What is love bombing? Plus, 7 signs it's happening to you

RelationshipsMental Health

Jun 12

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Love and affection from a partner are great, but can there be too much of a good thing? Learn what love bombing is, the signs it's happening to you, and 8 tips to help you deal.

Imagine that you started seeing a new person a few weeks ago, and it’s clear they really like you. They’re texting you all the time, sending you flowers at your work, and maybe they even asked you to go on a big trip next month. It’s exciting, but at the same time, it might feel like… a lot, right?

Having someone proclaim their affection for you can be flattering, but if it’s too much too soon, it can also feel overwhelming. This kind of experience might also leave you feeling confused because there’s this sweet person in front of you showering you with love and kindness, but your intuition may also be screaming that something feels off.

Sometimes a new partner is just truly smitten, but other times when someone is using intense affection and grand gestures to sweep you off your feet—and keep you off balance— it’s more likely that you’re being love bombed.

Real love unfolds naturally and at a pace that feels comfortable for both people, while love bombing is a true manipulation tactic. Here’s how you can recognize the signs.

What is love bombing?

Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with excessive affection, attention, and romantic gestures early in a relationship. Typically, they do this to quickly create an intense emotional bond. Many times, it can feel like you’re being swept up in a tidal wave of emotion before you’ve had a real chance to find your footing, and that’s intentional.

At first, it can feel like someone finally sees all the wonderful things about you that others missed. They might tell you they’ve never felt this way before, and it can feel amazing. But underneath that warm spotlight, there’s usually a different intention — to create dependency.

With that said, not all intense affection is love bombing. Some people are just enthusiastic when they fall for someone. The difference is that love bombing isn’t about building connection at a mutual pace. It’s about accelerating emotional closeness, often with the hidden goal of manipulating the relationship later. These gestures can feel overwhelming and often don’t respect your personal boundaries like your space or time.

Love bombing vs. real love

Frustratingly, real love and love bombing can look similar at first and that’s what can make it disorienting when the truth starts to surface. Both can include grand gestures, intense feelings, and a flurry of attention early on. But the biggest difference is how that love feels for whom and whose pace it follows.

Real love builds slowly with room for you to breathe, reflect, and be fully yourself. It also honors your boundaries, values who you are, and it feels grounding, even when it’s exciting.

By contrast, love bombing often demands immediate emotional commitment before trust and understanding have had a chance to grow naturally. If you try to set a boundary or slow things down, the love bomber might respond with guilt trips, frustration, or even withdrawal. Their affection might feel conditional and full of expectations.

In real love, your “no” is respected and your need for time is honored. In love bombing, your “no” can become a problem, and your need for space might be met with hurt or an emotional outburst.

7 common signs of love bombing

Spotting love bombing while you’re living inside it can be really hard, especially because it often feels flattering and thrilling.

To help you check in with yourself, here are seven common ways love bombing can show up:

1. Over-the-top declarations: Saying, “I’ve never felt this way before” or, “You’re the one I’ve been waiting for” within days or weeks of meeting is a bit extreme.

They might talk about moving in together or marriage almost immediately and long before either of you has built the kind of trust those commitments require.

2. Constant, intense communication: It’s a non-stop stream of texts, calls, DMs, and gifts. This can feel exciting at first but eventually can start to feel suffocating. Relationships need space for each person to breathe.

3. Grandiose gifts and gestures: Receiving expensive presents, dramatic surprises, or elaborate plans that seem way over the top for how long you’ve known each other is a common occurrence in these types of relationships.

When gifts start to feel like obligations or pressure rather than joyful acts of kindness, that’s a sign something deeper could be at play.

4. Pressuring for fast intimacy: They push for emotional, physical, or financial closeness much faster than you’re ready for. It can be framed as a sign of how special your connection is, but it often leaves you feeling rushed and confused.

5. Isolation from your support system: At first, it could look like simple affection with statements like, “I just want you all to myself.” But over time, it can turn into discouraging you from seeing friends, family, or even pursuing your hobbies.

6. Dismissal of your boundaries: If you express a need for space or try to set limits, they might react with hurt feelings, anger, or subtle guilt-tripping. Instead of respecting your needs, they make you feel like you’re letting them down.

7. Quick switches between idealization and devaluation: At first, you’re everything they’ve ever dreamed of, but if you assert yourself or disappoint them, the adoration turns cold or critical fast.

How to deal with love bombing: 8 tips to protect yourself

Realizing you’re being love bombed can be scary and confusing, but it can even feel a little relieving. It’s a lot, so go easy on yourself throughout this process and make an effort to protect your emotional space.

