Quiet extroverts enjoy social interactions but also appreciate deeper, more meaningful conversations. This balance allows them to build strong, lasting relationships. They can thrive in both group settings and one-on-one interactions, making them adaptable to various social situations. Quiet extroverts often have a heightened sense of empathy and listening skills, which helps them connect with others on a deeper level. Their ability to enjoy solitude can provide them with the downtime needed to recharge and reflect, leading to better emotional resilience and wellbeing.
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