How to practice positive self-talk (and why it matters)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Struggling with the negative voice inside your head? It's time to bring in positive reinforcement. Learn the benefits of positive self-talk, plus 9 tips to help you practice.
We’ve all accidentally made a mistake or stubbed our toe on the corner of our coffee table and screamed, “Wow, you idiot!” Sadly, this is a pretty common reflex for a lot of us, and we don’t even stop to think about it afterwards. We just keep going with our day and pay no attention to how poorly we treat ourselves.
Negative self-talk might seem like just harmless passing thoughts that you don’t really mean, but after a while, it can gain momentum and soon you’re dealing with a relentless critic who’s narrating your every flaw.
Let’s start shifting the way you treat yourself, because positive self-talk matters. And practicing positive self-talk can even build your confidence over time. If you’re ready to put your inner critic to bed, here’s how, one positive word at a time.
What is positive self-talk?
Positive self-talk is the way you speak to yourself when you’re navigating daily stressors. It’s the running commentary in your head that can either build your confidence or slowly chip away at it.
At its core, positive self-talk is about responding to your thoughts with compassion. It’s about noticing when your brain spirals and gently offering it a more encouraging response. It’s also about choosing language that supports you and that holds space for effort and growth.
Many people’s self-talk was shaped over time by their upbringing, environment, experiences, and cultural messaging. If you tend to negatively self-talk, that voice can be re-trained to be more supportive.
Here are a few phrases you can use to retrain your inner critic.
“This is hard, but I’m handling it.”
“I made a mistake, and I can still move forward.”
“I’m allowed to feel what I’m feeling right now.”
“Not everything went well today, but not everything went wrong either.”
4 benefits of positive self-talk
Practicing positive self-talk can create a more supportive inner monologue, especially when life gets stressful. Here’s how.
1. It builds emotional resilience: When your inner voice is kind rather than cruel, you’re more likely to recover from stress, failure, or conflict without spiraling into shame. It allows for your resilience to bend instead of break.
2. It reduces stress: Negative self-talk can keep your nervous system in a state of hyper-alertness. But research shows that talking positively to yourself can lower your cortisol levels and create a more grounded physiological state.
3. It improves focus and performance: When you speak to yourself with encouragement, you’re more likely to stay focused and confident under pressure.
4. It strengthens self-worth: The more often you remind yourself that you’re worthy with statements like, “I’m doing my best,” or “I deserve kindness too,” the more those messages become your internal default. It also reminds you that you’re valuable even when you’re not productive or perfect.
How to practice positive self-talk: 9 tips to be kinder to yourself
Inner critics can be loud and stubborn. But with time and determination, these saboteurs can be silenced.
Here are nine manageable ways you can be kinder to yourself:
1. Catch the inner critic in action
Tune into the voice in your head when you make a mistake or feel stressed. Notice if it’s kind, blunt, or harsh. If you spill a drink and your brain immediately says, “Ugh, you’re so clumsy,” take this as a cue to start rewiring your inner monologue.
Consider keeping a journal of recurring phrases your inner critic uses. Awareness can bring about change.
Read more: How to forgive yourself: 5 ways to boost self-compassion
2. Ask, “Would I say this to someone I love?”
If you wouldn’t say something to your best friend, your child, or your favorite coworker, it probably doesn’t belong in your head either.
Swap out sentences like, “I’m such a failure,” with “That didn’t go as planned, and I’m allowed to be disappointed. But I’m not defined by this moment.”
3. Name the story
Repeating a phrase like “I always mess up” can make you slowly start to believe it. Ditch this old narrative by labeling it. This creates just enough distance to choose a different response.
Try labeling a statement like “I’m not good enough,” as an “old story” when it comes up. This reminds you that it’s not a fact.
Read more: Negative self-talk: 8 ways to quiet your inner critic
4. Use grounding phrases that don’t sound fake
The most effective positive phrases are usually the most neutral sounding, but they do work. So, choose language that resonates with you and avoid the rest. Here are some phrases you could try:
“This is hard, and I’m figuring it out.”
