Here’s what you should say (and do) when someone has a baby
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
When someone close to you has a baby, it can be tough to know what to say or how to help. Explore 7 tips to support new parents, and learn what not to do.
After a friend or family member has a baby, you probably gush over the newborn, ask how the delivery went, and tell the (likely exhausted!) new parents how well they’re adjusting to their new roles. You may even share some of the advice you wish you’d received when you were in their position.
But after a while, it can be tough to know what to say or do. You know they're likely juggling the challenges of sleepless nights, unexplained fussiness, and explosive diapers, and you want to show your excitement and support without saying the wrong thing or accidentally adding to their stress.
So, what do we do? And where do we begin? Here’s what to say and do for a first-time parent—or someone adding another child to their family—so they feel supported, seen, and less alone during this huge transition.
What to say when someone has a baby: 5 tips
Knowing what to say when someone has a new baby can feel tricky. You want to acknowledge their huge milestone, celebrate with them, and offer support, all without accidentally saying something that could be taken the wrong way. Here's how to keep your words simple, kind, and heartfelt:
Start with congratulations: This might seem obvious, but a genuine “Congratulations on your new baby!” is a nice way to acknowledge all the hard work that went in bringing this little one into the world.
Be encouraging: Use this moment to remind the new parents that they’re doing a great job. Parenthood can be physically and emotionally exhausting, especially in those early days. Words of encouragement can make a big difference when they’re feeling overwhelmed or insecure.
Be supportive: Sometimes, new parents just need to hear that you’re there for them. Showing you’ve got their back is a great way to help. Drop off meals for them to reheat in the oven, or clean up their kitchen the next time you’re visiting. Even a simple phone call to check in or quick coffee delivery can mean the world.
Help them feel seen and reassured: If you sense that your friends are overwhelmed, acknowledge those feelings in a kind and understanding way. Remind them of how big of an adjustment it is to care for a newborn, and maybe offer to hold the baby so they can take a long shower or just have a few moments alone.
Be yourself: The most important thing is to be sincere and true to your relationship with them. So, don't overthink it. Just be caring. They'll appreciate knowing you’re there to cheer them on.
7 tips to support new parents
Even the most prepared parents can get overwhelmed by the sleepless nights, endless feedings, and brand-new routine. Supporting new parents is about trying to understand what they’re going through and stepping in to help.
1. Offer practical help
The demands of caring for a baby can make simple tasks like cooking or tidying up feel impossible. Take some of the load off their plate by offering specific, practical help. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try, “Do you want Italian or Indian food for dinner on Tuesday?” or “Where’s your hamper? I want to throw in a load of laundry while I’m here.”
Bring over a meal that’s easy to heat up. Avoid dishes that need extra prep, and consider disposable containers so they don’t have to worry about returning them.
Tackle a chore during your visit. Fold laundry, take out the trash, or unload the dishwasher. These might seem like small tasks, but doing them for new parents can be a huge relief.
Ask if there’s anything they need picking up on your way over. Diapers, snacks, or groceries are often high on the list, and running an errand for them is a kind gesture.
Make them a drink or a snack, or offer to hold the baby while they get some rest or take a shower. For new parents, self-care is usually the last priority, so help them feel more themselves if you can.
2. Respect their boundaries
Every family adjusts to life with a baby differently. Some parents might welcome visitors, while others need time to settle in. Always ask before stopping by, and be okay with hearing “Not right now.” If you do visit, keep your stay short unless they invite you to stay longer.
Follow the parents’ lead when it comes to interacting with the baby. Some people may not feel comfortable letting others hold their baby just yet, or they might ask you to wear a mask. Respect their requests and boundaries and focus on offering support in ways they’re comfortable with.
💙 Follow along with Tamara Levitt as she guides you through a meditation on setting Boundaries and respecting others’, too.
3. Bring thoughtful gifts
While traditional baby gifts like clothes or toys are lovely, think about what might really help the parents in this season of life. Practical, thoughtful presents can make a big difference, unless they’ve asked for something specific.
Essentials like diapers or wipes are always appreciated. Check what size or brand of diapers they’re using to make sure they fit.
