Negative self-talk: 8 ways to quiet your inner critic
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Struggling with negative self-talk? Discover how it affects your wellbeing and learn practical strategies to turn that inner critic into a supportive friend.
Negative self-talk is the internal voice that critiques, undermines, and second-guesses nearly every move we make. Even on our best days, that little voice in our minds can belittle us, or tell us that we’re not good enough.
While being critical of ourselves occasionally is normal, too much of it can start to negatively affect our mental health. When it becomes a daily habit, self-criticism can drain our self-esteem, or lead to tendencies to seek perfection. In other cases it can cause stress and anxiety, and even exacerbate depression. These feelings can isolate you from opportunities, relationships, and even happiness.
These unhelpful thoughts can trick you into believing that this skewed view of yourself is the real you, but fortunately, negative self-talk can be quieted. By using mindfulness tools and simple strategies, you can shift your thinking patterns so your self-criticism becomes self-empowerment.
What is negative self-talk?
Ever catch yourself thinking, “I'm not smart enough,” or “Why bother, I'll probably fail”? These aren’t just random negative thoughts passing through. Negative self-talk can become a constant backdrop in your life, making you doubt your worth and capabilities. It can even make you wonder if you’re worthy of happiness or success (spoiler alert: you are).
Learning where these inner put-downs come from can help to flip the script so you can start being nicer to yourself.
What are the 3 Cs of negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk can stem from many places but these 3 C’s are some of the most common.
Comparing: When you look at someone else's life and start feeling like your own isn’t as unique, wonderful, or enjoyable.
Criticizing: When you engage in self-judgment and put yourself down with harsh and unfair judgments about your self-worth.
Complaining: When you focus too much on the negatives of a situation, or your life in general, without taking steps to improve it.
Why does negative self-talk happen?
The origins of negative self-talk are not the same for everyone. For some, these patterns might stem from childhood experience where they never felt good enough. For others, the root could be societal norms and expectations. Peer pressure, past failures, or emotional scars from specific incidents can all play a part in causing negative self-talk.
Identifying patterns of negative thinking
To break free from negative self-talk, it helps to recognize the different forms your inner critic takes. Identifying these thought patterns is like having a cheat sheet to intercept self-criticism and anxiety before they take over your day.
How recognizing your patterns helps manage negative self-talk
Identifying negative thinking patterns is crucial in beginning to shift them. Awareness lets you challenge your unhelpful thought patterns and start to replace them with healthier, more constructive thoughts.
Strategies for identifying negative self-talk include:
Keep a thought journal: Log your thoughts to help identify recurring patterns in your negative self-talk.
External validation: Talking to someone you trust about your thoughts can help you recognize them as negative patterns rather than facts.
Professional help: Therapists or counselors can provide expert guidance in helping you identify and understand your negative thought patterns.
By becoming aware of the types of negative self-talk you experience, you can begin to challenge and change your damaging internal narrative.
8 types of negative-thinking patterns
Not all negative self-talk is the same. It can be categorized into different types, each with its own set of impacts.
Catastrophizing
“It’s a disaster!”
Ever make a small blunder and start imagining the worst outcome, like losing your job? That's catastrophizing for you, a thought pattern that amps up your stress and worry for no good reason.
Personalizing
“It’s all my fault”
If you find yourself taking the fall for a group project gone awry as if you're the sole culprit, that's personalizing. It’s a mental habit where you shoulder all the blame, even when other factors like limited resources or team dynamics play a part.
Overgeneralization
“I’m a failure”
Turning one setback into an eternal losing streak can taint your perspective and limit growth. One mistake isn’t a reflection of who you are, it’s just a set of circumstances and those can change.
Filtering
“What a horrible year!”
Focusing on the one cloud in a sky full of silver linings skews your perception and blinds you to the positive progress you're making.
Polarizing
“I had my shot and I blew it!”
