Crushing on a coworker? Here’s how to handle it
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
New coworker got you doing a double take? Workplace crushes are normal but they can sometimes go too far. Here’s how to handle a workplace crush with caution…
Having a crush is thrilling, but when it’s a coworker that’s making your heart race, things can get… interesting. The excitement of stolen glances or inside jokes may be a fun distraction at work, but keeping your cool while staying professional is no easy feat. You might find yourself daydreaming during meetings or losing focus while working on projects.
Still, those extra sparks of excitement could be oddly motivating. Looking forward to seeing this person could make going to work more enjoyable. You might find yourself paying more attention to your appearance, arriving early, or putting in a little extra effort hoping to impress them.
While that rush of adrenaline could fuel creativity and productivity, it’s important to remember that you’re still in a professional setting. So if you find yourself with a workplace crush, it’s best to handle it mindfully. Here’s how.
Why workplace crushes are normal (and sometimes healthy)
It’s no surprise that when you see someone you admire regularly, you can develop a great rapport. This is especially true with coworkers who you may see more than you see your friends or family. Getting along well, making a good team, and being in a productive atmosphere could result in more-than-friends feelings. Here are some of the ways this can occur.
Shared experiences: Going through similar challenges and triumphs with coworkers can create a bond. Whether it’s handling tough deadlines or celebrating a project’s success, team camaraderie can sometimes grow into more.
Proximity: Long hours together—sometimes more than you spend with your friends or family—can make people closer. This can spark familiarity and attraction.
Admiration: When you respect someone’s work ethic, intelligence, or the way they handle pressure, it can lead to romantic feelings.
Interestingly, having a crush at work can sometimes be healthy, as long as it doesn’t cross any boundaries. An innocent crush can bring a little excitement to your day and even boost your mood or confidence. You might feel more motivated to show up to work, and inspired to improve your work performance.
But while a little attraction can be harmless (and even positive), it’s important to manage it wisely, so you can enjoy those feelings while staying focused on your professional responsibilities.
Can a workplace crush go too far? 5 signs you should use caution
With any kind of romantic feeling, a workplace crush can put a little extra pep in your step. Still there are instances where an innocent admiration can go too far. Watch out for signs you need to cool it.
1. Neglecting your work: Constantly thinking about your crush and finding it hard to focus on tasks.
2. Jealousy or frustration: Feeling upset when your crush talks to other coworkers or praises them.
3. Overstepping professional boundaries: Sharing too much personal information or trying to create more personal interactions.
4. Ignoring red flags: Pursuing them even if the person you’re interested in has made it clear they’re not interested or are in a relationship.
5. Affecting your mental health: Feeling unhappy, restless, or preoccupied with the situation in a way that affects your wellbeing.
6 ways to handle a workplace crush mindfully
Having a workplace crush can feel tricky to navigate. You might feel excited whenever you see the person, but you don’t want to let those feelings get in the way of your work or create an awkward situation. Whether your crush is just a fantasy, or has the potential to become something more, here’s how to mindfully manage so it doesn’t interfere with your job, your mental health, or your professional relationships.
It should be noted that workplace crushes might need to be handled differently if you’re in a relationship. If you are partnered, developing a workplace crush could be a signal that your existing relationship needs some attention. You don’t want to accidentally cross the line from having an innocent crush to emotional cheating.
1. Acknowledge your feelings
Sometimes you need to be honest with yourself about your feelings. It’s totally okay to have a crush — everyone experiences attraction sometimes. Recognizing your feelings can help you stay grounded and keep your emotions in perspective. Explore this guide to processing your feelings.
💙 Sometimes feelings are hard to put into words, try Clarifying Your Feelings Through Writing with Dr. Julie Smith.
2. Set clear boundaries
Set limits early on, both for yourself and in your conversations with your crush. Avoid texting or talking about non-work-related things too much, especially outside work hours. This can help you maintain a healthy emotional distance and prevent the crush from crossing into inappropriate territory. Here are nine tips for setting healthy boundaries.
💙 Explore our session on Healthy Boundaries from the Daily Trip with Jeff Warren.
3. Keep your focus on your job
If you notice you’re spending more time thinking about your crush or looking for excuses to be near them, gently remind yourself of your tasks for the day. Move your mind from daydreams toward your work to make sure you’re meeting your responsibilities and staying productive. Check out these eight tips to help improve concentration.
💙 Feeling your mind wandering a bit too often? Explore our 7 Days of Focus series.
4. Talk to a trusted friend outside of work
If your crush feels like it’s taking up a lot of your mental energy, consider confiding in a close friend, or even a therapist about your feelings. This can help you process those emotions without complicating your work environment, which can make you feel more in control of the situation.
💙 You can further investigate and understand your feelings with our Emotions Series led by Tamara Levitt.
5. Don’t let your crush impact your work performance
If you find yourself losing focus, missing deadlines, or prioritizing chatting with your crush over your actual work, take a step back. Create a little distance, perhaps by switching desks, limiting small talk, or finding other ways to reduce interactions during the day.
💙 Explore our Mindfulness at Work series for more tips and tricks on how to stay more mindful at your job.
6. Give yourself time to reassess your feelings
What starts out as a crush might fizzle out after a while, especially as you get used to being around the person more. Give yourself time to reflect on how you feel. If the crush fades naturally, that’s okay. If it grows stronger, you might want to make a plan for how to manage it.