Consider giving the parents something for themselves, like a cozy blanket, self-care items, or a gift card for food (or coffee) delivery.
If you’re close to the family, you could give a more personal gift, like a photo album or a keepsake for the baby’s first year.
4. Be a good listener
Sometimes, new parents just need to talk. Whether they’re gushing about their baby or venting about how tired they are, let them share their feelings without judging them. Just listening with empathy and patience can help them feel less alone. Try not to give advice unless they specifically ask for it. Here are five ways to become a better listener.
💙 Try Holding Space for the person you’re listening to with guidance from Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others Series.
5. Support new parents’ mental health
Adjusting to parenthood can bring emotional ups and downs. Postpartum depression and anxiety are common, but they're not always openly discussed. If you notice signs that new parents are struggling—like a mom withdrawing from loved ones or showing signs of extreme exhaustion—gently encourage them to seek support. You could say something like, “You’re not alone in feeling this way. Have you thought about talking to someone about it?”
Share resources if they need them, and let them know you’re there for them without judgment. You can start with sharing these 10 self-care tips for people with postpartum depression.
6. Help out with older siblings or pets
If the family has older kids, offering to spend time with them can be a huge help. Newborns need a lot of attention, and their siblings might feel left out. Take the older kids to the park, read them a story, or plan a small activity they’ll enjoy. If they have a pet, offer to feed them — and if it’s a dog, maybe ask to take them on a walk or host a puppy sleepover at your place. Bonus: Babysitting a pet can even boost your mental health in the process!
Giving the parents some time to focus on the baby—or just simply try to take a breather—can be a huge gift in itself.
7. Keep on giving new parents your support
The need for help doesn’t stop after the first few weeks, but the visitors and offers of support dry up. Continue checking in with the family as the baby grows. Send a quick text to see how they’re doing, drop off dinner when they need a break, or offer to babysit so the parents can have some time for themselves.
Your ongoing presence shows that you care about them, and not just during the newborn phase but through the entire journey of parenting. These consistent acts of kindness can be the ones that mean the most. Here are seven tips you can use to become a better friend.
What not to say (or do) when someone has a new baby
While it’s important to know how to support new parents, it’s equally important to avoid saying or doing things that might unintentionally add stress to their already overwhelming situation. Here are some things to keep in mind to ensure your words and actions are helpful and considerate.
Don’t compare their baby or parenting choices to others
Every baby is different, and every parent approaches parenting in their own way. Avoid saying things like, “My baby slept through the night at this age,” or “You should really try doing it this way.” Comparisons can make parents feel like they’re falling short or doing something wrong. Instead, focus on encouraging them. Just let them know they’re doing a great job.
Avoid unsolicited advice
New parents are often flooded with advice from every direction — family, friends, even strangers at the grocery store! While your intentions might be good, offering advice they didn’t ask for can feel overwhelming or even a little judgmental.
Of course, sometimes parents are looking for guidance. If they ask for your opinion, feel free to share it, but be supportive. If they don’t ask, simply listen mindfully (here’s how) and offer validation for what they’re going through.
Don’t make comments about their appearance
Comments about how someone looks after having a baby—whether you think they’re positive or not—can be sensitive. Avoid saying things like:
“You look tired.” Even if they do, new parents already know this.
“You’ll bounce back in no time.” This can create pressure to focus on appearance, even if the new parent didn’t feel self-conscious in the first place.
“You look great — better than I expected!” This is a backhanded compliment, and that’s just… not great.
Instead, compliment them on the incredible job they’re doing. Try saying something like, “You’re amazing, and your baby is so lucky to have you,” or, “Being a parent looks good on you. You’re crushing it.”
Don’t show up unannounced
As excited as you might be to meet the new baby, showing up unannounced can disrupt the family’s routine and add more stress. Always ask before visiting, and if they say it’s not a good time, just say, “Okay.” If you do visit, keep your stay short unless they invite you to stay longer, and offer to help while you’re there.