Viewing life in stark black-and-white terms—either you're nailing it, or you're a total flop—sets you up for emotional roller coasters that are hard to exit.
Mind reading
“I always knew they didn’t like me.”
A friend didn’t call you back, and now you think she hates you? Believing you know what someone is thinking and that they view you negatively can alienate you from your friends and breed unnecessary anxiety.
Fortune telling
“I always mess everything up and today is no exception!”
You just know the presentation will be a disaster? Forecasting doom and gloom as if it's written in the stars not only brings you down but can also prevent you from taking actions that could benefit you.
“Should” statements
“I really should do better.”
“I should visit my mother more.” “I should be better at this by now.” “I shouldn’t complain.” Do any of these ring a bell? Crafting an impossibly rigid rulebook for yourself is a one-way ticket to Guilt City, with stops at Disappointment and Regret.
Emotional reasoning
“I’m just always going to be miserable!”
Thinking that because you feel a certain way, it must be true. Mistaking your feelings for indisputable facts can create a cycle where negative emotions feed off themselves, keeping you stuck in a rut.
8 strategies to stop negative self-talk
Halt unhelpful thoughts and help foster a more positive relationship with yourself with our eight effective tips
1. Try cognitive restructuring
Question your inner critic. Instead of letting destructive thoughts run wild, put them on the stand. Interrogate them with questions like, "Is this belief grounded in reality or just my imagination?" or "What advice would I give to a buddy wrestling with this same thought?" Doing this helps you dismantle those negative narratives and substitute them with a more nuanced viewpoint.
How to practice: Before changing a negative thought, you need to be aware of it. Start by paying attention to what you're telling yourself during anxious moments then employ the following strategy:
Challenge the thought: Question the accuracy and validity of your negative self-talk. Is this thought based on facts or feelings?
Reframe the thought: Replace the negative thought with a more balanced or positive one. For example, change “I can't do this anymore!” to “I'll try again tomorrow.”
Use mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Deep breathing and grounding exercises to help you distance yourself from anxious thoughts.
💙 If you’re having trouble determining how you’re feeling, try downloading our Feelings Wheel to help you get clearer.
2. Start a gratitude practice
Taking stock of the good in your life can help shift your focus away from the negatives. Believe it or not, jotting things down in a simple gratitude journal can make a significant difference.
How to practice: Each night, jot down three things you're grateful for.
💙 Try Tamara Levitt’s Gratitude program for a structured approach to cultivating a gratitude practice.
3. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness trains you to step back and observe your thoughts instead of judging them. All you have to do is sit still, focus on your breathing, and watch your thoughts float by without giving them a thumbs up or down.
How to practice: There are many ways to practice mindfulness, including meditation, breath work, guided imagery, mindful eating, mindful walking, and more.
💙 Consider beginning with our guided mindfulness programs, such as Mindfulness for Beginners or 7 Days of Self-Esteem.
4. Exercise self-compassion
Cut yourself some slack. Think about it: you'd be all ears and advice for a good friend, right? Extend that same level of kindness and patience to yourself. Embrace your imperfections.
How to practice: Practice self-compassion techniques like positive self-talk or self-soothing gestures.
💙 Check out our Radical Self-Compassion program for guided help. This program helps you cultivate a regular practice of compassion and empathy for yourself and your life.
5. Take up journaling
Keeping a daily journal can act like a detective's notebook for your mind, helping you pinpoint what sets off your negative self-talk. Once you understand the triggers and patterns, you're better equipped to build strategies to counter them.
How to practice: Write down your thoughts and emotions in your journal then use our cognitive restructuring technique (above) to help you work through your feelings and challenge those thoughts.
💙 Calm offers five different journals that you can download to help you develop your journaling practice.
6. Offer yourself positive affirmations
Simple, positive phrases can act as a mental switch, changing your outlook and boosting your mindset. It’s important to get into the habit of advocating for yourself and picking yourself up when you feel down. Affirmations are a good way to do that, even when you don’t feel in the mood.
