What is the words of affirmation love language? Plus, 20 examples
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore the words of affirmation love language, including examples and how to use them effectively. Plus, what to avoid if this is your partner's love language.
Have you ever given someone a compliment and seen their face light up? Maybe you praised your partner’s cooking, or your friend's outfit and it seemed to make their day. Conversely, have you ever witnessed someone’s face drop when you don’t praise their efforts? For some people, actions speak louder than words, but for others, verbal praise goes a long way.
If someone’s primary love language is words of affirmation, they’ll feel most loved and seen when their partner gives them genuine, heartfelt compliments and consistently tells them how much they matter. Yes, heartfelt gestures are meaningful, but verbal or communication and love letters are the best ways to make these people feel especially appreciated and respected.
What is the words of affirmation as a love language?
Words of affirmation is one of the five love languages identified by marriage counselor Gary Chapman, PhD, in his book The 5 Love Languages. People who value the words of affirmation love language feel most appreciated when they’re told how much they’re loved, according to Chapman’s theory.
Chapman originally introduced the concept of love languages to help couples understand how they prefer to receive love, but the preferences can also apply to friend and familial relationships.
By recognizing and speaking each other's love language, people can improve their communication and strengthen their relationships. For those whose primary love language is words of affirmation, hearing supportive and encouraging words can make a significant impact on their emotional wellbeing.
When you understand the words of affirmation love language, you can use it to uplift and support others. This includes any verbal expression that shows someone you care, value, and believe in them. Whether through spoken words, written notes, or heartfelt texts, using words of affirmation can help you build deeper, more meaningful connections.
The importance of words of affirmation in relationships
Words of affirmation offer psychological and emotional benefits to romantic relationships, such as increased self-esteem and emotional security. These affirming words help build trust and intimacy, making partners feel valued and understood.
Psychological benefits: When you express love through words of affirmation, you boost your partner’s self-esteem. Hearing phrases like "I'm proud of you," or "You did a great job," reinforces positive self-worth. This can help them feel more confident and capable.
Emotional security: Words of affirmation reassure your partner of your love and commitment. Knowing that they’re appreciated and valued can reduce anxiety and support a sense of stability in the relationship.
Trust and intimacy: When partners regularly express their appreciation and love verbally, it creates a safe space for open communication. This strengthens the emotional bond, making both partners feel more connected and understood.
Strong bonds: Simple phrases like "I love you," "You mean so much to me," or "I'm grateful for you," can reinforce your bond and remind your partner of your love and commitment.
Positive environment: A relationship in which words of affirmation are commonly used tends to be more positive and supportive. Partners who feel appreciated and valued are more likely to reciprocate with kindness.
20 examples of words of affirmation
If you use words of affirmation effectively—giving your partner genuine, heartfelt compliments and expressions of appreciation—you can strengthen your relationship and create a positive, nurturing environment.
Compliments
1. "You look great today."
2. "You have a beautiful smile."
3. "You’re so talented."
4. "You’re really good at that."
Expressions of appreciation
5. "I appreciate everything you do for us."
6. "Thank you for being there for me."
7. "I’m grateful for you."
8. "You make my life better."
Specific acknowledgments
9. "I’m proud of you."
10. "You handled that situation really well."
11. "Your dedication is inspiring."
12. "I love how you always think of others."
Encouragement and support
13. "I believe in you."
14. "You can do it."
15. "You’re stronger than you think."
16. "I admire your determination."
Affirmations of love
17. "I love you."
18. "You mean the world to me."
19. "I’m so lucky to have you."
20. "I’m always here for you."
12 mindful tips for how to use words of affirmation
Communicating with someone whose love language is words of affirmation, doesn’t just mean saying nice things to them occasionally. Here are some ways to use this love language effectively.
1. Be sincere
When you say something like, "I truly appreciate your hard work," make sure it reflects your honest feelings. Sincerity helps build trust and strengthens the emotional bond you and your partner share.
💙 Discover the art of Nurturing Relationships with help from Tamara Levitt.
2. Consider timing
Avoid giving affirmations when either of you is distracted or rushed, as this can make them seem less genuine. Choose moments when your partner can fully absorb and appreciate your words.
3. Understand your partner’s needs
Pay attention to what your partner responds to and tailor your affirmations accordingly. This personalized approach shows that you understand and care about what matters most to them.
4. Use personalized notes
Leave personalized notes in places where your partner will find them, such as on the bathroom mirror, in their lunch bag, or on their pillow. A simple note saying, "I love you and appreciate all that you do," can brighten their day.
💙 Allow your appreciation for your partner to flourish with guidance from the 7 Days of Gratitude series.
5. Send heartfelt texts
Sending a text like, "Thinking of you and how amazing you are," can show your partner that they’re on your mind. Regularly sending affirming texts can keep the connection strong even when you’re apart.
6. Give genuine compliments
When giving compliments, be specific about what you appreciate or admire to show you’ve been paying attention. Instead of a general "Good job," say something like, "You did a fantastic job on that project because of your attention to detail."
7. Practice mindful listening
When your partner is speaking, give them your full attention. Show that you’re actively listening by nodding, making eye contact, and responding appropriately.
💙 Practice the art of mindful Listening with this meditation in the Relationship with Others series.
8. Use positive reinforcement
Phrases like "I believe in you," or "You’ve got this," can provide the support they need to tackle challenges. Positive reinforcement helps build their confidence and shows that you’re their biggest cheerleader.
9. Create a ritual
Consider creating a ritual of sharing affirmations, such as starting or ending your day with a few positive words to reinforce your bond. For example, every morning you could say, "I hope you have an amazing day," and every night, "I’m grateful for you."
💙 Create New Routines in your day, like sharing words of affirmation with your partner, with the help of The Daily Jay.
