How to build rapport: 15 examples to strengthen connection
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Discover what rapport is and why it’s an important part of all relationships. Plus, how to build, or re-establish, rapport with 15 tips and example phrases.
Have you ever taken a moment to consider just how many people you interact with every day? It’s probably more than you realize. Think about your daily routine and the people you encounter. After you wake up, you may have a quick cup of coffee with your partner or swing by your favorite local coffee shop before heading to the office to start your workday.
In between meetings and catch-ups with coworkers, maybe you grab lunch with a friend, and on your way home, you stop at a grocery store where you make small talk with an employee or two. Perhaps you talk to a family member on the phone while you’re preparing dinner and then text with a few friends before you go to sleep.
Each of these interactions requires you to read social cues and build rapport with another person or people. It’s more complex than you may realize! And while the people in your life benefit from you having sharp communication and personal skills, you do too. So, keep reading for more on how to strengthen your ability to form connections.
What is rapport?
The word rapport comes from a French verb meaning “to carry something back,” and relates to the back and forth nature of people sharing and receiving in a friendly way.
Rapport is a relationship built on mutual understanding, trust, and respect. It’s what makes conversation flow smoothly and generally lets you feel in sync with another person. Having good rapport with someone means you know you can rely on one another and that you value their perspectives, feelings, and needs. With rapport, you also empathize with the other person’s viewpoints, and recognize their inherent worth.
Why is rapport important?
Rapport isn’t just about knowing someone, it’s about sharing, listening, and receiving from them. This kind of harmonious—and mindful—connection can enhance all kinds of interactions and relationships, which can lead to more meaningful experiences.
Enhances communication: When people feel understood and valued, they’re more comfortable being honest with each other. This can reduce the chances of misunderstandings or conflicts.
Builds trust and respect: When you get along with someone, you’re more considerate toward them.
Encourages cooperation and collaboration: A sense of camaraderie can make it easier—and more fun—to work together.
Brings deeper relationships: You’re more likely to share experiences, thoughts, and feelings with someone you feel connected to.
Creates a positive environment: Rapport may make everyone happier and more comfortable.
Helps with conflict resolution: Understanding someone else’s perspectives can help you address disagreements and find better solutions.
Boosts emotional intelligence:Trying to understand someone else’s feelings can teach you more about your own, and vice versa.
How to build rapport: 10 techniques and example phrases
Building rapport involves creating an authentic connection with others, but that might be easier said than done. When you meet new people it can be intimidating, trying to connect. Knowing a few handy techniques or topics to discuss can help you up your skills to build and strengthen rapport.
1. Show genuine interest
Be curious about the other person’s experiences, thoughts, and feelings to encourage them to open up. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to share more about themselves and listen closely to their answers. Make sure your responses are thoughtful and take into account what they've said.
Try this: “Tell me more about your project,” “How did you get into this field?”
2. Find common ground
Discover what you have in common to help create a bond. This might be anything from hobbies and favorite books to professional aspirations.
Try this: “I also love hiking! What’s your favorite trail?” “I’ve read that book too. What did you think of it?”
3. Be genuine with your compliments
Give sincere compliments, and acknowledge the other person’s strengths, achievements, or efforts.
Try this: “You handled that situation very well,” “I really admire your dedication to this project.”
4. Use active listening phrases
Fully focus on the speaker, understand what they’re saying, and respond thoughtfully. Ask a follow-up question or two to demonstrate that you’re engaged in the conversation.
Try this: “I understand what you’re saying,” “That’s a great point, can you tell me more?”
5. Express empathy
Acknowledge and validate the other person’s feelings and experiences to help build trust and a deeper connection.
Try this: “That sounds really challenging, how are you coping?” “I can see why you’d feel that way.”
6. Use positive language
Frame your communication to be optimistic and encouraging. Focus on solutions and opportunities rather than problems.
Try this: “I’m excited to work on this with you,” “We can definitely find a solution to this.”
7. Mirror body language
Subtly reflect the other person’s gestures, posture, and expressions, creating a sense of familiarity and comfort. This can help them feel more at ease with you.
Try this: If they lean in, you lean in. If they smile, you smile. (Try to be subtle about it!)
8. Share personal stories
Offer your own experiences when they’re relevant to the conversation to show vulnerability and openness, which can help you build a deeper connection.
Try this: “That happened to me once too,” “This reminds me of a time when…”
9. Be authentic
Be yourself to help build trust.
Try this: “I really appreciate your honesty,” “I think it’s important to be straightforward about this.”
10. Follow up
Refer back to details from past conversations to show you remember and care about the other person.
Try this: “How did your meeting go last week?” “How’s that project going?”
5 tips for re-establishing rapport in a relationship
If rapport in a relationship has been lost or weakened, don’t stress. You can get it back with the right strategies and a bit of effort.
1. Reflect on what happened
Take time to understand why rapport was lost, and consider the other person's perspective. Did you neglect the relationship? Was there a misunderstanding or conflict that wasn’t addressed properly?
