What’s your sleep language? Presenting ‘The 5 Languages of Sleep’ with clinical sleep psychologist, Dr. Shelby Harris
Gifted, Words of Worry, Routine Perfectionist, Too Hot To Handle, or Light As A Feather. Discover your Sleep Language and how to harness the benefits of your unique sleep profile to live your happiest, healthiest life.
Together with clinical sleep psychologist, Dr. Shelby Harris, we present ‘The 5 Languages of Sleep’ along with sleep tips, ideal sleep scenarios, and content to support a restful night’s sleep.
In her work with countless patients suffering from sleep difficulties throughout the years, Dr. Harris frequently sees that many people fall into 5 sleep categories:
The Gifted Sleeper
The Words of Worry Sleeper
The Routine Perfectionist Sleeper
The Too Hot To Handle Sleeper
The Light As A Feather Sleeper
“Being able to identify which (or a combination of) categories you fall into will help you know where to focus your efforts to improve your sleep”, says Harris.
“Basic sleep hygiene is always helpful for everyone, but certain techniques might be more important to focus on than others from the outset given your particular sleep style.”
Here are The 5 Languages of Sleep.
Sleep Language #1: Words of Worry
The sleeper whose anxious thoughts keep them up at night
The ‘Words of Worry Sleeper’ has a busy brain at night, filled with “what ifs” and “shoulds”. This person frequently reports trouble turning off their brain in order to fall asleep, or they wake up in the middle of the night with a busy brain that wasn’t active earlier in the evening. These can be random thoughts or worries about things going on in life and in the future, whether based in reality or not.
Ideal sleep scenario: The ideal sleep situation for the ‘Words of Worry Sleeper’ is a strong wind-down routine, giving time to quiet the brain and body before bed. Keep the room quiet, dark, cool and comfortable. While some scented oils and sprays might not be a sleep cure, lavender has been proven helpful to relax the brain and body, allowing you to better set the stage for sleep.
Are you a ‘Words of Worry Sleeper’?
If you answer yes to most of these questions, chances are this is your Sleep Language.
Do you have trouble turning off your brain at night?
Do you worry about whether or not you’ll get a good night of sleep?
Do you struggle with tension in your body when it is time to sleep?
Sleep Tips for the ‘Words of Worry Sleeper’
1. Build a consistent meditation practice, during the day and at night. By practicing meditation during the day and building a life of mindfulness, you can not only access these tools at night when you find yourself having more anxious thoughts and worries, but you’ll likely find your anxious thoughts subsiding over time.
2. Wind down 30 to ideally 60 minutes before bed. That means no screens, no work. Find something quiet, calm and relaxing to do in dim light to help calm your mind and body. Reading, meditation, and listening to a Sleep Story or music are all great options.
3. Only use your bed for sleep and sex. If you’re in bed with an anxious brain, give yourself around 20 minutes (don’t watch the clock!) to see if you fall back asleep. If you don’t, just get up and do something soothing in dim light until you’re sleepy before returning to bed. Listening to a Sleep Story or meditation when you wake up can also help to relax your mind again.
4. Seek out evidence-based, non-medication treatments. Treatments such as Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Insomnia or Mindfulness-based therapy for insomnia may help even further.
💙 Calm Content for the ‘Words of Worry Sleeper’
Unwind Into Sleep with Chibs Okereke
When It’s Hard to Fall Asleep with Professor Megan Reitz
Sleep Language #2: The Gifted Sleeper
The one who can sleep anywhere, anytime
The ‘Gifted Sleeper’ often prides themselves on their ability to fall asleep easily in any situation. They get right into bed and doze off almost immediately, but they might even love to nap during the day too.
Ideal sleep scenario: The ‘Gifted Sleeper’ often feels they can sleep anywhere, no matter the circumstances. While that might be true, it is still best to optimize your sleep (and remember, perfect sleep isn’t always a guarantee) by keeping your bedroom quiet, dark, cool and comfortable as often as possible.
Related: The 5 Biggest Sleep Myths (& 5 Science-Backed Habits To Optimize Your Sleep)
Are you a ‘Gifted Sleeper’?
If you answer yes to most of these questions, chances are this is your Sleep Language.
