What is the motherhood penalty? Plus, 10 tips to avoid it
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
You shouldn’t have to choose between motherhood and ambition. Learn what the motherhood penalty is and get 10 tips to keep your career moving forward.
For many mothers, returning to work after having a baby is complicated for a million reasons. Of course, the circumstances of your life have changed, but you might come to find that your job has too. Maybe you were taken out of a few important meetings. Perhaps one of your direct reports no longer ladders up to you. And maybe that promotion that seemed like it was yours has gone to someone else.
You’re still capable and ambitious, but somehow, your career has veered off course. This is the motherhood penalty at play.
To be fair, not every mom experiences the motherhood penalty. Some workplaces actually support moms who return to work energized, clear-eyed, and driven. But for many people, especially those in environments that reward constant visibility and outdated definitions of “professionalism,” the shift is undeniable.
Here’s everything you need to know about the motherhood penalty, how to push back against it, and what to do to move forward in your career, family and all.
What is the motherhood penalty?
The motherhood penalty refers to the very real, very frustrating phenomenon of women facing economic and professional disadvantages simply for becoming moms. This might include lower wages, fewer promotions, and shifts in how others perceive their dedication or competence — often with zero change in performance. (Men are more likely to experience a “fatherhood bonus,” where becoming a dad actually boosts their standing at work.) Ugh.
Of course, the motherhood penalty doesn’t affect every mom the same way. Some women experience little to no career disruption. Others thrive post-baby, fueled by fresh perspective or new priorities. But statistically, the pattern is clear and persistent.
By recognizing these disparities, it becomes easier to unpack the outdated expectations of mothers that have been baked into the modern workplace.
The impact of motherhood on women’s careers
The impact of motherhood on a woman’s career is rarely neutral. Some moms come back from leave more focused than ever before on their current role. For others, motherhood leads to bold pivots, new career paths, or finally saying no to toxic jobs. But even when your ambition is burning bright, the professional world doesn’t always respond with open arms. Instead, it often starts to close ranks.
You might find yourself left out of stretch assignments you used to lead. Or you may realize your promotion timeline slowed while you were on leave. Maybe you’re pulled from client-facing work because, “They weren’t sure you’d want to travel.” These changes are rarely announced but they stack up quickly.
This is the real, lived impact of the motherhood penalty. It’s not just about one missed opportunity — it’s about being gradually nudged off the leadership track because people assume moms are less committed, less available, or less capable.
Meanwhile, dads often get the benefit of the doubt — and then some. The result is a compounding effect that slows careers, limits earning potential, and leaves moms in this situation constantly having to prove what they were already doing before they became a parent.
What causes the motherhood penalty?
The motherhood penalty isn’t just about one bad boss or a poorly timed maternity leave — it’s a perfect storm of outdated systems, unconscious bias, and cultural expectations that still haven’t caught up with real life. A few contributing factors are:
Outdated assumptions and unconscious bias: Once you become a mom, some people assume you’re less committed to your job. Maybe they skip over you for a big project because “you’ve got a lot going on at home.”
Maybe they decide for you that you probably wouldn’t want more responsibility right now. These assumptions might sound considerate, but they’re still biased and they create real barriers.
Inflexible workplaces: Many workplaces don’t have policies that accommodate caregivers. Limited parental leave, rigid hours, and no flexibility around when or where work happens all pile extra pressure on moms.
Post-pandemic return-to-office mandates have made things even more difficult for many families. After all, commuting and navigating in-person schedules can make or break their ability to stay in a role, let alone thrive in it.
Outdated ideas of the “ideal worker”: There’s still this unspoken gold standard that the best workers are the ones who are always available, always in the office, and definitely not asking to leave early for a preschool pickup. But that ideal ignores the reality of caregiving — and it punishes those who can’t (or won’t) pretend they don’t have a life outside of work.
When you put all this together, you get a workplace culture that sees motherhood as a professional liability.
How to avoid (or at least reduce) the motherhood penalty: 10 tips to keep your career on track
While no amount of “leaning in” is going to single-handedly dismantle a system that wasn’t built for moms, there are ways to protect your career, hold your ground, and keep moving forward. These tips aren’t magic, but they are doable. Think of them as tools, not solutions — because the system is still the thing that needs fixing, not you.
1. Build your village at work (yes, even virtually)
Relationships matter. Build connections not just with your immediate team, but also with colleagues in other departments, mentors, and allies who can vouch for your work when you’re not in the room.
Keep in touch. Drop into Slack channels. Schedule that 20-minute coffee Zoom. The more visible and connected you are, the harder it is for you to be sidelined.
Try this: Start a biweekly virtual “coffee break” with other working parents in your company. It creates support and reminds everyone you’re a key part of the culture.
💙 Making connections can be tougher than it seems. Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others series gives you the tools you need.
2. Document your wins like a lawyer prepping for court
Motherhood has a sneaky way of making you second-guess your value at work, especially if you’re running on no sleep and reheated coffee. So keep a brag file. Record accomplishments, kind feedback, successful projects, and anything else that proves you’re still crushing it.
Try this: At the end of each week, jot down one concrete thing you did well. It makes performance reviews easier and helps combat imposter syndrome.
3. Negotiate like your future self is watching
Your pay, your title, your flexibility — it’s all up for negotiation. Even if it feels awkward or “too much,” remember, dads aren’t hesitating to ask for more money after a baby. Why should you?