How to practice: Create a list of positive affirmations, such as "I am capable" or "I am worthy," and repeat them to yourself, especially when you catch yourself in a spiral of negative self-talk.
💙 When you need to connect more deeply with yourself, explore our Relationship with Self series.
7. Practice meditation
Meditation provides a structured framework for quieting your mind and gaining control over your thought patterns. The practice often incorporates various techniques like visualization, affirmation repetition, or body scanning to assist in shifting your focus away from negative self-talk.
How to practice: If you don’t have a regular meditation practice it can feel intimidating to begin one. One of the best ways to begin is to find a quiet place to sit and just breathe deeply while picturing something positive that means something special to you. It could be a treasured family member, beloved pet, song you love, book that touched you. Anything that makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Pair that with deep breathing and a quiet space and you’re on your way.
💙 For newcomers to meditation, we offer beginner courses tailored to various needs. Curious? Start Here.
8. Seek professional help
In some cases, persistent negative thoughts may need expert help. A therapist or psychologist can offer strategies to better understand and control your thought patterns.
How to practice: If your negative self-talk causes a significant impact on your wellbeing, consider consulting a qualified mental health professional for personalized help.
Taking steps to disarm your inner critic and rewire your thought patterns can help you build a healthier, more constructive relationship with yourself. With practice, you can minimize negative self-talk and feel more confident and empowered.
Try meditation to change your thinking
Meditation can be a powerful tool for altering the way you think. Much of negative self-talk arises from ingrained, automatic thoughts we've unknowingly accepted as the truth. Meditating can disrupt this cycle, gaining awareness and opening the door to change.
The benefits of meditation in managing negative self-talk
Meditation can help you become more aware of your thought patterns.
Meditation can help you detach from your thoughts (i.e., you realize you are simply the observer of your thoughts), thereby reducing their power over your emotions.
Meditation teaches you to accept your current state and thoughts without trying to judge or change them. This can reduce the emotional power of negative self-talk.
Loving-kindness meditation, a form of mindfulness meditation that involves mentally sending goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others and yourself, can improve self-compassion and help counter negative self-talk.
Incorporating meditation into your daily routine can offer the mental clarity essential for identifying and tackling negative self-talk. Meditation techniques tailored for self-esteem and self-compassion can be beneficial in breaking persistent patterns of self-criticism.
Negative self-talk FAQs
What is negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk is an internal dialogue where you belittle, doubt, or criticize yourself. These thoughts often manifest in the form of statements like "I can't do this," "I'm not good enough," or "Why even bother?" Negative self-talk is not an accurate reflection of reality but a distortion influenced by emotional states, past experiences, or societal norms.
What triggers negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk can be triggered by various factors:
Past experiences: Failures, embarrassments, or negative feedback in the past can initiate a loop of negative self-talk in similar future scenarios.
Societal expectations: Pressure to conform to societal norms or ideals can cause thoughts of inadequacy or imperfection.
Stress and anxiety: Stressful situations or periods of high anxiety can exacerbate negative thinking patterns.
Interpersonal conflicts: Disagreements or misunderstandings with others can lead to self-blame or feelings of inadequacy.
Recognizing your personal triggers can be invaluable in addressing and managing your negative self-talk.
How do I stop negative self-talk anxiety in-the-moment?
Stopping negative self-talk related to anxiety involves both cognitive and behavioral strategies.
Identify the thought: Before changing the thought, you need to be aware of it. Pay attention to what you're telling yourself during anxious moments.
Challenge the thought: Question the accuracy and validity of your negative self-talk. Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?
Reframe the thought: Replace the negative thought with a more balanced or positive one. For example, change "I can't handle this" to "I'll do my best."
Use mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Deep breathing and grounding exercises like those on the Calm app can help you distance yourself from anxious thoughts.
With these strategies, you'll be better equipped to manage your negative self-talk and its impact on your wellbeing.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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