Do you find that you can sleep easily most nights?
Do you not really think about your sleep and it just happens to come without effort?
Are you able to sleep in most situations - whether home, away, or even naps elsewhere?
Sleep Tips for the ‘Gifted Sleeper’
Consider if you’re playing catch-up. If you find that you routinely fall asleep in less than 5 minutes every night, consider whether you should get more sleep at night as regularly falling asleep very quickly can be a sign of sleep deprivation.
Seek a professional opinion. Consider talking with your doctor if you’re getting good sleep at night but you don’t find it refreshing. You could have an undiagnosed sleep disorder, like sleep apnea.
Set yourself up for success. Keep your sleep hygiene strong to optimize quality of sleep. This means no alcohol, large meals or vigorous exercise within three hours of bed, limiting caffeine eight hours before sleep, and avoiding blue light.
Routine is key. Keep a consistent sleep and wake time as often as possible to make sure you’re getting enough sleep on a regular basis.
💙 Calm Content for the ‘Gifted Sleeper’:
Refreshing Nap with Alan Sklar
Gently Back to Sleep Album (Curated By Calm)
Sleep Language #3: The Routine Perfectionist Sleeper
The Sleeper with the Regimented Routine
The ‘Routine Perfectionist Sleeper’ tends to be very rigid about behaviors and situations surrounding their sleep, and they typically fear a bad night of sleep. If something is outside of their typical routine at night they worry they won’t be able to get to sleep, and their anxiety about sleep can keep them up.
Ideal sleep scenario: While you want to follow proper sleep hygiene (a cool, dark, quiet room is ideal), having a focus on “perfect” conditions can actually heighten worry about sleep. Instead, work to be okay with things not always being perfect, like when you travel for example, to help alleviate your worries. Find a mattress that’s comfortable to you, bedding you like, a dark room.. But don’t be too tied down to it in case something changes.
Are you a ‘Routine Perfectionist Sleeper’?
If you answer yes to most of these questions, chances are this is your Sleep Language.
Do I worry about whether I’ll sleep when I travel or sleep elsewhere?
Am I rigid about my sleep routine?
Do I easily get frustrated when something throws off my sleep routine/situation and have trouble letting it go to the point where it might impact my sleep?
Sleep Tips for the ‘Routine Perfectionist Sleeper’
1. Practice mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness during the day helps you focus on one thing at bedtime instead of allowing your mind to wander with anxious thoughts like “I have to sleep tonight” or “I didn’t do this before bed”. With regular practice, you may notice that you’re able to start letting go of those unhelpful thoughts with more ease.
2. Focus on flexibility. While having a good wind-down routine before bed is helpful for sleep, having a really rigid routine can make it harder to sleep when you deviate from that routine. Practice playing around with the order of your sleep routine as a way to introduce more flexibility and less attachment to a specific routine.
3. Switch things up. Change what you can in your sleep environment (e.g. cool temperature, dark and quiet room with shades and earplugs/white noise, meditation), but accept what you cannot change as well (a random fire alarm going off in your building, the neighbor’s dog barking in the middle of the night). If your routine is thrown off or you’re woken up at night, you can use Sleep Stories or meditations to refocus and calm down your mind, helping you get back into the headspace for sleep.
💙 Calm Content for the ‘Routine Perfectionist Sleeper’
Wonder with Matthew McConaughey
Journey into Sleep with Chibs Okereke
Sleep Language #4: The Too Hot To Handle Sleeper
The sleeper who constantly overheats
The ‘Too Hot To Handle Sleeper’ often wakes up drenched in sweat and finds it hard to fall or stay asleep as a result of being too hot. We frequently see this sleeper style in women going through peri/menopause and having hot flashes. Sometimes you might even go to bed feeling comfortable—or even cold!—but then wake up later sweating or throwing off the covers.
Ideal sleep scenario: The best sleep situation for ‘Too Hot To Handle Sleeper’ is to have an extra cool bedroom and sweat-wicking layers for clothing and sheets/comforters. Also, if you run warm and your bed partner is cold, try two twin-sized comforters on the bed instead of one large one, so you each get what you need. Put a large coverlet over the comforters in the morning to help the bed look more cohesive. There are cooling mattress pads you can purchase as well as mattresses that don’t hold onto as much heat.
