What are the five stages of grief? Plus, how long they last
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore what the five stages of grief are, including how long each lasts and if it's possible to skip stages. Plus, is there a sixth stage of grief?
Grieving the loss of a loved one can be difficult. One moment, you might feel numb, but the next you might be overwhelmed with sadness or anger. Because grieving is a deeply personal experience, there’s no right or wrong way to go through it.
However, many people take several steps to process significant loss. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD, introduced this concept and outlined the five stages of grief in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. Though you might not experience all the stages—and sometimes they don’t occur in order—knowing about them can help you navigate your own grief. Also, being aware of what happens at each stage can help you understand and care for your loved ones when they are grieving.
What are the five stages of grief?
Grief is the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Each stage represents a different emotional response to loss, and they’re particularly relevant if you’re grieving someone who was important to you. While these stages of grief were originally outlined by Dr. Kübler-Ross as a process for someone who is dying, they have long been used to help those grieving the loss of someone as well.
A quick overview of the five stages of grief
Denial: This is the brain’s way of protecting you from the full impact of grief all at once.
Anger: A mask to cover the deep pain of loss. It’s easier to be angry than sad sometimes.
Bargaining: Wanting to fix a problem is a natural human response.
Depression: Isolating when the pain and overwhelm hit you is normal.
Acceptance: The final stage where you accept your circumstance can be incredibly tough.
A more in-depth look at the five stages of grief and loss
Stage 1: Denial
Often the first stage of grief, denial can be a defense mechanism to help you cope with the immediate shock of loss. You might feel numb, or have trouble believing the loss is real. This stage gives you time to absorb the news and slowly begin to process it. You might find yourself talking about your loved one as if they’re still alive or expecting them to walk through the door at any moment. It’s common to feel confused and overwhelmed during this time.
💙 Listen to the Why Grief, Why Now meditation from the Grieving series with Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, PhD.
Stage 2: Anger
You might feel frustrated, helpless, and find yourself thinking, "Why is this happening to me" or "This isn’t fair" during this stage of grief. Anger can be directed at others, yourself, or even the person who has died. Some people find it easier to be angry than to confront intense sadness and anger is a natural part of grieving. It’s okay to feel this way. Healthy outlets for your feelings, such as exercise, writing, or talking to a supportive friend, can help you process your emotions.
💙 Discover how grief manifests in your body by Recognizing Grief and holding space for your anger during this meditation with Lama Rod Owns in his Caring for Your Grief series.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Bargaining often involves looking for ways to undo or prevent the loss. You might find yourself thinking about all the things you might have done differently to change the outcome. This stage can be filled with regret and guilt, as you replay events in your mind. Be gentle with yourself.
💙 Release guilt and regret and replace it with self-love and compassion with the help from this meditation on Grief and Empathy.
Stage 4: Depression
Depression in grief is different from clinical depression — it’s a natural response to the profound sadness and sense of loss you feel. You might withdraw from others, feel dazed, or experience deep sorrow. This stage can feel like it’ll never end. You might feel overwhelmed by the loss and find it hard to carry on with daily activities. It’s okay to feel sad and to take the time you need to grieve. And you don’t have to go through this alone. Don’t be afraid to seek support from friends, family, or a counselor.
💙 Caring for Yourself during the depression stage of grief is a step that can’t be skipped.
Stage 5: Acceptance
The final stage of grief is acceptance, when you come to terms with the loss and find a way to move forward. This doesn’t mean forgetting, but rather, adjusting to life without your loved one.
💙 Discover how grief can be Your New Superpower during this session with Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, PhD.
How long does each stage of grief last?
Understanding the five stages of grief means acknowledging that grief is a deeply personal process. And unfortunately, there’s no set timeline for how long each stage will last. While some people move through the stages quickly, others can find themselves lingering in a stage for months or even years. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, so be patient and kind to yourself or others experiencing loss.
Factors influencing the duration of grief stages
Several factors can influence how long each stage of grief lasts.
Nature of the loss: The circumstances surrounding the loss can influence the grieving process. Sudden or traumatic losses may cause a more prolonged or intense grief than expected losses.
Relationship with the deceased: The closer you felt to the person you’ve lost, the deeper and longer your grief may be.
Personal coping mechanisms: Some people might have strong support systems and healthy coping strategies, while others might struggle more.
Previous experiences: Significant losses in the past may influence your current grief.
Mental health: Pre-existing mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety, can affect the grieving process.
Can you skip stages of grief?
It's possible to skip stages of grief. Not everyone will experience all five stages of loss, and they may not occur in a specific order. Some people might find that they don't experience certain stages at all, while others may revisit stages multiple times. For example, you might move from denial to anger and then back to denial before progressing to the other stages. Everyone’s grief is unique. Honor your feelings and give yourself permission to grieve in your own way, and at your own pace.
Tips for navigating the stages of grief
Be patient with yourself: Allow yourself the time you need to grieve. There’s no rush to move through the stages.
Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a grief counselor to help you process your emotions.
Express your feelings: Try writing in a journal, creating art, or exercising.
Take care of your health: Ensure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly.
Accept your feelings: Recognize that it's okay to feel a wide range of emotions, from sadness and anger to relief, and even joy. All these feelings are part of the grieving process.
Applying the five stages of grief in everyday life
While we all want difficult life moments to be as understandable and digestible as possible, grief is one of those experiences that is different for everyone. Grieving doesn’t just mean someone you love has passed. It can be experienced after a breakup, loss of a job, ending a friendship, moving to a new town, or retiring. Any time you lose something you’ve known, grief can be experienced.
It can be scary—when you feel those pangs of grief—not knowing what to expect, so the most important element is having a support system that has your back. This might mean family, trusted friends, or a therapist that you can process with.
No matter what you’re grieving, it can be important to have tools for each stage and each type of grief experience.
Journaling can be hugely important when it comes to processing big feelings, especially if you’re experiencing the sting of rejection that comes with a breakup or being laid off.
Getting outside and getting some fresh air and movement can also be helpful if you’re grieving due to a career change, big move, or retirement.
Getting plenty of sleep might be the most important tool you have in your grief journey because, spoiler alert: grieving is exhausting.
No matter how you’re grieving, if you have tools to cope and people surrounding you with love and support, you will get through this.
💙 Our Grieving series can also help support you during this tough time.
Is there a 6th stage of grief?
While Dr. Kübler-Ross originally introduced the five stages of grief, her collaborator, David Kessler, later identified a sixth stage — finding meaning.
Finding meaning involves discovering a way to honor the memory of the person who’s died, and bringing their legacy into your life. This stage is about making sense of the loss and finding a way to continue living that acknowledges the impact your loved one had on your life.
This stage can help in the healing process by providing purpose and direction — it can allow you to transform your grief into something positive and lasting, which can bring a sense of peace. Finding meaning doesn’t deny or avoid the pain of loss, but it can help transform the grief into something more manageable and constructive.
Ways to find meaning after loss
Create a legacy project: You may consider launching a charity, creating a memorial, or dedicating time to causes, interests, or values that were important to your loved one.
Share their story: Talking about your loved one can keep their memory alive and help you process your feelings.
Engage in acts of kindness: Doing something kind in your loved one’s name, such as volunteering or helping others, can create a living tribute to their impact on your life.
Celebrate their life: Organizing events or traditions that honor your loved one, like an annual gathering, a special ceremony, or taking time to remember them on important dates.
Consider your personal growth: Reflecting on how the loss has affected your own life and growth can help bring meaning.
Five stages of grief FAQs
What is the hardest stage of grief?
The hardest stage of grief can vary from person to person. For some, the intense sadness and despair of depression may be the most challenging, making it difficult to find joy or motivation in daily life. Others might find anger to be the hardest stage, as it can cause feelings of frustration and helplessness that are hard to manage.
The hardest stage for you will depend on your personal coping mechanisms, the nature of your loss, and your support system. Acknowledge and honor your own feelings, and treat yourself with kindness in every stage, no matter which feels most difficult.
Is it possible to experience multiple stages of grief at the same time?
It’s possible to experience multiple stages of grief at once. For example, you might feel anger and depression together or move back and forth between bargaining and denial. This overlapping of stages is natural, because grieving is complex. Allow yourself to experience your emotions without judgment, and seek support if you need to.
Are the stages of grief the same for everyone?
The stages of grief aren’t the same for everyone. While Dr. Kübler-Ross's five stages provide a general framework, everyone's grieving process is different — some people may not experience all five stages, and the order in which they go through the stages can vary. There’s no right way to grieve, so be patient and compassionate with yourself and others.
What are some coping strategies for managing grief?
Talk to friends or family about your feelings: Share your thoughts and emotions with loved ones for comfort and help, so you feel less alone. Reach out to those who care about you.
Seek support from a grief counselor or support group: A counselor can offer valuable guidance for coping with grief. Support groups can help you connect with others going through similar experiences.
Find ways to help you relax and reduce stress: Activities such as yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises can help you calm down. Physical exercise, even a simple walk, can also help.
Allow yourself to grieve and express your emotions: Acknowledge your feelings rather than suppressing them. Cry if you need to, and don’t be afraid to express your anger or sadness in healthy ways.
Take care of your physical health: Grieving can take a toll on your body. Eat nutritious meals, get enough sleep, and take regular physical activity to support your physical and emotional wellbeing.
Create rituals or traditions to honor your loved one: To cultivate a sense of connection, find ways to remember and honor the person you’ve lost. Try lighting a candle, creating a memory book, or celebrating their life on special dates.
Be patient with yourself: Grief can be a long and difficult process. Give yourself the time you need to heal and don’t rush through your feelings. It’s okay to take things one day at a time.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
