Stuck in a one-sided relationship? 10 ways to shift the dynamic

Relationships

Nov 11

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

If a relationship constantly leaves you feeling drained, it may be a sign that it's one-sided. Learn why one-sided relationships happen, and 10 tips to help you find balance.

You know the feeling. You’re the one sending the texts, arranging the dinner meet-ups, or staying late at work to finish the project, while the other person doesn’t respond, barely notices, or lets you do all the work. At first, you might brush it off and tell yourself they’re busy or stressed. But over time, it starts to hurt. When effort feels lopsided, it can lead you to wonder if the connection even matters to them.

This feeling is often the heart of a one-sided relationship. You might start with patience and generosity, but when you consistently give more energy, care, or attention than you receive, feelings can quickly turn into frustration, burnout, and emotional distance.

One-sided relationships can happen in romantic partnerships, friendships, family ties, and even workplace dynamics. But that doesn’t mean you have to accept them. If you’re ready to restore balance in your relationships and recenter your own needs, here’s what you need to know.

What is a one-sided relationship?

A one-sided relationship is where the balance of effort, care, or investment leans heavily toward one person. This imbalance can show up emotionally, practically, or even financially. And while all relationships have temporary phases of imbalance, in one-sided relationships, the pattern stays consistent over time.

These relationships aren’t always obvious at first. In the beginning, they can be masked by busyness, different communication styles, and assumptions about what the connection should look like. For example, one friend assumes that occasional check-ins are plenty, while the other feels neglected without regular contact.

Over time, this dynamic tends to feel draining, with one person feeling like their needs aren’t being met. But being in a one-sided relationship doesn’t necessarily mean the other person doesn’t care. Sometimes, it simply means they lack the awareness, emotional skills, or capacity to show up for others effectively.

7 signs of a one-sided relationship

Even healthy relationships go through unbalanced phases, but consistent one-sidedness may suggest a dynamic that is teetering towards long-standing imbalance.

Here are seven common signs that you might be in a one-sided relationship:

1. You’re always the one initiating: If you don't reach out, plans don’t happen. Or you find yourself scheduling, calling, or texting just to keep the connection alive.

2. Your needs take the back seat: Conversations revolve around the other person, and your feelings tend to go unnoticed when you bring them up.

3. Support isn’t mutual: You show up for them in hard times. But when you need help, they’re distracted, unavailable, or quick to change the subject.

4. You’re the constant peacekeeper: Conflicts end with you smoothing things over, apologizing, or compromising more than feels fair.

5. The effort feels unbalanced: You’re the one carrying the weight. You’re remembering birthdays, making thoughtful gestures, and keeping the traditions alive.

6. You feel more anxious than secure: Instead of feeling grounded by the relationship, you consistently worry about whether they value you, or wonder if you’re asking for too much.

7. You leave interactions feeling drained: Time with them leaves you emotionally exhausted or questioning your worth, instead of feeling uplifted and content.

Noticing one or two of these signs occasionally doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed, or toxic. Stress, personal struggles, and timing can create temporary dips in connection. The concern is when these patterns become the norm and when effort starts to feel like a requirement rather than a choice.

Why do one-sided relationships happen?

One-sided relationships tend to develop gradually, shaped by unmet needs, unclear boundaries, and emotional habits that go unnoticed. Often, these imbalances arise when two people have different expectations like when one sees the relationship as casual while the other invests more deeply. These kinds of disconnects can lead to a pattern where one gives far more than they receive.

In other cases, the imbalance grows from a desire to avoid conflict. Someone may overextend themselves just to keep the peace, slowly building resentment that erodes real connection. Emotional limits can also play a role as stress, burnout, or anxiety can make it hard for someone to show up fully, even if they care deeply.

Those who’ve learned to earn love or approval by putting others first may find over-giving feels natural, often attracting partners comfortable taking more than they give. And sometimes, the other person simply isn’t aware of how uneven things feel. Without honest communication, resentments can grow until the relationship becomes unsustainable.

6 possible effects of one-sided relationships

Being the one who constantly gives more than they receive can take a big toll on your emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing. Here’s how:

1. Emotional exhaustion: Carrying the weight of keeping a relationship alive can feel like a second job. Eventually, this can drain the energy you’d normally have for other parts of life.

2. Lowered self-esteem: When your needs are consistently overlooked, it’s easy to internalize the message that they don’t matter. Or worse, that you don’t matter.

3. Resentment and frustration: Even if you try to brush off the imbalance, it typically builds up underneath. This frustration can then spill out in withdrawal or bursts of anger.

4. Difficulty trusting others: After being burned by giving too much, you may become cautious about opening up again and fear the same pattern will just repeat itself.

5. Increased stress: Constantly monitoring the relationship and wondering if you’re doing enough, or if they care at all, can create background stress that affects your mood, sleep, and even your health.

6. Social isolation: Pouring so much energy into one relationship can pull focus from others. And if that relationship doesn’t meet your needs, you may end up feeling lonelier than before.

What to do if you’re in a one-sided relationship: 10 tips to find balance

While you can’t force reciprocity in a relationship, you can take steps to shift the pattern so that you’re no longer abandoning your own needs to keep the connection going.

Here are 10 ways you can reconnect with yourself and find balance.

1. Name the pattern without blaming

Start by naming what you’ve noticed in a neutral way. This opens space for dialogue instead of defensiveness. It also helps to focus on how it feels, rather than accusing the other person of anything.

You might say, “I’ve noticed I’m usually the one initiating plans. I’d like things to feel more balanced,” or “It seems like I’m always the one checking in. I’d really like it if you reached out sometimes, too.”