💙 Take some time to practice Labeling Emotions with Jay Shetty.
How to navigate a workplace crush becoming a relationship
Sometimes, a workplace crush can turn into something more. If you find your coworker feels the same way, your crush might be the exciting start to a love story. This transition does need to be handled tactfully as dating a coworker could impact both your professional life and your workplace relationships. Here are a few tips to get you started.
Check your company’s policy on workplace relationships
Some companies have strict rules about relationships between coworkers, especially if there’s a power dynamic (like if one person’s in a supervisory or management role). Read your employee handbook or chat with HR to check the guidelines. Even if the policy allows dating, it’s still important to be careful to avoid potential conflicts of interest.
Be transparent with HR
Many companies require employees to disclose workplace relationships to avoid favoritism, conflicts of interest, or other workplace concerns. Telling HR can help protect you and your partner from any potential workplace issues, and it also shows you’re handling the relationship professionally. A budding romance is wonderful, but your job is also important.
Save romance for outside work
Keep work and personal life separate as much as possible. Avoid bringing personal discussions or conflicts into the workplace, and stay focused on your job during work hours. The office is not the place for public displays of affection. Even if you’re used to being affectionate at home, dial it back when you go to work. Keeping your relationship discreet will ensure that coworkers don’t feel uncomfortable, and you don’t become the subject of office gossip.
Communicate openly with your partner
Talk about how you’ll handle being at work together, how to address any potential issues, and what boundaries you’ll set to protect your work performance and your relationship. This can help you avoid misunderstandings and maintain a healthy balance between your professional and personal lives. As your relationship progresses, one of you might consider switching departments to give yourselves a little distance at work. Here are six tips for setting healthy relationship boundaries.
Be mindful of how the relationship affects your coworkers
It’s natural to want to make your partner feel special but avoid giving each other special treatment or showing favoritism at work, especially if one of you is in a higher position. Make sure your relationship doesn’t affect how you work with others or how decisions are made. Being respectful of your coworkers’ feelings and maintaining professionalism can help prevent resentment or workplace tension. If you’re in a leadership position explore these 10 ways to lead with mindfulness.
Prepare for potential challenges
Every great love story has bumps in the road. Be sure to talk about how you’ll handle things if there’s conflict or if the relationship ends. It’s important to have a plan for how you’ll keep your professional life intact.
Workplace crush FAQs
Is it normal to have workplace crushes?
Spending a lot of time with people at work, especially when you have common goals and challenges, can naturally lead to feelings of attraction. Shared experiences, admiration for someone’s work ethic, or just being together all day can contribute to a crush.
While it’s okay to have these feelings, it’s important to make sure they don’t interfere with your work or create awkward situations. Be mindful of how your crush affects your behavior at work so you can keep things professional.
What are the signs that my workplace crush is becoming unhealthy?
A workplace crush can become unhealthy if it starts affecting your job or mental wellbeing. If you notice any of these signs, step back, reassess the situation, and set clear boundaries
Constant distractions: If you’re always thinking about your crush and it’s affecting your focus.
Jealousy or frustration: Feeling upset when your crush talks to other coworkers.
Crossing professional boundaries: When you hang out in ways that go beyond work-related matters.
How do you know if your workplace crush likes you back? Should you ask?
There are often subtle signs that someone might like you back, like lingering conversations, an extra spark, or a sense of friendliness that feels more personal than the usual coworker interactions.
If you do decide to ask directly if a colleague has feelings for you, it can be wise to start with a disclaimer explaining that there are no hard feelings if the person isn’t interested and you just wanted clarification so you could understand the dynamic of your friendship outside of work. If they share that they like you too, you can go from there. If they don’t you can process your own feelings and move on.
Can a workplace crush turn into a long-term relationship?
Many people meet their significant others at work simply because it’s a space where a team shares common interests and goals. If you’re both interested in taking things further, communicate openly and set clear boundaries about how your relationship will impact your work lives, your colleagues, or your workplace dynamics.
Relationships that start in the workplace can work out, but they require a high level of professionalism and clear communication to succeed. Here are 13 tips for effective communication in the workplace.
What should you do if your workplace crush is your boss?
Having a crush on your boss can be even more complicated than liking a coworker. When there’s a power dynamic involved, such as between a manager and an employee, there’s a greater potential for issues like favoritism or conflicts of interest. Even if your boss shows signs of liking you back, it may be best to avoid a relationship due to the potential impact on both your career and the workplace environment.
If you’re struggling with your feelings, focus on keeping things professional and limit personal interactions. This can help you protect your career and maintain a healthy work environment.
In some cases, creating more distance or reducing your direct interactions with your boss can help manage your emotions — you might consider moving departments to make the boundaries clearer.
If it feels like a relationship with this person is unavoidable, take all the same precautions you would with a coworker and have open communication about how the partnership will affect work.
How can you avoid letting a workplace crush affect your career?
If you find yourself daydreaming or becoming distracted by thoughts of your crush, gently remind yourself of your professional goals and responsibilities so your feelings don’t get in the way of your professional success.
If you feel like your work’s suffering because of your feelings, try to take a step back and reassess. Keep your interactions with your crush strictly work-related, and avoid any conversations or behaviors that might blur the lines between your personal feelings and your job.
Try talking to someone outside work about your crush: a trusted friend or therapist can help you process your emotions without bringing them into the workplace.
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