What is the receiving gifts love language? Plus, 10 examples
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn what receiving gifts as a love language is, including examples, how to do it, and pitfalls to avoid. Plus, why gifts as a love language isn't materialistic.
If you’re someone who celebrates their birthday for an entire month, or counts down the days until the holidays, you might be the type of person who enjoys giving and receiving gifts.
It’s true that most people enjoy receiving a present, but, for some, a thoughtful, well-chosen gift can make them feel especially seen, understood, and cared for.
For people whose love language is receiving gifts, a thoughtful present is about more than just what’s in the package. Whether it's an unexpected surprise or a carefully planned present for a special occasion, giving this type of person a special gift can help communicate love and affection.
What is receiving gifts as a love language?
In his book, The 5 Love Languages, marriage counselor Gary Chapman, PhD, describes five ways people prefer to receive love, including receiving gifts. The others are words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time.
For people who enjoy receiving gifts as a love language, tangible symbols of affection can be incredibly meaningful. Thoughtful gifts show you took the time to choose something special, which can help strengthen your emotional connection and create a sense of appreciation and validation. The love languages we most relate to aren’t just for romantic relationships but can also be experienced in relationships with friends and family.
Why gifts as a love language isn’t materialistic
There’s a common misconception that receiving gifts as a love language is materialistic. However, this expression of love isn’t about the cost of the gift itself but the emotional significance. Even a small, meaningful gift can show how much you care and appreciate your partner.
Meaning: Choosing something meaningful can be more valuable than an expensive, impersonal item.
Memories: A well-chosen gift can remind your partner of a special time or a shared experience, helping build a stronger emotional bond.
Appreciation: Showing your partner you’re thinking about them and care about their happiness can help reinforce your bond.
10 examples of gifts to give as a love language
Choosing gifts that reflect your partner’s personality and interests can help show the depth of your love.
1. Handwritten letters
A note expressing your love and appreciation can be a powerful gift that they’ll cherish. Share special memories, and let your partner know how much they mean to you. Writing letters can be a great way of gifting someone who also feels that words of affirmation is one of their primary love languages.
2. Personalized items
Personalized gifts show you’ve put thought into the present. An engraved keychain, custom-made jewelry, or a photo book filled with your favorite moments together can become treasured keepsakes.
3. Handmade crafts
Making something with your own hands adds a personal touch. If you’re crafty this can be a fun opportunity to create something special. Create a scrapbook of your memories together, knit a scarf, paint some pottery, or create a piece of art.
4. Special experiences
Creating lasting memories together by planning a special outing, or gifting a trip to your partner. Experiences as gifts can include a picnic in the park, a day trip to a nearby city, or tickets to an event or travel destination.
5. Favorite treats
Surprising your partner with their favorite snack or treat shows you know their likes and can brighten their day in a simple, thoughtful way.
6. Books or music
A book by your partner’s favorite author or a copy of their favorite artist's latest record can show you know their tastes and want to share their interests. Even a good old fashioned mixed tape or playlist can be a meaningful gift.
7. Flowers or plants
If your partner is a plant lover or enjoys a bouquet of flowers, bringing them flowers or a plant you know they'll love and enjoy caring for can be a great gift.
8. Jewelry or accessories
Choose a piece of jewelry or an accessory that suits your partner’s style. A bracelet, necklace, or scarf can be worn to remind them of your love. If you feel unclear on their style but want to get them something, ask them to show you examples of items they like.
9. Surprise deliveries
An unexpected delivery to your partner’s home or work can show you’re thinking of them. Send them lunch from their favorite restaurant, a small gift, or a heartfelt note.
10. Everyday tokens
Practical gifts can show you care about your partner’s comfort and happiness in their daily life. Maybe they’d like a coffee mug with a cute message, a cozy blanket, or their favorite scented candle.
How to give gifts as a love language: 10 tips to show that you care
If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts and you don’t consider yourself to be a great gift giver, these mindful tips can be a great place to start.
1. Understand their perspective
Recognize that for your partner, gifts aren’t about materialism but instead about feeling loved and appreciated. Each gift, no matter how small, symbolizes how much you care.
💙 Discover your partner’s perspective, wants, and needs by practicing Kind Communication.
2. Balance your love languages
Talk to your partner about your different love languages. Explain how you naturally express love and learn about their feelings to find a balance that works for both of you. For instance, your thoughtful gift might be accompanied by a heartfelt note (words of affirmation) or a special day out together (quality time).
💙 Learn more about The Five Love Languages to better understand how they work together.
3. Pay attention and keep a gift list
Knowing your partner’s preferences can help you choose the right gifts. If they mention something they’d like or are interested in certain things, add it to your list of ideas. This can make gift-giving more enjoyable, and the attention to detail shows you care.
💙 Listening to your partner and noticing their likes and dislikes is an important way of Nurturing Relationships.
4. Plan ahead
Think about gift ideas for special occasions—like birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays—early so you can choose something thoughtful and avoid last-minute rushes. Advanced planning can also give you time to personalize your gifts, making them even more special.
5. Choose gifts that reflect shared experiences
Choose something that reminds your partner of a special trip, an inside joke, or an event you both enjoyed. For example, a photo album of a vacation you took together or a memento from a place you visited would be an excellent way to show your love through gift-giving.
💙 Take time to focus on your Listening skills to notice whenever they mention gifts they might want in the future.
