12 tips to help you cope with the grief of losing a parent

Mental HealthRelationships

Jul 7

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Losing a parent can shake your whole world. Learn about the many emotions you may feel, why it can be so complicated, and 12 tips to help you cope with the grief.

It doesn’t matter how old you are or how expected or unexpected it was, losing a parent is a seismic kind of loss. It can make you feel devastated, confused, and even numb.

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. It arrives when it wants to, and in ways you may not anticipate — tears at the grocery store seeing their favorite food, rage in a traffic jam that they “left you”, or heart-squeezing joy when you remember their laugh or smile. And it can keep showing up years later, long after you think you should have “moved on.”

This kind of loss is emotional, of course, but it’s also logistical, spiritual, and deeply physical. There’s the absence of daily phone calls and the empty chair at all of your important life events. Plus, for those whose relationships with their parents were painful or complicated, grief can stir up even more layers like guilt, relief, and ruminating on all the unanswered questions.

If your loss is still unfolding in real time—or it’s been a week or even decades—know that your grief matters. To support you on this journey, we’re sharing reflections on why this grief runs so deep, why it’s often tangled with so many other emotions, and how you can take care of yourself in small, manageable ways.

What feelings are common during and after the loss of a parent?

Grief is like a weather system. It’s unpredictable, intense, and often contradictory. One minute you could be crying in the kitchen, and the next, you might be laughing at a memory that feels too vivid to be real. It’s all valid.

Here are some of the most common emotions you may experience after losing a parent:

Shock and disbelief: Even when the loss is expected, it can feel surreal.
Sadness and yearning: A deep longing for more time or connection.
Guilt and regret: For what was said, unsaid, or left undone.
Anger: At them, yourself, others, or just the unfairness of it all.
Relief: If there was suffering or conflict, this is a valid response.
Numbness: Emotional flatness is a normal protective response.
Anxiety and fear: The loss can shake your sense of safety.
Loneliness: Even in a crowd, you may feel unanchored.

You may experience all of these, or none, and that’s okay. The most important thing is to let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment. Grief is messy and doesn’t follow the rules, so go easy on yourself.

Why the grief of losing your parent can be so complicated

Many times, the death of a parent can cut deeper than expected, not just because of who they were, but because of what they represented. You’re grieving a person, but you’re also grieving the role they played—or didn’t play—in your life.

For some, the grief is tangled with guilt or unresolved tension. For others, it’s like losing part of their foundation. A parent is often a witness to your life, so their absence can leave you feeling untethered.

The timing of the loss matters, too. Losing a parent while raising kids or juggling work can be tough. You’re often expected to keep going, even while making funeral plans and settling family dynamics. And if you have a complicated relationship with a parent or you’ve already lost one parent, this can stir up other complicated feelings like confusion, guilt, and profound loneliness

No matter what the culture or that voice in your head says, there’s no expiration date on grief. This kind of grief is layered and long-lasting. It’s a slow process of reckoning what was, what wasn’t, and what never will be again.

How to cope with losing a parent: 12 tips to take care of yourself

Grieving a parent can feel like you’ve been dropped into a parallel universe — one where everyone else is moving on with their lives while you’re standing still, trying to make sense of your new reality. There’s no map for this kind of grief, but there are ways to care for yourself within it.

Here are 12 ways to help you navigate your unique journey of grief.

1. Allow your emotions to exist without judgment

Feelings like sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, and even relief are all normal. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s valid. You don’t need to explain or justify it. Let the feelings come, and trust they won’t last forever.

When a big feeling shows up, try naming it. You could say, “This is grief,” or “This is loneliness.” Sometimes, just giving it a label can help soften its edge.

2. Don’t rush the process

Grief doesn’t move in a straight line. Even years later, you may still have days where it hits hard, and that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means you loved deeply.

💙 Find tools to support your journey in Lama Rod Owen’s Caring For Your Grief series.

3. Find small rituals that honor your parent

Rituals help anchor memories in your life. So, listen to their favorite song, cook a dish they used to make, or wear a piece of their jewelry. This can all help you feel connected to them.

You could also light a candle and sit with a photo of your parent once a week.

💙 Take a few moments to honor your loss and the Grieving process in this series with Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, PhD

4. Write letters to them

Whether there were things left unsaid or you’re just missing their presence, writing can be a powerful way to process your thoughts.

