How to stop being a perfectionist: 6 tips
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Understand the definition of a perfectionist and learn what causes perfectionism and the effects of perfectionism. Plus, 6 tips to overcome perfectionism.
Many of us have experienced the pull of perfectionism—that inner drive that pushes us toward trying to do everything just right. If you’ve ever felt it, know that it's a common challenge and that it can affect anyone. Whether at work, in personal endeavors, or even in day-to-day tasks, the quest for perfection can be a motivator but also a source of stress. It can often be exhausting and overwhelming.
Understanding and managing perfectionism is key to finding a healthier approach to life. With a more balanced outlook, you can embrace your best self without the weight of unrealistic expectations.
What is the definition of perfectionism?
Perfectionism isn’t just trying to do your best. It's when you set incredibly high standards for yourself, standards that are often too high to reach. If you struggle with perfectionism, you might be very self-critical, thinking that even a small mistake is a big failure. This mindset can make it tough to feel good about what you do, even when you've done a great job.
You might believe that being perfect is the only way to be valued or accepted, which can make you push yourself too hard as you’re always trying to meet your sky-high expectations. There can be an intense fear of not being good enough and worry about what others think.
So, what causes perfectionism? And what are its effects on health and connection with anxiety? Learning about the types of perfectionism and different tips to cope can help you live a more balanced and fulfilling life.
What causes perfectionism?
Perfectionism often grows from a mix of different things, like the environment we live in, our experiences, and our personality. The way we were raised can also influence us. If parents or teachers always expected the best and didn't celebrate small successes, a person might think they need to be perfect all the time to be appreciated. Cultural influences can also play a part. In a world where success and achievement are highly valued, the pressure to be perfect can be intense.
Perfectionism can also come from within—some people have personalities that make them fear failure and want to be in control. They might feel that anything less than perfect is unacceptable.
The negative effects of perfectionism
The more you strive for perfection, the more pressure you might feel. Immense pressure can bring health implications and affect your daily life. Understanding the causes and effects of perfectionism is key to managing it so you can embrace a healthier, happier life.
Burnout: Burnout happens when you push yourself too hard to be perfect in everything and end up feeling mentally and physically drained.
Stress: Always aiming for perfection means living with constant pressure. Too much pressure can lead to stress, which, if it goes on for too long, can harm your health.
Anxiety: The fear of making mistakes can cause a lot of worry. If you’re striving for perfection, the thought of not meeting your own high standards can make you feel anxious.
Depression: When you're always aiming for the impossible and inevitably falling short, it can make you feel sad and hopeless. Not meeting your expectations, whether realistic or unrealistic, can lead to depression, a serious condition that affects your mood and the way you view life.
Perfectionism and anxiety
Perfectionism and anxiety are closely connected—you might constantly question whether you're good enough. A perfectionist might have relentless worries about making mistakes, even in situations where they’re normal or expected, and this continual worry can turn into anxiety.
When you're a perfectionist, you might find yourself overthinking every detail—you could spend hours on a task that should take minutes, all because you're trying to get it just right. Your mind keeps racing with thoughts about what you need to do, making it hard to focus, sleep, or even enjoy life.
Anxiety triggered by perfectionism can show up in different ways. Some people might avoid tasks or challenges because they're afraid they won't do them perfectly. Others might procrastinate, putting tasks off because starting them feels too overwhelming. And some might find themselves constantly checking and rechecking their work, never feeling quite satisfied with what they've done.
Exploring our own relationship between perfectionism and anxiety can help us recognize when the desire for perfection is actually causing us more harm than good.
3 types of perfectionism
There are 3 different types of perfectionism, each with their own characteristics. It can be easier to navigate and find balance when you see where your perfectionist behaviors are coming from. Whether your perfectionism is driven by internal beliefs, external pressures, or the expectations of others, or all three, you can start to develop strategies to cope with these tendencies.
1. Socially prescribed perfectionism
This is feeling pressure from others to be perfect. It's when you think that people around you—like family, friends, or coworkers—expect you to be flawless. You might worry about disappointing them or not living up to their expectations, so you're constantly trying to keep up with a standard that you feel someone else has set for you.
2. Self-oriented perfectionism
Here, the pressure comes from within. You set incredibly high standards for yourself and strive to meet them, no matter what. It's more than just trying to do well, it's a deep belief that you must be perfect in everything you do. This can lead to excessive self-criticism and disappointment when things don't go exactly as planned.
