Struggling with toxic habits? 7 ways to shift your routines
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Toxic habits can impact your well-being and drain your joy. Here's how to recognize the patterns, why they show up, and 7 ways to create healthier routines.
Some toxic habits are easy to spot, like smoking, picking your skin, or doomscrolling until 2am. It’s obvious that they’re not helping, even if they’re hard to stop. But other bad habits are sneakier. Like, negative self-talk, or perfectionism. At first glance, they might even look like discipline or being responsible. But over time, they can take a toll.
While some toxic habits can do immediate damage, the more subtle ones can wear you down over time, which might ultimately lead to a bigger impact. Before you start feeling down on yourself, remember that many habits and patterns start out as coping tools that made sense at one point in your life.
Let’s unpack the sneaky habits that may be draining your energy, and dive into some tips to help you shift into healthier behaviors. We promise you don’t need a full reset, just a few new tools and strategies. The goal is to help you build habits that support your energy, focus, and peace of mind.
What are toxic habits?
Toxic habits are behaviors or thought patterns that seem harmless—or even helpful—but that regularly leave you feeling depleted, disconnected, or overwhelmed. They often slip into your routine subtly and stick around because they’re familiar, not because they’re useful.
Some toxic habits are external, like procrastination or people-pleasing. Others are internal, like self-criticism or chronic worry. You might not even notice them at first. But when they keep repeating, they start to shape how you feel, how you relate to others, and how much space you have for the rest of your life.
Why do people develop toxic habits?
Let’s be real, being a human being can be really hard, and sometimes, when the pressure of daily life hits a fever pitch, we develop coping mechanisms to deal with it.
In this way, toxic habits don’t come out of nowhere, and many of them can feel helpful or relieving at first. The trouble is they sometimes stick around long past their usefulness.
Here are a few common reasons these habits form:
To feel in control in chaotic environments: Habits like perfectionism or over-planning often begin as ways to create order during uncertain times. They offer a sense of structure, even if it comes with anxiety or burnout.
To avoid emotional pain: Avoidance habits—like numbing with food, screens, or overworking—can protect you from feelings that feel too intense or unsafe to sit with.
To gain approval or avoid conflict: People pleasing, overachieving, or staying quiet can start as ways to stay connected or keep the peace, especially in relationships where love or safety felt conditional.
To manage fear of failure or rejection: Procrastination, self-sabotage, or constant second-guessing can come from trying to avoid the sting of not measuring up, so the brain delays or disengages as a shield.
To replicate what’s familiar: Sometimes we repeat patterns because they mirror what we grew up with. If certain behaviors were modeled or rewarded early on, they can feel “normal,” even if they’re painful.
9 examples of toxic habits
Toxic habits are usually learned patterns shaped by past stress, pressure, or uncertainty. The good news is that with some clarity and small, supportive shifts, they can be unlearned, too.
Here are a few common toxic habits that can sneak into everyday life:
Negative self-talk
Constant comparison
Avoiding emotions
People pleasing
Perfectionism
Procrastination
Holding grudges
Overworking without rest
Seeking constant reassurance
Over-apologizing
Do toxic habits get in the way of happiness?
Yes, and often in ways that add up over time. Toxic habits can chip away at your self-worth, make relationships feel harder, and keep you stuck in cycles that drain your energy.
Some toxic habits limit your ability to enjoy what’s going well. For example, negative self-talk can turn even your wins into worries (“What if they’re just being nice?”). Others block growth by reinforcing fear, like procrastination driven by self-doubt or avoidance rooted in past pain. And some create emotional clutter that leaves little room for rest or joy.
What’s tricky is that many of these habits feel familiar. They might even feel like part of your personality. But when you slow down and really look at them, you might notice they leave you feeling worse. That’s the sign they’re getting in the way of something deeper, like connection, clarity, and a sense of meaning in your day-to-day life.
But these patterns aren’t permanent. Once you start noticing them, you can choose different responses. Even small shifts in how you think, act, or care for yourself can open the door to more calm and less chaos.
Related read: How to break a habit? Try these 8 habit-changing steps
How to get rid of toxic habits: 7 ways to create healthier routines
Changing a toxic habit doesn’t require you to overhaul your life overnight. Instead, you want to choose small, steady changes that feel doable. Even the smallest act of awareness can begin to loosen a pattern that once felt permanent. Here are some ways to start creating healthier routines.
1. Name the habit without judgment
Start by identifying the habit that feels most draining or disruptive right now. Try to describe the habit clearly and specifically. Instead of saying “I procrastinate,” you might say, “I tend to scroll on my phone for an hour every time I sit down to write.” The more clearly you name it, the easier it becomes to shift.
Try this: Labeling habits as “toxic” is not the same as labeling yourself as “toxic”. You’re not judging yourself here — you’re observing your behavior with curiosity.
💙 Explore the Breaking Bad Habits masterclass with Dr. Judson Brewer on the Calm app.
2. Trace it back to a trigger
Toxic habits rarely show up without a reason. There’s usually a trigger—a situation, emotion, thought, or physical sensation—that sets them off. Pay attention to what happens before the habit kicks in. Are you tired? Anxious? Bored? Criticized? Running late?
Try this: Journaling for a few days or using a simple notes app can help you spot patterns. Once you know the trigger, you can begin to plan for it.
3. Shrink the habit before you try to stop it
Trying to quit a habit cold turkey rarely works. It’s more effective to shrink it or shift it in a way that feels doable. That might mean reducing the time you spend on it, changing the setting where it happens, or replacing part of it with something gentler.
