How to respond to unwanted flirting (8 tips to make it stop)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn how to respond to unwanted flirting, steps to stop it, and understand the difference between flirting and sexual harassment.
When you’re interested in someone romantically, flirting can be one of the most exciting and fun ways to connect with that person. It’s playful, it’s low stakes, and let’s face it, it can boost your self-confidence. On the flipside, being flirted with by someone you’re not interested in can be a deeply uncomfortable experience.
If someone flirting with you makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or even feel like you might be in danger, it’s important to know how to respond quickly so you can establish clear boundaries and feel respected and safe.
Sometimes the lines between being friendly and flirty can feel blurred, and in extreme cases flirting can become sexual harassment. Whether you’re at work, at school, or socializing, you should always feel empowered to address unwanted flirting directly and know when it’s time to ask for help.
What is unwanted flirting?
Unwanted flirting is most simply defined as when someone continues to verbally express romantic or sexual interest in you even after you’ve shown that you’re not interested. It can make you feel worried, uncomfortable, or unsafe. These types of exchanges may manifest as:
Uncomfortable comments: They say things that make you feel uneasy or uncomfortable.
Ignoring boundaries: The person doesn’t respect your personal space or boundaries.
Non-reciprocal interest: You don’t share their interest and have made that clear, but they continue to pursue you.
It should be noted that no means no. If you see any kind of media suggesting that men shouldn’t take no for an answer when women reject their advances, reject this suggestion immediately. This kind of behavior is absolutely inappropriate and violates a woman’s right to give consent in her interactions with males. Ignoring when someone says “no” to your unwanted romantic advances is sexual harassment.
8 tips for how to stop unwanted flirting
You always have the right to feel safe and respected in your interactions with others. While it might be tempting to dismiss unwanted flirting, left unchecked, it could lead to more serious issues, including sexual harassment. Taking proactive steps can stop unwanted flirting and help you preserve your mental and physical wellbeing.
1. Communicate your feelings directly
Clearly communicate your discomfort and ask the person to stop their unwanted advances. Use phrases like, "I’m not comfortable with this," or "Please stop flirting with me." Stating your boundaries clearly leaves no room for misunderstanding, and shows confidence and assertiveness, which can deter further unwanted attention.
💙 Explore how setting Boundaries can be one of the best ways to take care of your mental health.
2. Remain calm but be assertive
Try to maintain your composure to avoid escalating the situation. Speak firmly but respectfully — staying in control helps make it clear that you’re serious about wanting the behavior to stop. If you’re not used to being assertive, practice in other situations to help make it easier to handle unwanted flirting.
💙 Learn more about Deescalating Conflict with this session from our Relationship with Others series.
3. Use body language
If expressing your boundaries verbally feels tough, you can always use non-verbal cues to convey your feelings. Try avoiding eye contact, crossing your arms, or turning your body away from the person. Using this body language paired with a verbal request for the flirting to stop can also help drive the point home.
4. Get support from others
Involve friends, colleagues, or supervisors for help managing the situation, especially if you feel overwhelmed or unsafe. Sometimes, having someone else intervene can be more effective, particularly if the person flirting with you respects or listens to others more than you. If unwanted flirting in the workplace persists, bring the situation to the attention of your managers or human resources department.
💙 If you’re feeling uncomfortable in a work setting, this session on Resolving Conflict from our Mindfulness at Work series might be supportive.
5. Keep your behavior consistent
Be consistent in your words and actions, as giving mixed signals can make it harder for the person to understand your boundaries. If you’re friendly one moment and then distant the next, it may give the impression that you’re unsure of your feelings, but consistency helps reinforce your message that their behavior is unwelcome.
Remember, you don’t ever have to be warm and friendly with someone who isn’t respecting your boundaries. You can be civil, but clear about how they are making you feel.
💙 Of all the relationships in your life, the one you have with yourself is most important. This session on Self-Nurturing can help remind you of the importance of taking care of yourself.
6. Remove yourself from the situation
If the behavior persists, politely excuse yourself. You can try saying something like, “I need to go now,” or “I’m done having this conversation,” and leave the area. Physically removing yourself from the situation can immediately stop the unwanted behavior and also sends a strong message that you’re serious about not wanting to engage in that way.
💙 Check out this session on Self-Trust from our Relationship with Self series to practice listening to your gut.
7. Keep a record of any incidents of unwanted flirting
Keep a record of repeated unwanted flirting, especially if it's occurring with a co-worker, teacher, or direct manager. Write down what happened, when, and who was involved, in case you need to report the behavior later. This can be especially important if the behavior escalates, or you decide to seek legal action.
8. Seek help from professionals that are trained to offer advice
If the behavior continues, it’s always okay to seek help. Contact authorities or organizations that deal with harassment. Schools and workplaces may have specific policies and support systems in place to handle unwanted flirting. Find out your rights and the resources available to empower yourself to protect yourself.
What’s the difference between unwanted flirting vs. sexual harassment?
Distinguishing between unwanted flirting and sexual harassment can be difficult if the harassment is subtle. Educate yourself on the differences so you can protect yourself if necessary.
Flirting
Mutual interest: Both parties are comfortable, engaged, and enjoying the interaction. It’s a playful and consensual way of showing romantic or sexual interest.
Respectful and lighthearted: Flirting doesn’t involve pressure or make anyone feel uncomfortable. If both people are smiling, laughing, and participating equally, it’s likely a positive exchange.
Clear boundaries: If one person indicates they’re not interested, the other person stops immediately. Respect for boundaries helps ensure flirting remains consensual and enjoyable.
