What is sadism? Plus, how to spot the warning signs
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Sadism is considered a "dark" personality trait. Learn more about what it is, the warning signs to look out for, and 12 tips to deal with sadistic behavior in daily life.
We’ve all seen it: that person who smirks when someone trips, laughs when a friend embarrasses themselves, or who seems a little too entertained by making others uncomfortable. It can be unsettling to witness another person experience joy at another person’s misfortune or discomfort.
Behavior of this sort isn’t always a display of someone who’s mean-spirited or has dark humor — it may reflect a personality trait where someone takes pleasure in another person’s pain, distress, or humiliation. Which is called sadism.
Sadism is often misunderstood, partly because pop culture tends to exaggerate it into two categories: Something extreme or something purely sexual. In reality, sadistic traits can be more subtle and appear in everyday interactions, too, like at work, in friendships, or even at home. Knowing what sadism looks like (in all its manifestations) gives you tools to spot unhealthy dynamics, understand where they come from, and decide how to protect your own wellbeing.
What is sadism?
At its core, sadism is the enjoyment of causing pain, discomfort, or humiliation to others. The key idea is that the person doesn’t just happen to hurt someone by accident, but they actually feel satisfaction, relief, or even excitement from the suffering they cause.
Psychologists often talk about sadism in two ways:
Everyday sadism: Everyday sadism describes more common, non-clinical behaviors, like mocking someone to get a laugh, playing cruel pranks, or taking pleasure in another person’s failure. It might not always involve physical harm, but the enjoyment comes from seeing someone else struggle.
Sexual sadism disorder: Sexual sadism disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-5). It involves sexual arousal that depends on inflicting pain or humiliation on others. The disorder is only diagnosed when these urges are acted upon without consent, or when they cause the person significant distress.
Sadism is considered part of the “dark tetrad” of personality traits. Some other diagnoses that fall into this category are narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, as they all share a knack for manipulation, lack of empathy, and exploitation. Sadism stands out, however, because it’s not just about gaining advantage but about enjoying the harm itself.
Why does sadism develop?
There isn’t one single reason why someone becomes sadistic. Like most personality traits, it’s shaped by a mix of biology, psychology, and environment. Researchers are still learning about the exact causes, but several patterns stand out.
Personality factors: Sadism is often studied alongside other “dark” traits, like narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. People with higher levels of these traits tend to be less empathetic and more drawn to power dynamics. Sadism adds another layer: the enjoyment of cruelty for its own sake.
Early experiences: Growing up in environments where aggression, bullying, or humiliation were common can normalize cruelty. A child who learns that power comes from dominance may carry those patterns into adulthood. On the flip side, some people develop sadistic tendencies after experiencing powerlessness, finding relief in changing the narrative.
Social reinforcement: If someone’s cruel behavior gets rewarded—through laughter, attention, or a sense of control—it can strengthen the pattern. Over time, the person begins to seek out situations where they can re-create that “reward.”
Biological and neurological factors: While less studied, some research points to brain activity differences in areas linked to empathy and reward. For some, causing distress may trigger the same kind of reward response that others get from achievement or connection.
It’s important to note that not everyone who grows up around cruelty, or who enjoys dark humor, becomes sadistic. Sadism usually shows up as a repeated pattern of finding satisfaction in another person’s suffering, not just a one-off behavior.
6 traits and symptoms of sadism
Sadistic behavior doesn’t always announce itself in dramatic ways. Sometimes it’s subtle, like an offhand comment meant to sting, or a “joke” that leaves someone feeling small. Other times, it’s more overt, like intimidation or cruelty toward those who can’t fight back. What makes behavior sadistic is the enjoyment the person gets from causing distress.
Sadism also tends to appear consistently over time. Everyone can act unkind once in a while, especially under stress. But when cruelty and humiliation become a repeated pattern, and the person seems to draw satisfaction from it, it points more strongly toward sadism.
A sadist doesn’t just hurt others for a practical gain, like manipulation to get ahead. Sadists enjoy the process itself, whether it looks like smugness or laughter.