Try this:
If you scroll to avoid feelings, try setting a 10-minute timer before you open your favorite app.
If you overwork to avoid stillness, schedule just 15 minutes of screen-free rest (even if it feels uncomfortable at first).
If you constantly seek reassurance, practice pausing for one deep breath before asking someone else what they think.
4. Build in a low-stakes replacement
Every habit serves a function. So instead of just removing it, give your brain a new option that meets the same need. If you’re avoiding discomfort, what’s a less harmful way to self-soothe? If you’re trying to feel productive, what’s one small, satisfying task you could complete? You don’t have to love the new habit right away; you just have to make it easy enough to try.
Try this:
Instead of negative self-talk, try writing one sentence each day about something you handled well (even if it’s minor).
Instead of doom-scrolling, keep a photo album or playlist on your phone that lifts your mood.
Instead of avoiding tasks, try breaking them into 5-minute chunks. Use a kitchen timer or the Pomodoro method.
Read more: 13 healthy habits to start daily for a healthier lifestyle
5. Keep it visible and simple
Out of sight often means out of mind. Visual reminders can help keep your new habit top of mind, especially when you’re tired or stressed. Avoid overcomplicating your system, as a good habit is one you actually remember to use.
Try this:
Post a sticky note with a calming phrase near your workspace
Use your phone background to display a goal or intention
Set gentle daily reminders that prompt you to pause and check in with yourself
Related read: Why habit stacking can help you build routines that actually stick
6. Expect setbacks and stay kind with yourself
Change is not linear. You’ll have days where the old habit wins. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed, just that your brain is doing what it was trained to do. What matters is how you respond when things slip.
Try this: Instead of saying, “I blew it,” try, “That was a tough moment — I’ll try again tomorrow.” Every time you return to your intention, you’re reinforcing a new pattern. That’s how real change sticks: not through force, but through repetition and self-respect.
💙 Check out our session on Self-Compassion from the Relationship with Others series on the Calm app.
7. Phone a friend
You don’t have to do this alone. Sharing your intention with someone you trust—whether a friend, partner, coach, or support group—can give you encouragement and accountability. They don’t have to fix it. Just knowing someone sees you trying can help you stay connected to the bigger picture.
Try this: If you’re not ready to share, you can also write letters to yourself from a future version of you who feels calmer and more in control. Compassion can be a powerful motivator.
Toxic habits FAQs
What is a toxic habit?
A toxic habit is a repeated behavior or thought pattern that drains your energy, undermines your mental health, or gets in the way of your relationships and goals.
These habits often feel automatic and may not seem harmful at first, but over time, they quietly increase stress and lower your sense of wellbeing. They’re called “toxic” not because they’re evil or malicious, but because they erode your capacity to feel grounded, connected, and content.
What are examples of toxic habits?
Toxic habits can take many forms and often look different from person to person. Some common ones include negative self-talk, procrastination, avoidance behaviors (such as excessive scrolling or emotional numbing), people-pleasing, overworking without rest, perfectionism, holding grudges, and seeking constant reassurance.
Even habits that seem productive on the surface can become toxic if they consistently lead to burnout, resentment, or emotional disconnection.
Why do people have toxic habits?
Most toxic habits start as coping strategies — ways to manage stress, avoid pain, or feel in control during difficult times. Perfectionism might have helped you gain approval in a high-pressure environment, or overworking may have been a way to distract from emotional discomfort.
These patterns often begin as survival tools and become habits when they’re repeated often, especially without better alternatives available. Luckily, these learned responses can be unlearned with time, support, and compassion.
Why do toxic habits get in the way of happiness?
Toxic habits interfere with happiness by draining your mental and emotional energy, reinforcing negative beliefs, and creating cycles of stress or disconnection. They keep you reacting instead of responding, stuck in patterns that prevent growth or ease.
Constantly comparing yourself to others can prevent you from appreciating your own progress. Procrastination can create shame that overshadows your accomplishments. These habits clutter your mind and dull your ability to be present in your own life.
How do I get help for toxic habits if I feel overwhelmed?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start small. Pick one habit that feels most disruptive and focus on understanding its triggers without judging yourself. You can also talk to someone you trust, like a friend, therapist, or support group. Mental health professionals are trained to help you explore the roots of these patterns and develop healthier coping tools.
What are ways to get rid of toxic habits for good?
Long-term change happens through small, repeated actions. This includes naming the habit, understanding what triggers it, and slowly replacing it with a behavior that meets the same need more gently.
Practical steps like building new routines, journaling, setting tiny goals, using reminders, and building a support network all help reinforce new routines. Instead of aiming to “get rid” of a habit immediately, focus on building awareness and giving yourself choices.
When do I need outside support for toxic habits?
You might benefit from outside support if a habit is deeply affecting your mood, relationships, work, or overall functioning. If you feel stuck in a loop despite trying to make changes—or if the habit is tied to trauma, anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns—talking to a therapist or counselor can offer deeper insight and tools.
Can meditation help with toxic habits?
Yes, meditation can be a helpful tool in addressing toxic habits, especially those tied to emotional reactivity or automatic thinking. Regular mindfulness practice strengthens your ability to notice thoughts and feelings without acting on them immediately.
This creates a pause between trigger and response, which is essential for breaking old patterns. That said, meditation is not a magic fix. It works best when paired with other supportive actions, such as boundary-setting, therapy, or habit tracking.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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