How to stay positive around negative people? Try these 7 tips
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn how to stay positive around negative people and attitudes with our 7 mindful tips. Plus, understand why some people might be more negative than others.
It can be hard to stay positive when someone around you is being a downer. Some people seem to have a consistently negative outlook on life, and because they complain about every little thing, spending time with them can leave you feeling depleted. Maybe a friend vents to you nonstop, and because it’s so draining, you struggle to respond supportively. When nothing you say seems to help a negative person, you may find yourself wondering, “What’s the point of trying?”
Learning how to protect your own wellbeing while still showing empathy and understanding is key in these types of situations. While you can’t force anyone to change, you can control how you respond.
7 tips to stay positive around negative people
Most of us want to show empathy to the people in our lives, but when someone seems to be negative all the time, it can be tough to protect our own positivity and wellbeing. A balanced approach can help you maintain healthy relationships without affecting your mental health.
1. Set boundaries
Kindly but firmly communicate your limits, such as the amount of time you spend together or the topics you discuss. For example, if a coworker frequently complains during lunch, consider taking breaks at different times or inviting a positive colleague to join you. This can help protect your mental wellbeing and prevent you from being overwhelmed by negativity.
💙 Learn how to set Boundaries in this episode from Tamara Levitts Relationship with Others Series.
2. Practice empathy
Understanding why someone is negative can make it easier to cope. Consider the challenges they might be facing to help you feel more compassionate and less personally affected by their negativity.
💙 Develop skills on extending Empathy to those who may use negativity as a way to cope.
3. Limit exposure
You don’t have to cut someone out of your life entirely, but you can reduce how frequently you see them. Be mindful of how much time you spend with a negative person and start hanging out in different ways. Plan shorter visits, or schedule activities that limit conversations, such as watching a movie together.
4. Stay grounded
Before you spend time with someone negative, use grounding techniques like mindfulness and deep breathing to help you stay centered and calm. When you’re together, focus on your breath and stay present. Afterward, take time to decompress and release any stress through activities like yoga, journaling, or a short walk.
💙 Find a sense of lightness after being with a negative person in this quick mindfulness meditation on Finding Joy.
5. Focus on solutions
When conversations with negative people start to spiral into complaints and problems, point out possible solutions or positive outcomes instead of dwelling on the negatives. For instance, if a friend is complaining about work, ask what they might do to improve the situation.
6. Use active listening
Fully concentrate on what the other person is saying without interrupting or planning your response. This shows empathy without getting drawn into their negativity. Nod, maintain eye contact, and acknowledge their feelings with neutral but supportive phrases like "I understand" or "That sounds tough."
💙 Try Holding Space for the person you’re listening to to make them feel valued and heard.
7. Try not to judge the other person
It's easy to label someone as "negative" and dismiss their feelings, but this can create tension and misunderstandings. Instead, be compassionate and try to view their negativity as a reflection of their experiences and struggles. Avoid making judgments and focus on maintaining your own positive attitude.
💙 Practice recognizing your judgmental tendencies in this Non-judgement meditation with Tamar Levitt.
Why are some people more negative than others?
By becoming aware of the underlying reasons for negativity, you can develop a deeper understanding and empathy for those who struggle to stay positive. This can help you offer support and empathy while still being mindful of the boundaries you need in place for your own wellbeing.
Personal experiences: Traumatic events, such as the loss of a loved one, financial hardships, or relationship problems, can leave deep emotional scars that shape how someone views the world.
Mental health issues: Mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety can cause persistent feelings of sadness, worry, or hopelessness, making it hard for some people to maintain a positive outlook.
Physical health issues: When someone’s dealing with constant discomfort or serious health concerns, it can be hard to stay positive. Physical suffering can cause frustration and irritability, which may be expressed as negativity.
Habitual negativity: For some people, negativity becomes a habit. They might have grown up in an environment where complaining and negative thinking were common, and over time, these behaviors become ingrained — they may not even realize how their attitude affects others.
Environmental influences: If someone’s constantly surrounded by negativity, like toxic relationships, stressful jobs, and unsupportive home environments, these can all contribute to a negative outlook.
How to cultivate a positive mindset in spite of negativity
There are several everyday strategies that can help you create a positive mindset that remains strong even when you’re around negative people.