3. Other-oriented perfectionism
If you have this type of perfectionism, you might find yourself being very critical of others when they don’t meet your high expectations. It can affect relationships, as you might expect the same level of perfection from others that you expect from yourself.
6 tips for overcoming perfectionism
Dealing with perfectionism can be tough, but there are practical ways to find a healthier, more balanced approach to your goals. While it’s okay to strive for excellence, it's also important to be kind to yourself along the way. By following these tips, you can start to ease the grip of perfectionism and enjoy a more relaxed, fulfilling life.
1. Celebrate your successes
Instead of zeroing in on what went wrong or what could be better, try to notice what you did well. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. It’s about recognizing the effort you put in, not just the final result. Shifting your focus can help reduce the pressure you put on yourself.
💙 Try the “Let’s Celebrate” Daily Move today and learn how to build your celebration “muscle”.
2. Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities
No one’s perfect, and mistakes are part of learning and growing. When you make a mistake, try to see it as an opportunity to learn something new. Having a different mindset regarding mistakes can help you to be more forgiving and understanding of yourself.
💙 Learn how to change your inner monologue with Jay Shetty’s Shift Your Self-Talk session.
3. Set reasonable expectations
It's important to set goals that are achievable. This doesn't mean you shouldn't aim high, but your objectives should be realistic. When you set attainable goals, you’re more likely to feel successful and less stressed about trying to reach an impossible standard.
💙 Explore how to set day-to-day goals that are realistic and achievable and collect Small Wins with the Daily Jay.
4. Break tasks into smaller steps and start simple
Procrastination can often happen when you're afraid of not doing something perfectly. To combat this, break projects into smaller, manageable steps and start with the easiest part. Starting small can make the task feel less overwhelming and help you get started.
💙 Focusing on one task at a time can help you reduce overwhelm and boost your focus. Explore how to use mindfulness to Settle Down by Single-Tasking.
5. Remind yourself that perfection is not necessary
Lower the pressure you put on yourself—it’s okay not to be perfect. You can still be successful and happy even if things aren't 100% flawless. Reducing pressure can lead to a more relaxed and enjoyable approach to your activities.
💙 Begin to investigate your relationship with perfectionism with our 10-minute Perfectionism meditation from The Daily Calm.
6. Limit your time on tasks
Giving yourself a set amount of time to complete a task can help prevent overworking. When the time is up, move on to something else. Being aware of your time can help you learn to be more efficient and accept that sometimes good enough is good enough.
How to stop being a perfectionist FAQs
How do I get rid of being a perfectionist?
Overcoming perfectionism starts with awareness. Recognize when you're setting standards that are too high and ask yourself whether they're really necessary. Practice self-compassion by setting achievable goals, embracing mistakes as learning opportunities, and being kind to yourself when things don't go as planned. And don’t forget to celebrate your successes along the way. It's also helpful to talk to someone—like a friend or a counselor—about your perfectionist tendencies for support and perspective.
What is the root cause of perfectionism?
The root cause of perfectionism can vary. For some, it stems from an upbringing where high expectations were set by parents or teachers. For others, it's influenced by societal standards or personal fears of failure and not being good enough. Perfectionism can often come from a combination of external pressures and internal beliefs, so understanding your specific triggers can help in addressing and managing it.
Can perfectionism be fixed?
While you might not completely 'fix' perfectionism, it's definitely manageable. Coping with perfectionism often involves changing how you think and react to situations. This change doesn't happen overnight, but with consistent effort, you can learn to ease perfectionist tendencies. Techniques like setting realistic goals, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support from others can be very effective.
Is perfectionism part of ADHD?
Perfectionism isn't a core feature of ADHD, but the two can be related. Some people with ADHD might develop perfectionist tendencies as a way to compensate for their ADHD symptoms, like disorganization or difficulty focusing. It's their way of trying to maintain control and avoid criticism—however, not everyone with ADHD experiences perfectionism.
What is the connection between perfectionism and anxiety?
Perfectionism often leads to anxiety because of the constant pressure to meet high standards and the fear of failure. This anxiety can manifest in different ways, like feeling nervous about making decisions, worrying excessively about future tasks, or procrastinating. Recognizing this connection is important in addressing both perfectionism and anxiety. Techniques like mindfulness, relaxation exercises, and cognitive-behavioral strategies can be helpful in managing them.
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