Don’t expect them to host you
When you visit, remember that the new parents are likely exhausted. Don’t expect them to serve you drinks, make conversation, or entertain you. Instead, come prepared to help. Bring snacks or coffee, take care of small tasks while you’re there, focus on spending time with the baby (if they’re comfortable with that), or play with older children or pets in the family so they feel included and valued.
Avoid making the moment about you
It’s natural to want to share your own experiences or stories about when you had a baby. However, try to avoid shifting the focus away from the new parents and their baby. Saying things like, “When I was a new parent, I did this and that,” can feel dismissive of their current experience.
Instead, stay present with their story and situation. Ask how they’re feeling, what they need, or what’s been the most surprising part of parenthood so far.
Don’t make negative comments about the baby
Even lighthearted comments like, “Wow, they cry a lot!” or “They’re so small for their age” can make new parents anxious or upset. Remember, they’re likely already navigating a mix of emotions, and even small remarks can add to their worries. Focus on celebrating the baby’s arrival and the joy they bring to the family.
What to say when someone has a baby FAQs
How do you congratulate someone having a baby?
When congratulating someone on their new baby, a warm, heartfelt message goes a long way. A simple “Congratulations!” is a great place to start. You can make it more personal by adding something specific, like, “I’m so happy for your family — your baby is absolutely precious!” If you’re close to the parents, acknowledge the hard work they’ve put in with a comment like, “I’m so proud of you. Your little one is lucky to have you.”
Remember to keep the focus on celebrating their joy without overwhelming them. If you’re writing a card or sending a message, keep it short and sweet unless you know they’d love a longer note. What matters most is that your congratulations feel genuine and come from the heart.
What are some ways to support parents with a new baby?
Supporting new parents means recognizing their challenges and stepping in to help in ways that feel meaningful and manageable for them. Practical help often goes a long way, so bring over a meal, run errands, or help them with chores like laundry or cleaning. This help can lighten their load and give them time to rest or bond with their baby.
Emotional support is just as important. Sometimes, new parents need someone to listen as they navigate the highs and lows of this life change. Offer a kind ear without judgment, and let them know it’s okay to feel tired or overwhelmed.
Respect their boundaries, too. Always ask before visiting, and be mindful not to overstay your welcome. Your presence and thoughtfulness, whether in person or from afar, can make all the difference.
How can I support new parents from a distance?
If you’re not nearby, there are still plenty of ways to help when a new baby arrives.
Send thoughtful gifts like diapers, wipes, or gift cards for grocery delivery or meal services. They’re practical and appreciated.
Give a care package with snacks, a great-smelling candle, or small self-care items (here are 20 ideas to inspire you) to remind the parents to take care of themselves, too.
Check in regularly with a quick text to ask how they’re doing, or a video call to catch up and let them know you’re thinking of them.
Offer to coordinate with local friends or family who can help in person, so the parents can feel supported even if you’re far away.
How can I help new parents without overstepping boundaries?
The best way to help without overstepping is to communicate openly and respect their wishes.
Always ask before offering help, visiting, or bringing something over. Instead of a vague, “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering specific options like, “What can I bring over for dinner this week?” or “I’d love to watch the baby for an hour so you can rest.” This approach makes it easier for them to accept your help without feeling like they’re burdening you.
When visiting, be mindful of their time and energy and don’t expect to be entertained. Let the parents set the tone for what they’re comfortable with, and be sure they know you’re available whenever they’re ready for more support.
How can I support a new mom with postpartum depression?
Postpartum depression is a serious condition, and your support can make a meaningful difference.
If you suspect your friend is struggling, approach her with empathy and without judgment. Let her know it’s okay to feel this way and that she’s not alone. You could say something like, “I’ve noticed you seem a little down lately. I’m here for you if you want to talk.”
Encourage her to reach out to her doctor who can connect her to a mental health professional for support.
Offer to help her take that step if she seems hesitant, like watching the baby while she attends an appointment or helping her find places to get support.
Share information about support groups or hotlines.
Give practical help to ease some of the daily stress. Offer to run errands, help with chores, or take care of the baby (and any older children or pets) so she can have a moment for herself.
Most importantly, remind her that she’s doing a good job, even when it doesn’t feel like it, and that getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
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