Example: Two coworkers are chatting at lunch. They make eye contact, smile, and engage in light-hearted conversation. Both seem interested and comfortable. One says, "You always know how to make me laugh," and the other responds positively. If at any point, one of them shows disinterest, the other respects that boundary and stops.
Sexual harassment
Unwanted attention: Unlike flirting, sexual harassment is one-sided and persists, despite someone clearly showing their disinterest. The recipient might feel uncomfortable or fearful.
Power imbalance: Sexual harassment often involves a power imbalance, such as a supervisor harassing an employee or a teacher harassing a student. This can make it difficult for the victim to speak up or stop the interactions.
Persistent and inappropriate: Sexual harassment continues even after the person has expressed discomfort or asked for the behavior to stop. It may include unwanted touching, comments, or sexual advances.
Example: A supervisor makes repeated comments about an employee’s appearance, even after the employee has expressed discomfort. The supervisor might say things like, "You look sexy in that outfit," or "Why don’t you smile more?" The employee feels uncomfortable and intimidated, but may fear repercussions if they report the behavior.
The importance of consent and respect
While flirting is consensual and respectful, sexual harassment disregards consent and respect. This experience may leave someone feeling violated and powerless. No one should ever feel out of control or unsafe when engaging with another person. If consent and respect are not present in an interaction, then the interaction is inappropriate.
If you ever find yourself unsure of how an interaction is going, check in with the other person to ensure they’re comfortable. If they show they’re uncomfortable or disinterested, respect their wishes and stop the interaction immediately.
Unwanted flirting FAQs
How can I distinguish between friendly behavior and unwanted flirting?
Friendly behavior and unwanted flirting can sometimes seem similar, but there are key differences to look out for. If you feel uncomfortable or pressured by someone's behavior, it’s likely unwanted flirting. Trust your instincts and address the situation promptly.
Friendly behavior
Generally light, casual, and appropriate for the setting
Comments and actions aren’t meant to be taken romantically or sexually
Involves mutual respect and interest without crossing personal boundaries
Both parties are comfortable and engaged equally
No pressure or persistence
Gestures, like a smile or a compliment, are non-intrusive and easily taken at face value
Unwanted flirting
Continued romantic or sexual interest, despite disinterest
Behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or fearful
May include invading personal space, touching without consent, or inappropriate comments
What should I do if someone doesn’t respect my boundaries?
If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, take immediate and clear action.
Reassert your boundaries: Calmly but firmly restate your boundaries. Use clear language like, "I’ve already asked you to stop. Your behavior is making me uncomfortable."
Seek support: Involve friends, colleagues, or supervisors who can provide support and help manage the situation. Having someone else intervene can sometimes be more effective.
Document the behavior: Record the incidents, including dates, times, and what was said or done.
Remove yourself from the situation: If possible, leave the area where the unwanted behavior is occurring, and find a safe space.
Report the behavior: If the behavior continues, report it to the appropriate authorities. In the workplace, go to HR. If you’re at school or college, talk to a teacher or counselor. Provide them with your documentation to support your case. If you’re out socializing and feel uncomfortable with someone’s persistent behavior, talk to the manager or door staff at the venue to have the person removed.
Are there legal protections against unwanted flirting in the workplace?
There are legal protections designed to ensure a safe and respectful work environment for all employees. Most workplaces have policies that address harassment, including unwanted flirting. These outline what constitutes inappropriate behavior, and the steps to report it.
Human Resources departments are responsible for addressing harassment complaints, and can investigate the behavior and take appropriate action to stop it. So if you experience unwanted flirting at work, look up your company’s harassment policy and know your rights. Report the behavior and seek protection.
In the United States, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) enforces laws against workplace harassment. Employees can file a complaint with the EEOC if they believe they’re being harassed. Many states and localities have additional laws that provide further protection against workplace harassment, so check your local regulations for more information.
How can I support a friend who is dealing with unwanted flirting?
Supporting a friend who’s dealing with unwanted flirting involves being empathetic, proactive, and offering practical help. Give your friend a safe space to talk about their experiences. Listen without judgment and validate their feelings by saying things like, "I’m sorry this is happening to you. Your feelings are completely valid."
It can also help to offer to accompany them if they want to talk to a supervisor, teacher, or HR representative. Sometimes having a supportive friend can make it easier to address the situation. If they feel physically unsafe, you might offer to be with them when they need to interact with the person making them feel uncomfortable.
Help them keep a detailed record of the unwanted behavior, including dates, times, and specifics of what was said or done, as this can support them if they need to report the behavior. Share information about hotlines, counseling services, or legal aid that might provide further assistance.
Check in with your friend to see how they’re doing and offer ongoing support. Let them know you’re there for them no matter what.
What resources are available for victims of sexual harassment?
If you’ve survived sexual harassment you can find support, guidance, and assistance to help navigate the experience, fund closure and or and seek justice.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: In the United States, the National Sexual Assault Hotline provides confidential support and resources. Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) for assistance.
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC): The EEOC enforces laws against workplace harassment, and you can file a complaint with the EEOC if you experience harassment at work. Visit their website for more information: www.eeoc.gov.
Local sexual assault crisis centers: Many communities have local organizations that offer support services for victims of sexual harassment and assault. These centers often provide counseling, legal assistance, and advocacy.
School and workplace resources: Schools and workplaces often have specific resources and procedures for addressing harassment. This can include counseling services, HR departments, and harassment policies.
Legal aid organizations: Legal assistance for victims of harassment who may need help with filing complaints or seeking legal action.
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