What platonic relationships really mean (and 4 different types)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore the differences between platonic and romantic relationships. Plus, the benefits and types of platonic connections and how to start, and maintain, your own.
When it comes to the most important people in your life, who comes to mind? Perhaps it’s the friend that makes you laugh the hardest or the family member you call whenever you need advice or are having a tough day. If you have a romantic partner, that person is probably on the list — but most likely, so are your friends, family members, and maybe even coworkers.
Our platonic relationships, which are defined as the emotionally deep, non-romantic connections, are some of the most important people in our lives. Rooted in mutual respect, trust, and affection, our platonic relationships provide a different kind of support and companionship that romantic relationships cannot fulfill on their own.
So, what do these types of relationships look like? And why are they so important?
Understanding the differences between platonic vs. romantic relationships
Platonic and romantic relationships are both enriching for people to experience, but they’re beneficial in different ways.
Emotional intimacy: In platonic relationships, intimacy comes from shared experiences, mutual interests, and deep conversations. You confide in each other, offer support, and share joy and sorrow. Romantic relationships also involve emotional intimacy, but they often include a desire for a deeper, exclusive connection with a partner. This emotional bond may be stronger and often include physical intimacy as well. In polyamorous relationships or ethical non-monogamy (ENM), it’s possible to experience romantic connection and emotional intimacy with several partners.
Physical affection: In platonic relationships, physical touch is usually limited to hugs, high-fives, or comforting gestures that show care and support without crossing into romantic connection. In contrast, romantic relationships include a wider range of physical affection, such as kissing, cuddling, and holding hands, which can help strengthen the romantic bond and express love and desire.
Long-term expectations: Both kinds of relationships can be strong and last a lifetime, but in platonic friendships there are no expectations of exclusivity. You’re less likely to merge lives in the same way you might with a romantic partner. Romantic relationships, on the other hand, frequently involve long-term plans like moving in together, getting married, or starting a family.
Commitment and exclusivity: Platonic relationships can be close and committed, but they don’t tend to require exclusivity — you can have multiple close platonic friends without much, if any, conflict. Romantic relationships, however, often require exclusivity, with both partners agreeing to focus their romantic and physical affection solely on each other. Of course, this type of relationship exclusivity looks different in ENM connections, where several romantic partners are commonplace.
Sexual attraction: Sexual attraction is most often absent in platonic relationships — these connections are based purely on friendship and emotional bonds. In romantic relationships, sexual attraction is often a driving force, and contributes to your overall bond.
What are the benefits of platonic relationships?
Platonic relationships that are built on trust and mutual respect are valuable and can make a huge contribution to your happiness and health.
Emotional support can relieve feelings of loneliness and improve your mental health.
Companionship can enhance your social life and provide a sense of belonging.
Friends might challenge you to step out of your comfort zone, pursue new interests, and develop new skills, enhancing personal growth.
Learning from others’ experiences can help you see different perspectives and enrich your understanding of the world.
Laughing and enjoying time with friends can reduce stress, boost your mood, and reduce anxiety.
Positive feedback and validation from friends can enhance your self-esteem.
Research has shown that strong social connections are linked to better physical health and longevity.
Conversations with platonic friends can help you develop better communication and conflict-resolution skills.
Unconditional support and acceptance can comfort and reassure you when you need it.
4 types of platonic relationships
Platonic relationships can come in various forms, each with their own dynamics and benefits.
1. Friendships
Friendships are the most common type of platonic relationship and are built on shared interests, mutual respect, and emotional support. Friendships can be deep and long-lasting, providing support, companionship and personal growth. Your friends are likely some of the most important people in your life.
2. Mentor-mentee relationships
Mentor-mentee relationships involve a more experienced person guiding and supporting someone less experienced. These relationships are usually found in professional or educational settings but can extend to personal development as well.
3. Work besties
A work bestie is a close, platonic relationship with a coworker where there are high levels of trust, support, and collaboration. Work besties help each other with work-related tasks and provide feedback and emotional support, especially when dealing with difficult coworkers— but they also make the workplace more fun.
4. Familial bonds
Relationships with family members can be some of the strongest and most enduring in your life. Sibling bonds, in particular, can be incredibly strong, as growing up together can create a deep connection. Parental bonds can also be some of the strongest family bonds, and it’s even possible to form strong connections with cousins, too. Each family dynamic is different and will result in varying levels of closeness. It’s also important to note and acknowledge the deep connection between chosen family members, as well.
4 tips for how to start a platonic relationship
A few simple considerations can help you start strong and healthy platonic relationships that enhance your social life and contribute to your overall wellbeing.
1. Connect with people who share your interests
Connect with people who share similar interests as you and begin to form platonic relationships. Try joining clubs or groups that interest you. Book clubs, sports teams, or gaming groups can be a great way to meet people. Even taking classes or workshops can be a way to meet people who have the same interests as you.
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2. Be friendly and approachable
Making a good first impression can help you kickstart new friendships. Smiling and making eye contact may show that you’re approachable and welcome communication. If you initiate conversation, especially with someone who may seem shy, you’re letting them know you’re interested in getting to know them. When meeting someone new, ask about their interests, experience, or opinions, but just be sure not to pry into topics they may be uncomfortable discussing with a new friend.