Are you a ‘Too Hot To Handle Sleeper’ ?
If you answer yes to most of these questions, chances are this is your Sleep Language.
Do you have hot flashes or night sweats that get in the way of your sleep?
Do you and your bed partner disagree about the temperature in the room, with you wanting it to be much lower than your partner?
Do you throw off your covers routinely at night?
Sleep Tips for the ‘Too Hot To Handle Sleeper’
1. Keep your environment chilly. Keep your bedroom cool, ideally in the 60s Fahrenheit. If you find that you’re too cold at the beginning of the night, dress in layers and wear socks to bed as they can help cool off the body whilst keeping your feet warm.
2. Talk with your doctor about any medication side effects. Potential sleep apnea or a hormonal component could be causing hot flashes, as well as any side effects from your regular meditations. Have a conversation with a health practitioner if you’re concerned about your sleep.
3. Consider moisture-wicking and cooling technology. Cooling mattress pads, cooling sheets and moisture-wicking pajamas are all great options. See above for more tips.
💙 Calm Content for the ‘Too Hot To Handle Sleeper’
Into Your Body, Into Sleep with Mel Mah
Bedtime Body Scan with Kirat Randhawa
Sleep Language #5: The Light As A Feather Sleeper
The restless sleeper who always feels tired
The ‘Light As A Feather Sleeper’ may sleep through the night, but find their sleep isn’t ever “deep” enough. They wake up feeling drained and like they didn’t get the benefits of a full night’s sleep. This could be due to a number of reasons, including substances/medications that are lightening your sleep, not prioritizing sleep, or sleep disorders such as sleepwalking/talking, restless legs or teeth grinding.
Related: What Your Chronotype Says About Your Sleep Patterns, Productivity & Personality
Ideal sleep scenario: Make sure you have a cool room that’s dark and quiet, as well as a comfortable mattress. Since you might be more sensitive to light and sound, it’s best to make efforts to mitigate any of those issues, including finding a mattress that is suitable for both you and a bed partner.
Ways to tell if you are an ‘Light As A Feather Sleeper’
Do you wake up in the morning after a full night’s sleep and still feel unrested?
Do you regularly feel like you’re not getting into any deep sleep at night?
Do you find that you’re a really light sleeper and easily awaken to things around you?
Sleep Tips for the ‘Light As A Feather Sleeper’
1. Set a bedtime and morning routine. Make sure you’re keeping the same sleep and wake time nightly, and that you’re not spending too much time in bed. It’s beneficial to wake up when your alarm goes off and avoid snoozing.
2. Say no to napping. Avoid any naps during the day as they can make sleep quality worse at night.
3. Seek professional advice. Talk with your doctor if you find that even with good sleep hygiene you still don’t feel like you’re experiencing deep sleep. This could be a sign of an underlying sleep disorder like sleep apnea, teeth grinding, or sleep talking.
💙 Calm Content for the ‘Light As A Feather Sleeper’
Deep Rest with Oren Jay Sofer
Deep Sleep Release with Tamara Levitt
Dr. Shelby Harris, PsyD, DBSM
Shelby Harris, PsyD, DBSM is a clinical psychologist and sleep specialist in private practice in NY. She is board certified in Behavioral Sleep Medicine and treats a wide variety of sleep, anxiety and depression issues using evidence-based, non-medication treatments. Her self-help book, The Women’s Guide to Overcoming Insomnia: Get a Good Night’s Sleep Without Relying on Medication was published in 2019.
Before going into private practice, she was the longstanding director of the Behavioral Sleep Medicine Program at the Sleep-Wake Disorders Center at Montefiore Medical Center in NYC. She is a Clinical Associate Professor of Neurology and Psychiatry at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in NYC.
Dr. Harris has been an invited columnist for the New York Times “Consults Blog,” and is frequently quoted in the media, including the New Yorker and Washington Post. She has appeared on the Today Show, Good Morning America and CBS Mornings.
Dr. Harris can also be found on Instagram and TikTok at @SleepDocShelby where she provides evidence-based information about sleep wellness and sleep disorders.
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