How to talk about money with your partner (without the stress)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Talking about money with your partner can feel awkward or even tense, but that doesn't mean you should avoid it. Learn why it's important and 8 tips for a stress-free convo.
Sometimes, bringing up money with your partner can feel like an intense game of Operation. One wrong move and buzz, you lose the turn.
Money tends to dig up our past, our insecurities, and our guilt. Plus, for many of us, it can be laced with feelings of vulnerability. Money is tied to safety, identity, freedom, and control — and when you add that into all the complex emotions of a relationship, it can be overwhelming to say the least.
So it’s no surprise that many of us want to run for the hills when the topic of money comes up, but avoiding these conversations won’t make the stress go away. It usually just turns it into this anxiety-riddled background static that hums behind every joint decision.
Ready to face money conversations with a little more ease? Here’s what you need to know to take the scary out of this conversation and build your connection in the process.
Why talking about money can be uncomfortable
Money talk can be awkward for so many reasons. It’s not just about numbers — it’s about shame, pride, and that constant feeling of “am I doing this right?” When we bring up money, we’re also bringing up our past, our fears, and the spending habits we’d rather not look at.
Most of us weren’t raised to talk about money in healthy ways. Maybe it was the source of constant stress, or maybe it was the big unspoken topic in our house. Either way, we carry that discomfort into our relationships as adults.
Add in the cultural confusion—where money can be seen as both a status symbol and taboo—and you’ve got the perfect storm of silence and tension.
We’re all dealing with different triggers, different expectations, and a whole lot of emotional weight.
Why it’s important to talk about money with your partner
Bringing up money in a relationship can be incredibly difficult, but it can also be one of the most meaningful conversations you can have together. Here are five reasons why:
1. You’re building a life together, not just splitting a dinner bill: Whether you’re moving in, adopting a pet, or eyeing an overpriced house, your relationship constantly involves shared decisions that all have dollar signs attached. When you align on money, this also helps you align on life.
2. Assumptions are dangerous little gremlins: When you’re not talking, you start assuming. “They must think I’m bad with money.” or, “They clearly don’t care about saving.” And before you know it, you’re in a full-blown argument about groceries that’s actually about past money trauma. Talking clears the fog.
3. Money can reveal values: How people spend and save usually reveals what matters most to them. When you talk about money, you’re also learning each other’s priorities, fears, and dreams.
4. It’s a trust builder: Opening the metaphorical—and maybe literal—bank account can help build trust and deepen your emotional intimacy, especially when you approach it with honesty and curiosity.
5. It prevents financial landmines later: Bringing up money early on helps prevent potential fights later. It’s better to know that your partner has $30k in student debt now, rather than before you start looking at houses later.
What happens when we don’t talk about money
When couples avoid money talk, things can get pretty tense. Silence typically builds pressure, which can sneak into arguments that aren’t even about money. Avoidance can turn a small moment of financial friction into huge emotional landmines.
Financial transparency helps to build relationship intimacy. It lets your partner know that you trust them enough to be messy with them, and that’s how you usually build something that lasts.
Here’s what else can potentially happen when you avoid talking about money with your partner:
You start operating in financial isolation: You could be trying to save for a future you haven’t even talked about, while your partner is living in the present. This disconnect can feel isolating.
You start indirectly communicating: Instead of talking directly about needs or values, you start bickering over every minor purchase.
Emotional distance creeps in: Vulnerability creates connection, and when you’re avoiding sharing one of the most stressful parts of adult life, it can be easy to feel disconnected.
Avoidance becomes the norm: Not communicating about difficult topics can be a slippery slope that creates a pattern. This pattern can then spill over into other aspects of your life, such as your parenting style, future planning, and how you generally handle conflict.
How to talk to your partner about money: 8 tips to help you communicate with ease
Talking about money with your significant other can be scary, but if you lead with honesty, understanding, and care, then it’s possible to have this conversation in a way that’s stress-free, productive, and loving.
Here are eight ways to help you communicate with ease, allowing you to build trust and financial intimacy.
1. Choose the right moment
Timing is everything. To help ensure you have an open and productive conversation, aim to schedule a low-pressure time when neither of you is running on empty. Consider doing it over breakfast on a Sunday morning or during a walk around your neighborhood.
Try saying this: “Hey, I’ve been thinking recently that it might be good for us to talk a little more openly about money. Would you be up to do that a little later this week?”
💙 Listen to Softening Fear with Tamara Levitt before you walk into the money conversation.
2. Open with your money story
A good way to begin is by sharing your history with money. Tell your partner what your family taught you about money growing up, what currently stresses you out about it, and what your habits tend to be.
This gives them some helpful context and shows them that this talk isn’t about blame or judgment — it’s about understanding each other. (If you’re feeling stressed about money right now, here are seven ways to find relief.)
Try saying this: “My family never really talked about money, so I’ve always felt a little lost, and honestly, kind of ashamed, about budgeting. I’m slowly working on that.”
3. Aim for “team us” language
When you bring up this talk, aim to frame the conversation as “we” instead of “you”. You’re on the same team after all, and when you say “we”, you’re building a sense of collaboration and shared goals, instead of making your partner feel defensive.