6. Consider presentation
A beautifully wrapped gift shows you’ve put effort into how you give it. Use nice wrapping paper, or present the gift in a unique way that makes the unwrapping experience as memorable as the gift itself.
7. Choose the right time
Give a surprise gift on an ordinary day to show you’re thinking of your partner. You can also plan a gift for an important date to show you care about special moments in your relationship.
8. Make it personal
Personalized gifts show that you’ve put thought into the present. Whether it’s a custom item, a handmade craft, or tickets to a special experience, adding a personal touch can make any gift feel more meaningful.
9. Involve them in the process
Sometimes, ask your partner to help choose their gift. A shopping trip together can be a fun day out that ensures a gift that's just what they want.
10. Be open to learning
Adjusting to a different love language takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and with your partner, and keep communicating to show your commitment to each other.
💙 Learn to practice Patience from Tamara Levitt in the Daily Calm.
5 pitfalls to avoid with gifts as a love language
Giving gifts as a love language can be a beautiful way to express love and appreciation, but it’s important to avoid common mistakes that can undermine the gesture.
1. Being overly extravagant
While it might be tempting to splurge on expensive gifts, spending too much might make your partner feel uncomfortable or pressured, thinking they need to do the same for you. Focus on thoughtfulness and kindness rather than cost and remember that a meaningful, inexpensive gift can be more appreciated than a high-priced item that lacks personal significance.
2. Ignoring preferences
The wrong gift can feel impersonal and thoughtless, so consider what your partner likes. Avoid anything they’ve mentioned disliking, no matter how much you might personally like it.
3. Lack of sincerity
If your partner senses you’re giving out of obligation or without genuine thought, it can reduce the impact. Choose gifts that reflect your sincere feelings. Add a heartfelt note explaining why you chose it to make it even more meaningful.
4. Compensating for issues
While a gift might temporarily smooth over a conflict, it doesn’t solve underlying issues like poor communication or unresolved arguments. Address relationship problems directly rather than using gifts as a solution.
5. Routine gifting
Giving gifts too frequently can make them seem routine. Instead, give gifts at meaningful moments so each one feels special, or surprise your partner on ordinary days to keep the gesture fresh and appreciated.
How to find your love language
If you aren’t sure what your love language is or you want to find your partner’s, check out our article, “How to find your love language.”
The five love languages:
Physical touch: Learn how physical affection can strengthen your relationship.
Words of affirmation: Learn how verbal expressions of love can solidify your bond.
Acts of service: Discover how doing things for your partner can show you care.
Receiving gifts: Understand how thoughtful gifts can make your partner feel cherished.
Quality time: Find out how spending mindful time together can deepen your connection.
Receiving gifts love language FAQs
How can I identify if my partner’s love language is receiving gifts?
To work out whether your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, pay close attention to their reactions and behaviors. You can even ask them if you’re unsure.
Enthusiastic reactions: Notice whether your partner gets excited or emotional when receiving gifts.
Gift-giving tendencies: Think about whether your partner gives you or others thoughtful gifts — people often express love in the way they prefer to receive it.
Verbal hints: Listen to what they say about gifts that made them feel special or things they’d like.
Appreciation of small tokens: See if your partner values small, everyday tokens of affection, such as a favorite snack or a surprise coffee.
What are some affordable yet meaningful gift ideas?
You don’t need to spend a lot of money to give meaningful gifts.
Handwritten letters: Write a note expressing your love and appreciation.
Their favorite treats: Choose a much-loved snack or drink.
Photo memories: Print and frame a snapshot of the two of you.
Handmade crafts: Create something special, like a bracelet or a scrapbook.
Coupons for experiences: Make a booklet of coupons for activities you can do together, like a movie night or a walk in the park.
Books: Choose something by their favorite author or on a topic they’re passionate about.
Personalized playlists: Make a playlist of songs you both love.
Can non-material gifts count for the receiving gifts love language?
Non-material gifts can be just as meaningful, if not more so, for someone whose love language is receiving gifts. Try expressing your feelings in a handwritten letter or card. Even leaving surprise notes around the house can brighten their day. Surprising them with their favorite coffee drink or snack can be a fun way to give an affordable gift. Or you might even offer handmade gifts like something you paint or craft for them, or even flowers or fruits and vegetables from your garden.
How often should I give gifts to my partner?
How often you should give gifts depends on your partner’s preferences and your relationship. Special occasions are probably non-negotiable for someone whose love language is gifts. Consider giving gifts on significant dates like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Or if you like the spontaneity of giving gifts randomly throughout the year, they might enjoy the surprise of it. It’s important to balance gift-giving with other love languages that are important to your partner. A present is not a substitution for quality time if they need that too.
What if my partner doesn’t seem to appreciate the gifts I give?
If your partner doesn’t seem to appreciate the gifts you give, it’s important to understand why, and adapt the way you show love. It might also be worth reevaluating if receiving gifts is their primary love language.
Communicate: Talk with your partner about their preferences and what they find meaningful. Ask for feedback on the gifts you’ve given and how you can improve.
Understand their tastes: Learn about their likes and dislikes. Pay attention to what excites them, and the items they mention wanting.
Personalize your gifts: Special touches can show that you’ve put thought into the present.
Consider timing and presentation: Sometimes, the timing or way a gift is presented can make it extra special.
Balance with other love languages: If gift-giving isn’t their primary love language, express love in ways that resonate more with them, such as spending quality time together or offering words of affirmation.
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