Top tip: Keep a journal to record specific incidents that may have contributed to the loss of rapport and think about how you could have handled them differently.
💙 If you’re new to journaling, here are seven tips to help you start your own practice.
2. Communicate clearly and kindly
Share how you feel about the situation and the impact it’s had on you. Give the other person a chance to express their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or becoming defensive.
Top tip: Schedule a calm, private time to talk, ensuring you’re both open to constructive conversation. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory.
Try saying something like, “I’ve noticed we haven’t been as close lately, and I feel sad about it. I’d like to understand what happened and how we can improve our relationship.”
💙 Practice the art of Kind Communication in your relationships with Tamara Levitt.
3. Apologize if you need to
If you’ve made a mistake or hurt the other person, apologize to show you value the relationship and want to repair it. You might say something like, “I’m truly sorry for my behavior. I realize it hurt you and I’d like to make it up to you.”
Top tip: Follow through with your actions and commitments—not just words—to rebuild trust.
💙 Apologies can be hard, so here are seven mindful tips for giving a sincere apology.
4. Practice mindfulness to deepen connections
Practice mindfulness to help you respond more thoughtfully and empathetically during difficult conversations. Avoid bringing up past grievances unless they’re relevant to resolving the current issue. Being present will also help people feel more seen and understood by you in daily life, helping to rebuild your connections.
Top tip: Try deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to help manage stress and stay centered during your interactions with others.
💙 Check out these five simple ways to bring more mindfulness into your daily life — and interactions with others.
5. Reconnect through shared activities
Spend quality time together and share experiences to create positive memories and strengthen your bond. Do things you both find enjoyable and relaxing, or try new activities or hobbies.
Top tip: Make a list of activities you both enjoy or want to try and plan regular together time to reinforce your connection.
Build rapport FAQs
How long does it typically take to build rapport with someone?
The time to build rapport can vary depending on who’s involved, the context of the relationship, and how frequently you see one another.
Quick interactions: At social or networking events, a casual rapport can happen within a few minutes. First impressions and a friendly demeanor can quickly create a sense of connection.
Professional relationships: At work, it may take more time to build trust and respect. Stay in touch with colleagues and show you’re reliable to help build strong professional rapport over weeks and months.
Personal relationships: You might hit it off with a friend or romantic connection right away, but it might take months to years to fully establish deep rapport, as you develop a bond based on shared experiences, emotions, and trust.
Can you build rapport with someone you disagree with?
It’s possible to build rapport with someone you disagree with — if you focus on mutual respect, active listening, and finding common ground.
Mutual respect: Respect their opinions and perspectives, even if they differ from yours.
Active listening: Listen attentively without interrupting to show you want to understand their points of view.
Finding common ground: Identify areas where you both agree or share similar interests to help bridge the gap created by disagreements.
What are some common mistakes people make when trying to build rapport?
There are a few mistakes that can make it harder to build rapport. Do your best to avoid these pitfalls to help create more effective and genuine connections.
Being insincere: People can usually tell when someone’s being inauthentic. Be yourself and show genuine interest in the other person.
Dominating the conversation: Talking too much about yourself or not allowing the other person to speak can make them feel undervalued. Be sure both parties have the opportunity to share.
Not actively listening: Focusing on something else or interrupting the other person is rude. Instead, fully focus on the speaker, understand their message, and respond thoughtfully.
Rushing the process: Hurrying into rapport can make interactions feel forced and uncomfortable. Be patient and allow the relationship to develop naturally.
How can introverts effectively build rapport?
Introverts can build rapport by using their natural strengths, such as active listening, thoughtfulness, and depth of conversation.
Ask open-ended questions that invite the other person to share more about themselves, and show genuine interest in their experiences and viewpoints. Smile, maintain eye contact, and use positive body language to show engagement and warmth.
Choose places to meet where you feel comfortable and at ease. Smaller, quieter settings can make interactions less overwhelming — maybe grabbing a coffee in a quiet café or taking a walk in a park. A more relaxed setting can encourage meaningful conversation.
Are there any cultural differences in building rapport?
Cultural differences can impact the way rapport is built and maintained, so it’s important to understand and respect these differences.
Communication styles: Some people value direct communication, while others prefer indirect approaches. It’s always okay to ask for clarification if you feel confused by the way someone is communicating with you. Just do it respectfully.
Formality levels: Using titles and formal language is important to some people, while others prefer taking a more casual approach. Pay attention to the other person’s communication style and adapt as needed, or ask for clarification like “Do you prefer to be addressed by your first name or last name?”
Non-verbal communication: Gestures, body language, and eye contact can have different meanings for different people. If you feel confused, ask for clarification.
Personal space: In some cultures, close proximity during conversation is normal, while in others, maintaining a larger personal space is preferred. If you don’t know what to do, politely ask about their preferences and practices to avoid misunderstandings, and communicate yours too.
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