Feeling distant from your partner? Signs, causes & what to do
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Feeling distant from your partner in a relationship can be normal. Learn the 5 signs that it may be a problem & what to do when you're feeling emotionally distant.
Every relationship ebbs and flows. It's natural to feel distant at times, especially with the stresses and demands of everyday life. Busy schedules, unresolved conflicts, and being pulled in so many directions can make it tough to maintain a certain level of intimacy and closeness. Despite feeling disconnected, it’s important to remember that reconnecting with your partner is possible with a bit of time, effort, and mutual understanding.
What does feeling distant from your partner mean?
Feeling distant from your partner usually means you feel a sense of emotional or physical disconnection, whether that’s not feeling understood on a deeper level, or not feeling physically close to your partner.
Emotional distance
Stress: Work, personal issues, or family matters can consume your mental energy. When you’re preoccupied with stressful events, being emotionally present with your partner can be hard.
Busy schedules: Life can get busy, so finding quality time for each other can be challenging.
Lack of communication: When you stop sharing your thoughts and feelings, or don't listen to your partner, misunderstandings can build up and can lead to emotional withdrawal.
Physical distance
Physical separation: Long-distance relationships, work travel, or family obligations that cause you to spend time apart can make it harder to maintain a close connection.
Loss of intimacy: A decrease in physical affection, such as hugs, kisses, or holding hands, can signal that you’re not as emotionally connected as you once were.
External factors
Major life changes: Moving to a new city, having a baby, or changing jobs can disrupt your routine and focus, making it tougher to nurture your relationship.
Personal growth: New interests and priorities might not align perfectly with your partner's. This can cause you to drift apart.
Is feeling distant from your partner normal?
Feeling distant from your partner can be a common occurrence at some point in your time together, and it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is in trouble. When daily life gets in the way, it can be harder to feel connected and supported. It’s important to recognize contributing factors early on so that you can address them before they cause long-term issues.
5 signs feeling distant from your partner may be a problem
For some, feeling distant can be a sign you need to make some changes in your relationship in order to reconnect and realign. For others, it can be a sign of deeper relationship issues that need to be addressed.
1. Experiencing regular miscommunication
If you and your partner often misinterpret each other's words or intentions, you both may feel unheard and misunderstood. When your conversations are limited to superficial or everyday topics rather than deeper, meaningful discussions, it can indicate emotional distance.
2. Feeling emotional withdrawal
If one or both partners seem emotionally distant or unresponsive, the relationship can suffer. A lack of interest in each other's feelings, thoughts, and experiences can cause distance.
3. Loss of intimacy
Touch can be an important way to express love and maintain closeness. A decline in physical affection, such as hugs, kisses, and holding hands, can be a sign of growing apart. For many couples, sex can also be important for maintaining a strong bond, so a drop in sexual activity or desire may be a sign of underlying issues.
4. Increased conflict
If arguments and disagreements become more common and intense, it can break trust and create emotional distance. Unresolved conflicts can lead to resentment and further disconnection.
5. Feeling lonely
Loneliness, even when you’re physically with your partner, can happen when you feel disconnected from one another.
What to do about feeling distant from your partner: 6 tips to reconnect
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but you can always try to reconnect and build a healthier, closer relationship with your partner using a few tips.
1. Practice open communication
Talk openly about your feelings and concerns to help you understand each other's perspectives and address any misunderstandings. Give your partner your full attention when they speak, acknowledge their feelings, and show empathy to help create a safe space for open communication. You could also discuss your love languages and make changes to how you show up for each other.
💙 Practice the art of Kind Communication in your relationships with help from Tamara Levitt.
2. Spend quality time together
Set aside time for activities you both enjoy. Whether it’s cooking together, going for a walk, or watching a movie, quality time can help strengthen your bond. Plan regular date nights to nurture your connection and focus on each other without distractions.
💙 Learn more about The Five Love Languages, like quality time, and how practicing them can strengthen your bond.
3. Seek understanding
Make an effort to understand your partner’s feelings and experiences. Show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions that encourage deeper conversations. Acknowledge and validate your partner’s emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them, to help them feel heard and supported.
💙 Practice Unconditional Love within your relationships, which can help keep love at the forefront of your connection, even during hard times.
4. Rekindle intimacy
Increase physical touch through hugs, kisses, and holding hands to help maintain closeness and comfort. Verbally express your love and appreciation for each other. Plan activities that promote intimacy, like a romantic dinner or a weekend getaway to help you rediscover your connection and create new memories together.
💙 Overcome any Fear of Intimacy you may have with the help of Tamara Levitt’s Love and Relationships series.
5. Seek professional help
Consider seeing a couples therapist or counselor for personalized tools and strategies to improve communication. Try workshops or retreats that offer practical exercises and techniques designed to help couples reconnect and strengthen their relationship. Explore books, podcasts, or online courses to find insights and tips for reconnection.