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2. Make one clear, specific ask

Vague requests can be easy to miss, so choose a small and concrete change you’d like to see. This makes it easier for the other person to understand what support actually looks like to you.

You might say, “Could you plan our next date night? This would mean a lot to me,” or “I’m going through a tough time, do you mind checking up on me this week?”

3. Use a simple feedback frame

Keep it short and share the situation, the behavior, and the impact on you. This structure helps you stay grounded and makes it less likely that the other person will feel attacked.

You might say, “When I didn’t hear back about our weekend plans (situation), I felt like I was planning alone (impact). Can we agree on plans by Thursday?”

4. Set boundaries you can follow through on

Boundaries are a form of self-respect. To set yourself up for success, be clear about what you need, follow through calmly, and then remember that consistency builds trust.

You might say, “I’m happy to listen, but I can’t talk about this too late in the evening. Let’s set aside time tomorrow,” or “I can help out on Sundays, but I can’t drop everything during the week.”

5. Run a two-week experiment

For two weeks, stop over-functioning. Instead, notice what happens when you step back. This gives you a clearer view of the relationship’s natural balance without your extra effort holding it up.

Notice if they step up or not. If they do, there’s room for balance. If they don’t, it’s valuable information that shows the relationship may rely on your overgiving.

6. Create a shared plan

If the relationship matters to both of you, agree on a few small shifts. When you have a clear and mutual plan, it makes it easier to stay aligned.

Try implementing new strategies like having one person plan Friday dinner, the other plan Sunday brunch. Or with family, alternate who organizes family check-ins and who organizes holiday gatherings.

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7. Check the story you’re telling yourself

Sometimes these relationships trigger old narratives like, “I have to earn love” or “I’m only valuable if I give.” So, stop and notice if an old story’s coming up. This can help you respond from the present and not the past.

Pause and ask, what are the facts here? What’s another way of seeing this? What’s one choice I can make that protects my energy today?

8. Diversify your support system

Spread out your connections — relying on one person for all your needs sets you up for disappointment. And having a few trusted people to turn to can ease the pressure on any relationship.

Connect more with others by calling a friend who makes you laugh, sharing your struggles with a sibling you trust, or joining a group or community where support flows more freely.

9. Notice and reinforce change

If they do make an effort, acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement builds momentum. Even small shifts deserve recognition and show that you’re paying attention.

Reinforce this by saying something like, “I really appreciated you making the reservation. It meant a lot.” Or, “Thanks for calling me first. It made me feel cared for.”

10. Prepare your exit criteria

Before you reach a breaking point, clarify your limits and write down your non-negotiables, along with a timeline for change. This can help you make decisions with clarity rather than exhaustion.

Set your boundary by reminding yourself something like, “If this relationship doesn’t start to feel more balanced in the next two months, I may need to reassess my needs and whether this is a good fit for me.” Or, “I may need to take a step back from this friendship.”

When to press pause or get help

If you see controlling behavior, isolation, threats, or any form of emotional, financial, or physical abuse, prioritize your safety. Reach out to a local hotline, a licensed therapist, or a trusted authority. Remind yourself that you don’t need proof to ask for support.

One-sided relationships FAQs

How do I know if my relationship is one-sided or just going through a rough patch?

Knowing the difference between a one-sided relationship, and a relationship that’s simply under strain, usually comes down to duration and reciprocity. All relationships ebb and flow, and there will be times when one person carries more because the other is sick, stressed, or dealing with life changes. This is known as a rough patch, and it typically balances itself out with time.

But a one-sided relationship shows up as a long-term pattern where you’re consistently giving more with little acknowledgment or return. If months go by and you’re still the one initiating and compromising while the other person remains disengaged, it’s worth considering that this imbalance isn’t temporary.

Can one-sided relationships be fixed?

Yes, they can, if both people are willing to see the imbalance and actively work on it. Repair often requires open communication, a willingness to change daily habits, and patience to rebuild trust. If you ask for more check-ins and the other person makes a real effort to follow through, this is a sign of growth.

On the other hand, if the relationship only improves after you push and then quickly slips back into old patterns, this might be a sign that the effort isn’t mutual.

Why do I keep ending up in one-sided relationships?

Sometimes repeated one-sided dynamics point to patterns in how you relate to others. People who are natural caretakers, people-pleasers, or conflict-avoidant may unconsciously take on the role of giver. Usually, they’re hoping that effort will secure love or approval, which is often shaped by early experiences, like growing up in a family where affection was conditional.

If a one-sided relationship feels familiar to you, it may help to reflect on your boundaries and consider therapy to untangle why over-giving feels automatic to you.

What are the signs of a one-sided relationship early on?

In the early stages, these types of relationships often show up in subtle ways. That might mean you’re always the one initiating contact, or they rarely ask about your life. Or you feel a sense of relief when they do something small because it feels rare.

A lack of emotional availability is another clear sign. If you share something vulnerable and it gets brushed off or minimized, that’s information. It doesn’t always mean things won’t improve, but spotting these cues early can save you from investing heavily in a dynamic that may not ever become balanced.

How to know when to end a one-sided relationship?

If you’ve clearly communicated your needs and the other person repeatedly ignores or dismisses them, this is a strong indicator that the imbalance won’t change, and it might be time to end it. Additionally, if interactions consistently leave you feeling drained, undervalued, or anxious rather than supported, this is another significant sign.

In general, choosing to end a one-sided relationship is about protecting your own wellbeing. Sometimes letting go is the most caring choice you can make, for yourself and for your future relationships.

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one sided relationships

Calm Editorial Team