Repeat positive affirmations
Start your day with simple, uplifting statements like, "I am capable," "I choose happiness," or "I am in control of my emotions." Repeat these affirmations throughout the day, especially when you encounter negativity, to help shift your focus from negative thoughts to positive, empowering ones.
Start a gratitude practice
Each day, write down three things you’re thankful for, like a good cup of coffee, sunny weather, or the support of loved ones. This can help train your brain to notice and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even when you feel surrounded by negativity.
Surround yourself with positivity
Seek out people and activities that uplift and inspire you. Spend time with friends who have a positive outlook and engage in hobbies that bring you joy and relaxation. Join groups or communities that focus on being supportive. This can help counter negativity you might experience elsewhere.
Make time for self-care
Make time for enjoyable, relaxing activities, like reading, gardening, meditation, or taking a long bath. Get plenty of exercise, eat healthy foods, and prioritize sleep, as your physical health also supports your mental health. This can help you stay positive in the face of negativity.
Explore mindfulness and meditation
Observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment to help reduce the impact of negative experiences. Set aside a few minutes each day to meditate, focusing on your breath and letting go of any negative thoughts that arise. Over time, mindfulness can help you respond to negativity with calm and clarity rather than stress and frustration.
Practice positive self-talk
When you notice yourself thinking negatively, consciously replace those thoughts with positive ones. For example, if you think, "I can't handle this," change it to, "I can find a way to handle this." This can help you build resilience and reduce the impact of external negativity.
Limit negative media consumption
Constant exposure to negative news or online drama can affect your mood and outlook. Set limits on your media consumption and seek out uplifting content. Follow social media accounts that inspire you and make you feel good, and take breaks from screens when needed.
How to stay positive around negative people FAQs
How do I stop being affected by negative people?
To stop being affected by negative people, set clear boundaries and practice self-care.
Identify behaviors that negatively impact you and limit your exposure to them.
Spend less time with negative people and more with those who uplift you.
Boost your mood with activities you enjoy and that help you stay grounded, like exercising, practicing mindfulness, or hobbies.
Remember that someone’s negativity is a reflection of their own struggles, not a judgment on you.
Maintain a positive inner dialogue and focus on your own wellbeing.
How can I set boundaries with negative people?
Setting boundaries with negative people involves clear communication and consistency. This can help you protect your own mental health without expecting to change anyone else’s behavior.
Notice which behaviors or interactions you find draining.
Communicate your boundaries in a calm, assertive manner. For example, you could say, "I value our time together, but I need to limit conversations about negative topics."
Be prepared to reinforce these boundaries consistently, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Use "I" statements to express how certain behaviors affect you without blaming the other person.
How can I tell someone their negativity is draining?
Telling someone you feel drained by their negativity can be a difficult conversation to have. However, you can approach it sensitively so you can move forward together constructively.
Choose a calm, private setting where you can speak without interruptions.
Approach the conversation with empathy and honesty.
Use "I" statements to express your feelings, such as, "I feel drained when our conversations are often negative." This can help you avoid sounding accusatory or judgmental.
Suggest ways to improve your interactions, like discussing more positive topics or finding solutions to problems.
Be open to hearing their perspective and listen to their response.
What do you call a person who always thinks negatively?
A person who constantly thinks negatively is often referred to as a pessimist. Pessimists tend to focus on the downsides of situations and expect unfavorable outcomes. This outlook can be influenced by factors including personal experiences, mental health issues, and learned behaviors.
While labeling someone as a pessimist can help describe their outlook, it's important to approach them with empathy and understanding, recognizing that their negativity may stem from underlying struggles.
What should I do if a close family member or friend is persistently negative?
If a close family member or friend is persistently negative, it’s important to support them while protecting your own mental health, so you can maintain a healthy relationship.
Listen and empathize: Show you care by listening to their concerns without immediately offering solutions or criticism.
Encourage positive changes: Gently suggest activities or perspectives that might help them see things more positively.
Set boundaries: Limit the amount of time you spend discussing negative topics. Politely steer conversations toward more positive or neutral subjects.
Take care of yourself: Spend time doing things you enjoy and that boost your mood to avoid being overwhelmed by their negativity.
Encourage professional help: If someone’s negativity seems linked to deeper issues like depression or anxiety, encourage them to talk to a therapist or counselor.
Stay positive: Model a positive attitude yourself, because your outlook can have an influence on those around you.
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