6. Create a plan to reconnect
Discuss and set relationship goals, such as improving communication or spending more quality time together. Be patient with yourselves and each other as you work through the process, and acknowledge and celebrate small victories to encourage you to keep moving forward.
💙 Spend time exploring how you can connect in ways that work for you and your partner with the Nurturing Relationships meditation.
How to prevent feeling distant from your partner
Preventing feelings of distance in a relationship involves ongoing effort and commitment from all involved. Luckily, there are many actions partners can take to ensure they remain close and connected.
Have regular check-ins
Establish a routine for checking in with yourself and each other. This might be a weekly or monthly conversation to discuss the state of your relationship, share your feelings, and address any concerns in a safe, non-judgmental way.
Share goals and activities
Set short-term and long-term goals as a couple. These might include financial goals, travel plans, or supporting each other in personal achievements. Find activities you both enjoy, such as cooking, hiking, or taking a class together. Do them regularly to help strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.
Support each other’s growth
Encourage your partner to pursue their passions and personal growth, even if it means spending some time apart. Acknowledge and celebrate each other’s successes—no matter how big or small—to grow mutual respect and admiration.
Express appreciation
Thank your partner for the little things they do to recognize their efforts, boost their confidence, and reinforce your affection. Expressing appreciation and gratitude regularly can enhance your overall connection and promote closeness.
Practice healthy conflict resolution
Every couple has disagreements. Resolve conflicts constructively by staying calm, listening actively, and avoiding blame. Be willing to find solutions that work for both partners to show you value the relationship more than winning an argument. Be quick to apologize if you’re at fault and equally ready to forgive, as holding grudges can create emotional distance.
Feel distant from partner FAQs
Why do I suddenly feel distant from my partner?
Feeling suddenly distant from your partner can happen for several reasons.
Stress and anxiety: Work, personal life, or other commitments can make it hard to connect emotionally. When you’re preoccupied, it’s easy to withdraw from your partner.
Changes in routine: A new job or moving to a new place can disrupt your connection. Adjusting to these changes can temporarily shift focus away from the relationship.
Unresolved conflicts: Unaddressed disagreements can lead to feelings of resentment and disconnection.
Personal growth: As each partner’s interests, goals, and needs evolve, it can sometimes lead to feeling disconnected.
Physical health issues: Health problems, fatigue, or changes in physical wellbeing can impact your emotions and connection with your partner.
How can I talk to my partner about feeling distant?
Talking to your partner about feeling distant can be challenging, but it’s essential for getting reconnected.
Choose the right time: Find a quiet, private moment when you’re both calm and not distracted. Avoid bringing it up during an argument or a stressful time.
Be honest and open: Start the conversation by expressing your feelings honestly. Use “I” statements, like “I feel distant lately” to avoid sounding accusatory.
Listen actively: Allow your partner to share their feelings without interrupting to show you value their input and want to understand their point of view.
Express your needs: Clearly communicate what you need to feel more connected so your partner can understand how to support you. This might be more quality time, better communication, or resolving a specific issue.
Stay calm and respectful: Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner. Instead, focus on finding solutions together.
Follow up: After the initial conversation, check in regularly to see how things are improving. This can help ensure you’re both working toward the same goal.
How do you know when a relationship is over?
Recognizing when a relationship is over can be difficult, but certain signs may indicate it’s time to consider moving on. If you’re unsure about this deeply personal decision, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor.
Persistent unhappiness: If you or your partner are unhappy or dissatisfied despite efforts to improve the relationship
Lack of effort: When one or both partners stop making an effort to connect, communicate, or resolve issues
Constant conflict: Frequent, unresolved arguments that lead to resentment, or if conflicts are more common than positive interactions
Loss of trust: If trust is broken and cannot be rebuilt
Emotional and physical withdrawal: If one or both partners become emotionally or physically distant and show no interest in rekindling intimacy
Feeling indifferent: When you no longer care about your partner’s feelings, needs, or wellbeing
Can therapy help with feeling distant from my partner?
Couples therapy can help you address feelings of distance and strengthen your relationship.
Improved communication: Learning effective communication techniques can help both partners express thoughts and feelings more clearly and listen more attentively.
Conflict resolution: Practicing strategies for resolving conflicts constructively can help reduce tension.
Understanding underlying issues: Uncovering and addressing underlying issues such as past traumas, unresolved conflicts, or unmet needs can help.
Rebuilding intimacy: Taking time and space to nurture a deeper connection with your partner can help build closeness.
Support: A safe space for both partners to express concerns and get unbiased help and guidance is important.
Preventative strategies: Finding ways to maintain a healthy relationship and prevent future feelings of distance can help avoid conflict.
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