Here are eight practical ways to reconnect with yourself and set boundaries:

1. Trust the uneasy feeling, even if you can’t explain it yet

If something feels too intense, too fast, or just off, listen to that feeling. You don’t owe anyone a logical defense of your intuition. If your nervous system is throwing up little warning flares, it’s okay to listen.

Remind yourself that you don’t need to wait for proof that something is wrong to set a boundary.

2. Slow the pace, even if it feels awkward

Love bombers often rely on speed to build attachment. So, give yourself permission to slow things down by limiting how often you meet up or taking solo time to think.

Also, instead of responding to every message immediately, try taking a few hours before you reply. Then pay attention to how they react to your slower pace — that alone can tell you a lot.

3. Keep your support network active and involved

Stay connected to friends, family, therapists, and anyone who knows you outside of this relationship. Their perspective can be a reality check when your own feels blurry.

If you feel yourself canceling plans, hiding parts of the relationship, or withdrawing from people you trust, that’s a sign to pause and reconnect. Here are seven ways to improve your relationships and keep your support network active.

4. Set boundaries — and notice how they respond

Healthy partners welcome your boundaries, even when they’re inconvenient. Love bombers typically push or ignore them. Practice stating your needs clearly and simply without over-explaining.

You could say, “I’m not ready to make future plans yet. I’d like to take things slowly.” If that boundary is treated like a betrayal instead of a reasonable need, that’s important information.

💙 Listen to Boundaries with Tamara Levitt to give yourself the courage and tools to set one in your real life.

5. Be wary of promises that feel too big, too soon

Early on, real love is about getting to know each other, not promising forever. If someone is making huge vows of commitment before you’ve built real trust, it’s okay to see that as a red flag.

Remind yourself that you deserve time and space to see who someone actually is, not just who they present themselves to be early on.

6. Give yourself permission to leave

You’re allowed to leave any relationship where you don’t feel safe, even if the other person hasn’t done anything wrong.

Love bombers often count on you feeling obligated to stay because of everything they’ve given you. But you don’t owe continued access to your heart because of gifts, promises, or flattery.

💙 Remind yourself how worthy of love you are by listening to Self-Love Bomb with Jeff Warren.

7. Create space for reflection before making big decisions

Before agreeing to major life changes like moving in or financial entanglements, step back and reassess. Talk to trusted people who aren’t under the spell of the relationship’s early intensity.

A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, “Would I want this change even if they weren’t pressuring me, flattering me, or making it feel urgent?”

8. Consider professional support if you’re feeling trapped or unsure

Therapists and support groups can be life rafts when you’re trying to navigate a confusing relationship dynamic. They can help you separate emotional intensity from genuine connection, and rebuild trust in your own instincts.

What is love bombing FAQs

How is love bombing different from real love?

Both love bombing and real love can feel intense, especially at the beginning. Their foundations are quite different though. Real love grows at a steady, mutual pace, where both people feel respected, seen, and free to move at their own speed. It also creates space for trust to build organically over time.

Love bombing typically feels rushed and overwhelming. It pushes for deep emotional commitment before trust has had time to develop. Instead of feeling safe and steady, it usually feels urgent, dizzying, and a little fragile.

What are examples of love bombing??

Love bombing can look like someone sending dozens of texts every day and giving extravagant gifts early in the relationship. It can also look like making sweeping promises about your future together after just a few dates, or trying to fast-forward emotional intimacy before you’ve had a chance to feel comfortable.

What makes it love bombing is the speed, the intensity, and the feeling that you’re being swept into something faster than you would choose on your own.

Is love bombing always intentional?

It’s not always intentional. Some people love bomb because they genuinely fear losing connection or don’t know how to pace healthy relationships. They might not consciously realize they’re overwhelming you.

But others use love bombing as a deliberate tactic to create dependency and control. Regardless of intent, if the relationship feels disorienting, pressured, or unsafe, it’s okay to set boundaries to protect your mental health.

How do you know if you’re being love-bombed?

One of the clearest signs is if you feel like the relationship is moving at a pace you’re not fully comfortable with. Also, if you feel like voicing your need to slow down feels scary or unwelcome.

Additionally, if you notice that the person showers you with affection but struggles when you assert independence, that could be a sign. If you’re feeling more anxious than secure, it’s worth pausing to reflect. Love shouldn’t feel like something you have to keep up with to avoid losing it.

How can I recover after being love-bombed?

Recovering from love bombing usually starts with reclaiming your own pace and voice. It’s completely normal to feel shaken, mistrustful, or even ashamed afterward. These are just signs that you’re human, and you were impacted by a relationship that moved too fast. Here’s how to ask for help when you need it.

Two ways that can help you recover are to slowly rebuild trust in your instincts and to reconnect with supportive people. Therapy can also be a huge help in regaining your emotional footing.

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love bombing

Calm Editorial Team