How to be kind to yourself: 10 ways to cultivate self-kindness
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn how to be kind to yourself and meet yourself with more compassion. Plus, 10 ways to be nicer to yourself, including how to offer yourself compliments.
We tend to be our own harshest critics, focusing on our faults and overlooking our strengths. Feeling that we’re never good enough is a common experience—everyone has moments of self-doubt. The key to overcoming these feelings lies in recognizing that you deserve compassion, as well as learning how to be kind to yourself.
What is self-kindness?
We often think of kindness as something we direct toward others, but it’s just as important to direct it toward ourselves. Self-kindness involves understanding and forgiving our own flaws and mistakes, much like we’d treat a friend or family member we love. It requires an internal reflection and a personal commitment to self-compassion. When we practice self-kindness, we can improve our mental and emotional wellbeing and live a happier, more fulfilled life.
Recognizing worth
Understanding self-kindness begins with recognizing your own value and worth and learning to accept yourself wholeheartedly without harsh judgment. When you make a mistake, you can choose to be forgiving and encouraging instead of being critical and hard on yourself. This doesn’t mean ignoring what’s gone wrong. It means acknowledging your actions without beating yourself up over it. It’s important to accept that making mistakes is a part of being human and doesn’t lower your worth in any way.
Acknowledging needs
Another aspect of self-kindness is being aware of your own needs and taking steps to meet them. Acknowledging your needs can mean setting aside time for relaxation, pursuing hobbies you enjoy, or simply allowing yourself some quiet time to reflect and recharge.
Positive self-talk
Self-kindness also involves the way you talk to yourself. Your inner voice can be supportive or critical. By choosing to replace negative thoughts with more positive encouragement and understanding, you can create a more positive and nurturing inner world. For example, instead of telling yourself, "I can't do anything right," you might say, "I made a mistake, but I can learn from it."
The relationship between self-kindness and mental health
The connection between how we treat ourselves and our mental health is more significant than many of us realize. When we’re not kind to ourselves, it can lead to a host of mental health challenges. Reminding ourselves of the importance of self-kindness can be helpful whenever we begin to speak negatively about ourselves.
Self-compassion can reduce anxiety and stress
Constant self-criticism can lead to heightened feelings of anxiety and depression. Being kind to ourselves helps to lower these negative emotions by fostering a sense of inner peace and security. When you’re anxious and stressed, you might not act in ways that are supportive of your emotional wellbeing. Self-compassion can help you recognize when it’s okay to take a step back to focus on your needs.
Self-kindness can boost self-esteem
When we treat ourselves with compassion and understanding, we naturally start feeling better about who we are, which can improve our overall self-esteem. When we feel better about ourselves, we tend to also treat others better, as well.
Being gentle with yourself can increase your overall happiness
When we’re gentle and supportive toward ourselves, we create a positive internal environment. This approach can equip us to handle life's challenges with positivity and resilience. Your mindset and how you respond to challenges can influence how you show up for yourself in other areas of your life.
Self-comfort can enhance stress management
Being kind to ourselves can help us deal with stress more effectively. Instead of self-criticism during tough times, offering self-comfort and understanding can make challenging situations more manageable.
Self-love can improve your resilience
The ability to bounce back from setbacks can be strengthened by self-kindness and loving ourselves no matter what. Treating ourselves kindly can build inner strength, aiding in faster and healthier recovery from life's hurdles.
10 ways to be kind to yourself
By incorporating kindness practices into your daily life, you can foster a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself. The journey toward self-kindness is an ongoing process and every small step counts. Being kind to yourself is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your overall wellbeing.
1. Compliment yourself
It might feel unusual at first, but this habit can boost your self-esteem. Start by recognizing your achievements, no matter how small. For instance, acknowledge your effort in completing a task or your patience in a challenging situation. Use affirmations that resonate with you, like, “I am capable and strong,” or “I am proud of how I handled that situation.” The key is sincerity—choose compliments that genuinely reflect your qualities and accomplishments.
💙 Take praise and turn it into gratitude in this episode of the Daily Jay on Receiving Compliments.
2. Practice gratitude toward yourself
Take a moment each day to think of something you’re grateful for about yourself. This could be a talent, a personal quality, or even an accomplishment. Gratitude can help shift your focus from what you think you lack to the abundance you already possess.
