45 questions to ask your parents to get to know them better
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Want to get to know your parents better? These 45 thoughtful questions can uncover memories, start unforgettable conversations, and strengthen your bond.
Do you ever get stuck having the same conversations with your parents? You might give work updates and gossip about family drama, and when your mom or dad is feeling bold, they’ll throw in the classic, “So, are you seeing anyone?” These chats are comforting and safe, but are they revealing?
If not, it might be time to move beyond small talk and actually learn who your parents are.
Asking your parents the right questions can unlock stories you’ve never heard, which can help you understand the choices that shaped their lives. But of course, you don’t want to conduct an interview. You’re just opening the door for connection, laughter, and maybe even a few surprises along the way.
Whether you’re looking to understand their history or upbringing, strengthen your bond, or simply make your next dinner conversation less awkward and more engaging, this guide can help you push through the barriers of small talk and open the door to something deeper.
Why it’s important to ask your parents questions
It’s easy to assume you already know your parents as well as you possibly could. After all, you’ve lived with their habits, phrases, and quirks for most of (if not all of) your life. But underneath the familiar are layers of experiences, hopes, and challenges your parents have developed that rarely come up in day-to-day conversation.
Asking thoughtful questions gives you a way to see them as whole people instead of just the roles they play in your life. And if your relationship with your parents is complicated, these questions can serve as a bridge for connection and repair.
When you ask your parents about their lives, you’re building an understanding of where they’ve been and what they’ve gone through. Hearing about the struggles they’ve faced can put your own challenges into perspective, and learning about their friendships, first jobs, or childhood adventures can reveal parts of your family history you didn’t even know existed. These moments of sharing can soften old tensions, spark laughter, and even give you a new sense of appreciation for where you came from.
Research on family communication shows that storytelling is one of the most powerful ways people pass down values and strengthen relationships. By asking your parents questions, you create space for those stories to surface. Even small conversations—like how they spent summer afternoons as kids—can make you feel closer and more connected.
45 mindful questions to get to know your parents better
Asking thoughtful questions doesn’t have to feel heavy, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be super serious either (especially if that’s not your family’s vibe). You can ease in with playful prompts, move toward deeper conversations when the moment feels right, and invite stories about the past or reflections on the present. Here are different types of questions you can try, depending on the kind of connection you’re hoping to build.
Lighthearted questions to start a conversation
You don’t have to dive deep right away. Sometimes, the easiest entry point is through playfulness. Lighthearted questions can help your parents relax and open up, which may make it easier to move into more meaningful conversations later.
Try these questions:
What was your favorite snack or candy growing up?
Did you ever have a celebrity crush?
What’s the weirdest trend you followed as a teenager?
Did you ever get into harmless trouble at school?
What kind of play or creativity did you love as a kid?
What was dinner like in your childhood home?
What music, movies, or books are comforting to you?
What’s a story about your name or nickname?
What’s the funniest family vacation memory you have?
If you could swap lives with anyone for a week, who would it be?
What TV shows or songs instantly take you back to your youth?
Did you have a childhood toy or game you loved but maybe wouldn’t admit now?
These questions are especially good for car rides, cooking together, or times when you just want to keep the mood light. If they’re hesitant to talk, a playful opener is often the least intimidating way to start.
Related read: 21 secrets to getting along with your parents-in-law
Deep questions to strengthen your bond
Once the conversation feels comfortable, you can introduce deeper prompts that go beyond surface-level memories. These are designed to help you understand your parents’ inner world — what shaped them, what they value, and how they see relationships.
Consider asking:
What’s one lesson you learned the hard way?
Who has been the most influential person in your life, and why?
How has your view of love or relationships changed over time?
What was a turning point in your life that really changed your direction?
What’s something you wish more people understood about you?
When did you feel proudest of yourself?
What’s something you hope I know about you that I might not see?
What’s one way I can support you better right now?
What helps you feel hopeful when the world feels heavy?
What did you understand then that you see differently now?
What do you hope I carry forward from our family?
If you want to strengthen your bond, frame your curiosity as care by saying something like, “I want to understand you better.” This shows you’re listening not to judge, but to connect.
💙 Practice the art of mindful Listening with our Relationship with Others series.
Meaningful questions to learn parents’ history
Family stories can get lost in time unless someone asks to hear them. Meaningful questions about your parents’ past can reveal traditions, values, and experiences. This isn’t just about nostalgia — it’s about preserving a history you can carry forward.
Try these prompts:
What was your hometown like when you were growing up?
What were your parents like when you were my age?
What kind of music, books, or movies did you love as a teenager?
Did you like your first job, and what did it teach you?
How did you and your friends spend time together as teens?
