10 (actually useful) pieces of advice for new moms

Mental HealthWomen's Health

Apr 7

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

New moms get all kinds of unsolicited advice, and most of it is unhelpful. Get 10 actionable tips on self-care, stress management, and ways to reconnect with yourself.

When you become a mom, everyone has an opinion on what you should (and shouldn’t) be doing. Your mom will undoubtedly fret that the baby “looks cold,” your coworker might weigh in on the ideal sleep schedule, and your friends will likely have opinions on when to start solid foods.

And while it all comes from a good place, a lot of it is just… noise.

The truth is, everyone does things differently, and what works for one family doesn’t necessarily apply to the next. Some moms breastfeed, others don’t. Some moms go back to work after having a baby, others prefer to stay home with their kids. No one is “right” and no one is “wrong.” Every choice is valid.

Still, some advice, particularly as it relates to postpartum mental health, is universally helpful.

So, let’s skip the clichés and get into the things moms wish they’d known when they were in the trenches. After all, taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury — it’s how you keep going.

10 pieces of advice for new moms to calm stress and boost mental health

There’s no shortage of advice for new moms, but most of it is either unrealistic (“Sleep when the baby sleeps!”) or unhelpful (“Enjoy every moment!”).

What you actually need is tangible advice that makes your life a little easier — the kind that helps when you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, and wondering if you’ll ever feel like yourself again. These tips won’t magically make motherhood a breeze, but they will help you survive the chaos.

1. Forget the “right” way — find your way

People will try to convince you that there’s a “best” way to do everything — feed, sleep, soothe, swaddle. There’s not. Every baby (and every mom) is different. What works for your best friend’s baby might not work for yours, and that’s fine.

So, instead of driving yourself into a stress spiral trying to follow all the advice, listen to your instincts. If your baby is fed, loved, and (mostly) happy, you’re doing just fine. Your way is the right way.

2. Stop doomscrolling at 2am

Yes, it’s tempting to Google, “Why won’t my baby sleep?” at 3am, but the algorithm is not your friend. One innocent search can send you into a black hole of worst-case scenarios and mom-shaming message boards, and before you know it, you’re convinced you’ve ruined your child forever.

Instead, have a go-to comfort activity for those middle-of-the-night wake-ups. Listen to an audiobook, play a mindless game, or binge-watch a show that doesn’t require brain power. Save yourself from the internet-inspired panic spiral.

3. Let people actually help you

It’s easy to say, “Let me know if you need anything,” and even easier to respond, “Oh, I’m fine!” when you’re decidedly not. Remember that motherhood is not a solo sport, and accepting help doesn’t mean you’re failing.

So when someone offers, say yes. Be specific:

“Can you pick up some groceries?”
“Can you hold the baby while I shower?”
“Can you bring me coffee and pretend not to notice my disaster of a house?”

People want to help. Let them! You can even make a list of weekly or daily tasks that visitors can peruse when they arrive so you don’t have to think about what needs to get done on the spot.

Need some pointers on how to ask for help? Here are seven tips.

4. Lower the bar — and then go even lower

Everyone knows exactly what type of parent they’ll be before they actually have a baby. Maybe you imagined yourself whipping up organic meals, keeping your house in order, or even just sticking to a rigid nap schedule. Realistically, the only thing you actually need to focus on is keeping yourself and your baby healthy.

Everything else is optional. Laundry can wait. Frozen pizza counts as a meal. And if you accomplish literally nothing besides surviving the day, that’s enough.

5. Take any chance you get to nap (or at least rest)

Rest when you can. If your baby is sleeping and the choice is between cleaning the kitchen and closing your eyes for 10 minutes, take the catnap. Your body is doing a lot right now. Even if you don’t fully sleep, just lying down and breathing deeply can help.

💙 When you’re newly postpartum and have trouble falling asleep, Kate Johnson’s Sleepy Rhythm Meditation can help.

6. Get outside, even for five minutes

You don’t need to go on a scenic hike, but stepping outside—even for a minute—can do wonders for your sanity. Fresh air, daylight, and the simple act of changing your environment can shift your whole mood. If you can manage a stroller walk, great, but even just standing on your porch while drinking slightly hot coffee counts.

💙 If you’re able to take a walk, put on some headphones and listen to the Take a Walk soundtrack.

7. Find one thing that still feels like you

When you’re in the throes of early motherhood, it can feel all-consuming. Remember that you are still you. The quickest way to reconnect with yourself is to hold on to one small thing that makes you feel normal — something just for you.

Maybe it’s your favorite playlist instead of lullabies. Maybe it’s wearing real clothes instead of the same pair of leggings for the fifth day straight. Maybe it’s reading a book (even if it takes you six months to finish). Whatever it is, make space for it.