“I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.”
“I’m allowed to take a break.”
5. Pair self-talk with breath or movement
Your nervous system listens more clearly when your body is regulated. Try anchoring your self-talk in physical gestures, as this can make them more believable.
Consider taking a few deep breaths and saying a calming phrase like “I’ve got me,” or stretching while repeating a statement like, “I’m letting this go.”
💙 Regulate your body by practicing Calming Anxiety, a meditation led by Tamara Levitt.
6. Create a list of “anchor phrases”
On tough days, your brain might not be in the mood to come up with encouraging words, and that’s okay. For days like this, prepare a short list of phrases you can easily recall.
Some easy anchor phrases you could have are:
“I can do hard things.”
“Rest is productive.”
“Mistakes mean that I’m trying.”
Read more: 10 uplifting affirmations to boost your wellbeing
7. Practice after small mistakes
Use everyday slip-ups, like forgetting your keys or sending an awkward text, as moments of practice. Rewriting the narrative on smaller moments makes it easier to do it for the bigger ones.
When you send an email with a typo, instead of saying, “I’m such an idiot.” Try saying, “Oops. That was human. Okay, moving on.”
💙 Listen to Make Light of Your Mistakes with Jay Shetty to practice being kinder to yourself.
8. Talk to yourself out loud
Saying nice things out loud can help them stick. It also slows you down and creates a little more emotional presence.
The next time you're alone at home, say out loud, “That was a long day, and I’m proud of how I handled it.” You could also say during a particularly tough task, “This is frustrating, but I know I can do it.”
Here are six other ways to deal with frustration that might help you cope with stress.
9. Give yourself time
Positive self-talk will most likely feel awkward at first, or it might even feel like it’s not working at all. This is okay (and normal). Remind yourself in these moments that you’re laying the groundwork.
Over time, these phrases will slowly start to feel less foreign. Eventually, they might even start to feel second nature.
Positive self-talk FAQs
What is an example of positive self-talk?
A good way to talk positively about yourself is to focus on self-compassion. You could say something as simple as, “I’m doing the best I can with what I have today,” or, “That was hard, and I handled it better than I used to.”
Give yourself the kind of support you’d give someone else if they were in your shoes. If it feels grounding and encouraging then you’re on the right track.
Is positive self-talk the same as positive thinking?
Positive thinking usually focuses on the outcome, like believing that things will turn out okay or that you should look on the bright side. On the other hand, positive self-talk, focuses on the process. It’s about how you speak to yourself along the way and about choosing a tone of inner kindness.
Positive self-talk is more about how you relate to yourself in the moment, even when things aren’t going great.
How can I practice positive self-talk every day?
You can start small by choosing one moment each day to pause and offer yourself a kind thought. Maybe it’s while showering, during your commute, or as you cook dinner.
Also, try noticing how you speak to yourself during stressful moments, and gently swap in something more compassionate. You could write down one supportive phrase each morning or reflect on your self-talk in a journal at night.
Can positive self-talk actually change my brain?
It can actually change your brain, and there’s real science behind it. The brain has something called neuroplasticity, which means it can physically rewire itself based on repeated experiences.
When you practice kinder self-talk regularly, you’re strengthening neural pathways that help with emotional regulation and self-worth. Over time, these pathways can become more automatic, which can make compassionate responses feel more natural.
Why is it so hard to be nice to myself sometimes?
It’s hard to be nice to ourselves sometimes because we’re often taught that being critical is how we improve and stay motivated. Past experiences, cultural pressure, and perfectionism can also make it extra hard for us to be kind to ourselves.
Our brains are wired to scan for threats, which means we’re more likely to fixate on what’s wrong than what’s going well. But with a little time and practice, being nicer to yourself can become your default instead of the exception.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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