Some common traits and symptoms of sadism include:
Taking pleasure in others’ pain or failure: Laughing at someone’s mistake, or secretly hoping someone struggles, just to enjoy the discomfort
Humiliating others: Making jokes at someone’s expense, teasing that crosses the line, or intentionally embarrassing someone in front of others
Cruelty toward vulnerable people or animals: Targeting those who are less likely to defend themselves, such as subordinates, pets, or children
Escalating conflicts: Pushing arguments further than necessary, prolonging fights, or finding satisfaction in breaking someone down emotionally
Using fear as control: Relying on intimidation, threats, or unpredictable behavior to keep others off-balance
Lack of empathy or remorse: Showing little concern for how actions affect others, or dismissing harm caused with indifference
How to deal with sadistic behavior: 12 ways to protect yourself
If you’re dealing with someone who takes pleasure in causing discomfort, your main job isn’t to change them. Your main job is to keep yourself safe and balanced.
With that in mind, it’s important to note that someone can exhibit sadistic behavior and not be a sadist. The distinction really comes from if someone is consistently behaving this way, or if it’s occurring during time of distress for them.
Regardless, you can always protect your energy and peace of mind with these 12 tips.
1. Notice what’s really happening
Sadists enjoy the reaction they get after doing something most people deem as horrid, such as excessive bullying or taunting. Once you name what’s happening to yourself, you can stop wasting energy trying to win them over or make them understand.
Try this: If they push your buttons until you’re visibly upset, don’t give them the reaction anymore. Instead of responding, say nothing or calmly walk away.
2. Set clear limits (and stick to them)
Decide what you will and won’t accept and state it plainly to them. If they cross the line, follow through on the boundary you set in place, whether that’s removing yourself from the situation, taking space, or ending the connection entirely.
Try this: If they insult you again after you stated you’d leave if they disrespected you, walk away. Follow through on the promise you made to yourself and the boundary you set with them.
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3. Keep your responses neutral
The less emotion you give someone exhibiting sadistic behavior, the less fuel they have to build upon. If they ask questions, answer them briefly, stick to the facts, and don’t get pulled into drama. Say what you have to say and nothing more.
Try this: If they ask you how you feel about something personal or inflammatory like politics or the state of the world, try saying something simple like, “I’m not open to discussing that at this time.”
4. Spend less time around them
Similar to other toxic connections in your life, spending too much time with someone exhibiting sadistic tendencies can really make you feel low. Limit how often you’re alone with them or how much access they have to you. You don’t owe anyone your energy, and you certainly don’t owe anyone your peace.
Try this: Difficult coworker? Sit near supportive colleagues instead. Family member who keeps pushing your buttons? Keep conversations short and surface-level at family gatherings. You can also move communication to text or email for a record of interactions, or you can block or mute them on social media.
Related read: How the grey rock method can help you deal with toxic people
5. Limit the information you share with them
Be mindful of what (and how much) you share with a person with sadistic tendencies. When in doubt, don’t share anything at all. Personal details can become weapons in the wrong hands. Keep your private life private.
Try this: If they’re sharing personal details about their lives, simply listen and don’t share in return. Skip talking about your health, relationships, money, or any personal details. This also goes for your online life.
💙 Feeling pressured? Learn How to Say No in this session of the Daily Jay on the Calm app.
6. Write things down
If you’re noticing odd behaviors in someone you know or feel in your gut that something is wrong, and you want to be sure it isn’t just a one-off occurrence, consider documentation. Keep a simple log of what happens, when it happens, and the details. You can also save unusual texts, emails, or take screenshots of conversations or odd photos you come across.
Documenting helps you see patterns clearly. It also gives you evidence if you need to report it later.
7. Follow the proper steps at work or school
If you’ve experienced unsettling interactions with someone, set a boundary with them, and they consistently cross that boundary or disrespect you, go up the chain.
First, put your concerns in writing and send them to your boss, a friend, or a teacher. If that doesn’t work, talk to a manager, HR, the principal, or someone in a position of authority. If needed, file a formal report or ask for support from a union or another type of professional.
8. Create a safety plan for if things get worse
It isn’t uncommon for sadistic people to push harder when a boundary is placed. In situations like these, having a safety plan can bring you comfort in knowing that, no matter their behavior, you have a place to go where you will be taken care of.
Try this: Make a checklist of who you’d call in an emergency and where you’d go. You can also establish a code word for friends or family that you’d announce if you need help. Having a small bag of essentials at the ready can be helpful too, especially if you need to spend the night at a friend’s house unexpectedly. If you ever feel unsafe, it’s essential that you feel empowered to reach out to local services or hotlines immediately.