10. Use compassionate communication
Use "I" statements to express your feelings, such as, "I feel so happy when I see your smile." This approach focuses on your feelings and experiences, making your affirmations personal and heartfelt.
💙 Practice bringing Deeper Communication and connection in your relationships during this meditation with Jay Shetty.
11. Acknowledge their emotions
Show empathy and support by affirming your partner’s emotions. If they’re feeling down, say something like, "I understand this is tough for you, and I’m here for you."
💙 Harness your Understanding while navigating your partner’s emotions, regardless of what they may be.
12. Make affirmations a habit
Regularly express your love and appreciation to make your partner feel continuously valued. Integrate affirmations into your daily routine to ensure they become a natural part of your relationship.
💙 Learn more about what Unconditional Love means in romantic relationships with guidance from Tamara Levitt.
What to avoid if your partner’s love language is words of affirmation
Sometimes, understanding what not to say is just as important as knowing how to use words of affirmation effectively. Avoiding these common mistakes can help you stay mindful of your partner’s needs and create a positive, supportive environment.
Criticism
Harsh or sarcastic comments can be particularly damaging to someone who values words of affirmation. Even if you’re joking, negative remarks can hurt their feelings deeply. Always be mindful of your tone and choice of words, and offer constructive feedback in a kind and supportive manner.
Inconsistency
If you only express your appreciation occasionally, your partner might feel uncertain about your true feelings. Use words of affirmation to your partner regularly and consistently to help build a stable and trusting relationship.
Generic compliments
Avoid giving generic or vague compliments like "You're great" or "Good job." These can come across as impersonal and may not resonate with your partner. Be specific about what you appreciate. For example, say, "I love how you always know how to make me smile," or "Your dedication to your work is inspiring."
Forgetfulness
Failing or forgetting to acknowledge special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, or personal achievements with words of affirmation can be hurtful. Take the time to celebrate these moments with thoughtful words that show your appreciation and love.
Flakiness
If you make promises or commitments verbally, follow through on them. Failing to keep your word can make your partner question your sincerity, so try to match your actions with your words to reinforce the reliability of your affirmations.
A lack of appreciation
Avoid overlooking the efforts your partner puts into the relationship. Saying, "I really appreciate how you handled that situation," or "Thank you for always being so supportive," can make your partner feel seen and valued in the relationship.
Manipulation
Genuine affirmations should come without strings attached. If your partner senses that your compliments are given with ulterior motives, it can erode trust and create tension in the relationship.
How to find your love language
If you aren’t sure what your love language is or you want to find your partner’s, check out our article, “How to find your love language.”
The five love languages:
Physical touch: Learn how physical affection can strengthen your relationship.
Words of affirmation: Learn how verbal expressions of love can solidify your bond.
Acts of service: Discover how doing things for your partner can show you care.
Receiving gifts: Understand how thoughtful gifts can make your partner feel cherished.
Quality time: Find out how spending mindful time together can deepen your connection.
Words of affirmation love language FAQs
How can I identify if my partner’s love language is words of affirmation?
Identifying your partner's love language involves paying close attention to their reactions and behaviors. Here are some signs that words of affirmation might be their primary love language.
Positive response to compliments: If your partner lights up when you compliment them or express appreciation, it’s a strong indication that they value words of affirmation.
Frequent use of affirmations: Notice if your partner often gives you compliments or verbal acknowledgments. People tend to express love in the way they prefer to receive it.
Seeking verbal validation: If your partner frequently asks for your opinion or needs verbal reassurance, it is likely they value your words.
Disappointment in lack of affirmations: If your partner seems upset or hurt when you don’t express appreciation or love verbally, it’s a clear sign that words of affirmation are important to them.
Direct communication: The most straightforward way to identify your partner’s love language is to ask them and to have an open conversation about how they feel most loved.
What are some creative ways to deliver words of affirmation?
Getting creative with your affirmations can make them even more special. Here are some ideas to try.
Personalized letters: Write a heartfelt letter expressing your love and appreciation. Handwritten letters can be kept and cherished and require time and effort.
Sticky notes: Leave sticky notes with affirming messages in unexpected places like their mirror, fridge, or car.
Customized gifts: Give them a gift with an affirming message engraved or printed, such as a keychain, mug, or piece of jewelry.
Voice memos: Send a voice message or a recording of you expressing your appreciation and love. Hearing your voice can make the affirmation more personal.
Social media shout-outs: Publicly acknowledge your partner’s qualities or achievements on social media, showing your appreciation for everyone to see.
Affirmation jar: Fill a jar with small notes of affirmations, compliments, and reasons you love them. They can pick one whenever they need a boost.
Song or poem: Write a song or poem that includes affirming words and share it with them. This personal touch can be very meaningful.
How often should I use words of affirmation in a relationship?
Consistency is key when it comes to words of affirmation. Aim to give at least one sincere compliment or expression of appreciation every day. This helps to keep the emotional connection strong. Mixing in some spontaneous affirmations can also be a fun way to play with your partner. Special occasions and challenging times in life can also be opportune times to verbally firm your partner of your love and commitment to them.
What if my partner doesn’t respond well to words of affirmation?
If your partner doesn’t respond well to words of affirmation, it’s important to understand their preferences and needs. Ask them directly how they prefer to receive love. Perhaps they’re more partial to physical touch or quality time. You can also observe their reaction when you offer them love in different ways. If they light up when you help with chores or spend uninterrupted time together, perhaps they have a different love language.
Once you have clarified their primary love language, focus on expressing love in that way. For instance, if they prefer quality time, plan more activities together without distractions. Or if they feel connected to multiple love languages, try combining them to cover all bases. Even if words of affirmation aren’t their primary love language, they can still appreciate and benefit from hearing kind words occasionally.
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