8. Feed your body like you’d feed a toddler

Would you let a toddler survive on cold coffee and half a granola bar? No? Then don’t do it to yourself. Your body is recovering from pregnancy, running on broken sleep, and possibly keeping another human alive with milk. You need fuel.

Keep easy, high-protein snacks on hand — cheese sticks, nuts, Greek yogurt, peanut butter straight from the jar. You don’t need to meal-prep gourmet dishes. Just eat.

9. Don’t be afraid of the “hard” feelings

As a mom, you will experience the highest highs and some pretty low lows too.

Motherhood is full of contradictions. You can be grateful and overwhelmed. You can adore your baby and miss your freedom. You can feel completely in love and completely lost at the same time. All of it is normal. Let yourself feel it all.

And if those hard feelings start to feel too heavy, talk to someone. Postpartum depression and anxiety are real, common, and treatable. You don’t have to tough it out alone.

10. Find mom friends who get it

It can feel pretty lonely to be at home with a baby when the rest of the world keeps moving around you. Motherhood can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be.

Find your people. Maybe it’s a local mom group, an online community, or a friend you can text at 2am to vent. Having even one person who gets it makes all the difference.

If you don’t have mom friends yet, it’s okay — you have plenty of time. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out. Someone else is looking for you too.

Advice for new moms FAQs

What are things that nobody tells new moms?

Nobody tells you that you might not instantly bond with your baby — and that’s okay. Movies and social media make it seem like you’ll take one look at your newborn and be flooded with overwhelming love, but for some moms, it takes time. You just met this tiny stranger! It’s fine if it’s a slow build.

Also, nobody tells you how loud your own thoughts will be. The mental load of motherhood is real. You’re constantly tracking feeding times, sleep schedules, and how many dirty diapers you’ve changed. Here are 10 tips to help you cope.

How can new moms take care of their mental health?

Start small. Self-care in this season isn’t necessarily about spa days and meditation retreats. It’s drinking water, eating real food, and taking deep breaths when you feel like you might snap. Rest when you can, and get outside for a few minutes (or at least open a window). These little things matter more than you think. (Here are 20-plus self-care practices in case you need inspiration.)

Also, don’t try to do this alone. Talk to someone — your partner, a friend, a fellow mom who won’t judge you for crying over spilled breast milk. (It really is devastating.) And if you’re struggling with anxiety or depression—or if you just feel off—reach out to your doctor. Postpartum mental health struggles are common, treatable, and nothing to be ashamed of. You deserve support just as much as your baby does.

What are the best relaxation techniques for overwhelmed new moms?

The best relaxation technique is the one you’ll actually do. Deep breathing works wonders, even if it’s just inhaling for four seconds, holding it, and exhaling slowly. If you’re holding a fussy baby, try swaying while taking slow, intentional breaths — it helps both of you.

If you’re feeling tense, do a quick body scan. Check your jaw (is it clenched?), your shoulders (are they up near your ears?), and your hands (are they in fists?). Consciously relaxing these areas can help. And if your brain is racing with anxious thoughts, put on music, a podcast, or even white noise, because sometimes drowning out the mental chatter is the best way to reset.

How do I balance self-care with caring for my baby?

When you’re newly postpartum, it’s important to sneak in moments of self-care throughout your day.

Instead of thinking of self-care as something separate from motherhood, make it a point to focus on yourself regularly. Hydrate while feeding your baby. Stretch while rocking them to sleep. Swap doomscrolling for an audiobook while they nap on you. It won’t always be ideal, but the key is making any space for yourself, even in the smallest ways.

What are some quick stress relief tips for moms with no free time?

When you have limited free time, stress relief has to be quick and effective. Try box breathing: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four. It’s simple, but it signals to your nervous system that you’re not in danger, even if your brain is convinced otherwise.

Movement also helps, even if it’s just stretching your neck and shoulders to release tension. Drink a full glass of water, as dehydration amplifies stress. If you can, step outside, even for one minute. And if all else fails, find something that makes you laugh. A funny meme, a ridiculous video, an inside joke with a friend — humor is an underrated form of self-care.

How can I strengthen my support system as a new mother?

Start by being honest. So many moms struggle in silence because they’re embarrassed or ashamed, but people will applaud your vulnerability. Your loved ones want to help, but they need to know how. Be specific when you ask — whether it’s for a meal, a break, or just someone to listen.

Also, find mom friends. Motherhood can feel isolating, but having people who understand what you’re going through can help you feel less alone. Join a local mom group, an online community, or just reconnect with a friend who’s been through it. Even one solid “you’re not alone” text at 2am can be a lifeline. Your support system doesn’t have to be huge — it just has to be there.

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women's healthnew mom advice

Calm Editorial Team