💙 Send some Loving-kindness to yourself (and to others) while you navigate making new friends.
3. Communicate honestly and openly
Once a friendship or working relationship is established, good communication is key to building and maintaining the relationship. Being honest can help deepen the bond and sharing your thoughts and feelings openly with your friend may help you build trust and deeper connection.
What’s equally as important as communicating well is being an active listener. Pay attention to what your friend is saying, and respond thoughtfully. Show you value their opinions and experiences.
💙 Sharpen your communication and listening skills by using these techniques for Kind Communication.
4. Show appreciation and support
Expressing gratitude and appreciation can strengthen your platonic relationships. It can feel good to thank your friend for their support, kindness, and companionship. On the flip side, if you’re able to be there for your friend when they need you, it can deepen the bond.
💙 Hone your gratitude practice with help from Tamara Levitt and the 7 Days of Gratitude series.
How to maintain healthy platonic relationships
Just like any relationship, maintaining a platonic relationship takes a little bit of effort. It can help to remember the importance of joy, emotional support, and companionship and keep those values at the center of each of your connections.
Practice mutual respect
Even if you disagree, listen to your friend’s perspective and value their right to have a different view. Understand that they have other responsibilities and interests, and be considerate of their schedule and obligations. Always respect the boundaries set within the relationship, whether they’re about personal space, time, or topics of conversation. Adjust those boundaries when necessary.
Establish and build trust
Be dependable and caring. Keep your promises, and be there for your friend when you say you will be. This can help build trust and show you value the relationship.
Share your thoughts and feelings honestly to help prevent misunderstandings and build a stronger connection. Support your friend through their challenges and celebrate their successes.
Offer support and be open to receiving it
Be willing to help your friend when they need it, whether it’s with a personal issue, a task, or a listening ear — and ask for help and accept it when you need it, too. Encourage your friend to pursue their goals and dreams, and share your dreams with them. Celebrate each other’s achievements and milestones.
Find a healthy communication rhythm
Staying in touch helps maintain a strong platonic relationship, so text or call to see how your friend is doing. Be interested in your friend’s life and experiences to show you care. Spend quality time together to create shared experiences.
Handle conflicts mindfully
Conflicts are natural in any relationship, so don’t let problems fester. Address them as soon as they arise to prevent misunderstandings and resentment. Avoid blame and focus on finding a solution that works for both of you. If you’ve made a mistake, apologize sincerely, and be willing to forgive your friend’s mistakes, too. This can help heal and strengthen the relationship.
Platonic relationship FAQs
Are platonic relationships healthy?
Yes, platonic relationships are healthy — and many feel they’re vital for emotional and mental wellbeing. They offer a safe space to express yourself without the pressures or expectations of a romantic relationship. These relationships provide emotional support, as friends help you through tough times by offering a listening ear and comforting presence.
Additionally, having friends reduces feelings of loneliness and provides opportunities for social interaction. Friends can also challenge you to try new things and support your personal development, contributing to personal growth.
Spending time with friends can reduce stress levels and improve your overall mood. Maintaining a balance of both platonic and romantic relationships can lead to a well-rounded and fulfilling social life.
Is it okay to have a platonic relationship while in a relationship?
Yes, it’s perfectly okay to have platonic relationships while being in a romantic relationship. However, it’s helpful to maintain clear boundaries and communicate openly with your romantic partner if they have concerns or questions about a specific friendship. Transparency is key, and being open with your partner about your friendships ensures there’s no secrecy.
Respecting the boundaries of your romantic relationship within your platonic friendships is essential. To help build trust, consider including your romantic partner in activities with your platonic friends. Maintaining healthy platonic relationships while being in a romantic relationship can enhance your social support network and contribute to overall relationship satisfaction.
Can platonic friends kiss?
Typically, kissing is not part of a platonic relationship, as it can blur the lines between friendship and romantic involvement. However, cultural norms and personal comfort levels vary. If platonic friends decide to kiss, it’s essential to communicate clearly about the intentions and feelings behind the physical intimacy to ensure both parties are on the same page. Ensuring that both friends are comfortable with the physical interaction and that it doesn’t cause any discomfort or confusion is crucial.
Can platonic friends cuddle?
Cuddling can be part of a platonic relationship if both friends are comfortable with it and it doesn’t lead to romantic or sexual feelings. To manage cuddling in a platonic friendship, it’s important to communicate openly about your comfort levels and boundaries regarding physical affection. As long as both friends agree and feel comfortable, cuddling can be a way to show affection and support without crossing into romantic territory.
Can falling in love be platonic?
Falling in love usually implies romantic feelings, but deep, platonic love is also possible and can be just as fulfilling. Platonic love is characterized by a deep emotional connection, where you share a strong bond and care deeply for each other. There is a high level of respect and admiration for each other’s qualities and values, which forms the basis of mutual respect.
In platonic love, you provide unwavering support and care for each other’s wellbeing without any romantic or sexual interest. The relationship remains non-romantic and non-sexual, focusing purely on friendship and emotional connection. Platonic love can be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling, offering a deep sense of connection and support that enhances your overall wellbeing.
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