Listening to others: 5 ways to become a better listener
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Master the skill of listening and deepen your relationships. Our 5 techniques help you become a better listener using active engagement, body language and more.
Listening sounds easy but it’s an important skill that we can all benefit from practicing. Especially when we live in an age of constant distractions and quick-fire conversations where most of us will be lucky if we can have a chat with a friend who doesn’t look at their phone. Deep listening has become something of a lost art. But it’s essential.
Communication isn't just about talking, it's a two-way exchange filled with nuance and unspoken cues. And being a great communicator isn't just about how well you speak, it's about really tuning into others, hearing them, and truly getting where they're coming from.
Effective communication means mastering the art of listening—think active listening, nailing eye contact, and decoding body language. You'll not only get better at hearing people out but also become more in tune with your own inner voice. The result? More empathy, and connections that actually mean something.
When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.
― The Dalai Lama
Why mindful listening matters
In mindfulness practice, compassionate listening isn't just an exercise–it's a way of life. It teaches us that you don't necessarily need to find a solution to suffering, understanding and empathy are often enough.
Mastering these techniques equips you with the emotional intelligence to not only understand others deeply, but to also create meaningful conversations. It's a win-win situation. You gain insights into the human psyche while others feel heard, valued, and understood. In doing so, you'll find that the quality of your interactions will improve, leading to stronger, more meaningful relationships both personally and professionally.
At the same time as you work on listening to others, try turning that same attention and empathy toward yourself. Listening to your thoughts and emotions is key to learning to actually feel your feelings, which can help with processing them. As you listen compassionately, both to yourself and others, you’ll probably find that things begin to feel less heavy.
💙 Got an anxious friend and don’t know how to help? Listening is a big part of how you can help a friend with anxiety or depression. Or, to learn more about how to fill your relationships with mindfulness check out our Relationships with Others series.
5 tips to help you become a better listener
Listening carefully is about more than just hearing words. It's about using your senses, your intuition, and your intellect to understand and respond kindly to others. Here are five techniques that will help you become a better listener.
1. Practice active engagement
Active engagement involves showing that you're an involved part of the conversation. Active engagement helps the speaker feel seen and encourages them to share more openly, enriching the quality of the conversation.
How to practice:
Try listening with your whole body. Keep eye contact and nod your head to indicate you're following along. Small verbal cues like, “I get it” or “Go on” can signal to the other person that you're not just hearing, but really listening. It’s also important to refrain from interrupting the other person and when you can summarize back to them what you’ve just heard to signal that you are present and that you’re fully tuned in. Whenever possible, come from a place of no judgment and curiosity. And most importantly, thank the person for sharing what’s going on with them with you.
💙 One of the most important parts of Nurturing Relationships is listening from a place of openness and kindness so the other person feels supported and heard.
2. Practice empathy by putting yourself in their shoes
Empathy is the art of placing yourself in someone else's shoes and understanding their feelings and perspectives. Try not to judge. Instead, be fully present, offer a listening ear, and tune in to the other person’s emotional state.
How to practice:
Ask the person how they are and then practice empathy. Imagine how they must feel and let yourself feel it yourself. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to simply hold space without trying to problem solve. Rather than going into fix-it mode you can ask if they’d like comfort or solutions. This will help you know how best to support them and show them that you are there to support their feelings, not just demonstrate your own knowledge.
💙 Try Holding Space for the person you’re listening to. It’s one of the best ways to let them know you’re eager to be there and in no way feeling obligated to listen.
3. Get cues from their body language
Often, what is unsaid speaks volumes and part of being an active listener is learning to read the physical cues of the person who is sharing. These nonverbal cues can provide a wealth of information about their emotions and intentions that words alone cannot.
How to practice:
Pay close attention to the speaker's facial expressions, gestures, and posture. Interpreting body language effectively will give you a fuller, more nuanced understanding of the conversation.
Just be careful not to jump to conclusions about body language. A lack of eye contact could signal shyness, not disinterest. Factors like personality, culture, age, and even someone's mood that day can influence nonverbal cues. Remember, body language offers a glimpse, not the full story. If you’re ever in need of clarification, ask kind and curious questions.
💙 Learning to read body language is an important part of of active listening. This guided practice on Kind Communication can also help you be an A+ listener for the people in your life.
4. Ask open-ended questions
Open-ended questions encourage a more in-depth response than yes-or-no questions and invite the speaker to share more about their feelings or situation.
How to practice:
Asking questions like, "How did that make you feel?" or "Can you tell me more about that?" helps in extracting not just facts but feelings and intentions. It can lead to a richer, more meaningful conversation.
5. Remove distractions to help you listen more mindfully
Being present in the moment allows you to listen more effectively. When someone in your life needs you to really listen it’s the perfect time to silence your notifications, turn off the radio or TV and just tune into them and their feelings.
How to practice:
Put your phone away, close your laptop, and give the speaker your undivided attention. A genuine attempt to ignore distractions shows respect for the other person and creates a safe space for open, honest communication.
💙 If you need a little help practicing, check out this meditation on the art of Mindful Listening.
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