Try sharing your day, or your grief, with them on paper. Say the things you didn’t get to say.

5. Create space for stories

Telling (and retelling) stories keeps their memory alive and helps you integrate their role into your ongoing life. If your relationship was complicated, this can also be a way to sort through all of the messy or conflicting feelings.

Consider keeping a “memory journal” where you write down things they used to say, little quirks, or moments that mattered.

6. Talk to someone who can hold space

A therapist, a grief support group, and a spiritual counselor can all help you feel less alone.

You could also talk to a friend who you know is a good listener. The important part is finding someone who won’t try to fix your grief, but will sit with you in it.

7. Let your body grieve, too

Most of the time, grief lands in your body. You might feel fatigue, restlessness, headaches, or tightness in your chest. Gentle movement can help.

To get grounded, go for slow walks, stretch for five minutes a day, or just lie on the floor and breathe deeply.

Here are seven other simple moment exercises that can help boost your mental health.

8. Take breaks from grieving

Give yourself permission to laugh, enjoy a movie, or be distracted. You don’t have to be in mourning every moment to prove you cared.

Little moments of joy can give your system a rest, and it can restore you enough to keep going.

9. Ask for practical help

It’s okay to ask someone else to make dinner, handle a task, or just sit with you. You’re not supposed to do this alone.

So, make a list of a couple tasks you’re struggling with and ask a trusted person if they’d be willing to help. In fact, most people want to help but don’t know how, and this can give them a starting point.

10. Watch for grief triggers

Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries can feel like landmines. But so can random reminders like a certain song or a familiar smell.

Being aware of what might stir up emotion can help you prepare, but you don’t have to avoid these things either. If you know a hard date is coming up, plan ahead. Do something intentional, like visit a place that reminds you of them, or spend the day with someone who gets it.

11. Don’t minimize your loss

It can be easy to compare your grief to someone else’s. But there’s no hierarchy of pain. Your loss is real, and it matters. Maybe you know someone who lost a parent when they were young, and you had more years with yours. That doesn’t mean your grief counts less than theirs.

12. Remember that it’s okay to still miss them

You’re allowed to miss them years later, even if the relationship was rocky. You’re also still allowed to miss them while living a full, meaningful life.

Missing them doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It just means they mattered, and they still do.

Losing a parent FAQs

Is it normal to feel numb after losing a parent?

Numbness is a very common and completely valid response to loss. It’s your brain’s way of coping against the full intensity of the pain. When something as significant as a parent’s death happens, your system can go into emotional shock and make everything feel distant or surreal.

Feeling numb can be a protective pause. It gives you time to slowly process the reality of what’s happened.

What should I do when both parents are gone?

When both of your parents are gone, a particular kind of loneliness can set in — one that’s hard to describe to people who haven’t experienced it. You might feel unmoored, or that no one is left who remembers the stories of your early life.

It’s normal to grieve not only your parents but also the loss of your identity as someone’s child. Give yourself space to mourn both the people and the roles they played in your life. Finding new anchors—through chosen family and rituals that honor your parents—can help bring some steadiness.

Why is losing a parent so hard?

It’s hard because a parent often represents safety, history, and continuity. Their absence can feel like losing a part of your foundation.

It’s also hard because losing a parent can stir up unresolved feelings, childhood wounds, and longings that never fully went away. It can touch parts of us that are still tender, no matter how old we are.

Why do I feel guilty even if we had a hard relationship?

Grief doesn’t cancel out complexity. In fact, it usually magnifies it. If your relationship with your parent was strained or painful, you may find yourself grieving not only who they were, but who they weren’t.

Guilt can show up as a form of emotional conflict. You could wish things had been different, feel relief that the struggle is over, or question whether you did enough. These feelings are completely normal. Guilt just means that you’re processing a very human and layered relationship.

Can losing a parent change you?

It can, and many times it does in profound ways. You might find that your values shift, that your sense of time feels more fragile, or that you view relationships and priorities through a new lens.

Some people even experience a deepening of empathy and a renewed sense of purpose. Others feel disoriented and uncertain about who they are without the person who helped shape them. Both are normal.

Losing a parent is a big life transition, and it’s okay if you don’t emerge from it as the same person you were before.

Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.

grieflosing a parent

Calm Editorial Team