💙 Viewing life through a lens of gratitude is a practice that takes time. It might be difficult at first to find things to be grateful for, but the more you practice, the easier it becomes. Try the 7 Days of Gratitude series to get started.
3. Speak to yourself with kindness
Pay attention to your inner dialogue. If you find your mind filled with negative self-talk, pause and reframe it to something more positive and compassionate. Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “I’m learning and getting better.” Regularly practicing this can shift your internal dialogue to a more supportive and encouraging one, fostering a kinder relationship with yourself.
💙 Learn to Shift Your Self-Talk in this episode of the Daily Jay with Jay Shetty.
4. Reflect on your day
Spend a few minutes at the end of each day reflecting on what went well. Recognize your efforts and the progress you’ve made, no matter how small it may seem.
💙 Explore The Power of Reflection, and how to get the most out of what you’re taking in, during the Daily Jay.
5. Prioritize self-care as an act of self-kindness
Self-care is about engaging in activities that make you feel replenished. Make time for hobbies or social outings that nurture your body and soul. Taking a relaxing bath, reading a book, or going for a walk with a friend are all ways to help you feel better.
💙 While it may seem challenging to find time to prioritize self-care, even a 10-minute practice can make you feel better. Discover self-care tools that work for you in the Radical Self-Care series.
6. Engage in mindfulness practices
Incorporate mindfulness into your routine. Mindfulness can help you become more aware and appreciative of the present moment. Try meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply being fully present in the activity you’re doing.
💙 If you’re short on time, even just a few minutes of mindfulness practice, like this 3-minute Kindness for Yourself meditation, can help reset your mind.
7. Set realistic goals for yourself
Be realistic and set achievable goals. Celebrate your progress toward these goals, no matter how small. You can build goals around every aspect of your life, but remember to take it step by step. The goal is not to overwhelm yourself but rather to have a framework of the direction you want to go.
💙 Align your objectives with what really matters to you and discover The ‘Why’ Behind Your Goals.
8. Forgive yourself
Understand that mistakes are part of growth. Forgive yourself for past errors and view them as opportunities to learn and improve. Sometimes, forgiving yourself can be hard, but it’s a process that can contribute to your personal growth.
💙 Does forgiving yourself seem challenging? Try this 10-minute Forgiveness of Self meditation to ease into the power of forgiveness.
9. Take breaks and rest
Oftentimes, we only take a break once we’re already burnt out. Recognizing the signs of being overwhelmed can help reveal when to take a step back. Allow yourself time to rest and recuperate—and try not to feel guilty about it, either.
💙 Tamara Levitt guides you in this 10-minute meditation on Rest and encourages you to stop, breathe, relax into your accomplishments, and release expectations, if only for a moment.
10. Seek support to learn how to cultivate self-kindness
It’s okay to ask for help. It might feel more difficult to practice self-kindness if it feels unnatural to you. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals is a sign of strength when you’re looking for ways to be kind to yourself. With the right guidance, you can find ways that work for you.
How to be kind to yourself FAQs
Why is it so hard for me to be kind to myself?
Being hard on ourselves often comes from a mix of things we've learned over time, like expectations from others and messages from society. Sometimes, we might think being tough on ourselves will make us do better, but it often just makes us feel worse. It's a common challenge, and with practice, you can shift toward a kinder approach to yourself.
How can I be kind to myself?
Start by noticing the good traits about yourself and acknowledging your efforts. Replace harsh self-criticism with more understanding and supportive self-talk. Being kind to yourself isn't about being perfect—it's about being compassionate and forgiving toward yourself, just as you would be with a good friend.
How do I make myself kind?
Kindness toward yourself grows with practice. Begin by being aware of your thoughts and gently guiding them toward more positive and supportive ones. Include self-care in your routine, and don't forget to recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may be.
What is an example of kindness to yourself?
An example could be taking a break when you're feeling tired instead of pushing yourself too hard. Or, when you make a mistake, instead of being critical, you could tell yourself, “It’s okay, I'm learning, and I'll do better next time.”
What do you say to be kind to yourself?
Use encouraging and gentle words when talking to yourself. Phrases like, “I am capable,” “I am doing my best,” or “I deserve kindness and respect,” can be powerful. These positive affirmations help build a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself.
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