Were there any family traditions you especially loved or didn’t love?
What’s a story about our family that you think should never be forgotten?
What traditions or foods carry our family’s story?
What’s a story about an ancestor you wish more people knew?
If you moved, what was the hardest part to leave, and what felt freeing?
What was your safe place as a kid?
When you were a kid, what were your parents’ expectations of you?.
If you have access to old photos or keepsakes, use them as conversation starters. Whether it’s a yearbook, recipe card, or a family heirloom, these items can make these history questions flow more naturally.
💙 Discover tips to facilitate more meaningful conversations with this episode of the Daily Jay on Deeper Communication.
Thoughtful questions to understand parents better
Parents are often seen only in the role of caregiver, but they carry dreams, regrets, and evolving perspectives just like anyone else. These thoughtful questions are less about history and more about who they are now — and who they want to be.
Ask them:
What’s something you’re proud of that you don’t talk about often?
What’s one thing you wish you had done differently in life?
What are you curious about learning or trying right now?
What advice would you give your younger self?
What’s one thing that makes you feel supported or loved?
What’s a belief you’ve changed your mind about?
What brings you uncomplicated joy these days?
What helps you feel most at peace?
What’s a small tradition we could start now?
How do you hope our relationship continues to grow?
These are best asked when things feel calm and unhurried, like during a quiet evening or over coffee. If they struggle to answer, share your own response first, which may make it easier for them to open up.
Related read: How to be more vulnerable: 5 ways to practice being vulnerable
What to do if your parents don’t want to answer your questions
Not every parent will be open to sharing what’s on their mind or heart. Some prefer to keep the past private, others may carry painful memories, and some just struggle to put experiences into words. If your parent doesn’t want to answer, adjusting your approach could be helpful.
Respect boundaries: If they say, “I don’t want to talk about that,” accept it and move on. A simple, “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll drop it,” shows you value their comfort and respect their boundaries.
Shift to lighter ground: Swap heavier topics for easier ones. Try, "What show are you enjoying lately?” or “What’s your favorite restaurant these days?”
Try other formats of communication: Texts, shared activities, or humor can open doors where sit-down talks feel too intense.
Ask indirectly: Turn a tough question into a more digestible one. If you’re curious about their childhood, start by asking them something like, “What was your neighborhood like?”
Notice silence: A pause, subject change, or even silence can be its own message. Acknowledge it gently without pushing.
Stay present: If the past feels off-limits, get curious about their life today. Ask what makes them laugh, what routines they enjoy, or what they’re looking forward to.
Questions to ask your parents FAQs
How do I start asking my parents more thoughtful questions?
The best way to start asking your parents more thoughtful questions is to keep it simple and low-pressure. Instead of sitting your parents down for a formal Q&A, look for natural openings like during a walk, over a meal, or while you’re running errands together.
Lead with curiosity rather than expectation, and frame your questions in a way that shows care. For example, you might say, “I’ve been wondering what you were like as a teenager. Would you tell me about that?” That way, they know you’re interested in their story and you’re not looking to judge or pry.
What are good get‑to‑know‑you questions for parents?
Good questions are usually open-ended, personal without being invasive, and easy for your parents to connect to. Childhood memories, favorite hobbies, first jobs, and early friendships are great starting points.
You might ask, “Who was your best friend growing up?” or “What was your favorite way to spend summer break?” These kinds of prompts are approachable, and they can help the conversation feel more like storytelling than an interview.
What if my parents don’t want to talk about the past?
Some parents find it hard to revisit old memories, especially if the past holds painful or complicated experiences. If your parents don't want to talk about it, respect that boundary and don’t push. Instead, try shifting the focus to the present.
Ask about what brings them joy now or what they’re looking forward to in the future. You can still build connections through shared laughter, everyday routines, and small moments of curiosity, even if certain doors to the past remain closed.
Related read: How can childhood trauma impact adults? Plus, 6 ways to heal
Are some questions too personal to ask my parents?
Yes. While curiosity is healthy, it’s also important to recognize when a question might feel intrusive or overwhelming. If you sense hesitation, give your parents space and let them decide what they’re comfortable sharing.
A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t want to be asked that same question by your own child or a close friend, it might be too personal. Trust that your parents will reveal what they’re ready to share in their own time.
Can I ask my parents deep questions over text?
Absolutely. Texting can be a great way to start thoughtful conversations with your parents because it gives them time to reflect before answering. You could send a question like, “What was your favorite song as a teenager?” or share a photo and ask, “What’s the story behind this?”
Just keep in mind that not everyone likes to respond in writing. If they don’t engage much over text, try bringing up the same questions in person or during a phone call when the moment feels right.
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