Rather than saying: “You’re spending way too much. You need to cut back.”
Try saying: “Hey, how can we get a little clearer on our monthly spending so that we both feel good about it?”
💙 Kind Communication with Tamara Levitt can help you approach this talk in the most loving way.
4. Focus on shared goals
If your first money talk is about how broke you feel, the vibe might be a bit of a downer. Instead, start by bringing up your shared dreams.
You could discuss places you want to travel to, buying a dream home, or starting a family. This helps to turn the financial conversation into a hope-filled discussion, instead of a budgetary scolding.
Try saying this: “I’d really like for us to go on a fun trip next year. Can we talk about what we think it’d take financially to make that happen?”
(Here are nine tips to help you stress less about money if it’s taking up a little too much of your brain space at the moment.)
5. Talk numbers, but also talk values
Usually, what you spend money on says a lot about what’s important to you. Some partners like spending money on memorable experiences, while other partners keep a tight budget because they feel safest when there’s a big cushion in their savings.
When you talk about why you make the financial choices you do, it can help to humanize each other and the process.
Try saying this: “I love that you’re so generous with your family. But sometimes it stresses me out because I want to keep growing our savings. Is there a way we can find a balance for this in our budget?”
6. Be honest about debts, income, and habits
Some parts of talking about money can be awkward, no matter how you slice it. In these instances, consider ripping the Band-Aid off and being as honest as possible. You want to share your life with this person, so if you’re hiding debt or overspending, let your partner know. This can help the two of you become closer in the long run, even if it’s a little uncomfortable at first.
Try saying this: “I’ve been avoiding telling you this because I’ve been embarrassed, but I’m carrying a credit card balance that I’m currently working to pay off.”
(Here are five tips to help you stop worrying about money if you’re filled with financial anxiety right now.)
7. Create a money ritual that works for you two
Consider starting a money check-in so that you’re always on the same page. These don’t have to be intense. They can just be short and simple, and at a time that works for both of your schedules.
Try saying this: Set a monthly “money date” that lasts 10–20 minutes. During this date, check in on your spending, your goals, and anything that’s stressing you out financially.
8. Expect discomfort — but don’t let it stop you
These talks can be overwhelming and may even make one of you cry or feel exposed. This is completely normal and okay. If these emotions arise, try to sit with the discomfort as much as possible. Name the feelings to give them a little less power, and then try to breathe through them.
Try this: “I know this feels heavy, but I really appreciate you being open. It means a lot that we can talk about the tough stuff and still be able to be there for each other.”
Talk about money FAQs
How do I bring up money without sounding rude or pushy?
A good way to bring up money with your partner without sounding rude or pushy is to start by naming the awkwardness. Aim to be warm, direct, and as honest as possible.
You could say something like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about how we handle money-related things, and I’d love to talk a little more openly about it. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but I think it could help us feel more on the same page.”
Saying something like this helps to make it feel less like an ambush and more like an invitation. Whenever possible, try not to launch into a lecture or a list of grievances; instead, frame the talk around shared goals or curiosity.
What if my partner avoids conversations about money?
If your partner tends to shut down or deflect when the topic of money comes up, it’s worth exploring why. Try to do this gently by leading with curiosity, “I’ve noticed money talks seem a little uncomfortable for you. Would you be open to talking about why that is?”
A good way to approach this talk is to make it clear that you’re not trying to start a fight — you just want to feel more connected and supported. As you have this conversation, aim to reassure them that the goal is just to understand them better. Also, if needed, share something vulnerable about your own financial stress to help open the door.
How can couples handle different money values or habits?
If you have different money values or habits from your partner, that’s okay. Different doesn’t mean incompatible. It just means that your dynamic may need a little more communication and compromise. Try to get curious and make an honest effort to understand where those values come from.
One way you could start this conversation is to talk about your financial upbringing, fears, and goals. Then, try to look for a middle ground. You could create a budget that includes “fun money” for guilt-free spending, or agree on saving percentages instead of strict dollar amounts.
As you go about this talk, remind yourself that your goal should be collaboration, even if you see money in different ways.
Should we talk about debt or past financial mistakes?
Hiding debt or past financial mistakes might feel easier in the moment, but it can create long-term tension if you don’t eventually talk about it.
Vulnerability builds trust, and being honest about your financial past can be a huge step toward that. Aim to be upfront, yet gentle with yourself, as you navigate this process. Frame it as information. You could say, “I want to be open about where I’m at, financially, because I trust you and I think it’s important.”
Your partner is most likely not expecting you to be perfect. They just want to know what’s real.
How often should couples talk about money?
It depends on your relationship. There’s no magic interval for how often you should talk about money, but regular check-ins tend to be a good idea. You could consider aiming for once a month. This allows you two to stay connected, but it’s not so often that it feels overwhelming.
Also, when you do bring it up, try to keep it low-stakes and maybe even low-key fun. It could be as simple as, “Hey, how are we feeling about money this month?” A quick 15-minute chat can go a long way toward keeping you two on the same page.
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