Try this: Practice what you’ll say with a friend or coach. Lead with data and keep it clear: “Given my contributions to X, I’d like to revisit my compensation.” Confidence is key.
4. Set boundaries that protect your time (and sanity)
Saying yes to everything is a fast track to burnout. It’s okay to log off on time. It’s okay to decline a 5pm meeting when you have to get home to prep dinner. Holding a boundary doesn’t make you unprofessional.
Try this: Use your out-of-office auto-reply creatively: “I’m offline after 5pm. I’ll respond by 10am tomorrow.” It’s clear, kind, and firm.
💙 Chibs Okereke’s Shut Down Routine can help you transition from work to family time.
5. Normalize your reality — out loud
There’s power in honesty. When you share your reality without apologizing for it, you make space for others to do the same — and you remind people that moms are still professionals. Display your kids’ artwork in your office. Don’t minimize your needs. You’re not less competent because you’re a caregiver.
Try this: If you’re late to a meeting because daycare called, say so. “Sorry, daycare called. Thanks for your patience.” No shame required.
6. Stay professionally curious — even if it’s 10 minutes at a time
You don’t need to be taking courses at midnight to prove you’re still ambitious. But staying connected to your industry—through newsletters, podcasts, or a quick LinkedIn scroll—helps keep your brain engaged and your network fresh.
Try this: Pick one podcast to follow on your commute or stroller walk. Learning counts even if it’s happening between diaper changes.
7. Find (or start) a working parent employee resource group
If your company has an ERG for parents, join it. If it doesn’t, pitch one. These groups aren’t just feel-good — they’re strategic. They give you a platform to advocate for policies, share resources, and make visible the real needs of working parents.
Try this: Start small — gather three or four parents for a “let’s swap strategies” chat and grow from there. Grassroots efforts can lead to real policy shifts.
8. Share the load at home
Career growth isn’t just about what happens at work — it’s about what doesn’t happen at home. It’s okay to delegate. It’s okay to ask your partner to step up. Your ambition shouldn’t depend on whether you’re also doing all the laundry.
Try this: Have a Sunday night “life admin” check-in with your partner to divvy up the week’s invisible labor. Protect your bandwidth.
9. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you actually need
If your job isn’t working for you, say something. You’re not a burden — you’re a worker with needs (just like everyone else). And if your workplace doesn’t respond with respect, that says more about them than it does about you.
Try this: Be specific. Asking, “What would it take for me to be considered for the next promotion cycle?” opens doors, and expectations.
10. Advocate for change — even if it feels like a whisper at first
The motherhood penalty isn’t something one person can fix alone. But when you speak up about what’s not working, the support you need, about what could make things better, you can start to shift the narrative.
Start by bringing ideas to HR. Share articles with your team. Talk openly with your manager about policies that could support caregivers more equitably.
Try this: Suggest flexible return-to-office policies during your next team meeting, or propose a feedback loop on how parental leave is handled. Use your lived experience as insight, not baggage.
Advocacy doesn’t have to mean taking on the whole system at once. It can be one email, one question, one conversation that plants a seed. You’re not just working for your own seat at the table — you’re making space for more moms to join you. That’s power.
Motherhood penalty FAQs
Is the motherhood penalty the same in all industries?
Not exactly. It tends to show up more clearly in high-pressure, rigid fields like law, finance, and tech — industries where long hours and constant availability are still seen as the gold standard. But even in more flexible or caregiving-heavy sectors like education or healthcare, moms can still face slower advancement, lower pay, and biased assumptions about their priorities.
The format might change, but the core issue—mothers being seen as less committed or competent—remains frustratingly common.
How is the motherhood penalty different from regular gender bias?
Gender bias affects all women, but the motherhood penalty is what happens when you add kids to the equation. It’s a specific set of assumptions that kick in around motherhood: that you’re distracted, less reliable, or not as ambitious anymore.
It’s not just about being a woman — it’s about being a woman who’s now perceived as divided in her focus, even if your performance hasn’t changed.
What is the fatherhood bonus?
The fatherhood bonus refers to the tendency for men to receive a career boost—higher pay, greater job stability, or more leadership opportunities—after becoming dads. It’s rooted in old-school assumptions that see fathers as primary breadwinners and reward them for “settling down” and becoming more responsible. But it’s not universal. Not every dad benefits from this bonus, and race, class, and job type all influence how—or if—it plays out.
Still, compared to the motherhood penalty, which is widespread and well-documented, the fatherhood bonus highlights a deeply ingrained double standard: dads are often seen as more committed to work when they have kids, while moms are seen as less.
How can employers avoid the motherhood penalty?
Avoiding the motherhood penalty takes more than surface-level perks — it requires a deep shift in both mindset and structure. Flexibility is a big part of the solution, but only if it’s meaningful and doesn’t quietly stall a mom’s career. That means offering remote work or adjusted schedules and ensuring those who use them are still considered for raises, promotions, and leadership roles.
Employers should also train managers to recognize bias, make performance metrics transparent, and normalize parental leave for everyone. Support groups, mentorship programs, and caregiving-friendly policies aren’t just nice extras — they’re structural necessities. When parenthood is treated as a normal part of working life, not a professional liability, workplaces become better for everyone.
Does the motherhood penalty affect childless women?
Yes. Even women without children can face what’s essentially a pre-penalty — being passed over because an employer assumes they might have kids someday. It’s speculative and unfair, but it still influences hiring and promotion decisions.
This results in a system that penalizes women not just for their actual choices, but for what people think they might do.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