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9. Don’t expect empathy
Empathy doesn’t often work for people with sadistic personalities or personality traits. Instead of asking something like, “How would you feel if I did this to you?” be firm with your words instead. Rhetorical questions or expecting compassion aren’t the way to go.
Try this: “I’m not discussing this with you anymore. I’m ending the conversation now.” Then walk away.
10. Bring in backup
If you’re dealing with someone who consistently disrespects you, manipulates you, or makes you feel uncomfortable, call in backup. You shouldn’t have to handle this on your own if you don’t have to. Asking for support can make you feel safer, and it also helps for someone else to bear witness to what you’re experiencing so they can vouch for you.
Try this: Invite a colleague to a meeting, copy (or blind copy) someone else on emails, or debrief with a trusted friend afterward.
Related read: How to ask for help when you need it (7 tips to gain confidence)
11. Know when to walk away
Sometimes the healthiest option is less contact or none at all. Walking away isn’t a sign of weakness or giving up — it’s an act of protection and self-preservation. It’s also a sign to the person giving you trouble that you won’t stand for their behavior anymore.
Try this: Ask for a transfer at work or school, change study groups, stick to written communication only, or end the relationship. In serious cases, talk to a lawyer or advocacy service about your options.
12. Take care of yourself afterward
Being around cruelty or manipulation can take a toll on your mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. Engage in acts of self-love that help your body and mind reset. Perhaps this includes taking time off of work or a break from social media.
Try this: Take slow, intentional breaths, go on a quick walk, listen to music that lifts your mood, journal, try therapy, or connect with people who remind you you’re safe and valued.
What is sadism FAQs
Is sadism a personality disorder?
Sadism itself isn’t classified as a standalone personality disorder. In clinical psychology, it’s considered a personality trait, or part of the “dark tetrad” that also includes narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. That said, there was once a proposed “sadistic personality disorder,” but it was not included in the DSM-5.
Instead, the diagnosis of sexual sadism disorder is recognized, which applies only when certain criteria are met (such as distress, impairment, or non-consensual acts). In everyday contexts, when people talk about “a sadist,” they usually mean someone who consistently enjoys cruelty, not necessarily someone with a psychiatric diagnosis.
What are the main traits of a sadist?
Sadists often show patterns of taking pleasure in the suffering or discomfort of others. This might include humiliating people in public, escalating conflicts, or enjoying the sight of failure or pain. They often appear emotionally detached, showing little empathy or remorse.
Importantly, the enjoyment of cruelty is what differentiates sadism from other dark traits — where manipulation or control might serve a goal, sadism centers on the experience itself. It’s important to note that a person can exhibit sadistic tendencies or behaviors and not be a sadist.
Why is sadism called a dark personality trait?
Sadism is labeled a “dark” trait because it involves deriving satisfaction from behaviors that directly harm others. Unlike ambition or competitiveness, which can be channeled in constructive ways, sadism revolves around cruelty.
It goes against social norms of empathy, compassion, and fairness. Grouped with narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, sadism is often viewed as the darkest of the four because of its focus on the enjoyment of harm, not just indifference to it.
Can someone with sadistic tendencies change?
Change is possible, but it’s difficult without professional support. Sadistic patterns can be deeply ingrained, especially if they’ve been reinforced over the years. Therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral approaches, can help some people build empathy and develop healthier ways of relating to others.
However, lasting change usually requires strong motivation and self-awareness, which are not common traits among people with entrenched sadism. For others, the best path is setting boundaries and minimizing exposure, rather than expecting them to transform.
What is Sexual Sadism Disorder?
Sexual sadism disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis described in the DSM-5. It applies when a person’s sexual arousal depends on causing another person physical pain, humiliation, or suffering. It only becomes a disorder when the urges cause significant distress or when acted out without consent. This distinction is important.
Consensual practices within BDSM communities are not considered disordered, because both parties agree and boundaries are respected. The disorder applies only when harm is non-consensual or distressing.
What are some examples of sadist behavior?
Examples of sadistic behavior range from subtle to extreme. Someone with everyday sadism might deliberately embarrass a colleague in a meeting, enjoy stirring up conflict among friends, or laugh when another person struggles.
More overt examples include bullying, verbal abuse, cruelty toward animals, or escalating arguments until the other person breaks down. What links these behaviors is the same thread: the person isn’t just trying to win or control — they’re deriving satisfaction from the pain or humiliation caused.
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